Sometimes I really enjoy dancing. Not with my entire body just with my upper body, my arms moving with the beat of the music. I reach up to my headphones and smile brightly. This is my favorite song. It gives me the energy to finally smile for real and move to the rhythm.
The buzzing of my phone interrupted my thoughts. I turn to the side from my laptop, a bit frustrated that it's insistent buzzing brought me out of my music-induced haze. That was my favorite song.
I reluctantly pick it up, smile fading to a frown which can ruin even the most dazzlingly features. I look back up to the computer screen and see the ongoing music video of the song, almost pleading with me to not pause it. I decided to take it's advice.
I look down to my hand at the phone resting loosely in my palm with its back turned to me so I cannot see the screen. I don't want to check it, I just want to listen to my music.
I quickly turn it as a way to return to my peaceful and fleeting thoughts that come with allowing myself to listen solely to the music's beckoning call, the call which chimes so pleasantly.
It's from my father and I immediately grit my teeth. I rather not speak of him at this moment, everything about him absolutely aggravates me. Won't you look at that my heart is already racing from frustration.
I turn my head downward and let my short, black hair fall into my face and stare down at the vile contraption which I'm forced to keep with at all times because if I don't respond to a certain someone's texts they think I'm ignoring them and the last thing a need is an argument.
It seems like the song is ending. I curse quietly as a move my pale hands back up to the keyboard, momentarily putting my phone beside me on the bed. I search around for another song. It's my close second for favorite. It has a rhythm I can still lose myself in.
Deep breaths now. Yeah that's it, in, out, in, out. Okay I better slow down before I pass out from breathing irregularly. Now I feel a bit light headed. Oh well. I move my hand up to the volume button and turn it up a bit more. That's much better. I close my eyes and smile.
Yes, this is a very close second to favorite. I move my shoulders back and forth to the bouncing beat. My hands and arms making small gestures that can be seen as dancing. Well, only if you knew I was dancing. Other than that it probably looks like I'm getting ready to summon the devil.
A close second indeed, I can match up with this song perfectly. My heart beats at the same pace, quickening and slowing along with it. My thoughts flowing with the song. My eyes are still closed. This is when I'm the closest to peace. When I'm alone in this house. When I can get free of all these people who live here. They claim to be family but their far more strangers who don't understand me as much as I can understand. Who cares about their opinion? Who cares if they don't understand? I couldn't care less. I prefer to not understand either. My interpretations of them are less than pleasant as well. Those bastards couldn't care less either.
I'm having a hard time deciding my favorite song at this point. It's just so perfect I can't explain. I can just lose myself. Not once do I need to think of that pile of homework patiently awaiting me. Taking advanced placement courses was a stupid decision on my part. At least the homework is patient. I don't need to think about him, or any of them. My thoughts go as they please. Well, along with a little leading by the music.
Only one thought is clear. Only one thing is felt too. The only person I can think about willingly. Oh my, do I feel a bit of heat rising up to my face? Has one of the family members finally decided to burn me? I doubt it, repairs are expensive and none could think of an alibi of any substance. Yes, I think I understand where this heat originated from.
The only pleasant thoughts I ever have are of this person. Everything else is fleeting. Just like this peace. I open my eyes and glare at my phone, this time the heat rising upon my cheeks coming from an entirely different feeling. When I'm finally alone, finally at peace, why must you insist on bugging the only enjoyable activity I can partake in with no strings attached? Every other thing, or rather person, which can bring a similar feeling into by thudding heart would have to cost me a white lie or a good excuse. Despite my grades I am naturally a lazy person.
I reach forward and pick up the phone. 3 texts from this guy. I could lie and say I'm not feeling well. But I don't want any fake concern or pity, it would only aggravate my heart and make it more difficult for music to put me at ease once more. Ooh I love this song. It's getting to it's climax, I better read the texts before this bliss ends.
Of course, what else could I expect from you of all people? It's pointless to check up on your first born son, he can feed himself, what distress he doesn't feel anything. Does he ever seem angry? Oh no that's just him, he is a natural antisocial who lives off only the bare minimum of care.
This guy asked if I cleaned the house. Well it isn't like I have anything else great to do. Nothing is more pleasing, more gratifying than cleaning the house everyone will wreck in ten minutes. No it's an absolute honor bestowed upon my from the God of all great questions and words!
Excuse my sarcasm I'm just frustrated. Why can't he text me for something stupid like my day. Sure it's the same thing almost every day, excluding the parts I take out I don't want them to discover more about me as a person, but I little consideration about how I might be feeling is nice.
I grin bitterly and text back a short "Yes." and push my phone back to the edge of my bed. There is an instantaneous buzzing of the phone. Oh just damn it all! Don't you have anything better to do than text? Do you just sit there, aimlessly texting people with no other thought than to bug them? Jeez I really don't like texting people. See what you did? Now my song is over. I need to put on another one. I momentarily way the tasks in terms of importance and then I try to find another song.
This one will suffice. I haven't listened to it that much but I think it will fit on the list of favorites. I return my attention, albeit divided, to the phone and quickly unlock it to read the text. Oh so now you're worried about how I'm doing. I'm fine! I just am treated as a second class citizen and I'm practically ostracized in my home every day but that's not a problem since I get to listen to the music. I think I quick "Good, just a bit tired" with be good. It's quick simple and will make it seem like I'm confiding in the guy. Like I would ever risk something like that.
He replied just after I sent it. What's this now? You're proud of everything I do? Is that some sort of comfort? This man swears that a little pat on the back like this makes it all better. If for one moment he thinks I do everything because I want to make him happy then he's nuts. I don't do stuff like that for other people, suffering for others never helps me just makes it worse. All I need to worry about is me, myself, and I.
I click tongue as I reply with a quick "Thank you." Now back to browsing for better songs. You see, I think people are confused of the expression, or rather impression of music on their lives. Most see it as a way to say how you feel, declare hopes and promises, call out the world on all of it's dysfunctions, and share their story. Music artists probably have this mind at first but it's all about fame and fortune for them. I feel absolutely no sorrow when a singer preaches their broken heart over the radio or complain about how terrible their lives had been. I feel no joy as they claim their undying love and howl to the moon and stars about how perfect everything is and party all night long. No, most musicians allowed music to consume them.
You could argue the same has happened to me for allowing it to have so much power of emotions. But I don't allow myself to get consumed. I become one with it. It entwines into my thoughts and gives an unexplainable clarity to my thoughts. I hate the loud, hyped family life. It's both fake and highly overrated. Nothing is more perfect than becoming one with the music. Allowing the mind to decipher itself and not the lyrics to get a clearer understanding of oneself.
I love this song! It's so catchy I just want to dance around the room but last time I did that I nearly dropped my laptop. I am a horrible listener and only listen to things I like to hear. Not in the sense where I can't hear the opposite opinions but the way one sounds and words things has a great effect on my listening skills. I just rather hear things of my own choice and not be smothered in something I either don't or can't take in.
What is this? Another text? I'm beginning to feel a bit puzzled. A confused frown rather than a frustrated one adorns my face. Usually he does not bother me this much but he must need another favor. I refuse to leave this room no matter what request it is.
My face feels hot again. Instead of the word "Father" on the screen there is merely a smiling emoji on the screen. So you texted me? This is new, I usually initiate unless this is homework related.
This song is longer than I recall. It's good though. Now I can focus more on this. I hesitantly unlock the phone and read the simple message "I'm tired of doing homework (sad-teary emoji) do you want to come to my place? I have pizza on the way and the new vinyl record I ordered a couple weeks ago ^^"
I smile again, a softer smile that feels very comfortable. I reply with a quick "Yes." And sigh as the song comes to an end. Oh well, the silence of an empty house is beautiful as well. I close the laptop and gently take out my headphones. These were very expensive, they can capture all the sound capable of any type of song so these are necessary to my very existence.
As I stand up and stretch, a small yawn releasing itself from my throat, my phone goes off once more. I lean down to retrieve it from my bed and look around. My room is decently clean and so is the rest of the house. As long as I lock every door except the back it should be safe to go. Isn't like they will be coming back anytime soon. Just took off without me as usual.
I look at my phone and let a small sigh of relief as I see the smiling emoji. I quickly read it "Great, I can't wait to see you here. Do you want to meet half way?" I smile at his consideration and flush a sweltering shade of red. I reply the affirmative and place it into the back pocket of my jeans. I slip on the black sweater hanging on the side of the bed and place on my sneakers. I headed out the door after making sure everything else was locked. I wouldn't want these valuable treasures being stolen now!
Despite lack of music, on my way towards his house I feel at ease. The anticipation of seeing him is embarrassing. I don't mind the sounds he makes.
I see a large figure wearing a gray coat waving toward me. I wave back which results in the figure breaking into a fast pace. I rather resist the urge to do the same. Well he is approaching quickly I guess football does have its benefits.
He is practically on top of me as he halts, he sharp teeth breaking out into a wide smile "I'm glad you could make it, Itachi, I know how busy those nerd classes are for you." He falls in beside me and moves to pat my shoulder farthest away and he leaves it lingering in that position, as if waiting. For a big guy he can get pretty shy and uncertain. Not exactly cute but it has a way of getting me to smile. He takes the smile as a sign of encouragement and leaves him arm right there and begins rambling.
I don't particularly pay attention to what he is saying. It isn't like I'm not interested or anything I just prefer to listen to him for a while. Sometimes I think he realizes this and talks about the most absurd things to keep the conversation going. I was never much of a talker.
We both arrive shortly to his house, which to his embarrassment and my amusement, whose door was still wide open from his excited break to meet me half way. Oh and just at the perfect time the pizza delivery man has arrived. I waited inside and headed straight towards his room. Ah messy as usual. But it's the comforting type of messy, the one that can make you feel right at home. This type of messy cannot be replicated by any other person, it just wouldn't have the same vibe. I looked at the trophies which lined the window sill each with the name "Hoshigaki Kisame" neatly engraved on them and all of which praise his athletic skills in one way or another.
I plop myself unceremoniously on the bed and prop the multitude of pillows up so I am half way between sitting up and lying down. He walks in just as I'm settling myself, shows and sweater removed "Would you like to remove your pants as well?" He asks jokingly. He seems to be a bit shy about this as well. I don't see why, I have been in my boxers around him plenty of times.
He holds up the pizza box with paper plates resting atop it and two small bottles of soda in the other. I scoot over to make room for him on the bed. That and I want an excuse for him to serve me. It's funny seeing him all shy.
He places the box of pizza on his dresser and carelessly pushes aside the textbooks sitting on there. I think see dust from the way they had been sitting there so long. He pops open the box and puts a single piece on one plate and three on the other. Now I wonder which one is for me?
He comes over to the bed and hands me the plate with one pizza on it and one of the sodas. I mumble a quite thank you and take them. I begin to nibble on my own as he places his own meal on the bed and turns and walks towards his closet. I can only imagine what he is hiding in the mysterious, dark place.
I'm about half way through my pizza by the time he turns back toward my direction with the vinyl record. Oh yes, I've been looking forward to this one as much as he has. He places it on the recorder and before he plays it he looks at me.
This is a bit confusing. I wonder what he is thinking about. Did I do something strange? He suddenly asks if I want another slice and I noticed I have already finished my pizza. Wow I'm soon going to be a glutton just like he is. I decline with a shake of my head and soon the music begins playing. Ah I like these types of songs, the ones with no actual singing. It's a very pure type of music.
He walks back to the bed and plops down beside me and begins demolishing his pizza. Oh lord how is it even possible to eat so quickly without choking? I think he should drop football and start entering those eating contests. It seems I've been staring to much because he suddenly stopped and gave me an embarrassed smile. I look away and open my soda and sip it gently. The bubbling of it feels good as it sleeps down my throat and sizzles a bit in my belly. I place the soda in between my legs and lean back against the pillows. I closed my eyes gently. Yes, this song is fantastic. It's so soothing and smooth I can just sing into it.
This is quite a lovely feeling. I can feel myself drifting around in my thoughts. Nothing can disturb, not homework, not him, and not them. This is absolute peace is something that can be obtained only by a great sense of calm, concentration, and clarity. Something that can rarely be achieved.
I feel an arm snaking it's way around my shoulders and pulling me close to his chest. I open my eyes and look up. He is giving me a different kind of smile. That one smile that makes me blush instead. He says nothing as he positions us to lie down even more. His large hand from his other arm strokes my hair and moves it out of my face. I sleep my eyes closed again. I feel those familiar lips press gently against the side of my head.
Indeed my smile feels very comfortable. You see, there is also another thing needed to fully immerse yourself in music. That is something that goes along with all the other requirements. It's something special that could be different for everyone. Lately, music has had more clarity than ever.
Wow this is the end guys! I can't believe the story was this long! It was planned to be way shorter but considering I did this on the spur of the moment I think I did well. Reviews are very much appreciated! Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed.