Disclaimer: I don't own Sea Patrol. The song is 'If You're Gone' by Matchbox 20

The Way To A Girl's Heart…
Song-Fic 3-Part Sequel to The Way To A Man's Heart
Bomber/Spider

"You've got yourself some stiff competition there." Charge muttered jokingly to ET as the pair passed the rec room where Bomber and Spider sat talking, Spider's head in his hands and Bomber's hand on his shoulder.

ET just frowned. "As usual Charge I have absolutely no idea what you are talking about."

Charge just laughed. "The award for most obvious couple on board. You and Nav have some stiff competition."

ET shook his head. "Oh mate, they won that a long time ago, even before they stopped fighting." He chuckled.

I think I've already lost you
I think you're already gone

Back in the rec room things weren't as amusing. Following a boarding gone wrong the new duo had found themselves facing a suicidal foreigner. Despite their best efforts to talk him back, he slit his throat before falling off the boat and into the water. Being a trained seaman couldn't keep Spider from feeling bad, and his first suicide was starting to affect him. Bomber was there to listen, but having experienced one before, a long time ago, she wasn't exactly sure what he wanted her to say and just sat there feeling stupid at her inability to help him get over this faster. She knew he would move on the moment there was another ship to deal with, but just their luck the seas of the Coral had gone deathly quiet and there was nothing to keep the images from replaying themselves in their heads. Buffer had attempted to cheer Spider up, but the Seaman was visibly troubled still and this made Bomber worry. At night, when things were quiet, she still pictured those Russians and the barrel of the gun in her face. The few seconds of regrets she'd had when she had thought she was done for. Those moments held hostage. At the time she'd gone into an automatic state of self-preservation, but now, almost a year later, she started to remember that she had had feelings that day. Feelings of fear and regret. Images that she feared would stay with her forever, alongside those images she'd never forget. But now she worried whether the images of this man would haunt Spider's nightmares. In their sleep they weren't military trained, free from normal fears and strong. In their dreams they were just like everyone else - children in a world they couldn't control. A child of the 90s and late 80s horror films, the idea of Freddy Kruger killing you in your sleep had never been far-fetched to Bomber. For a long time she had felt her weakness in her sleep, be it dreams about death or that constant wish that she pushed back during the waking hours for that extremely human touch. And, without realising why, she suddenly felt uneasy and removed her hand from Spider's shoulder.

He must've felt her move because he looked up in her face to see the worry in her eyes. And all other images in Spider's mind were finally lost. Without any real knowledge in what the other had been thinking, Spider too had been thinking about that short but impactful ordeal with the Russians on Miriad Island. Only once since they'd been marooned there had the Hammersley passed the islands, and Spider had stood on the deck and watched the large island as they'd passed. But that day Bomber had avoided recognising where they were, and even Spider in general. In an attempt to get her attention he had even gone back to his once favoured art of irritating her, but had given up after ten minutes of stony silence. And the next day, when she'd returned to normal, she just changed the subject when he mentioned it. It seemed that she had wiped Miriad Island out of her mind, something that Spider found both comforting and painful. True, they had faced an inevitable death and the hands of some crazed Europeans more than once. Yes, they had gone days without food or water. And how could he forget Bomber's guilt at having been a part of the dislocation of his arm? But at the same time Miriad stood for him a period when he'd opened his eyes to reality. He could deny it on board the Hammersley, but the moment they'd become reliant on one-another to survive the truth about how strongly Spider felt for Bomber was revealed to him like a door had finally opened. An island in the middle of the Pacific, covered in rocks and gum trees, had become a wake-up call to him and despite everything he could only thank it for that. But right now it seemed like they were back to that day they passed the Miriad, Bomber's usually animated face emotionless and her sparkling eyes empty. Spider almost left the rec room to make sure they weren't passing the islands. But he knew they were nowhere near them and so had to ask.

"Bec, what is it?" He asked, removing his hands from his face and let one reach for hers. But she moved away.

"It's nothing. I need to start dinner." Then, pushing herself out of the seat and away from Spider's hand, she left the room quickly. Knowing he was required on the bridge soon, Spider didn't follow her, instead just staring at the door in a cold silence he hadn't felt since he'd first seen Bomber. And it was like she was gone for good.

I think I'm finally scared now
You think I'm weak
I think you're wrong

His chance to see her when she came to the bridge with dinner that night had been dashed when, instead of her usually cheery smile, he'd been met with the plate being handed to him by the continuously moody RO who too had noticed Bomber's lack of cheeriness and gone down to see her. It was evident in his expression, especially when his eyes fell on Spider in judgement, that she had spoken to him and he felt a pang of jealousy. What he had with Bomber, whatever it was, he valued. They weren't like ET and Nikki, they both doubted they could be, but they had something different. He still teased her, she still ribbed him, and they spent almost every waking moment cursing each other down the halls of the Hammersley. But the affection that had been quietly evident long ago was there more so now. He had always confided in her, be it about the French flag incident or his issues with his overbearing mother. She had trusted him with things, be it her relationship with her mother or her worries about the smallest of things. And they had always looked out for each other, whatever the danger they may face by doing so. It was a teamwork and friendship they had built. But they hadn't yet talked about Miriad Island, and that had always confused Spider. His memories of that time were only of Bomber showing a side of her that he knew was there but had rarely seen. He'd been proud of her at that time and didn't understand why she wasn't proud of herself. He wanted to tell her what he remembered of that time, only the good memories, but they weren't like that. They were about having a good time, nothing serious and certainly not love, but as Spider's reliance on her presence and reassuring voice grew he wondered how long this would last. And he wondered whether she really wanted it to go any further. Maybe this stony silence was the beginning of the end of something that had only just started. He truly hoped it wasn't.

Down in the kitchen Bomber's mind was elsewhere. She was still caught up in her dreams and the thought of becoming this weak creature she knew was under the skin in everybody but she rarely allowed to come out. This hadn't come out of nowhere like she guessed Spider was now thinking. Women and their emotions. Rather these ideas had been born when she'd received an e-mail from her sister about their mother. Rebecca's relationship with her mother was strained, to say the least, but recently she'd been in contact with her. Since joining the Hammersley a lot of things she'd previously thought to be difficult had become easier to deal with. But evidently her new 'friendship' with her mother hadn't been strong enough for the woman to confide in her daughter that she was sick. Terribly sick. She had liver damage, something that had been attributed to her years of drinking, and if they didn't find a donor soon it was likely she wouldn't last long. Her sister, Jessica, had e-mailed Bomber the weekend before to ask her to come visit their mother on her next shore leave because it now looked likely they'd found a donor and they were already talking about the inevitable surgery. The reality of this relationship, death and everything else had suddenly started to overwhelm the normally hard Bomber and made her worry. Up until now she'd jumped onto boats, driven headlong into danger and just basically been a hard case because she'd had no one to worry about but herself. But now her mother was ill and yet still determined not to tell her anything, since Jessica was pregnant and had already had a few complications, and there was still the memories of Miriad Island, no longer was Bomber a self-sufficient creature. Her mother, her sister, her future niece or nephew, and Spider all made her stress. If anything happened to any of them she didn't know what she would do. And so, until her next shore leave and the time when she could finally address these problems in her usual way, Bomber sat back and stressed.

I think you're already leaving
Feels like your hand is on the door

For a week he was left in a cold silence, resorting to anything he could to get her attention, but nothing. On the job she was cold and hard, on the boat she was cold and silent, and even during breaks when he'd leave the bridge to find her in the rec room staring at the TV lost in her own thoughts, she was cold and a little bit broken. The light in her eyes, the one he'd seen in her eyes when she smiled or just generally insulted him, had gone out and in its place was a stony façade. He knew, or at least hoped desperately, that the Bomber he knew was under there somewhere. It was two days before their next shore leave, a few days away from the Hammersley, and already many of the crew had planned what they were doing. Spider, who had already promised his mother he'd visit her at least once, had planned to ask Bomber to meet up with him, if only once, during the shore leave. Now he wasn't so sure whether this was the best idea he'd ever had. But never one to think things through carefully, he asked her anyway, having found her in the rec room staring blankly at the bulkhead.

"Bomb, what's up?" Trying to sound cheery and keep the concern from his face, but she could see through his expression and he knew this when she sighed.

"Oh Spider, I'm sorry, I've been really horrible lately haven't I?" She resigned, surprising him but also causing him more concern.
"It's just…" She trailed off.

Spider took a seat across from her. "Bec, you know you can tell me anything right?"

Bomber glanced up at him then; a look of surprise but also reservation on her face and despite often playing the fool Spider knew then that she wasn't going to tell him anything. So he wasn't surprised at all when she just sighed. "Yeah, I know. It's nothing." She plastered a strong face on, a cheery smile, but neither of them actually believed it.

But Spider knew better than to push her too far. "Okay, but if anything…" She nodded and he continued. "Look, I've got nothing planned for shore leave expect visiting my mother (he rolled his eyes to the sky as he said this and looked back at Bomber to find her smiling a little more genuinely) and I was hoping you had nothing planned either so I could have an excuse to get away from her." And as he said this and the smile faded from Bomber's face he knew he'd stuffed up again. She looked away from him before pushing herself to the edge of her seat, clearly about to leave.

"Oh, uh, Spi, I would, but… yeah." She finished lamely. She stood to hasten an exit but Spider stopped her, grabbing her wrist a little more forcefully than he'd originally intended. She took offence at this and her expression changed to anger before she twisted herself out of his grasp. "I'm sorry." But she didn't mean it and with that she left the room.

Standing there staring at the door he knew he'd stuffed up this time, now Bomber hated him, and silently he returned to the bridge.

I thought this place was an empire
Now I'm relaxed I can't be sure

Shore leave arrived quicker than Spider wanted it to, because the day it came he still hadn't managed to get through to Bomber yet. As the Hammersley pulled into dock he finally managed to find her, leaning against a random bulkhead, eyes closed, in a silent meditation. She looked so peaceful, something she hadn't looked in a very long time, and as he watched she gave a small smile and the corner of Spider's lips twitched at it. But then her eyes flickered open at the sound of voices from the deck above them and she saw Spider. Her smile fell quickly and she looked at him silently, almost as if she were trying to remember who he was. And then her brow furrowed and he knew she remembered. And she remembered they weren't talking. So, with a small huff, she turned away. But Spider wasn't going to take that.

"Bomber, stop. We need to talk." He said, taking a step towards her. To her surprise she did stop, if only long enough to let her shoulders slump before gathering herself and continuing to walk away. She made for her galley and Spider predicted this, taking the long way away around quickly so he was already in the room when she huffed in. Her eyes fell on him and she made to turn back, but he stopped her with an arm across her path. He hoped she wouldn't duck under this and to his relief she seemed a little too tired to do so. "We need to talk." Spider managed, slightly out of breath from trying to reach the galley first.
She looked up at him with wide but tired eyes and just the slightest hint of tears before closing her eyes slowly and forcing the anger to return. He knew she didn't hate him but still there was the idea of her forcing it that made him uneasy. Why was she trying so hard to shut him out? What was it about her life that made her want him out of it? She finally spoke, but there were few answers in what she had to say and Spider knew he'd be leaving for shore leave with even more questions by the end of this conversation. "I don't want to talk Spider, I don't need to talk."

Spider shook his head. "This isn't like you Bomb. You haven't even tried to shove me out of your way yet." He tried humour, and it went down like a lead balloon.

"I'm so glad I give that impression." Bomber managed, not meeting his eyes this time.

Spider sighed. "Bec, you're strong and there's nothing wrong with that. Of course you scare me to hell, but in a good way. But right now you're not yourself and while we're getting it all out there, I don't like seeing you hurt."

He watched as a single tear slipped down Bomber's cheek, but rather than comfort her Spider just watched, now terribly unsure what to do. Maybe this was why he was so glad his sister was such a tomboy and didn't have these emotional moments. Wiping away the tear quickly Bomber looked up at him. "Thank you Billy." She touched his hand, if only for a moment before turning away. Spider let her go. At the door she stopped. "I have to go home, if only for a short while, that's why I can't see you this week." She bit her lip. "But I'd much rather stay here, with you."

Spider's mouth opened, preparing to say something, but there was nothing to say. So, instead he just nodded. Bomber took that well and gave him a small smile before walking away.

And I think you're so mean
I think we should try
I think I can need this in my life

Grabbing his own stuff he headed out onto the deck and as he did he saw Bomber get into a taxi waiting at the end of the dock. He watched her glance back at the Hammersley and raised one arm in a lazy goodbye. But whether she didn't see him or just didn't wish to reply, Bomber didn't wave back. And Spider watched the taxi drive away before turning his attention to his mother who now stood on the docks assuming his wave had been for her. He gave her a genuine smile. He'd be back on the Hammersley in a few days and he'd speak to Bomber then. Until then there was nothing for him to worry about except the unenviable barrage of kisses he'd be receiving from his mother.