When I finished BP, I had absolutely no ideas for another story, but I was kind of wishing that I had wrapped up the Keffy storyline a bit more. Then last Wednesday I was sitting at my office computer killing time during lunch and this happened... You don't need to have read BP for this to make sense, but it might help.
Happy holidays to all, whether you celebrate Christmas or Hannukah, Kwanzaa or Ashura, or something else entirely. I hope the season is kind to you all.
I don't own Skins. Or Christmas.
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Paint the Stars
"Really, Effy? What the actual fuck are you doing?"
Katie's looking down at the striking brunette, who is crouched at the bottom of the stairs trying – unsuccessfully it seems – to unstick a 2 1/2 metre tall Christmas tree from where it has become firmly wedged, arse-end first, on the way into the sitting room. It's hard to even imagine where she could have found it, the trees in the city having been long ago sacrificed to heat and cooking fires or scavenged for building materials.
"Well don't just stand there, Katie. Help me!"
Katie chuckles as she descends the stairs and then maneuvers her way around Effy to grab hold of the tree.
"What the fuck were you thinking, Effy?"
There's a small pause, a tiny out of character hesitation, before Effy replies. "You said you missed having a real tree. So..."
Oh wow. The hesitation doesn't seem quite so out of character now. Effy really enjoys making Katie happy in any way she can, but there is very little that she dislikes more than actually acknowledging that fact or - god forbid - talking about it, and Katie knows it. So, even though the tiny code-breaker knows how far Effy must have had to go to get this tree, and even though she knows how hard it must have been to get it back here, and even though she knows how many favours Effy probably had to call in to make it happen, rather than react the way she wants to – by tackling Effy and snogging the face right off her for her thoughtfulness – Katie just grunts, and drops a soft, "Thanks, it's pretty," into the gap between them before bending down and joining Effy in the great Christmas Tree liberation attempt. That makes Effy smile, in a true, honest, reaches-her-eyes show of pleasure, which is everything Katie wanted anyway.
The bloody tree is stuck tight, though. Eventually, they decide to try to pull the thing backwards again rather than trying to push it forward and it pops free with a cascade of needles and a whoosh of eau de spruce. That would be good news, but for the fact that Katie goes sprawling right along with the tree and ends up squashed underneath it with only the furthest reaches of her legs and arms still visible. The consequent stream of colourful language and flailing limbs is definitely not Christmas like. In fact, it has a very good chance of garnering Katie a permanent place on the Naughty list if Santa ever hears about it.
Katie's disposition is not helped by the fact that Effy, rather than diving in to try to extricate the trapped girl, is instead struggling (and failing) to keep her feet because she's laughing so hard. The medic ends up sitting on the bottom step trying to collect herself and stifle her giggles.
"Elizabeth Fucking Stonem you stop fucking laughing right now and get me out of here!"
Queen Katie is not amused.
"I'm sorry, Katie. Let me just… wait a second. For fuck's sake, would you stop floundering about under there? You just kicked me in the ankle!"
Katie can't help but wonder how in hell they got to this point: playing Happy Housewives in Leeds for the holidays, shacking up at Gina's house like part of some weird commune or something. It made a kind of sense when Effy first suggested it. Naomi and Emily were heading there for Naomi's rehab, and Cook was already there for his rehab. Katie still didn't know where her parents and James were (she tries really hard not to think about that if she can help it) so, if she wanted to be with family for Christmas she needed to go where Emily would be, and Emily is sure as fuck going to be wherever Naomi is, which right now happens to be Gina's house in Leeds. So, it made sense. But now that they're all here, under one roof, it feels strange, like, really fucking strange.
That might have something to do with the fact that everyone just assumed that she and Effy would share a room, like it was obvious and didn't even need to be discussed. And that's fine, it really is. They'd crossed the whole sleeping together bridge a few weeks ago (and what a fucking amazing bridge it was to cross. Jesus!). But it's just really weird for Katie not to feel really weird about everyone knowing and absolutely no one caring. She is Katie Fitch after all, previously the straightest pin in the sewing kit, and yet, no one has batted an eye at the fact that she's now all lov... ah, hooked up with Effy bloody Stonem, who is, let's face it, about the most female female walking the earth with the possible exception of Katie herself. And yet everyone's just accepted it like it was inevitable or something. No one's fazed by it in the least, and Katie's having a bit of a hard time adjusting to that.
Add to that chunk of weirdness the fact that Katie's also having a very hard time keeping her hands off Effy now that she knows just what keeping her hands on (and in) Effy feels like (fucking hell!) and now that Effy keeps doing these incredibly sweet things for Katie which just makes Katie want her even more, and add in the fact that the walls in this bloody place are paper thin and there is fucking always someone in the house with them and, well, you can see how Katie's, um, discomfort levels are starting to rise in a pretty fucking spectacular way.
At least they were until Effy started to laugh at her. That was a definite buzz kill leading to a whole different kind of frustration. And the fucking tree is still on top of her and now Katie can hear other voices starting to arrive back at the house and shitting bloody hell is she really going to have suffer through the others finding her stuck under this sodding tree in the middle of the sodding front hall?
This is just not how this day was supposed to go.
The morning had started out quite promisingly. Katie woke up slowly, without an alarm, for the first time in months, the sun warming her bare back where it peeked out from under the covers. Her front was warm too, due to the little human furnace that is Effy. You'd never believe it to look at her, but Effy throws off an amazing amount of heat. And Katie has come to appreciate that quality quite a bit as the weather has gotten increasingly cold. She spends the nights now spooned as tightly around Effy as Effy will let her. It is, perhaps, a little odd that Katie is always the "big spoon", when Effy is a good few inches taller. But Kate just can't get enough of wrapping her arms around Effy and pulling her in tight, of burying her face in Effy's neck and inhaling the scent of her. It doesn't hurt that Effy always, always moves Katie's hand to hold it against her left breast, which means that Katie can feel Effy's heartbeats counting cadence as the two fall gently into sleep each night, and be instantly reassured by the same strong, steady beat as she wakes each morning. Katie would never admit to a single soul (not even to Emily this time) but she's pretty sure she won't ever be able to sleep well again without the feel of Effy's heart under her hand. (She's surprisingly okay with that.)
So, Katie woke this morning, as she had for the past 23 consecutive mornings, with her front pressed into Effy's back and her arm wrapped tightly around Effy's chest. It was one of the very rare mornings when Katie awoke first and got to witness Effy at ease as she could only be in her sleep. (At least, as at ease as she is in her sleep when she's not having nightmares that is.)
Katie lay there, immersed in the warmth and comfort and feeling of rightness, of home, that being with Effy brought her. And she tried, for probably the 100th time, to understand what it is about this girl, about Effy, that draws Katie to her so strongly. It's not like Katie to feel like this. Even if Effy weren't a girl, it would be unlike Katie to let someone get this kind of close. Katie can't figure it out and probably never will, but there's something about Effy that just fits. And when Katie's with her, she feels more like Katie than she ever has; the real Katie, not the Katie she shows everyone else, but who she really is, with a sliver of a glimpse of who she would really, really like to become thrown in.
And because of that, Katie just wants to protect Effy from everything that has ever hurt her (and there's been a lot, she knows there's been a lot) and at the same time Katie can feel herself open up to let Effy take care of her, too. It's all so very new, and so very strange. Katie thinks she should be scared as fuck by the whole thing, but she isn't. She just… isn't. And she doesn't know why that is either. About the only thing she does know is that now that she's had a taste of what being with Effy Stonem is like she never wants to have to re-learn what not being with her is like.
So, maybe kicking Effy's ankle a second ago wasn't exactly the best strategic choice after all.
Katie's impromptu musings are interrupted by the sound of loud, and decidedly male, laughter. Cook. Of fucking course, it had to be Cook who found them. Like things aren't awkward enough with him already. He is, after all, Effy's ex-lover and current best friend, as well as Katie's very recent ex (who dumped her not that long ago thank you very fucking much), and now Katie will have to deal with him taking the piss for the next however many days about her getting felled by a fucking Christmas tree.
"Well, blow bubbles up my bollocks and call me Shirley. I know you're small, Katie, but you're not actually small enough to hang on the tree, you know!"
No, this day is not looking up at all.
They'd talked about this, Katie and Effy. Or at least Katie had talked (endlessly) and Effy had listened patiently (for the most part) until they'd talked so much that Effy really had to ask Katie to stop talking about it. Because Katie doesn't like "uncomfortable," and she just knew, she bloody well knew that spending three days in a house with James Cook while being Effy's brand new girlfriend (she still can't get over that) was going to be as uncomfortable as it gets. Effy disagreed. She didn't keep saying it over and over the way Katie did. She just said it once: "It will be fine. Cook will take the piss, you'll smack him down, I'll tell him to behave, Naomi will smack him in the head, and it will all be fine. Relax."
That had not gone over well. Katie Fitch had not appreciated being told to relax when she was freaking out about the very real fact that it was going to be really fucking strange to spend the holidays sleeping with Effy and living with Cook. The same Cook who Katie hadn't seen or talked to since he broke up with her, and who was the last person Katie shagged before Effy, and who was (if Katie's reading betwen the lines correctly) the first person Effy ever really loved and who Effy still loves fiercely (although not in the same way) enough to sit by his bedside for literally fucking days. That was not a recipe for everything to be fucking fine. That was a recipe for Katie to lose her tiny fucking mind.
And now Katie has to add to the on-going awkwardness of being near Cook the excruciating embarrassment of Cook catching her trapped underneath a mammoth sodding spruce tree in Gina Campbell's bloody front hall. Katie tenses, waiting to hear whatever smart-arsed comment Cook is going to make, and is stunned when he just reaches down, grabs her wrist with his good hand, and pulls her clear of the tree. He helps her onto her feet and gently brushes the needles off her skirt.
"Alright then, Katiekins?" There is real caring in his eyes as Cook looks down at Katie. Now that he's next to her, Katie can tell that Cook is just as uncomfortable and uncertain as she is. It hadn't occurred to her to think about how strange all this must be for him, too, knowing that two women he used to be with, and whom he still cares deeply about, are now with each other. She realizes that she's been waiting for him to make some kind of sexual comment or gross innuendo ever since they arrived, but he hasn't. He hasn't been around much, it's true, because of rehab and his work at Keith's, but he's been completely respectful to both Katie and Effy every time they've seen him. Now that Katie thinks about it, it's actually a bit disconcerting how well behaved Cook has been.
"I'm fine, Cook, thanks to you. And no thanks at all to Effy over there!"
Katie watches as Cook's eyes dart between the two women, trying to gauge how to respond.
"Right. Right. Okay then. I'm just gonna hit the head and grab a shower. Worked up a bit of a sweat at rehab today, so… yeah. I'm just gonna…."
With that, Cook starts to climb the stairs and Katie turns back to Effy, shooting her an irritated glare before turning to figure out what to do about the bloody tree. They don't get far before Cook interrupts them again, though.
"Hey ladies, thought you'd want to know… rehab is coming along well. Got almost full range of motion back in my right shoulder now so, you know, if you need the Cookie Monster to give you a few points on how to make best use of your hands, I'm available! I could give you a group discount if you come together. Get it? Come together!"
Well, he must be feeling more like himself after all. The women can hear him cackling away as he ambles down the upstairs hall towards his room.
"Don't let him bother you, Katie. He's just being Cook, that's all."
Katie looks back to where Effy is standing at the foot of the staircase, and is surprised to realize that she isn't all that bothered by Cook's crudeness. She's always liked his crazy sense of humour, and somehow it feels like this bit of teasing is just his way of giving his blessing to Katie and Effy. And if getting teased now and then is the price of that blessing, then Katie's okay with that.
The two women get back to work trying to shift the tree into the parlour, finally managing to do so with only a minimum of breakage. A couple of lamp shades get dented along the way, and Naomi's going to need a new ashtray, but other than that the rest of the spruce tree shuffle went pretty well.
They manage to rig the tree to stand upright, and then stand back to admire their work, looking pleased with themselves. Katie has no idea what they're going to use to decorate it, but she assumes that Effy has a plan. Effy doesn't do things by halves, so if she went to all the trouble to get this tree and haul it here, Katie's pretty sure she knows how to finish the job, too. But it turns out that's a task for another time, as Effy wraps an arm around Katie and leans in to whisper, "nap time."
Katie's never known Effy to actually nap during "nap time." It's what Effy says when she wants some alone time with Katie but can't bring herself to actually ask for it. Katie's getting good at translating Effy-speak, though, so she simply turns, keeping Effy's arm wrapped securely around her, and heads for the stairs. Let's face it, if Effy Stonem wanted to take you to bed you wouldn't argue either.
When they get to their room, they strip down to vests and pants and climb into the chilly bed. Katie has no objection to the cold sheets, as they give her a perfect excuse to crawl all over Effy right away, laying claim to her body heat. They lie there, tangled up in each other, just soaking up the sense of peace that washes over them. It still amazes Katie, the effect that holding Effy has on her. It doesn't seem to matter what happened before, or what will happen later. As soon as Katie lies down with Effy in her arms it's like the rest of the world doesn't exist. It's just them. Effy makes Katie feel as safe and as unsafe as she has ever felt. Safe, because she knows that Effy will do just about anything to protect her and take care of her. And unsafe because Katie's starting to realize just how much Effy has crawled under her skin, and how badly Effy could break her if Katie lets her get even the tiniest bit closer. That's a kind of unsafe that Katie's pretty sure she could get used to.
"You okay?"
Effy's question jogs Katie out of her thoughts.
"Hmm?"
"No bumps or bruises from the tree, I hope?"
"Oh. No, Eff. I'm fine, really."
"You're quiet…"
"Hmm," Katie mumbles, snuggling in even closer. "Just thinking."
"About?"
"…You, actually."
Katie wonders then, how much to say. Effy's like a wild bird; easy to startle if you get to close too fast.
"Second thoughts already, is it?"
Katie's sitting up in a flash, her eyes locked onto Effy's face, trying hard to find the eyes that Effy is working equally hard to keep away from her.
"What the fuck, Effy? No! No second thoughts at all. Where the fuck did that come from?"
Effy doesn't answer, just half-heartedly shrugs one shoulder and keeps her eyes trained on the opposite wall.
"Effy, seriously, what the fuck? Look at me. Please, just look at me, yeah?"
"He'd take you back, you know."
"Who? Cook?"
"Yeah. Cook. He'd take you back if you want him."
What the ever living fuck? Katie feels the fury course through her at Effy's words. They're lying together in bed, half naked and Effy is pushing Katie back to Cook?! What the hell is Effy's problem? Katie is just winding up to give her a piece of her mind when she sees it. You could have knocked Katie flat on her ass with the shock she feels when Effy finally shifts her gaze back and their eyes finally connect. There is so much doubt in Effy's eyes that it almost breaks Katie's heart right there and then.
Katie finally gets it. Effy's not pushing her at Cook. She's scared that Katie will choose Cook. Katie knew that Effy was more fragile than she let on, she fucking knew it. The whole tree thing is a big fucking clue that Effy's feeling insecure. But this… this is so much worse than Katie thought. Her voice has gentled when she finally speaks again.
"I don't want that, Effy. I don't want Cook back. I want you. Just you."
The silence between them is not peaceful this time. It's not comfortable. This silence shreds nerves and shatters faith. Katie carefully, slowly lowers herself back down, adjusting until she lies on her stomach just next to Effy, her torso raised up on her arms and one hand resting across Effy's collar bone in the least threatening, most comforting way she can.
"Effy, I swear, there's only you. For real. Fuck knows why or how, but I like you. You know that. You have to have felt it. I mean, fucking hell, you've heard me scream your name often enough. You're like, fucking amazing, Ef. And not just in bed, although really, fucking definitely in bed."
Katie hoped to earn at least a small smile from Effy with that, but it doesn't happen. Effy is still wound taut, staring at the bed covers as though she might find the answers to the universe hiding in them. So Katie tries again, wishing harder than every that she understood Effy better, that she could just know what magic words to say to cconvince her.
"You're smart and you're brave and you give a shit. And, fuck it, Effy, I'm no good at words. I just… I want you, okay? Just you. And I really… I just really need you to believe that, alright? Please, Effy. You have to believe me."
Katie waits then, watching Effy for the slightest sign of response. Finally, Effy lets out the breath she has been holding for too long, her body losing most (not all) of its tension as she does.
"Good. That's good, Katie. I'm glad."
Katie reaches out to pull Effy closer, and their lips meet in a slow, tentative kiss. Katie can feel Effy's caution and it kills her. But maybe Katie can help take it away. She needs to prove to Effy that there is nothing to be scared of; that Katie isn't going anywhere. And what better way to teach that lesson than through practical experience? Right? Right.
And that's why Katie begins to run her hands slowly (lovingly?) along Effy's ribs and stomach and back, laying claim to each area as she does, finally lifting Effy's vest top as she goes until she can at last flick the unnecessary fabric across the room. Katie takes a moment to appreciate the newly exposed skin, and to let Effy see her appreciate it, see her long for it, this view that Katie would never have believed even just a few weeks ago would turn her on the way it does. Fucking hell, Effy's beautiful. All of her, even the scars, new and old. Even the ones that show how close she came to leaving this world, the ones that show how lost and hurt she used to be. Katie wants to touch all of her, every single bit of her, and then she wants to do it again and again until she's sure that Effy believes - in herself, in Katie, and most of all in the possibility of them together. .
Effy looks up at Katie, her face blank, waiting to see what Katie will do next. Katie's not sure when she became the one who was more certain about them, but right now, she knows, she just fucking knows that she is. She also knows that Effy needs that to change. Effy needs to know that this is not all one way. She needs to know, deep down in her very cells, that Katie's in this for more than just comfort, more than just company. She needs to know that Katie is truly attracted to her, that Katie truly, deeply wants her, and wants to be with her long-term. So Katie shows her. She drops the shields from her eyes and lets it all shine through in one look - one hungry, feral, "I really want to fuck you through the bed right this very instant" look. And then she shows her again by doing exactly fucking that. Twice.
And suddenly, the day is looking a whole lot brighter after all. For both of them. Katie knows that it will take more than this one skirmish to vanquish Effy's demons, obviously. But this is one battle that Katie Fitch was fucking born to fight, and she'll happily fight it as many times as it takes. Because Katie knows now. She knows that Effy's worth it. And together they can paint the stars.
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I hope you enjoyed this little dose of Keffy. If you feel so inclined, I would love to know what your thought. Just hit that little button right down there.