Title: Equals at Home

Summary: Grissom comforts an extremely upset Sara after the six showgirls were murdered.

Spoilers: "Empty Eyes"; "Leapin' Lizards" "Living Doll"; and all episodes where Sara becomes emotionally involved in cases and victims, and Grissom tells her she can't do that.

Disclaimer: Don't get anything from this. Just reviews and things...

A/N: Obviously a post Empty Eyes fic... really quite late seeing as I'm only putting it up now... Also, an appearance by Bruno! Yay! Everyone loves that big ol' boxer... he's just so damn cute! Oh yeah... this hasn't been edited. Alex is out in the middle of somewhere, not quite sure where she is, actually, and I really love this fic and wanted it up asap. And I decided to go ahead and post it. So if you find any errors, well, they're all mine and I'm sorry!

A/N 2: I sent this to a friend of mine - Sweetie (who is a member here, just under a different name) - to see what she though of it, and it made her cry. So just a fair warning to all you amazing people who love to review things. This might make you cry. Other than that, enjoy. And don't forget to tell me what you think!

Equals at Home

"I held his hand," Sara said quietly, causing Grissom to jump slightly. "Just like I held hers… I lost perspective."

Grissom could see that she was shaken by this case, and that she really needed to go home and be held. The tears in her eyes finally crashed down her cheeks, leaving water streaks on her face. Instinctively, Grissom reached up a hand and wiped them away, causing her to give him a startled look.

He realized what he'd just done, and quickly removed his hand from her face. Glancing discreetly around, he saw no one from his team outside, just Natalie, the new janitor mopping the floors outside, totally absorbed in her work.

He turned back to Sara, who was still staring at the screen. He picked up the remote and turned it off, stopping the flow of hatred he could see in her eyes.

Giving her a small nod, he wrapped his arm around her waist and led her out into the hall. She gave him another look, one that said, "What are you doing? We're at work…" but Grissom didn't care. He was getting tired of hiding their relationship, and wasn't worried about anyone seeing them.

Leading her down the hall and past Natalie out to the parking lot, he kept his arm tightly around her, giving the silent support he knew she needed right now.

Sara numbly got into his car, and stayed silent throughout the entire ride home, worrying Grissom.

OoOoOoO

Pulling up to the townhouse, Sara unclipped her seatbelt and looked at Grissom for a moment before bolting from the car and running to the door.

He stared after her for a moment, watching her struggle to open the door with shaking hands. When she finally got the key in the lock and the door open, she slipped inside and let it slam shut behind her.

He got his senses back, and hurried in after her, pausing only to lock the Denali. As he stepped into their home, he saw Sara leaning against the breakfast bar, looking like she was about to be sick.

Coming up behind her, Grissom put a hand on her shoulder and said gently, "Sara, you need to –"

She spun under his hand, and threw him a murderous glare. "Don't you dare say that I can't become emotionally involved Grissom! If that's what you're going to say, save your breath. I don't want to hear it."

She pushed his hand off her shoulder and stalked to the bathroom, letting the door close with a loud bang that echoed throughout the empty rooms. The bang woke up Bruno, and he came padding into the kitchen from the living room, looking up at Grissom and wondering what he had done to make Sara so mad.

Grissom looked down at the boxer. "I didn't do anything," he told the dog, leaning down to scratch behind his ears. "Really."

Bruno just looked at him, then to his bowl by the door, and started whimpering softly. Grissom understood, and straightened to get him his food from the pantry.

Only when he heard running water did he look up from Bruno's bowl. He finished filling the silver food tray and then gave him a quick pat on the head before walking slowly to the bathroom, leaving him to eat in peace. He didn't like to be watched while he was having his meals anyway.

Moving slowly to the bathroom, he knocked on the door and called, "Sara? Can I come in?" When she didn't answer, he twisted the doorknob and let himself into the main bathroom that held their biggest shower.

Through the steam in the room, he could make out Sara's slumped form in the shower, leaning against the tiled wall. Grissom quickly shed his own clothes and pulled back the light blue curtain, letting a blast of cold air hit her body.

She swore at the sudden change in temperature, and whipped around to stare at him with cold eyes. "Sorry honey," he said, stepping into the tub and closing the curtain behind him, effectively bringing the warmth back into the small space.

She stared at him a moment longer, her cold eyes red and puffy. She blinked, and then let her head fall back against the wall.

Grissom took a step forward, and laid a hand on her arm. She tensed, but didn't move away from him. "Sara, you need –"

He didn't even get as far as he had the first time when she backed away to the far end of the shower. "Grissom! I don't want to hear about how I can't get emotionally involved! I do get involved, cases do bother me, I do feel for victims, and nothing you can do or say will change that!"

She made to get out of the shower, but his grip held tight, pulling her warm and slightly shaking body gently into his arms and against him. He began to slowly stroke her wet hair, kissing her forehead repeatedly. "I'm not going to lecture you honey," he whispered. "Only your boss has the right to lecture you on getting emotionally involved."

"But you are –"

"Sara," he said. "Are you at work?"

"No," she answered slowly, sinking her body into his embrace and molding herself to him, letting her arms wrap around his waist.

"Then your boss is not with you."

"What?"

"Honey, when we're at work, I am your boss, and you are my employee. I tell you what to do, and you listen. Like any working relationship."

Sara stared at him silently.

"When we're at home, as we are now, I'm your lover, your boyfriend, whatever you want to call me, but I am most definitely not your boss. When we're here, in our space, we're equals, and I don't tell you what to do, and you don't tell me what to do."

"Okay…"

"So, as your… boyfriend, I was trying to tell you that you need to let your emotions out and not keep them locked inside. It's not good for you. And, considering this case and its effect on you, if we were at work, I'd probably tell you the same thing."

Sara looked up at him, tears streaming down her face as the warm water pelted their sides rhythmically. "Grissom…"

He smiled, wiping her tears away. It didn't do much, for more were falling, being mixed with the shower water.

She smiled back weakly, and dropped her head onto his chest. "Grissom… I don't know what to say. I think – I think that might have been one of the most strangely romantic things you've ever told me."

"I try."

She laughed a little, but it came out more like a strangled sound, for all of a sudden more tears burst from her eyes, and she turned her face into his neck, trying to muffle the sobs that were wracking her body.

Grissom's arms automatically tightened around her, and he whispered, "Shh… honey, it's okay… it's alright… let it out… I'm here for you…"

He let her cry for a few more minutes, just holding her tightly against him, increasing the temperature of the water spraying them every so often. Her tears subsided a bit and she pulled back, wiping her eyes with the heels of her hands.

"I –"

"Shh, sweetheart," Grissom said, wiping away more of her tears as he reached around her to grab some shampoo. He squirted some onto his hand, and gently turned her around in front of him. "Tilt your head forward," he whispered.

She obliged, and he began to work his hands through her hair, caressing the wet strands as he gently massaged in the shampoo. Once her hair was coated with it, he pulled her back into him, his chest pressing into her back.

He held her still for a few quiet moments, and then released her, pushing her gently in front of him. He took the shower head and angled it at Sara's head, gently removing the shampoo from her hair. His hand came up to her face and rested above her eyes, shielding them from the stinging water that was cascading down her body.

As Grissom gently rinsed her hair, Sara's tears still came down, falling and mixing with the water at their feet. When her hair was free of the shampoo, he reached around her once again, and grabbed the bar of soap sitting on the shelf. Lathering it into his hands he started at her neck, working his way down her back and legs, turning her around when he got to her feet and then working his way back up the front of her body.

When his hands reached her stomach she gasped in pleasure despite herself, looking down at him. Grissom stopped washing her, and looked up. "This isn't sexual, Sara," he said.

"I know," she whispered. "It's not. I'm sorry."

He only nodded and began working again, coming full circle when he finished, kissing her softly as his soapy hands held her neck. When he let go of her lips, she leaned against him, smiling into his shoulder. "You know Griss," she mumbled, "I did have a shower before we went into work today."

"I know that, honey. But this was a special shower."

"Special shower?" she repeated as he took her facecloth and began to rinse the soap from her body.

"Yes. This one was to get rid of all the emotional dirt and grime you're carrying around on you."

Sara stared at him; almost unbelieving that he could see that much of her emotionally. She had never known he could read her that easily or that deeply. But he was absolutely right. She was starting to feel a little bit better, like he was washing the case and its terrors from her skin.

He finished rinsing her off and reached for one of the fluffy towels hanging on the rack just outside of the shower. He pulled it in, and Sara turned off the water that was quickly growing cold.

He turned her around to face him, and wrapped the towel around her body, pulling her into a warm hug. "It's okay to feel for the victims, Sara," he whispered. "It's okay to want to help them. It's okay to want to do everything in your power to bring them justice. But it is not okay to bring the cases home with you, and let them consume your life."

"I thought you weren't going to lecture me?" she said, looking at him.

"I'm not," he answered, helping her out of the shower.

"Then what are you doing?" she asked.

"Taking proper care of the woman I love. Trying to keep her comfortable and not haunted by cases," he whispered, drying her off and putting a housecoat around her before throwing one on himself.

Grissom's words filled Sara's heart with happiness and she smiled as he led her out of the bathroom and to their bedroom.

Bruno was lying on the bed – obviously done his dinner – and looked up sleepily as his two owners entered the room. Grissom sat Sara down beside the dog, leaving her for just a moment to search for comfy clothes she could sleep in.

He returned to her side with a pair of grey sweatpants and one of his old sweatshirts. Even knowing that she was perfectly capable of dressing herself, Grissom couldn't help himself as he slid the housecoat off her shoulders and onto the floor.

He slid the sweater over her wet head gently, leaving her to don the sweats. He too then slipped into sleeping apparel, pushing her gently back onto the bed. She crawled under the sheets, waiting for him to join her. He did, and she snuggled up to him, wanting to be close to someone living, someone who cared about her.

Grissom watched as Sara sunk into him, and into his arms, burying her face in his shoulder. He held her close, giving her comfort. "Do you want to talk about it honey?" he asked gently.

She shook her head vigorously. "No," she mumbled. "All I want to do is sleep, and try to forget about this."

He nodded, pulling the covers up around them, effectively upsetting Bruno who looked at him, annoyed. "Sorry," he whispered. Bruno continued to stare for a moment, before moving around to the end of the bed where he wouldn't be disturbed by Sara and Grissom pulling the covers around.

Sara gave Grissom a quiet thanks, kissing his shoulder lightly before she drifted off into a restless sleep. He looked down the bed at Bruno, and he too was fast asleep again, snoring slightly.

Smiling a little, Grissom kissed Sara's forehead and moved to get comfortable. It'd been a long shift, and he was tired physically and emotionally. Sleep was something he was in desperate need of.

OoOoOoO

Not even half an hour later, Sara awoke crying and clutching Grissom in a death grip. Her hands pulling at his shirt effectively woke him up, and he opened his eyes, taking only a second to register her tears and the terrified look in her brown eyes.

Sitting up quickly, Grissom pulled a shaking Sara into his lap, bringing her head to rest in between his neck and shoulder. "A nightmare?" he asked quietly.

She nodded, soaking the shoulder of his t-shirt with tears. "Yeah," she admitted. "He… he… Cammie… "

"I know sweetheart, I know," he soothed, stroking her hair.

Sara pulled back a little bit, resting her forehead on his chin. He kissed the wrinkled skin of her brow, knowing that they were there as she screwed up her face to forget about the whole thing.

"Why?" she mumbled. "Why would he do this? Doesn't he care about what he did? Doesn't he care about what he's done to the families of those girls? Doesn't he care about what he's done to me!?"

"Shh, honey," he said, slowly rocking them back and forth.

"He doesn't care, does he?" she asked, even though she knew perfectly well that the murderer didn't care about what he'd done to anyone, especially to her.

"I'm sorry, honey," Grissom whispered, tears forming in his blue eyes. "He doesn't care about what he did."

"I can't stop them Grissom," she whispered desperately, looking up at him. "I can't stop their screams. Every time I close my eyes, I see Cammie. I can't get her face out of my mind. They won't leave me alone, and they won't go away!"

"I know, I know," he said, burying his face in her hair. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to make them leave Sara, I'm trying to…"

All of a sudden she sat up straight, coming to look at Grissom at eye level. Bringing her hands up to his face, she wiped away the tears that had escaped from his eyes. "I know you're trying, Grissom. And it helps a little bit..."

He nodded, leaning back and sliding Sara off of his lap to lie back down on the bed. "I'm sorry these cases bother you so much Sara," he whispered into her ear. "I don't know how to rid them from your mind…"

"Just keep doing what you do, Grissom. It helps."

"Okay," he said, watching her as she slid back under the covers. "Do you want to talk any more about it?"

Sara shook her head. "No." She opened his arms, wrapping them around her and pushing herself against his warm body. "I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just…"

"What?" he asked. "What do you want?"

"For you to just hold me," she answered quietly, watching him with bright eyes.

"Honey, I can do that for you," Grissom answered. "I can always hold you when you want me to. I'll do anything for you."

"Thanks," Sara whispered, pushing herself closer to him. What she needed tonight was just to be held by the man she loved.

And he was more than willing to comply to the need that was so desperate in her heart.

The End!