Author's note: This story is mine, and therefor is copyrighted. I appreciate reviews, suggestions, criticism, etc. very much. I'm really hoping to steer a different direction from our beloved, Twilight, so please let me know of any comments. This story/eventually novel will be much longer and take much longer than my Jacob Black fanfiction. Hope you enjoy! :)
Preface
Have you ever been faced with a choice of life and death? But even worse than choosing for yourself is choosing for someone else. As much as I hated to admit this even to myself, life could mean death and death could mean, well, life. There are many reasons in general to choose life over death or death over life, but which would the one chosen for prefer? I can choose for my own well-being or for his well-being…but which is either?
I have been chased to a point of near insanity. I was wearing on my own last nerves. And now I must choose for the both of us. I can either give him the sweet kiss of life or leave him to an eternity in the Afterlife. Still, the longer I egged this on, the longer he lay here waiting, dying in my cold, deathly pale arms. The longer he'd be gasping for breath as I craved for a drink. The longer my self-control would be deteriorating. My veins were already starting to shake with despair and peer up through my skin, tunnels of racing blood which made thoughts run through my head of one, just one sweet taste…Snap out of it!
It is not a secret that your parents always say something along the lines of "not getting mixed up in the wrong crowd". No one ever bothered to listen, we all know that. No one ever takes what they say and fully comprehend it until they get mixed up in the wrong crowd and do exactly what they are given an admonition not to do. And well, I suppose you could place this scenario into that category. I have yet to understand why I must be faced with such a painful ultimatum or as to why it is so painful to begin with. It's not like I really deserved this. Or did I? I suppose you could consider me a demon and a soulless individual, but I never really thought of myself as such. I dared not to. Still, I didn't know why he craved my presence so much as to risk own dear life. He should have known what he was getting himself into, yet I can't place the entire blame on him. The saying "love is like a drunken sky" is now so true to my un-beating heart. He mustn't not understand how fragile the human body and soul have been and still are. So many vital organs could dysfunction all at once. His heart could stop beating at any instant and he could be pronounced "dead". Yet, no one really knows what dead means. I growled at the very thought of such.
Still I could not say the same for myself. I once know what it was like to take my own life by choice. I am the only one responsible for forcing my life to be lived in the underworld. I am the only one responsible for damning my own soul. All at once these thoughts rushed to me and I realized one thing: I still wasn't ready to put John in the same dangers and dilemmas of my dark world.
The only things we can do are move on and try to help ourselves and the ones we care about. Who was I kidding? My kind is so heartless. We only help ourselves. And that's when I suddenly realized how lonely my life had deemed itself to be before he came into my life. I needed him to survive, just as much as I needed human blood to satisfy my thirst. As for now, I only regret what can't be taken back: for the both of us.