(Disclaimer: We, the Bad Things, are relieved to inform you that we do not own these stories. However, we are sad to say we don't own any of the other characters (Namely JK's) either. Life's a bitch, huh?)
Dreams of a House-elfDisclaimer:Considering what this is... AN: It's a Dobby/Winky romance + EVIL!Kreacher. Dobby and Winky elope!
Tom: ... Am I the only one disturbed by this?
Snape: Oh dear god!
Draco: -Scoffs- House elves don't 'Elope'.
Neville: ...I think it's a bit sweet...
Draco: -Glares- -Cuffs Neville up side the head-
Snape: -to Tom- I'll just kill him now and save us all.
Tom: Go for it. -Bored-
There were several reasons why Dobby and Kreacher did not get on, including the fact that they had different opinions of Harry Potter. However, the main reason was a small female house-elf known as Winky.
Tom: My gag reflex is starting to kick in...
Snape: So is mine.
Winky was, in her own words, "a good house-elf" and she was also, according to Dobby, very beautiful. But Dobby was careful never to tell Winky too much about how he wanted to leave his family, since Winky was his girlfriend, and he did not want to break up with her because they disagreed.
Draco: -Scowls- Like we'd allow our House Elves to fraternize with each other in that fashion...
One day, Dobby was taken by his family to visit 'The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black'. His master sent him to the kitchens, to help the other house-elf, named Kreacher, and Dobby soon found both Kreacher and the kitchens. However, Dobby was in for a shock when he got there, for there were Kreacher and Winky kissing!
Draco:... What the hell is Winky doing there to begin with!
Tom: That mental image... is so wrong... on so many levels.
Neville: ...I still think it's sweet.
Snape: Don't even go there. -glares-
Neville: -cowers-
Snape: I'm going to gouge my eyes out now...
Tom: -nods-
Dobby was too angry to cook well that day. In fact, he was too angry to cook at all. He turned and stamped out of the room, with difficulty, since he had no permission to. Winky had kissed Kreacher, a bad house-elf if ever there was one! How could she! And Winky had told Dobby so often that she loved him! How dare she! Dobby wept tears of anger and loss.
Snape: Why doesn't he have permission?
Tom: -As Author- And after Dobby left he kitchen, he rammed his head against the wall repeatedly.
Draco: -Twitch- Kreacher is a good House elf. He didn't leave the kitchen without permission.
Snape: This is Potter's sixth year...Dobby was released in the second year...
Tom: Unlike some other ungrateful creatures...
Neville: Ooo, butterflies.
Draco: I don't think time matters to the author.
Tom: -Stares at Neville- You're in your own little world, aren't you.
Snape: -kills Neville- Ah. Dunderhead this author is.
Later, when Dobby had calmed down a little, he realised that Winky had in fact been struggling when she was in Kreacher's embrace. Also, Dobby was sure he had heard her say something along the lines of, "Winky wishes to slap Kreacher! Winky loves Dobby!" And now, when Dobby visited Winky, she was not working in her master's house. Perhaps… perhaps, Kreacher had kidnapped her!
Tom: -Sarcastically- Oh, My!
Draco: Apparently our old House Elf is retarded.
Neville: Like master like house-elf.
Tom: Because attempted rape is so easy to confuse...
Draco: -Kills Neville-
Snape: -watches in amusement-
Dobby could not work well when he was thinking about Winky, and his master was not happy. Dobby had to punish himself more and more, and, after having to shut his ears in the oven and his fingers in the freezer, and having to iron his long nose, Dobby decided that, that night, "I is going to rescue Winky!"
Tom: Isn't it suppose to be: Dobby is going to rescue Winky?
Tom: How hard is it to speak House Elf?
Snape: The author doesn't know any better. -rolls eyes- God the idiot.
Neville: -is dead-
Draco: Iron... That's a muggle thing.
Tom: That it is.
Draco: -Scowls- We have no muggle things in our house. It's called Magic.
Snape: Freezers are a Muggle invention.
Winky was miserable. Kreacher had imprisoned her in his master's childhood bedroom. There were bars on the windows and locks and bolts on the door. Her only company was a smirking portrait, which made sarcastic comments and glowered at the back of her neck. She missed Dobby, despite his strange beliefs about employment and payment. Dobby had been friendly and kind, a nice house-elf, as Winky put it, if not a good house-elf.
Neville: Doesn't want her to go anywhere, does he?
Draco: Why would they put bars on the windows? Was that that Blood Traitor Sirius' room?
Snape: I think that's what the author is trying to say.
Draco: -Scoffs- The Author's an idiot that daydreams about House Elf Sex
Snape: I'll have to obliviate myself now. God...The images...
And she had been here for at least three years without seeing any house-elf except the disgusting and filthy Kreacher. The only way she could get out of this prison was when one of her masters Summoned her. And as soon as she'd done whatever they wanted her for, she found herself back in the barred bedroom. She wanted to scream in frustration!
Neville: Why didn't she just stay away? There's no magic mentioned that she had to return...
Draco: -Scoffs- As if Father would allow a house elf out of the house knowningly.
Snape: Wow. Longbottom's actually using his head.
Tom: Three years? It took that idiot house elf Dobby three years to finally do something.
Tom: Did the shiny things distract him.
Snape: -snicker-
It was late July or early August in 1994 when Winky broke down completely. Her master had given her clothes, she'd been imprisoned in this place for what felt like forever, and Dobby didn't care. He didn't care! It wasn't fair!
Snape: Life's not fair. Get over it.
Draco: He gave you clothes because you kept fraternizing with the Black's elf.
Tom: Dobby loves shiny things more than you.
Tom: They're prettier.
Neville: -entranced by shiny objects-
Snape: Simpleton.
There was a scraping noise at the bars on Winky's window. She took no notice of it, too absorbed in her tears to notice. The metallic rasp continued, a little louder. Winky ignored it. The scratching continued for a little while, then stopped very suddenly. There was a distant crash.
Tom: -As Dobby- Dobby is here to save Winky! Because Shiny dumped me!
Draco: Why not just apperate into the room...?
Snape: That's what I'm wondering!
Neville: Shiny
Snape: Idiot
Draco: I would image a loud crash would wake the Blacks up...
"Winky?"
Winky's tear-streaked face emerged from her skirt. A skirt! The shame!
Dobby was hovering outside the window.
Snape: Oh, so now he can hover?
Draco: ...
Neville: I don't get it... o.O
Tom: He's superman, didn't you know.
Snape: O.O You pay attention to Muggle television?
Tom: I prefer to think of it as spying on the enemy.
Dobby looked concernedly at his girlfriend. She looked terrible! What had Kreacher done to her?
Winky stared back, her face blotchy because of her recent tears. "Dobby?" she whispered.
Dobby nodded, smiling. "I is here to rescue Winky."
Neville: ...His girlfriend?
Tom: He locked her in Sirius' bedroom.
Snape: ...
Snape: Oh brave Dobby... -retch-
Winky looked shocked, but delighted, too. She seemed unable to believe that Dobby was here, actually here, to rescue her. Dobby gazed at her lovingly and stuck an arm through the gap where the bars on Winky's window had been.
"Come with Dobby, Winky! Come with Dobby!"
Winky jumped up immediately and ran to the window. She grasped Dobby's hand, and Dobby felt a shiver of delight pass from her through him.
Neville: How will she get through the bars?
Tom: -As Dobby- Give Me Your Soul, Winky! Give Me Your Soul!
Snape: Too much Muggle entertainment for you.
Tom: I've been meaning to make one of those claws that Freddy guy had.
Tom: -Smirk-
Snape: It's ok. They have therapy for cases like yours.
"Oh, Dobby!" she gasped, carefully climbing down the ladder outside the window. "I is loving you, Dobby!"
Dobby's smile could have beaten the Cheshire Cat's any day. "And I, Winky, I is loving you, too!"
They stopped, halfway down the ladder, for an awkward hug.
Tom: -as Gir- I loving you, piggy! I loving you!
Snape: -sarcasm- Oh Dobby! Harder! Harder! -dies-
Neville: Dude, that was so not right.
Draco: I thought he was hovering...
Draco: Where'd the ladder come from?
Snape: It magically appeared. What did you expect? -.-
Dobby could have flown up to cloud eighteen, never mind cloud nine, with Winky in his arms. She loved him, and he loved her, and they were going to elope to Hogwarts together, and marry, and live happily ever after, for ever and ever and ever, and Professor Dumbledore would pay him, and employ Winky, and they'd never be sad again, and all his dreams would come true.
Everything was wonderful.
Tom: ... How cheesy...
Snape: -shakes head- That was a royal waste of my time.
Neville: I like it.
Snape: You'll never get laid, you know that.
Draco: You have manure for brains as well.