One Shot

Buffy's limbs were achingly happy as she lay, sprawled out on her bed with her cooling Vampire draped over her heated flesh. Normally, this was the part where she kicked Spike out, but she was feeling charitable and really, really tired.

The next morning, she instantly regretted her decision as Tara came barreling into her room without knocking and caught them lying there, still entangled.

Buffy jolted up, unceremoniously shoving Spike to the floor in the process.

He squinted, his mouth hanging open a little as he looked between her and Tara, who was panting.

The Slayer was halfway to delivering the latest in a long line of lame excuses when the witch burst into a frantic exclamation of "There's no time! They're coming!"

"They who?" asked Buffy, as her best friends also appeared in her doorway, Xander's eyes becoming so wide she thought they might fall out of his head.

Buffy only had enough time to mutter a few choice swears before Willow exclaimed a loud, "It's true!"

"Just what the buggering hell is going on?" demanded Spike.

Not wanting him to say anything further, Buffy threw his pants at him, having them land perfectly on his head.

He, of course, pulled them off a second later and glared up at her as her friends looked on.

"There's no time," Tara said again, just as Buffy was sure a fight was about to break out.

"Okay," said Buffy, pulling the covers more tightly around herself, "Explain, and quickly."

Xander snorted, which she took to mean he too was expecting an explanation, but that could wait. Something must seriously be wrong if Tara of all people was interrupting people and walking in places without knocking.

"There's a sex tape!" Willow blurted, looking as if she might burst with panic.

"Whoa! What?"

After a breath, Tara explained that Xander had found a website selling copies of what claimed to be a 'Buffy and Spike sex tape.'

"And it goes live in two hours. You have to hurry!" she finished.

Buffy's mouth gaped open like a fish, which left it to Spike to ask the who, the why, and the how of it.

"I traced the profile back to one of those houses we thought the nerds might be staying in," said Willow. "They had all kinds of camera feeds hooked up to their network."

The Slayer felt a shiver of pure rage go through her. She wondered just how much they'd managed to catch on camera but, considering they were planning to sell the highlight reel to the highest bidder, it seemed like they must have got a few money shots.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed, finally, looking down at Spike. "Can you believe this?"

He rolled his eyes in answer, which she didn't have time to decode at all. It could mean a dozen things from 'yes,' 'no,' 'well, it is bloody typical,' or, 'why the bloody hell are you asking me?' Knowing Spike, though, it was probably a mixture of all available responses, plus a few extra for good measure. Buffy rolled her eyes right back. Stupid Vampire!

"Nevermind," she said aloud, turning back to the room at large. "Willow, copy me out that address. Can you see if you can pull the site down, too? And cut off all the camera feeds. Xander, we need a ride, and-"

"I can't bloody well go, can I?" Spike interrupted.

Buffy's head snapped around to him so quickly she was convinced she'd given herself whiplash. "What? Why not?"

"Eh, sunlight," said Spike, pointing to the window.

Buffy saw a dark look cross Xander's face as if he was tempted to pull the curtains wide.

"Fine!" she spat, pushing the conversation on before any urges had room to grow. "I'll go."

Spike raised an eyebrow at her. "Yeah, an' me?"

There were a million places she could tell him to go, but instead she just said, "I'll deal with you later."

At that, Spike shrugged and got back into bed again, as if it had been an invitation to stay. Hell, maybe it had been. What was the point in pushing him away if the gang had already found out? Buffy shook her head. She couldn't think about it now. The walk back from Nerd Central would probably help but, for now…

"Later," she repeated to Spike, before turning to Tara. "Umm. Could you, uh, pass me my bra?"

Buffy burst in on the trio ready to kick some serious ass, human or not.

Xander hadn't really said anything in the car, but he was so broody he made Angel seem like a laugh riot. That was something else she was gonna deal with later. For all the time she'd spent worrying about what her friends thought, the Slayer surprised herself with her overwhelming desire to tell them to get over it and not be such big babies. So who cared if she was dating another vampire? Well, the whole Internet apparently – Willow said there had been more than a thousand sales since that morning. Most definitely an issue for now.

"Hey!" she yelled, successfully getting the gang's attention all on her - until the cops stormed in and took over center stage.

After a minute or two, it became clear that Warren and Andrew were wanted for questioning with regards to a recent jewelry heist, a fact Jonathan was very upset about.

"You guys pulled a job without me?" he moaned as they were lead away, making Buffy turn on him.

"Really? You do see what's happening here, right? It's like you want to be arrested."

He paused, looking back at her. "Right. Yeah," he said, blinking, before completely changing tack and shouting after his former friends, "Thanks for not including me, guys!"

Buffy rolled her eyes at his newfound appreciation of a situation. The idiot had just gone right back to what he was doing before she entered.

"Not so fast. I'm not done with you yet."

"But what did I do?" he whined, his face falling again.

The Slayer had to fight real hard to stop herself from slapping him. He seemed to be able to tell as much from her expression, though, because he suddenly raised his hands in surrender.

"Oh. That."

"Yes, that," Buffy affirmed, narrowing her eyes further. "What the hell did you think you were doing? No, wait, don't answer that. Just… Ugh!"

"It wasn't my idea," said Jonathan.

"So not interested," said Buffy. "What if Dawn had heard about this, you ass?! I'm just glad my mom isn't around to murder me!" She felt guilty about that remark, but it was also kinda true.

"We didn't think you would ever find out – honest. I mean, sure, we figured there would be some interest, but not like there was."

"But you used our real names!"

"Oh, that's nothing. Most of the comments so far have been about how fake they sound." There were comments? Oh god!

Still, people's doubt over the legitimately of her name seemed to work out. Nice one Joyce, I guess.

Buffy shook her head. It was all too much – her day was mega stressful and it had barely even started. Wistfully, she imagined waking up naturally with Spike under her, but she had to shake that thought away, too, before it took hold. Later, Buffy. Focus!

"How do we get them back?" she asked.

"Get what?"

Buffy groaned. Why was he making this even harder? "The tape, you idiot!"

After a second of looking confused, Jonathan said, "It's not actually a physical tape. It's a digital download, and it's only on pre-order, look –" he turned to his computer screen, frowning when the website wouldn't load.

"Willow hacked it," Buffy explained. "No more site. So no one's gonna get their copy?"

"Apparently not."

"But are you sure?" she pressed, not willing to take a chance on it. She didn't trust Jonathan as far as she could throw him, which was actually a really long way, but… well, the expression stood.

After a few clicks and some scrolling, Jonathan confirmed, "The way things are, we don't even have the details of customers left so we can return the money."

Eyebrows raised, Buffy steeled herself to ask, "How much moneywe talking?"

Her errand to the bank complete, Buffy slipped back into her bedroom before noon, snuggling into Spike and not giving a damn about the right or wrong of it.

He was giving her one of those awe-filled looks again, and she smiled at him.

"Buffy," he began, but she gave her head a small shake.

"Talk later, bask now."

"But, yer mates?" Spike spluttered. She sighed, not really surprised he was finding the sudden change of heart all… sudden.

"They'll deal," she said, simply.

"And the tape?"

Buffy smiled again before releasing him long enough to reach for her bag, digging out a DVD box and handing it to him.

"The only copy: my gift to you."