For a few moments, she was transported to another time. A different time. A time when instead of feeling as if something was missing from inside her; she had been baking in the blissful happiness that came from being in love. For those few short moments, the smile adorning her face wasn't forced but completely genuine.
The sound of the soft, bustling trees rustling sounded like heaven to her ears. A feeling of being in Arthur's arms seemed to surround her as she let her memories fill her entire being.
When, however, a small, ecstatic voice broke into her thoughts, Guinevere was brought back to reality. Almost immediately, the dull ache in her chest returned and as she gazed at her son in front of her, she couldn't help but smile softly.
"Look what I've found!" Although, the childlike excitement of her son's words made her smile widen, Guinevere had to fight the desire to cry.
Her son in front of her oozed life, his smile, his eyes and even the way he spoke reminded her of just how alive he was.
At times, it almost hurt to look at her son. Everything about her son, even the way he treated Merlin, reminded her of Arthur. Sometimes the mischievous twinkle in her son's eye instantly made her think of Arthur and even though, she missed him, almost achingly so, she was thankful for her son.
Nathan was the one thing in her life that she loved, even if he did remind her of the man she had lost.
Smiling slightly at Nathan, she slowly knelt down before gathering him up her arms. Guinevere could see Nate's attention was entirely on the leaf in his hands but as she gazed at him, she felt her heart fill with love.
"Is that a leaf, Nathan?" Her son seemed to make a non-committal shrug in her arms. The hurt that seemed to plague Guinevere in that moment seemed to fade slightly. Guinevere watched her little son's curious gaze, a tumult of emotions raging through her.
The love she felt for her son was ever present but so was the hurt Arthur's death had left behind. Her son seemed to grow tired of the leaf in his hands and so turning to his Mother, he offered it to her, his hand outstretched.
Once again, Guinevere felt herself smiling. It was a simple, innocent action but she couldn't help but react to it. Sometimes her hurt seemed to overpower any other emotion but with her son in her arms, she let her love for Nathan overwhelm her.
It seemed wrong to keep her emotions bottled up when she had to keep living her life. With her son nestled safely in her arms, the smile on her face widened. With Arthur, she hadn't just loved him but so much more than that.
She had let her happiness become linked with him. Imagining a future without him had seemed almost impossible at first but having a two year old toddler had inadvertently made everything so much more difficult. Even if he had been the only reason to get up in a morning!
It seemed she couldn't let her hurt overpower every other emotion going through her but also that it meant, her son would need her. At times, she wanted to do just that. To wallow in her own self-pity, to lament the man she had lost. Despite how selfish she knew that behaviour would be.
Every time she had wanted to do just this, however, it seemed Nathan had stopped her. Just like he had done…
Just like how she hoped he always would.