"Forever And Ever Baby."
WARNINGS: Fairy tail belongs to Hiro Mashima! I own nothing. ENJOY!
Another one-shot for my favorite paring this one is sad so prepare to get tissues!
Pain…
Pain was all I felt.
Suffocation…
Suffocating till the point I felt like I was dying even though I was still breathing perfectly fine.
Oh, the irony…
Is it possible to feel too much? To drown in the pit of one's emotions?
Could I be able to die this way?
"I'm sorry Natsu but I just can't anymore."
What was it that you couldn't do anymore… was it my laundry? Or stay up until midnight cuddling on the couch while we watched re-runs of friends?
Was it that you were getting tired of wasting your love on me?
No, it was none of that and I know it…
"I'll be back tomorrow to bring the papers."
At least there was a promise of being able to see you the very next day but would I even be alive or would the darkness of the night swallow me whole before morning?
I can't help but feel like you're the only person who could provide me with the answers that I needed… who am I going to ask now?
I feel lost… I'm just so, so lost without you but I also know that you are even more lost than I could ever be…
"So you're not going to say anything?"
No… please don't cry.
Even though my head is resting the other way and I can still hear and see your tears.
All it takes is a glance from the corner of my eyes to see them fall from your eyes.
I'm so sick of seeing those eyes red and filled up to the brim with unshed tears.
Why do I do this to the ones I claim to love?
I wish I knew a way to stop this…
"I mean four years of marriage and I break it off and silence is all I receive? No fights or attempts at stopping me?"
I want to cry and scream- tell you stay here with me but that would just be so selfish of me and after so many years of self training… of holding in my emotions in I couldn't even force a tear…
Oh, who was I kidding?
It was probably caused by so many nights spent crying that I'm afraid I don't have any more left to shed.
I'm just so used to people walking out of life yet you… you could never even stay mad at me for a minute.
You could never leave could you? You would always prove me wrong.
I need you to leave because I'm just a lost cause.
I wish we could go back to being normal because I can hear the desperation in your voice as you speak…
It could be any day now…
"Don't you love me?"
I do…
"Aren't you gonna miss me?"
I will… Shit, I already am Luce…
I see you wiping your tears- furiously, yet you just end up choking on a sob and crying even harder.
It's all futile now is it?
Because we both know that what you truly seek I could never be able to provide it.
"Just please say something… anything at all… just one word and I'll stay…"
I won't do this to you anymore… you need to be free.
I'm so tired of being selfish with you… you deserve so much more than this and you know it.
I love you Lucy… I love you so fucking much and it's because I have such an endless amount of love for you that I need to let you go…
I could feel your warm hands grasp onto mines, gripping tightly causing me to wince and you to flinch immediately as a reflex letting go of my hands in the process.
You leave me missing the warmth that your body used to provide me with…
It makes me repulsed to see myself being this vulnerable when I know that you aren't that strong.
When I know that your gentle touch couldn't even hurt a fly…
Yet it hurts me…
It makes me sick to see myself causing you and everyone else this much pain.
"I hate you… how could you do this? What happened to our promise of forever and ever baby?"
Forever and ever is just an illusion.
Was never meant to happen for us and you know it… we both knew it since that time at the doctor's office one year ago…
The room was cold and smelled of antiseptics and sanitizer. I looked towards you as we waited for the doctor to come back with the results.
I was nervous and could feel my stomach revolting with the onslaught of nerves I felt.
But your smile…
That smile you gave me at the moment as you held onto my hand and gave it light squeeze made me feel safe all over again.
How did I manage to live my life without you before, man, I don't even know.
"It's gonna be okay Natsu, let's just try to stay calm until the doctor comes."
I nodded my head slowly while sighing.
That was when the door opened revealing the man of the hour.
Dr. Fernandes
The man with the blue hair looked at both of us with a blank expression, giving us a quick glance from the corner of his eyes as he made his way to his desk. Once he was sitting down he put the folder down on top of his desk that had my name with clear, black bold letters in the middle. He cleared his throat as he opened it up and flipped through various papers till he stopped at one close to the end.
That single paper was holding the results.
That single paper held my fate.
He looked up and grimaced as he sat up straight with his forearms place on the desk with his hands clasped together.
"I'm afraid the test came back positive Mr. and Mrs. Dragneel."
I could hear Lucy let out sob as I tightened the grip my hand had on hers.
"You have Leukemia but I'm afraid that it is at the stage—"
"How long?"I asked him, not wanting to hear the details.
"Mr. Dragneel the question here isn't—"
"Just answer me, tell me how much longer I have left to live!?"
I glared at him trying to remain composed in my spot as Lucy cried. He looked at Lucy and then at me before letting out a breath.
"With treatment… One year to be exact."
"Oh my god!" Lucy screamed as she sobbed louder now, I felt her shifting in her seat then her arms circling around my neck as she pulled me close to her body. "Oh my god this can't be happening…Please, no…"
I felt her clutching on to me as I tried my hardest to hold the tears at bay.
I needed to be strong for the both of us.
I thought I never had seen Lucy cry so many tears but as the time passed and my condition became worse I realized that she could never have too many of them.
"Natsu… baby… please, say something. I miss hearing your voice."
This is better for the both of us.
You know you deserve more; you deserve a man who will love you and spend his life with you, not this though… Not a man with an expiration date on him.
Don't they always say that if you love something you should let it go? If you know that that's what's best for them?
I finally turn my head, albeit slowly but still I turn it to the other side to finally look at her, to really look at her.
She was sitting down on the chair, hair disheveled, bags under her eyes which were also puffy from crying earlier. She was wearing a shirt of mines; the same shirt that I had last wore before being internalized at the hospital. She completed her get up with her leggings and black flats.
I found myself missing the smile she used to always wear on her face.
I couldn't keep doing this to her.
"Why don't you just leave already…Luce." I say, although it came out in a hoarse, dry whisper.
"Please don't say that to me."
I licked my lips but the action was futile since my mouth was just as dry as or even drier than my chapped lips.
"I thought you said you couldn't take it anymore."
"You know I never mean it… you know that I could never leave you."
I know that but how I wished they were true just so you could stop tormenting yourself everyday in this room, sitting by my side watching as I slowly die.
"This need's to stop… you need to let go of me and you know that… we talked about this remember? You promised."
You grunt as you grip tightly onto the bed rail, you grip on so tightly that I can see your knuckles turning white and red from the pressure.
Memories of that night flashing through my mind…
I held onto you tightly, letting the warmth of my body soothe you as you cried.
I know this must be hard for you having to deal with all of this.
I was basically knocking at death's door and although I'm not afraid of dying I am afraid of just leaving you here by yourself.
I kissed the top of your head, the silkiness of your hair tickling my nose yet that didn't stop me from inhaling the sweet, sweet aroma that your hair held.
"Promise me something Lucy."
You sniffed but nonetheless answered me back.
"What…"
"Promise me that once I'm gone you will remake your life and be happy."
You shook your head at me as you cried more.
"I need you to promise me that you won't suffer the rest of your life for me… I don't want to leave this earth knowing that you won't be happy."
"How could I ever promise something like that?!" You shouted as you sat upright, glaring intensely at me. "Are you asking me to just forget about you? Because I can't do that, Natsu! I know that I will never be able to!"
I grabbed your wrists and pulled you on top of me as I kissed you waiting until you were breathless to break away and stare into your beautiful honey-brown eyes.
"You don't need to forget me… I just want you to promise me that you will be strong enough to let me go and be happy."
You opened your mouth to say something but the words were soon left forgotten as I gently pressed my index finger against your mouth.
"Please… please, do this for me, Luce."
"Fine…"
"Don't push me away…" you whispered, voice so low that I almost couldn't hear you. "I can't leave you and you know that… I love you… I love you so much! I want, no… need to spend every waking second and moment with you."
Why do you love me so much?
Just why?
"I can't hug you anymore…"
"I know."
"I can't hold you anymore…"
"I know." You croaked out.
"I can't kiss you anymore like I use to…"
"Natsu…"
"What's the point of staying if I can't even do those simple things with you anymore?"
"We said forever and ever…"
"I only have a month left, Lucy… One fucking month. Our forever and ever is nothing but a month!" I tried to shout out but my voice couldn't even reach a higher pitch even if I wanted it to.
"A month is better than a week, better than a day, better than an hour or a minute."
"But not better than forever and ever…"
"No matter how much you push me away I will stay here… I will stay with you until the end."
And you did.
You stayed there… you were there until my last breath left my mouth and body.
Your tear streaked face was the last thing I saw as the world faded away.
But at least… at least I left with the warmth of your hands on mines.
Although I could hear you screaming as the lights turned off.
"Pease don't leave me! Please don't!"
I wish I didn't have to…
But my time is up…
I'm sorry…
I'm sorry I can't be there to help your mend the empty hole I must have left in your heart.
I'm sorry that I wasn't strong enough and couldn't push you away like I should have.
Forgive me Lucy… Forgive me for leaving this earth earlier than expected.
And I'm sorry I had to break our promise.
I love you… I will always love you Lucy…
Forever and ever baby….
Forever and ever…
Seriously I don't think anyone knows how hard it was to write this and although it didn't have a happy ending I hope everyone still loves it just as much. I know it's probably a tear jerker because even I was getting emotional as I wrote this. and by the way yesterdays episode was amazing! and we got a new opening song, gah i was happy!
I promise I won't write tragedies that much because I'm not one for sad endings but this is life at best.
Things happen.
Let me know what you think! and happy NALU week3
And as always…
ENJOY!