Disclaimer: I don't own Starsky and Hutch. This was written from an idea posted on the StarskyHutch The Original Bromance facebook group.
You're the One
Dedicated to Mashfanficchick, for staring at me til I wrote it
Starsky looked dubiously down at the object in his hand, then at the letter in his other hand.
"Dear Davey," the letter read, in his mother's firm handwriting, "Forgive me for sending this to your work rather than to your home, but with your recent move, I'm not sure that parcels to your address would get there and I know you wouldn't like to lose this. I was cleaning up the house recently and I came on a box of things from the old days, when you were little. I'm sure you remember your old friend Mr. Quacks, and here he is, as good as new."
Starsky looked again at what he was holding. A worn, faded, yellow rubber duck. His old rubber duck. Mr. Quacks. That he hadn't thought of at least since his mother had sent him to live with his aunt and uncle in California.
A ripple of laughter spread around the squad room, as the other officers began to notice what he had.
"Hey Starsky!" Detective Banks called out. "Whatcha' got there? A friend for the piggy bank?"
"Looks like a sex toy to me," Sergeant Jarvis sniggered.
"Rubber Duckie, you're the one" sang Officer Joseph, "You make bath time lots of fun… Hey, you and Hutch can play with it together!" he added suggestively. "We should start calling you Bert and Ernie. Always thought there was something funny about those two." Joseph had young children and knew all about Sesame Street.
"Aw, can it," Hutch growled. Then he turned to his partner. "Starsky, what is that?"
"Ma found him when she was cleaning," Starsky explained. "I guess she thought I'd like to have him again."
"Starsky, you're a full grown man. Why would she think you wanted to have a rubber duck?"
"Hey, this isn't just any rubber duck! This is Mr. Quacks!" Starsky said defensively.
"Mr. Quacks?"
"That's what I called him. I wouldn't take a bath without Mr. Quacks. "
The two men made their way out of the squad room, ignoring the laughter that followed them, Starsky still carrying Mr. Quacks. He started humming the Rubber Duckie song himself.
"Starsky, tell me you're not going to keep that thing?" Hutch snapped.
"I can't get rid of Mr. Quacks! Besides, suppose Ma came to visit and he wasn't there?" He went back to humming again. Part of him had to admit, it was fun seeing Hutch annoyed. And another part of him was actually finding it nice to see Mr. Quacks again. He wouldn't admit that to Hutch though.
In the parking lot they climbed into the Torino. Starsky put Mr. Quacks on the dashboard.
"No." Hutch said firmly, pointing his finger at Starsky, "I am not going through a whole shift in this striped tomato with a rubber duck up front where everyone can see it. The duck goes, or I go."
"Don't make me choose," Starsky growled. "I've known Mr. Quacks for a lot longer than I've known you."
"Just put the duck in the glove compartment," Hutch almost pleaded.
Starsky relented. It was fun to tease Hutch but he didn't want to cause a real fight. "All right, there ya' go Mr. Quacks." He carefully tucked the duck away. Hutch relaxed. They started their shift.
That night at his new apartment, Starsky flopped down on his couch, carrying Mr. Quacks. Hutch got himself a beer.
"So what are you going to do with that thing?" Hutch asked, as he took a swallow.
"Keep him somewhere. I dunnow where yet. Don't worry, I'm not really gonna' put him on display in the ling room. Get me a beer too while you're up," he added.
"Well that's something at least." Hutch went back over to the refrigerator and got another beer. He took the cap off and handed it to Starsky.
Starsky took a deep gulp, and then looked at the rubber duck. "Oh, you want some too, Mr. Quacks? Here you go." He held the bottle up to the duck's bill. Hutch just shook his head.
Starsky started singing the Rubber Duckie song. "Rubber duckie, you're so fine, and I'm lucky that you're mine. Rubber duckie I'm awfully fond of you."
"Please don't, Starsk. I didn't like that song when it came out, and I like it even less when you're caterwauling it."
Starsky pouted, but he stopped. "What have you got against 'Rubber Duckie'?"
"It just seems ridiculous that a song from a children's TV program can be on the mainstream charts."
"You know what, Hutch? You are just no fun." Starsky finished his beer, and got up. "Gotta' find a safe place for you," he said to Mr. Quacks. Hutch rolled his eyes but said nothing.
"The obvious place" Starsky continued, "is in the bathroom."
"The obvious place is in the garbage" Hutch muttered. Starsky ignored him, and went into the bathroom.
Once there, he looked around, and finally decided on the windowsill. "There ya' go, Mr. Quacks," he said cheerfully, putting the duck down.
Nothing more was said then about Mr. Quacks between the two partners and except for a tendency on Hutch's part to shake his head in exasperation whenever he used Starsky's bathroom, the subject was dropped.
o0o
Some years passed. Then Starsky was shot and almost died in the parking lot.
After it became obvious Starsky would live, but need a long convalescence, and that neither of their apartments were appropriate, Hutch found them a temporary home house-sitting a small cottage. He put his belongings in storage, and gave up his apartment, and then started moving Starsky's belongings to storage also.
He found Mr. Quacks as he was emptying out the bathroom. But now his reaction to the faded rubber duck was quite different than his original disdain. Here was something Starsky had loved and cherished as a child, and still cared enough about as an adult to keep. As he placed the duck in a box, he couldn't resist giving it a little good luck pat. He made sure the box was safely stowed in the storage unit.
o0o
Starsky continued to improve. One day he and Hutch had a long conversation, which ended up changing their relationship forever, and turned them into much more than friends. When the house-sitting job ended, they found a new, bigger place for them to live together, and finally took their belongings out of storage. Eventually as they unpacked they came to the box that held, among other bathroom items, Mr. Quacks.
"Hey, lookit what I found!" Starsky cried.
"Your rubber duck," Hutch said. "I know, I made sure he got packed when I closed your apartment."
"I thought you didn't like Mr. Quacks."
Hutch shrugged. "You do," he said simply.
Starsky grinned at him. "Hey, remember when Ma sent Mr. Quacks to me? Someone started singing 'Rubber Duckie' and said we were like Bert 'n Ernie."
"Josephs, I think it was. I think he was insinuating they were gay, and the same about us."
Starsky chuckled. "Little did he know, huh? Lookit where we are now." He smiled the irrepressible smile that Hutch had come to love so much. Then he carefully put the duck in the bathroom on a shelf. He looked around the room.
It was large and airy. There was a big old fashioned bathtub, but no shower. They were planning on getting one installed but hadn't had time yet. Most of the things they needed had been unpacked and put in place already. In fact, almost all of their unpacking had been done, and Starsky was sick and tired of it. And he had an idea.
"Hey Hutch," he called. "Let's call it a day for now."
"Sure. We're about done anyway. What little is left, we can finish tomorrow."
"I'm gonna' take a bath." Starsky leered wickedly. "Wanna' join me?"
Hutch stared blankly. "What?"
"Come on, the tub is big enough for two. It's something we haven't done yet."
"You want us both to fit in the tub together? I know it's big, but come on, Starsk."
"I think we can do it. And I wanna' try it," Starsky said stubbornly. He began running the water and taking off his clothing, slowly and sensuously. He knew Hutch had a hard time resisting him now that they had finally made the step to being lovers. "I'm too old for a rubber duckie in my tub, and I want you instead."
Hutch sighed, but began taking off his clothing too. "I think this is a bad idea, Starsk. I'm a lot bigger than Mr. Quacks is."
Starsky got in the tub and moved himself as far forward as he could. "Slide in behind me, Babe. You can wash my back."
Hutch carefully eased himself into the tub. It took some maneuvering, but eventually he was seated behind Starsky with his legs stretched out.
"See, I told you we could do it," Starsky said triumphantly.
"Washing your back is about all I can do, though," Hutch said, suiting his actions to the words. "If you were looking for a new place for getting it on, I don't think this is it."
"That's ok; there's plenty of room in the bed, after we're done. You can just be my rubber duckie for now. Think about the words." Starsky began to sing:
"Rubber duckie, you're the one
You make bath time lots of fun
Rubber duckie I'm awfully fond of you."
"And I am awfully fond of you, Babe."
Hutch began to laugh. "I'm awfully fond of you too, Mush Head. What's the next verse? I think I remember. He joined in singing with Starsky:
"Rubber duckie, joy of joys
When I squeeze you, you make noise
Rubber duckie you're my very best friend it's true."
He put his arms around Starsky and held him tight. Starsky leaned back against him, and they sat that way a long time in the soapy water, just enjoying each other's presence.
On his shelf, Mr. Quacks looked on with a twinkle in his eye.
Author's Note: The song "Rubber Duckie", written by Jeff Moss, arranged by Joe Raposo, and sung by Jim Henson as Ernie, was released as a mainstream single and charted 16 on Billboard's Hot 100 on Sept. 26, 1970.