Title: I Can't Save You This Time -oneshot
Characters/Pairing: DG/Cain friendship/love
Rating: Strong T maybe M, I'm putting as T but if you read and think M let me know
Summary: He noticed the light in her eyes had faded
Warning,post series, suicide attempt/self mutilization .Loosely based on my attempt this past January.
Disclaimer: while i will own a copy of tin man in 1 week i will never own the rights sigh'. Man disclaimers are depressing. .
He watched her. Protected her from enemies. Was her close friend besides Azkadellia. He started noticing the change in her. She was always angsty and snarky but there was always humor behind it , now just plain seriousness. He noticed the dark circles under her eyes and the puffiness. He would hear her cry herself to sleep but even in sleep she didn't find rest. Haunted by nightmares ,no night terrors.
He would listen to this then finally he said to himself screw properity she's suffering. He would wake her up and it would take a good ten minutes for her to realize she was awake. She would never tell what she had dreamed no matter how much he asked. '' Hold me'' was all she would say until exhaustion overcame her. He noticed she slept better in his arms. He would caress and rock her.
He mentioned his concerns to the Queen and Ahamo but it seemed to fall on deaf ears. They had their hands full with Az's mental recovery , another daughter with mental problems was too much for them to bare so denial worked. For them anyway. Cain watched as DG continued to decline. He noticed the light in her eyes had faded. Then one day she burst out of a meeting with a suitor. Cain followed her into the garden. She was hyperventilating. " Cain , I can't breathe." She was having a panic attack.
He tried to calm her after he told a servant to get help. " Princess, if you couldn't breathe you wouldn't be talking and walking. Your panicking. Inhale slowly , then exhale slowly. I'm here .I'm not going anywhere." She did so and cried in his arms.
The doctors said it was the heat but Cain knew better. Then her moods changed dramatically. She would be cheerful one minute , then a tryant the next. Even Glitch was afraid to be around her when she had her mood swings. Raw tried to help but he told Cain she refused it. '' Until she want it , help I can't. Suffering so much."
She began to rarely leave her room. Finding solace in her drawings. Then she started pulling away from Cain. This was too much for him to bear. " Princess, you need help and if they won't help you damn it I will!"
She scoffed. " Until you leave me."
"What?"
" You heard me! Eventually you'll figure out things."
"Like what? Enlighten me . "
" That I want you. " DG looked down to the floor ashamed. " That I'm the reason for all your troubles. Had I just listened to Az and not gone in there."
" You thought someone was hurt. I would think less of you if hadn't gone to help someone in need."
" Whatever. You lost your wife because of it. Shit ! I swoon over a guy who's wife I killed! Do you know how twisted that is !"
Cain sighed and sat down in the nearest chair. He had a feeling the princess wanted to be more than friends and now that had been confirmed. " It's not as twisted as an old tin man falling in love with a young ,troubled princess. I love you but your not well. Let me help you ,DG. "
" I'm beyond help. " She sat down on the floor and hugged his knees. " How can you love a broken thing?" Tears flowed down her face.
He petted her hair and slightly chuckled. "I could ask you the same thing. You have to want to get better ,Deege. " She crawled up and kissed him on the lips. She started unzipping his pants. "No ,DG! Not like this. "
"Why not ? We love each other."
" If we do this now it'll destroy our love. Does what we feel mean so little to you that you would use it like a drug ? You need to get better first then we take our friendship to the next level. Only when your well enough."
" Get out! " She yelled.
He looked into her eyes. The DG he knew was totally gone , this disease had taken over. She had given herself to it. He got up. He was fueled with anger, love, and sadness. He cupped her face in his hands, now he was getting highly emotional. Tears were now in his eyes. " I love you but you don't want to fight this! It's easier for you to let it consume you. Don't you see your killing us both." He stormed out of her room.
She collapsed on the floor and cried hysterically. Overcome with her depression and self loathing she dragged herself to her bathroom. She grabbed a razor and started cutting her wrist. The rush from it felt good she hated to admit. She felt human. She watched the blood flow out. Humans bleed, I'm human. I feel .I hurt .I bleed. Then the realization of what she had just done kicked in. " What have I done ? Maybe I should finish it. Everyone would be better off if I was dead. " She started cutting herself again but deeper. Gods it hurt but the rush ,oh the rush. " Cain would be better off if I was dead. "
DG felt a hand touch her shoulder. " No I wouldn't. I'd use that razor on myself if you kill yourself with it. Give me the razor. " Cain was choking back his tears. " I't would mean I failed."
" Yeah your charge would be dead."
" No. It would mean I failed the woman I love - again. I can't lose you too."
" You'd seriously do that wouldn't you ? Cain , I ...What am I doing ? I don't know me anymore. " She dropped the razor. He sat her down as he tended to her wounds.
" The cuts not to deep. Your not gonna bleed to death. Thank the Gods." Cain sighed in relief.
" I need help. I want help. I don't wanna die or have you die. I WANT to get better. I'm gonna tell my parents about this and seek help." she gave a weak smile. "I had to hit rock bottom or close enough to it."
She did seek help. She entered a hospital and months later she was home. Cain was there. They went to the gazebo to talk. " I know I kinda pushed you away while I was in the hospital. I'm glad you never gave up. I kept every letter that you gave to Az to give to me. I had to do this for myself . Then for us , if there's still a chance for us. Above all your my friend , my dear close friend. Thank you for supporting me even at my worst."
He grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it. " There's still a chance for us, my sweet princess. "
" I'm on meds now. Happy pills I call them. I was diagnosed with manic depression and post traumatic stress disorder. I really did keep all your letters .I know you enough to know sitting down and writing your feelings is not easy. I don't have a easy rode ahead of me. I'll still have bad days but I know now I'll never have to face them alone." She smiled at him and kissed his rough hands.
He looked at the scars that were on her wrist. " You were never alone ,you just had to realize that. " He noticed the light was back in her eyes. " I'm glad your back and I don't mean from the hospital. Welcome back ,DG. I've missed my light." His head cradled into her belly as she kissed the top of his head.