A/N: So here is my entry for July's NJC Challenge! Thanks to Niah for alerting me to the challenge. So here are my thoughts about the song and how it relates to my piece.
The first time I listened to the song I was immediately struck with the image of Brennan driving in her car. This song is so Brennan-like, for me it just embodies her character and the problems that she has had to deal with and how she deals with them. The song is Rain, by Jon Heintz by the way and the story works much better if you listen to the song while reading. It can be downloaded on Myspace for free!
The wind whipped her hair as she drove down the long stretch of asphalt, the rising sun illuminating her striking features. There were very few cars on the road this early in the morning, allowing her to relax as she drove.
She didn't know what she was doing. What possessed a seemingly normal person to pack up in the middle of the night and drive? She only had a vague sense of where she was going, the only evidence an old address and a family ring.
For the first time in her life, Temperance Brennan was unsure of the road she was taking. She didn't have a plan, barely glanced at the map, just drove. The events of the last few months had finally weighted her, each piling one top of each other until she felt as if she would collapse.
She didn't know when it began; the slow, steady ache that had been rising in her chest. Was it before or after finding her mother's remains? When she was buried alive? Her father coming back?
All she knew is that she needed to leave. Although there were times in her life when she wanted to leave everything behind, she never felt it as strongly as she did in the last few days. It had culminated last night when she had tossed and turned in bed after downing two glasses of wine in her apartment alone.
She finally got up at three in the morning, packed some clothes and began to drive.
There were too many things to think about, too many emotions that she had pushed down for so long. They threatened to overwhelm her, she felt that if she started, they would come pouring out of her and drown her.
It was the video of her mother that threatened to shake her sturdy foundation, crack the façade that she had worked so hard to create. It was then as she watched her mother explain why she had left, that the pain of loneliness besieged her.
Her mind drifted to her father and she gripped the steering wheel harder. He had come back into her life and turned it upside down, not allowing her time to process the situation. She was torn, one part of her angry at him for what he did, the other wanting to hear what he had to say.
One part of her the tough forensic anthropologist who didn't need what he was offering, the other part a scared little girl who just wanted to be hugged.
She didn't know what to do, how to come to grips with what he was asking of her, offering her. Booth had encouraged her to forgive him but did he really know what was right?
Her lips curved into a smile as she thought about her partner. His concern for her was etched on his features as if it never truly went away. He was the one with the gut feelings who could read people.
But he was part of the problem. Every thing that had happened to her in the last few months had connections with Booth. When he had dug her out of the ground, helped her deal with the situation with her father, even when Sully left, he was right there beside her.
He scared her, she admitted that readily. The feelings that were bubbling under the surface threatened to reveal themselves and she feared that it would ruin the partnership they had worked so hard to build up.
He was always there for her and that terrified her. She had grown so dependent, too dependent probably on him and she knew that one day he wouldn't be there. The thought hurt her, ripped her apart. She knew if Booth was there he would make some sort of comment about carts before horses or something but she knew from experience. Even if they promised, people sometimes left anyway.
When he had been kidnapped the fear for his life consumed her, she could think of nothing else until he was there in front of her at the diner. Even then she had to suppress the urge to run her fingers over his face to make sure he was real.
She felt selfish because all she could think about was what would happen to her if he was no longer there.
When had he become so integral to her life? And when had her life become something she felt she couldn't control?
Her lips tasted her salty tears as she blinked and tried to focus on the road ahead of her.
She needed to get away. Find her aunts and discover who she was outside of her current life.
For once, she didn't care how long she was gone, was unsure of the direction her life was taking. For someone who had so meticulously planned out her life for years, it was a revelation.
She had Booth to thank for that.
And she knew he would be there waiting when she got back.