Chapter 1: Hotaru Imai

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN GAKUEN ALICE.

Hotaru's Monologue: Ever wondered what bracelets are for?

May trigger self-harm/violence.

Play: Demons by Imagine Dragons

Genre/Theme: Hurt

Chapter One:

"Each and everyone of us has a unique way of dealing with pain."

~o~O~o~

I wanted to be strong, for Mikan. I knew, better than everyone else, that if 'missing her family' was one of a Hotaru's favorite past times. It would be her's too, and all effort to keep her from whining and bawling would be put to waste.

Mikan? She's one of the ignoramus hard-headed girls and she would definitely do everything just to see a person she misses. Just like what she did back in the old days when I transferred schools.

They thought I was fearless and strong, from my emotionless facade to my immeasurable intelligence. No one dared to touch me, until that baka came.

I wasn't good at expressing my feelings, I never was. In those days where I couldn't reach the the ridiculously high expectations the teachers have set. I was disappointed. In those days where I missed my family so bad and I wanted to make them proud, but I couldn't. I was frustrated. In those days where random things like these happens, I was sad.

And Hotaru Imai wasn't supposed to feel sad or frustrated or disappointed. She was supposed to feel nothing. She wasn't supposed to feel anything.

That was what the academy told me when I moved in.

That I was special and that the sooner I forget the better but how could I? How could I forget the things my mother have thought me? How can I forget how to be human?

Is being an Alice the same as being damned?

But I wanted to lighten the burden the Academy have set upon me and my friends, by being a role model, but sometimes, I do realize that all the shit we were forced to do, from inventing stuff the Academy's black ops to forgetting our very own families wasn't for our own benefit. It was for the Academy's. They wanted robots, but robots don't feel anything. I knew that, of course, but there was a huge difference between a human being and a robot.

Today, things didn't go well, after the teachers requested me to finish my work in the next few hours, resulting failure.

I am starting to get bad again.

I went straight to my bedroom and locked the door. I passed by my bed and aimed for my desk, and sat down. I was resisting the urge to feel the soft touch of silver on my terribly scarred skin.

I pulled up my sleeves and my fingers made contact with the hardened skin by my wrist. I felt the faint pulsing of my heart.

My scars are fading and I feels so lost without them.

I drew out my drawer and grabbed the sharp beauty out of it's cage. I breathed in and closed my eyes. I pointed the end by the hand I use to create amazing things. I didn't feel pain, instead I felt alive and it was clear by then death wasn't my goal.

You hurt yourself on the outside to try and kill the thing on the inside. I was a monster in my own world.

I smiled, not a wicked smile or grin, just a plain sad smile.

You see, the problem isn't cutting, the problem was:

"I can't stop."

~o~O~o~

There was this one day when I was sitting by a Sakura tree, knowing I was alone, I sat there admiring the scars I have drawn upon myself. When Mikan came out of nowhere. I was surprised.

"Since when?" that was the only thing that came out o my best friend's mouth. She grabbed my wrist, as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing.

She squeezed it harder, making me wince. She hugged me tightly.

"And you never even told me?" she said in a verge of crying. I was holding in the tears that was threatening to fall from my on violet orbs.

"I am so sorry, Mikan." that was the only word I could manage.

"Oh, Hotaru. you are not the first girl to write her horrors on her wrists."

"The lines I wear around my wrists is there to prove that I exist." - anon.

This is my first time writing these kinds of stories. Anyways, it's a one-shot for every character. :) Hope you enjoy. Love you guys :) I appreciate your support. This story was originally posted in my old account Kiyasarin14. - Rebelle14

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