Ch.1

Dinner with the Enemy

This is my 1st fic for Redwall, and it's one of my 1st times experimenting w/ dialects, so please go easy on me. R&R!

A new visitor had come to Mossflower Wood. Isaac Ashford, an adult male hedgehog, walked about the great forest, surveying the unfamiliar surroundings.

He wore a faded white, long sleeve tunic and a green and black plaid tartan tam cap with a matching kilt. Isaac, being rather pudgy, wore a black leather belt with a large oval buckle in an attempt to keep in all of his girth. Tucked in his belt was his trusty blade, a dirk, but it wasn't his preferred method of attack. In Isaac's eyes, the use of trickery was a far better weapon than any knife or sword.

Isaac was the self proclaimed "King of the Highland Tricksters". He loved to pull pranks on unsuspecting creatures, especially vermin. Ever since the hedgehog was little, he loved to laugh and he seemed to find hilarity in almost any situation. But for the moment, his hunger far outweighed his sense of humor. He rubbed his growling stomach ruefully.

"Och, ah've got ta git sum vittles in me ol' belly afore ah die o' hunger!" he muttered. Moments after he spoke, however, a wonderful scent graced his nostrils.

He grinned as he sniffed deeply at the lovely aroma. "Me hooter never lies, an' ah noo tha' ah smell roasted bird!"

He followed his nose all the way to the base of a large oak tree, where two rats had a bird roasting on a makeshift spit.

"It was certainty nice o ye ta make me supper! Bless ye souls!" the hedgehog exclaimed cheerfully.

The two rats, noticing their meal was in danger of being stolen, immediately became aggressive toward the newcomer.

"Hey! What're ya talkin' about?" one of the rats demanded, pointing his rusted scimitar at Isaac, obviously trying to appear intimidating.

Yeh, this's our vittles!" the other added.

"Wot am ah tolkin' aboot?" the hedgehog repeated. "Ah'm tolkin' aboot yon bird yer roastin', smells lovely!" Isaac leaned in close to the rats, so that their muzzles almost touched and the vermin recoiled in confusion, and sniffed carefully a few times.

"Smellin' nice, you two should try thae some time, phew! When's th' last toime you two touched bathwater?"

"Well, dat bird's ours, so git lost before we make ya!" growled the second rat unsheathing his dagger.

"You two are actually goin' ta share thae wee thing?" asked Isaac inquired, appearing quite unmoved by this show of danger. "Thae thing's only big enough for one of ye."

"Well, we only caught one, so we're just gonna have ta share it." the first rat muttered.

"Share it?" the second rat repeated in amazement Ya mean you were gonna swipe it from under my nose when I wasn't lookin'!"

At this, both rats snarling furiously, threatening, insulting, and attempting explinations all at once. Isaac couldn't make out a thing they were trying to say.

"Och, stop yer blooberin', both o' ye!" he ordered. "Ah noo 'ow we can decide who gets the bird."

"Alright, we're listenin'" one of the rats snapped.

"Right, first, stan' back tae back 'twixt the spit where the bird is. Then take five score paces. After ye finish yer paces, ye race back tae the bird. The first one back tae claim the bird gets tae eat it, understood?"

"Er, 'ow much is five score?" asked one of the rats.

"You'll know once ye get there" Isaac grinned. "Now both of ye start countin'"

Both of the rats began their paces.

"That cheater's probably gonna start runnin' afore he's done with 'is paces" thought one of the rats.

"That sneak's probably planin' to skip all of 'is paces" thought the other.

Before the two rats were even halfway done with their paces, they made a mad dash to the spit. They were both running so fast that they couldn't stop themselves before they collided, knocking themselves senseless.

If they were conscious, they would have seen that both hedgehog and supper had disappeared. Isaac came out from behind a nearby tree, laughing uproariously through a mouthful of roasted bird.

"Hahahahahahahaha! Vermin, they're sae dim, they crack me up! Hahahaha!" He walked away, still chuckiling as he finished his dinner.

The hedgehog rubbed his tubby gut, licked his lips, and belched aloud. "Ahhh, thae was a guid bird, but alas, ah'm still hungry!" With that, Isaac was off again in search for another meal.

Yay! Ch.1 is done. That rhymes, awesome. Ch.2 will be up soon. Nope, 2 and soon don't really rhyme. Don't worry, the story will get better and more action packed. Please R&R!