AHH! This is my third time writing this chapter! The first time WORD shut down before I could save, and the second time my computer saved it as a file that it can't open. WTF?!

SO anyway, Taa daa! Another story! I had to write this, TLKAY is just too serious. I need some insanity to balance it out! Anyway, R&R.

Names and places are written IN ALL CAPS because I want them to be.

Kingdom Hearts is (c) Squenix and Disney. Final Fantasy is (c) Squenix. Oh Squenix, you whore!

WRITTEN HORRIBLY ON PURPOSE! So don't be like "OMG you misspelled and your grammar sucks to my ass-mar!" because I will shoot you.

It was a lovely day on the DESTINY ISLANDS. SORA was walking along the beach when suddenly he saw RIKU running up to him, waving his arms around.

"SORA! I have wunderful news!" he shouted

"What is it, RIKU?" SORA asked.

RIKU got down on one knee and took SORA's hands in his own. A blush spread over his cheeks. "SORA," he said, his voice wavering a bit "I am love you."

SORA tilted his head like a puppy. Or like a rabid anime fan. Or a puppy. "But RIKU!" SORA exclaimed. "That would make you a Homer-sexual!"

RIKU nodded. "Yes, that's right. I am homosexual. Is there a problem?"

"Um..yeah. Because...Umm.. You are...and I am..not.

RIKU burst into tears and fell face-down in the sand. "Oh SORA!" he wailed "All I even wanted was for you to love me!"

SORA suddenly felt very bad about himself and his sexuality. He knelt down next to RIKU. "Don't worry RIKU! Just because I don't love you the way you love me doesn't mean we can't be friends! We can get through this together!"

"Oho ho ho ho!" RIKU cackled. "You have fallen into my trap of love!" RIKU exclaimed, then tackled SORA, knocked him out, and carried him to his home.

(ELSEWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!OMG!)

SELPHIE was the queen of the island. KAIRI was her queen.

One day KAIRI sighed.

The next day KAIRI went to SELPHIE to talk.

The day after that KAIRI started to cry. She knew, deep within her heart, that she could do so much better than SELPHIE. "Being a lesbian on the DESTINY ISLANDS is so terrible!" she cried.

SELPHIE rushed to her side and threw her arms around her. "Oh KAIRI! What is the source of these negative feelings you harbor in your beautiful skull?"

KAIRI told SELPHIE of her thoughts. SELPHIE was crushed! "But KAIRI! I love you!"

"Oh SELPHIE! I love you too, but I cannot stay here anymore!" and with that she ran away.

SELPHIE pulled a walkie-talkie out of her pocket. "Ready the nets and tranquilizer darts!" she said.

(SCENE CHANGE! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!)

KAIRI ran along the beach sobbing. Suddenly, she slammed right into TIDUS and fell back onto the ground, where she lay still.

"Yo, KAIRI, are you, like, alive and stuff?" TIDUS asked, kicking her leg.

"Yessir!" KAIRI said, and sat up. She looked up at TIDUS. Odd. She had never before noticed his physical features. His sunshine hair, his gentle jaw line, his skin with it's perfect golden tan..

"Ya know, TIDUS, if you were straight and I were straight, we could totally date." KAIRI said.

And then they both laughed at the ridiculous idea.

"KAIRI, that is, like, such a ridiculous idea!" TIDUS giggled.

Then WAKKA ran up. "TIDUS!" he cried. "You only used to giggle like that for me, ya! Does this mean we are broken up, ya?!"

TIDUS felt like he'd been bitch-slapped! "WAKKERS! How can you think such a thing?! I love you with all my heart! I don't care what anyone says or thinks about us! I want to spend the rest of my life with you!" and they embraced.

WAKKA had never been happier in all of his thirteen years of life.

(AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH)

SORA woke up with a headache. "OH NO!" he yelled! "RIKU gave me that date rape drug!"

"No I haven't!" RIKU exclaimed. "I was saving that for Plan B!"

SORA looked around, dazed. He was in a cage. RIKU had built the cage. (All by himself OMG!!) In the cage with SORA, there was a heart shaped bed, a TV, a VCR, and a crate full of porn tapes.

RIKU laughed evilly and rubbed his hands together. God, he's diabolical! "Goodly!" RIKU said. "My plan is coming together!"

"What is your plan?" SORA asked.

"Well, it's quite simple! I kidnap you and bring you here to this room where I keep you in this cage. You will watch porn all day!" RIKU informed him.

SORA was confused. "What kind of plan is that?"

RIKU grinned. "Well, sooner or later you'll get desperate and turn to me!" and then he laughed like a mad scientist.

SORA turned to the sky. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

end of chapter one! what do you think? R&R! And stay tuned for the next chapter!