Ugly loser
The loud taunts and cruel comments of his peers rattled in Dan's head as he slid his house key in the lock.
Freak. Useless. Stupid
His mind shouted at him, reminding him of exactly what everyone thought about him. What he had a hard time not believing, as he trudged up the stairs to his room.
Why don't you just die already? Nobody cares about you.
They do! He wanted to yell back, though he knew his efforts would be futile. Nobody, not even the teachers, listened to him. And it's not like they were completely wrong.
After all, his parents couldn't give any fucks about him, and his brother wouldn't miss him even if he was dead. Actually, he'd probably prefer it. He'd get Dan's room then, he'd have more space to hold his stuff.
It was after days like this, when he had been pushed and shoved, derided by mean remarks, sick of school and just sick of life in general, he contemplated his existence.
He pondered such things a lot, so much so that Dan had come up with a name for it. A crisis of sorts, called so because of how messed up Dan felt when thinking about such things. An existential crisis; when he wondered why he was even alive.
Dan was used to those thoughts, having been stuck in a crisis for years, at the very least three. Which only added to his weirdness level. It's not exactly normal for an eighteen year-old to be thinking about the human existence, or worrying about whether he was actually doing anything with his life before he died.
Kids his age were supposed to go out partying and drinking, taking drugs and making out with hot strangers; having sex and regretting in the next day because in the heat of the moment it felt like the right thing. The normal thing.
Not that Dan could be considered normal...
I can't do this. His thoughts were muddling up his brain, and only served to make him feel worse.
He threw his bag next to his desk, not caring if anything broke. He flopped onto his bed, settling onto the soft duvet and indulging himself in the comfort. He loved his bed, it was one of the only places he felt safe, truly safe; and held a lot of wonderful memories, of times when he felt genuinely and completely loved.
Unfortunately, Dan's problems couldn't be fixed by a bed.
Dan pulled his phone out of his pocket. He unwrapped his headphones and tapped a single number; he didn't need to press anymore, the person he needed was only a speed-dial away.
"Hey."
"Phil." Dan said, relieved.
"Is everything okay?"
"No...no." Dan shook his head, forgetting that Phil couldn't see him.
"Are you alone?"
Dan laughed a sad, shaky laugh. "When am I not?"
"When I'm with you. Which I will be soon. I'm leaving now; I'll be there in five minutes, tops."
"I love you." Dan said, but Phil had already hung up.
Dan waited for five minutes, and then another five. He began to panic when Phil still hadn't turned up, fifteen minutes after the call. He felt himself slip into a familiar state; one where the darkness surrounded him until he couldn't see anything else. Dan always felt scared and lost in the darkness, and his mind soon flooded with unwanted thoughts.
He's not coming. He just said that he would, he was never going to. He doesn't care. His mind taunted.
He doesn't love you.
He knew the thoughts were wrong, false. It was just the depression, pulling the right strings and pushing the right buttons so Dan became even more of a mess than he already was.
Not that knowing what it was stopped it from hurting, or the tears from falling.
Dan tried to think of Phil, the good times with Phil. It usually helped; Phil was Dan's own personal ray of sunshine.
He remembered something Phil had told him once, in an attempt to help Dan feel better the next time the depression took over.
Be brave, Dan. Even if I'm not there, be brave. You can beat this; it can't control you if you don't give it the power to do so.
Normally, it would work. Normally, it did work.
However it wasn't. It was overpowered by the darkness inside Dan's mind, and Dan watched in despair as his spot of light faded.
"Dan?" Phil called out as he opened the front door. It hadn't been locked, which worried Phil a little. Dan usually locked the door, that's why Dan had given Phil a key a few weeks ago.
He searched the lounge-room and the kitchen, the only places Phil he knew he could find Dan, before making his way up the stairs to Dan's bedroom.
"Dan?" He called again, turning the door knob slowly and pushing the door open.
Dan was curled up on his bed, his knees pulled up to his chest. His long arms were wrapped around his legs, and he was pushed as far against the headboard as he could. He looked up when Phil walked in, startled. There were tears streaking down his face, and his eyes were red and blotchy. Phil hurried to the bed, whispering questions to Dan, not that Dan could hear him.
"Dan?" Phil asked slowly, cautiously. He didn't want to startle Dan.
Dan looked at him, but his attention didn't seem completely focused. He seemed to be looking through Phil, but because he had looked up when his name was called, Phil took it as a good sign. He climbed onto the bed next to Dan, wrapping his arms around Dan's shoulders.
Dan leant into Phil's touch, his head falling onto Phil's shoulder. His sobs became louder; the tears fell faster and soaked the thin fabric of Phil's shirt. Not that Phil cared, his attention was focused completely on the crying boy in his arms.
"W-where were y-you?" Dan sobbed. Phil's warm embrace had chased the darkness away, though for how long, Dan didn't know.
"What do you mean?"
"Y-you said you'd be f-five minutes. I waited f-fifteen minutes, and you s-still weren't here."
"Oh Dan, I'm so sorry. I didn't realise I had taken so long. I took a shortcut to escape the traffic lights but I forgot about the after-school rush. I'd thought I was only a few minutes late. I'm so sorry."
"So you w-were coming?"
"Of course I was, I said I would, didn't I?"
"Sometimes people say things they don't mean, or make promises they don't intend to keep." Dan mumbled, the tears having finally stopped.
"Well I'm not like those people. I never make promises I can't keep, and as I've told you before Dan," Phil removed his arm from around Dan's shoulder and slid his hand in Dan's instead. He shifted and shuffled until he was looking at Dan, properly.
"I will always do anything for you."
Dan nodded, looking down sheepishly.
"I'm sorry. I believe you...it's just hard sometimes."
"It doesn't have to be. If something's bothering you, or you need to talk to someone...talk to me."
Phil smiled softly. "Benefits of having a boyfriend." He winked at Dan. "Amongst other things, of course."
"I just...I don't want to be a burden on you. I don't want to bother you."
"Bother me with what?"
"My problems. After all, they're my problems, not yours. You shouldn't have to deal with them."
"No. I shouldn't."
The simple tone of Phil's voice surprised Dan, but Phil didn't give him long to think about it.
"But I want to. You can't bottle everything up and just 'deal with it' yourself. It's not healthy and it certainly won't help."
Phil squeezed Dan's hand.
"Now, what's wrong?"
Dan told Phil everything. Every little fear, every small insecurity, everything that haunted him daily. Dan told Phil all of his secrets, and by the time he was done, he felt as though a little weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
Phil wasn't doing so well, however. His eyes were shining with tears that threatened to spill. Dan's eyes had stayed dried the whole time, but seeing Phil's sad expression brought the tears back, stinging his eyes.
"Dan...why didn't you tell me before? I could have helped...I could have been there for you."
Phil sighed. "I should have been there for you."
Dan, seeing Phil's distress, turned and wrapped his arms around Phil's waist. His legs were curled up and his head rested on Phil's legs.
Phil sucked in a short, sharp breath. Dan's movements and sudden touch surprising him. It was always him comforting Dan; he wasn't used to being the one comforted.
"Dan, what are you doing?" He asked in a hushed voice. His arm automatically went to Dan's head, combing his fingers through the soft brown locks.
"You were sad, and you were going to cry. I don't like seeing you upset Phil, it's not right."
"It's not right when you're upset either."
Dan sighed.
"I'm used to it. It's hard not to be, I mean just think about it. I feel drained and empty every day. Wrong. Like I don't have any life left inside me anymore, I'm just an empty vessel. And it's not like anyone cares about me anymore."
"I do." Phil whispered softly. A tear slid down his cheek.
"Another mystery in my life." Dan muttered.
"Why would I be dating you, why would I be dropping absolutely everything just to help you? Think about all the late night Skype calls, the 3am text ramblings. I care about you Dan. No matter what anybody else says, whether you think anybody else cares. I care."
"But why?" Dan asked. He couldn't figure out why someone as amazing as Phil cared about him.
"Why?" Phil repeated. He couldn't figure out why Dan was asking. The answer was simple; he thought Dan already knew.
Phil gently lifted Dan off his legs, reaching for his hands instead. Dan looked at Phil through teary eyes; Phil's own eyes blurred. He blinked furiously, taking one hand from where it was holding Dan's. He wiped his eyes; he didn't want to cry in front of Dan. He was supposed to be the strong one; he was supposed to console Dan, not cry in front of him.
"Why?" Phil whispered.
Dan nodded, but he didn't speak. He didn't know what else to say.
"Because," Phil leant forward and placed a gentle kiss on Dan's lips. "I love you."
Dan froze when Phil whispered those infamous words.
"Y-you...what?" He stuttered.
"I love you, Dan." Phil said, smiling softly. It was almost as though he'd only recently come to the realisation. A revelation of sorts.
"B-but...you c-cant..."
"Why not?" Phil asked.
"I know how I feel about you Dan. I know that I care for you more than just about anybody else. I would do anything for you. If you asked me to jump off a bridge I'd ask you which one. If there was only one piece of pizza left I'd give it to you. I love you Dan."
Dan didn't speak.
Not because he was shocked or surprised, though he was, and not because he didn't know what to say, he knew what he wanted to say; but because he couldn't get his brain to work enough for him to form words.
"You don't believe me...do you?" Phil asked, a little sad.
"I-I...I do." Dan whispered. And he did. He knew that Phil wouldn't lie to him, Phil never lied to him. What he had trouble believing, was that anyone could love him at all. That he was lovable.
"Can I show you?" Phil asked, knowing it was the only way that Dan would believe him, properly, truly believe.
"If you want." Dan agreed, confused by Phil's question. Regardless, he trusted Phil. Phil was the one person he could count on not to hurt him.
"Do you want me too?" Phil asked. He wasn't going to force himself onto Dan.
"I don't know what you're going to do." Dan said simplistically. Phil saw the corners of Dan's mouth turning up, in as close to a smile as he'd seen from Dan all afternoon.
"But you're giving me permission?" Phil said, noting that Dan hadn't technically said no.
Dan nodded. "I trust you."
Phil tried to ignore the way his heart soared. He knew about Dan's trust issues, with a family like his it wasn't surprising; but to hear Dan say he trusted him...there was no doubt in Phil's mind. He loved Dan.
"You're beautiful." Phil whispered. He traced his knuckles softly along Dan's cheek, brushing a few strands of hair that had fallen onto his face.
"No, I'm not..."
"Hush." Phil said, brushing his finger across Dan's lips. "You are."
Phil's hand slid down Dan's arm.
He's too skinny. Phil thought, but he pushed it away. He could worry about Dan later; his main focus at the moment was making Dan feel better.
"What makes you happy?" Phil asked, toying with the hem of Dan's shirt.
"Nothing. I don't feel happy enough...often enough."
Phil kissed Dan, in an attempt to make him feel better. To give him something that made him happy.
Dan gave a short laugh. "You can't just kiss the sadness away, Phil."
"I can try." Phil said, brushing his lips along Dan's jaw. They trailed up his cheeks, placing soft kisses as he went. He kissed Dan's temples, placing a butterfly peck on Dan's nose.
"There has to be something that makes you happy." Phil pecked Dan's lips.
"There is...one thing, I suppose."
"Hmm."
"You."
Phil stopped kissing Dan's cheeks, and his forehead, and his lips. He stopped doing anything, apart from breathing, but that was just anatomic luck.
"M-me?" He stuttered.
"Yeah, you." Dan glanced down sheepishly. He played with the seam of his jeans, refusing to look Phil in the eyes.
"Dan...Dan, look at me."
Dan looked up at Phil, his eyes wide and a little embarrassed. Phil brushed his hand across Dan's cheeks, slipping his hand into Dan's hair. He pulled Dan closer, pressing his lips softly against Dan's.
Dan kissed back, slowly at first. It didn't take long for him to lose himself in the feel of Phil's lips, the taste of them. Phil was the perfect remedy for a bad day.
Truthfully, Phil was just perfect.
Phil pulled away, and Dan gave a little whimper at the loss of contact. Phil just laughed; happy he had done something to make Dan feel better.
"I love you Dan."
"I love you too." Dan whispered.
He removed his hand from Phil's hold, and grasped either side of Phil's head. Forsaking all logical thought, all doubt and fear; Dan surged forward and pressed his lips almost forcefully against Phil's.
Dan's kisses were always soft and slow, gentle and cautious. To say that Phil was surprised by the force of Dan's kiss would be a drastic understatement. However, once the shock wore off, Phil kissed back just as hard.
His hands slid under Dan's shirt, tracing up Dan's abdomen and chest. They slid over Dan's shoulders and then trailed back down. He could feel each of Dan's individual ribs, and if he spent the time he could count them. He didn't focus on Dan's ribs, or the skinniness of Dan's body. He would talk to Dan about that later.
There were some more pressing matters to deal with.
Dan slid his hands in Phil's hair. He was losing himself in the feel of Phil's lips, the way Phil's hands trailed over his body, touched him. Phil's hair was soft, and Dan's senses were overwhelmed.
"Phil..." Dan gasped.
"Mmm." Phil stopped kissing Dan's lips, kissing Dan's neck instead. He kissed the soft skin there slowly, knowing how sensitive a spot it was. Dan gasped and writhed, shocked by the streams of pleasure running through his body, and all because Phil was kissing him.
"Phil..." He gasped again, the only word on his mind.
"You like this?" Phil asked, his breath warm against Dan's neck as he spoke.
"Y-yeah."
Phil smirked against Dan's neck. He travelled down to Dan's collarbone, running his tongue along the juncture of Dan's neck and his shoulder. His hands were resting on Dan's hips, and his thumb brushed across the slightly jutted bone.
"Is this okay?" Phil asked, pulling away to look at Dan.
"Yeah." Dan said, almost surprised with how true the statement was.
"Do you want me to stop?"
"No, I...I want to do this. All of this, everything. With you." Dan's eyes were wide and pleading, but there was no trace of fear or anxiety there. Only the love he felt for Phil and excitement for what might happen next.
"Are you sure? This is a big step...you don't have to."
"No, I want to." Dan said, more determined this time. He was ready. It had taken him a long time to get there, but he was ready.
"Okay. Okay, good." Phil nodded, his own nerves rising. He wanted to make this perfect for Dan, special.
Dan removed his hands from Phil's hair and rubbed his arms instead. "I trust you Phil. I'm ready."
Phil smiled, placing a gentle kiss on Dan's lips.
"Okay."
His hands travelled up Dan's chest, over his shirt this time. Dan's shirt bunched up as Phil's hands moved. Phil kissed Dan again, harder, faster; and Dan tugged at Phil's hair gently.
Dan pulled away, removing his hands from Phil's hair. He nudged Phil's hands off, and took his shirt off. Phil smiled, taking his own shirt off too. Both tops fell to the floor.
"Is there anything you want me to do?" Phil asked.
"J-just, kiss me...a-and touch me, please."
Phil nodded. "Stretch your legs out." He said. Dan did so, using the headboard of his bed to lean against.
Phil leaned over Dan, placing a soft kiss on his lips. He brought his knees up on either side of Dan's legs, hovering over Dan's chest. It looked a little strange, and Dan couldn't stop himself from laughing.
"I'm sorry." He said. "You just look..." He couldn't finish his sentence, the laughs taking over.
"I'm glad you're finding this amusing." Phil said satirically. "I'm trying not to hurt you."
Dan's laughing stopped, but he kept smiling. "You're not going to hurt me. It's okay."
Phil lowered his weight on Dan's hips, almost straddling him. Almost, because he was still lifting some weight.
Dan leant up and kissed Phil softly. "It's okay." He repeated.
Phil nodded, lowering his weight until he was straddling Dan's hips. Smiling, Dan cupped either side of Phil's face, pulling him closer for another kiss. Phil's hands travelled up Dan's chest slowly. He detached his lips from Dan's and kissed along Dan's jaw instead. He kissed up the side of Dan's head and then back down, below his ear and onto his neck.
"Phil..." Dan gasped. His neck was a sensitive spot, and Phil knew it.
Phil's reply came in the form of more kisses, this time along Dan's collarbone. He poked his tongue out and licked along the bone, earning a sharp gasp from Dan, which caused Phil to smile. He kissed Dan's shoulder, paying particular attention to the juncture where Dan's shoulder and his neck meant. He sucked and licked the skin there, nipping at it gently, his teeth scraping across Dan's neck.
When Phil pulled away, he was pleased to see a small bruise blossoming.
"Now you're mine." He muttered, pecking Dan's lips gently.
"I've always been yours." Dan replied. His cheeks were pink, he was smiling softly; and his eyes were sparkling.
"I love you." Phil said, kissing him again.
"I love you too." Dan replied. He was surprised at how much he had smiled since Phil walked into his room earlier, happily surprised, of course.
Phil kissed Dan again, peppering his lips, cheeks, forehead and nose with soft kisses.
"You can't keep kissing me forever." Dan said, laughing softly. Phil's kisses felt feather-light and gentle, but also a little ticklish.
"I think I can." Phil replied.
"Phil...stop." Dan said, laughing louder.
"Okay." Phil pulled back, his hands resting on the bed next to Dan. He smirked at Dan.
"Phil, what are you doing?" Dan asked, puzzled.
"You said to stop. I've stopped."
"I didn't mean completely." Dan whined.
"No? Oops, my bad."
Phil still didn't move, and Dan got increasingly frustrated.
"Come here." He said, almost growling, surprising both Phil and himself with how it sounded. He looped his arms around Phil's neck and pulled him down to connect their lips, kissing hard and fast because he didn't want to wait.
"That was unexpected." Phil muttered against Dan's lips.
"I'm impatient. You know that." Dan replied.
"I like it." Phil added.
He kissed down Dan's neck again, not pausing this time, instead travelling all the way down to Dan's belly button. He kissed along Dan's stomach and back up his chest, littering Dan's torso with the feel of his lips.
"You're beautiful." He whispered onto Dan's skin.
"So are you." Dan replied, staring at Phil in wonder. Wonder at how he had managed to fall in love with and in turn be loved by such a wonderful boy.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Phil asked again. He wanted to make sure, for certain, that Dan wanted to do this. He knew there was no going back, once this had happened it couldn't be taken back. He didn't want Dan to have any regrets.
Dan nodded. "I want to do this, and I want to do this with you, Phil. You're the only one I've ever wanted to do this with."
"Okay. Okay, okay. Okay." Phil muttered, mainly to himself. He pulled back and gestured to Dan's nightstand.
"In there?" He asked.
"Yeah." Dan nodded. There was a sliver of fear to his words, but his gaze was strong. He did want this...he just didn't know quite what to expect, or what it would be like.
Phil reached into the draw and pulled out the small bottle and a foil packet that made a crinkling noise when he touched it. He put them on the other side of the bed, easy access for when they would be needed.
"I'm going to take your pants off now." Phil said, though he again sounded as though he were telling himself rather than Dan.
He undid the button of Dan's pants and unzipped the zipper. He crawled off Dan, tugging Dan's jeans off and discarding them on the floor. With a series of awkward movements and manoeuvres, Phil managed to get his own jeans off too. He straddled Dan's hips again, this time rubbing his half-hard erection against Dan's.
"Oh...Phil..." Dan moaned.
"Feel good?" Phil asked. Dan could only nod.
Phil pressed down a little harder, eliciting a moan from Dan.
"Stop being...such a fucking tease." Dan said, the sentence ending in a moan as Phil pressed against Dan again, his legs keeping Dan trapped. Dan's hands were on the bed, bunching the sheets in his fists.
"But the sounds you're making...god Dan, you're so hot." Phil kissed the other side of Dan's neck, the side that had been previously neglected. He sucked at the skin, paying close attention to a specific spot that had Dan writhing beneath him.
"Then don't...fuck." Dan hissed. Phil had bit down, without any warning, and it was only sending Dan further down the rabbit hole, where his thoughts disappeared and all he could concentrate on was where Phil's hands and lips were.
"If you don't...do something..."
"You'll what?" Phil asked, smirking as he pulled away.
"I don't know yet, but if you keep fucking teasing me you'll find out." In truth, Dan had no idea what he would do; he just knew that if he didn't say anything, nothing would happen. And that was something he just couldn't handle; not with his blood flowing where it was.
Phil kissed Dan harsh, his lips rough against Dan's. He bit Dan's lower lip, pulling it gently between his teeth.
"Alright." He said, his voice low, his eye's fierce with pure lust as they stared into Dan's.
He slid down the length of Dan's body, keeping his legs locked so he was sitting on them by the time he reached Dan's navel. He tugged Dan's briefs down an inch, or so. He placed gentle kisses along Dan's hipbones. Dan's skin burned where Phil's breath ghosted across it, the proximity of Phil's lips to the area Dan desired them to be, making the build-up inside Dan's stomach ache with need.
"I bet you taste good." Phil whispered, tugging Dan's pants all the way off, leaving Dan feeling exposed; though the over-laying pleasure and need hid most of his anxieties.
Phil ran his tongue along the length of Dan's erection, trying to hide his smile when Dan shuffled at the contact. He swirled his tongue around the tip of Dan's dick, licking the pre-come as it leaked out. It was after agonising, for Dan, moments before Phil decided to give Dan what he wanted.
He wrapped his lips around Dan's member, sucking slowly on just the end. Even with minimal contact Dan was muttering and moaning, his words incoherent. Phil slowly took more of Dan in his mouth, still taking his time but giving Dan more reasons to moan.
Dan was shocked into silence; astounded at how good Phil's lips felt around his dick. He knew Phil was good with his lips, it was one of the reasons he loved kissing Phil; but this was a whole new experience, and one he knew he would definitely need to have again. Soon, if possible.
"I was right." Phil said, removing his lips from around Dan's member and sliding back up the length of Dan's body.
"You did taste good." He said, kissing Dan softly.
"Then why did you stop?" Dan asked. His erection was only throbbing harder after the lack of contact, and he already missed Phil's lips.
"Because I'm not done with you yet."
"Well then please move it along, because if you don't...I'll get myself off."
"I find that a little hard to believe." Phil said. "But if you really think-"
"No." Dan said, hurriedly.
"I uh...I don't think it's the...best idea." Dan said sheepishly. He doubted he could get himself off as good as Phil could; if Phil's lips were any indication.
Just thinking about what Phil might do was enough to bring Dan's attention to his...problem.
"Please Phil." He whispered; his voice low and breathy.
"Damn it." Phil swore, attacking Dan's lips with a kiss harder and more lust-fuelled than either had ever experienced.
His lips travelled down Dan's jaw, sucking on Dan's pulse point because that brought a wonderful reaction, all short-breathed gasps and low moans.
"I'm going to make you feel so good, Dan." Phil whispered huskily.
"O-okay." Dan stuttered.
Phil reached for the lube bottle and flicked open the lid. He poured a little onto his fingers; closing the lid and putting it back down onto the bed.
"I'll take it slow; I don't want to hurt you."
"Okay." Dan nodded.
Phil sat in-between Dan's legs, nudging them further apart to give him easier access. He slicked his fingers up, making sure they were moist enough; he didn't want to hurt Dan.
"Bend your knees...yeah, like that."
Dan's new position made it easier for Phil. He rubbed across Dan's hole, his touch light; though it was still enough to send a shiver down Dan's spine. He slowly pushed his index finger, pausing after each inch to allow Dan time to adjust. His other hand ran up the outside of Dan's leg, a comforting touch.
"Does it hurt?" Phil asked, noticing Dan's screwed-up nose.
"No. It's just...different."
It was uncomfortable, but Dan hadn't expected it to be easy. This was his first time, discomfort was to be expected. It didn't hurt however, and it didn't take long for the discomfort to cease.
"You can add another." He said quietly. All he could concentrate on was Phil's touch, and it was driving him insane.
Phil nodded, sliding a second finger in. It didn't take as long for Dan to adjust, and Phil began to slowly move his fingers in and out.
"Oohh...Phil..." Dan moaned. Phil had begun to slowly scissor his fingers inside of Dan; and the unfamiliar notion brought a new wave of pleasure.
"Does it hurt?" Phil asked.
"No-no, I'm good. Really good, actually. I think I'm...I think I'm ready."
Phil nodded. He pulled his own boxers off, throwing them discarded onto the floor. He tore the foil packet open, pulling the condom out and sliding it on. He then poured some lube onto his fingers, slicking his almost painful erection. He lined himself up, one hand on Dan's hip.
"Are you ready?" He asked, his voice shaky with anticipation and excitement. This was a special thing, for Dan especially, and Phil was happy he got to be the one to do it.
"Y-yeah." Dan replied. He tried to relax his body, though it was a little hard.
Phil pushed in slowly, no matter how much he was stretched; Dan still needed time to adjust. He rubbed circular motions with his thumb on Dan's hips, attempting to soothe him.
"I-I'm okay." Dan gasped, his breaths coming out short and heavy.
Nodding slightly, Phil pushed in more, still taking his time. He paused, waiting for Dan to adjust.
"Wrap your legs around my waist." He instructed. "It'll make things easier."
Dan did so, locking his feet behind Phil's back. His hands were scrunched up in the bed sheets, gripping the material. Phil eased out and slid back in, his movements miniscule.
"Oh...Oh, Phil." Dan gasped. His discomfort had lessened, mostly due to Phil's carefulness.
"Does it feel good?" Phil asked.
"Y-yeah...move f-faster." Dan muttered. "P-please."
Phil sped his movements up, thrusting in and out of Dan at a steady pace. He gripped Dan's hips, using them to angle his body better. He leant down and kissed Dan softly.
"I love you." He whispered, smiling at Dan's flushed face.
"I l-love you t-too...oohhhh!" Dan was cut off by his own moan, as Phil found the right angle, thrusting and hitting his sweet-spot dead-on.
"Fuck...Phil..." Dan moaned again, the pleasure swirling inside him, drowning him in waves of good feelings.
"Feel so...good." He gasped. He wondered why he and Phil had waited so long, this was so much better than his left hand ever was, and the sights, Phil's red face and lustful eyes were better than any wet-dream.
"God Dan, you look so hot." Phil said, allowing himself to feel too.
He had pushed his thoughts and feelings away so he could make sure Dan was alright, but now that Dan was alright, better than alright, he let himself enjoy everything. The way Dan moaned, the way it felt to be inside of Dan; everything.
He had been with other guys before, past boyfriends; but no one compared to Dan. There were beads of sweat glistening on his forehead, his hair was already beginning to curl and his cheeks were glowing. His breaths were heavy and short; small moans and gasps escaping his mouth in place of coherent words.
Phil continued thrusting into Dan, hitting the same spot over and over again. It didn't take long for Dan to become a blubbering mess. Phil ran his hands up Dan's sides, kissing him gently and keeping a steady pace. Dan's toes curled, his feet pressing harder against Phil's back. He let go of the sheets, holding Phil's arm firmly.
"Phil...I-I'm c-close."
Phil kept one hand on Dan's hips, using the other to rub Dan's dick. He moved his hand up and down slowly, helping Dan reach his orgasm.
"Fuck...Phil...Phil..." Dan moaned, writhing on the bed. His hips thrusted up, he needed more contact, more touch. He closed his eyes, allowing the pleasure coursing through his body to take over.
"That's it baby...come for me." Phil whispered, placing another kiss on Dan's lips.
Phil's words were all it took for Dan to unravel. He half-moaned, half-screamed Phil's name as he came, releasing his load over both their chests and Phil's hand. He melted into the pillows, his body buzzing with bliss.
"Now it's your turn." He said, once his vision had cleared and his voice returned, though his throat was a little sore.
He leaned up to kiss Phil, bucking his hips as Phil thrust.
"You look so hot." He whispered. "I'll bet you look so good when you come."
Dan wasn't too sure what he was saying, he'd never done anything like this before. But it seemed to have the right effect, as Phil's thrusts became sloppier.
"Oh Dan..."
Dan leant up and kissed Phil's chest, leaving a small mark behind as he bit Phil's skin.
"Dan..." Phil moaned loudly. He shuddered as he came, waves of ecstasy crashing over him. He waited his orgasm out, kissing Dan messily and bracing his hands on the bed.
Phil, rather tiredly, pulled out of Dan. He pulled the condom off and tied the end, chucking into the nearby wastebasket, before collapsing onto Dan. They laid there, in comfortable silence, for what could have been minutes or seconds.
"We should probably clean ourselves off." Phil mumbled, too content to actually move.
"Eventually. But I don't want to move." Dan did move a little, putting the bottle and packet in the drawer. He pulled out a box of tissues and handed them to Phil.
"For cleaning up." He said.
They cleaned most of the body fluids off, throwing the discarded tissues into the bin. Dan pulled the covers of his bed back, and he and Phil climbed in, throwing the duvet over them haphazardly. Dan cuddled into Phil's side, wrapping his arm around Phil's waist. Phil ran his fingers through Dan's hair, unfazed by the sweaty locks.
"I love you." He whispered.
"I love you too." Dan replied.
"Thank you." He added after a moment's pause.
"For what?" Phil asked, a little confused in his post-sex haze.
"For making my first time wonderful."
Phil smiled, kissing Dan's temple softly.
"I told you I would make you feel better. No one deserves to be sad Dan, certainly not you."
"You told me once," Dan said softly. "To be brave when I'm feeling sad, even if you're not around."
"Well I'm here now." Phil said. "You don't have to be brave if you don't want to."
"I'll protect you. No one can hurt you when you're in my arms, I won't let them."
Dan smiled. "You're like my knight in shining armour." He mumbled.
"Then you're my handsome prince." Phil replied.
"And I love you."
I realise this is not a new chapter. I've been studying for exams, so I dont know when there will be a new chapter. I promise I'm trying to write them and I will post them as soon as I can. I posted this because I had already written it and I wanted to post something.
I hope you liked this and it was good and I promise that I will write and post the chapters as soon as possible. :)