The land of Saxian was full of contradictions. Its latitude was further north than the Drachman/Amestrian border, but the convection currents of the Eastern Ocean kept the climate mild. Though ethnically closer to the Xingese they preferred the Drachman tongue over Xingese and knew more alchemy than alkahestry. Alphonse had been hoping these conditions would result in a hybrid between the two methods, but the Saxian seemed to take pride in keeping Eastern and Western customs separate. He'd been there three months and hadn't uncovered much of anything.

He probably would have left earlier if it hadn't been for Soo. She managed the inn he was staying at, and her family had practiced alkahestry for generations. She was a quick study and eager to help with his research. She also liked to practice her Xingese on him, which he spoke better than Drachman, and laughed at his attempts at her native tongue. Eventually their time together became less and less business related. The kisses they'd shared so far had been nice, and he did enjoy spending time with her, but they hadn't spoken of a future together, and Al was anxious about that.

She was cheerful enough that morning as he helped himself to breakfast, letting him know about all the funny things that had happened since the day before and asking his opinion on their plans for later that day. He smiled and agreed that a walk to the lake would be great. He liked how she could be garrulous without being overbearing, the way it was with some girls he'd spent time with.

The dining room was nearly empty when she said, "Oh, I almost forgot! You got another letter from your brother today." She pulled it out of her pocket. "He sent a package as well."

The parcel was small, a box not more than four inches long. "It's probably ink," Al said as he opened the letter.

"Ink?"

He pulled a photograph out of the envelope and showed it to Soo. "He wants me to make a copy of this."

The photo was of Ed and Winry with their toddler, all caressing Winry's growing belly. "That's so sweet!" said Soo. "Your brother has such a beautiful family. When is she due?"

"In a couple months," said Al. He was thinking he should head home to see them, but didn't want to mention it to Soo.

"Why does he want you to make a copy? For safekeeping?"

"No. He leaves the copies on our father's grave."

"Is that an Amestrian custom?"

"Nope. It's an Ed custom."

"It's a lovely way to respect him."

Al chuckled. "Not exactly. Our dad left when we were little and we didn't see him again for ten years."

"Oh Alphonse, I didn't know. I'm sorry."

Al shrugged. "Brother's always been more bitter about it than me. He leaves the pictures of him and his family to show he's a better father than our dad was. It's his way of showing him up." He grinned at her. "Ridiculously passive-aggressive, if you ask me."

Soo didn't have anything to say to that, but she watched as Al poured the ink over the blank paper and clapped his hands together to make an exact replica. She admired the results and said, "One of these days you'll have to tell me how you transmute without a circle." Al was coming up with a response when she added, "But not right now. I need to get back to work. See you at four?"

Al nodded. "Four."

She kissed his cheek and left him to his letter. As she walked away, Al couldn't help but sigh. He preferred his relationships with others to be open; he always told as much of the truth as was appropriate. But he couldn't understand why he was so reluctant to share with her. What he'd just told her about his father was as close as he'd ever come to telling her about his past. The only clue she had that there even was more to his past was his disregard for transmutation circles. In all their conversations on alchemy and alkahestry, nothing else had ever come up. The human transmutation taboo was simply a given. She knew less about it than people from Risembool he hadn't talked to in years.

It seemed that discussing his past and discussing their future were connected in his mind. The only reason he'd have for telling her everything was if he wanted something more with her. But he didn't know what he wanted with her and he didn't know why.

Al realized he was getting tired. It wasn't that he hated traveling, and it wasn't that his work was frustrating. He still enjoyed them both. He just didn't think it would ever be enough. Every visit with Ed and Winry left him feeling both happy and a little envious. He didn't begrudge his brother his happiness, but he couldn't help but feel fate had played a funny joke. Edward was the stoic one who saw life as a big adventure, whereas Alphonse had always been quiet and devoted to his loved ones. Yet somehow Al had become the wanderer who didn't seem able to settle down, and Ed was home with a young family.

It wasn't that Al was afraid of commitment. He'd had plenty of chances to get married. There'd been girls that he'd honestly cared about. But in the end, he always seemed to compare them to Mei. Not even Mei herself, but what he'd done for her. He'd risked his life trying to keep her safe. He told himself that he'd have done it for anyone, which was true. He was a servant of the greater good. But a wife needed to mean more to him than the greater good. If he were going to risk his life for her, it had to be for her.

Every time he met someone, he did his best to find that in her. And every time, she'd get tired of waiting. She'd break up with him, but it was always his fault. He could feel it happening with Soo now. Sooner or later, she'd push him to commitments he wouldn't be able to make, and that would be the end of it.

He could avoid it this time, though. He could tell her he was going to see his newest niece or nephew born, and that he didn't want to keep up a long distance relationship. He'd take the next train out of town and never see her again. But the thought scared him. What if it turned out she did have what he was looking for, but he'd never know because he hadn't been patient enough to find it?

It was always his excuse for not ending relationships, and he was believing it less and less. He was thinking it might be kinder to end it all at once rather than drag it out. One way or another, he and Soo would be over. This time he would quit dating for a while. He would stop thinking about some girl's childhood crush long since gotten over. He would stop thinking twenty-three was too old to be single. And he would stop wondering why he was so good at loving but hopeless at falling in love.