HOW TO STOP YOUR LOVE FROM MARRYING A…
Originally, the title was HOW TO STOP YOUR LOVE FROM MARRYING A BITCH, but go figure.
Full Summary: Ed has been in love with Roy Mustang for a long time. Al comes up with a plan but as in series with the fight against the Homunculi, he gets sent to the other world without alchemy in compensation for Al's soul. Before Ed comes back, a mysterious girl just came and became one of the Brigadier Generals, taking on the code name as the Metallic Dragon alchemist. When Ed does come back, he meets another cool but arcane girl and she helps him in his quest for Mustang's heart.
CHAPTER 1: What the hell?! Al's an evil genius!
Al knocked on the closed bedroom door again. "Brother?"
"I'm fine, Al," Ed's voice came through the door.
Al sighed. Brother was in love with Colonel Mustang. Brother had hoped that Colonel Mustang would someday fall for him, but apparently all he had was false hope when that revelation came out. Mustang found his fiancé.
What was worse was that that lady was a good woman. She was an innocent lady with still her virtue (virginity) just like her fiancé, surprisingly and tried to help many people, even Ishbalans, during the Ishbalan War. Her grandfather said that but Brother keeps on denying it. But her grandfather said that what kind of a grandpa lies? Al thought, his innocence taking over. And she was pretty.
Al smirked, or at least he felt like he did (armor boy, walking trashcan, remember). Maybe, just maybe, he, Al could show the Colonel some of Brother's finer sides and the things Brother is better at than his fiancé. Brother might just get the Colonel's attention. Yeah! That just might work!
Brother can do alchemy and he's got a lot of talent in it. Oooooh, maybe how about the fact that (Al practically had a nosebleed thinking about this) even though Mustang's fiancé was pretty, Brother was absolutely beautiful! That's right, Brother was stunning. Ed had long silky blonde hair with thick luscious bangs framing a petite and unblemished face, plump juicy lips, warm but fiery golden eyes, a small waist and swaying hips with a (Al sniggered) round bootie, and smooth soft shiny legs… err … leg.
Bootie. Al thought that was the funniest word ever. He couldn't control his laughter, especially at bad moments. Just as Ed came out his bedroom door, Al burst out laughing. "Ha, Bootie!" Al gasped out.
Ed's eyebrows twitched. "Bootie?! BOOTIE?! WHAT DIRTY THOUGHTS ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW?!"
"Brother, I have an idea on how to get the Colonel interested in you!" Al said jubilantly.
"How?"
"You're better than her at some things, right Brother?"
Ed nodded.
"Well, maybe if we show off all of your skills better than hers, and she can't do anything to deny it, maybe the Colonel will think you're better than her."
"Think?! I AM better than her!" Then Ed thought about it for a while. At last he came to a conclusion. "Well, I've got nothing to lose…"
""Yay, now instead of mopping, you'll be your devious little se-"
"WHO'RE YA CALLIN' SO LITTLE THAT A MOUSE CAN BEAT HIM IN A RACE CUZ ITS GOT LONGER LEGS THAN HIM!!!!" Ed fumed.
Al was already out of the military dorms and at a train station to get out of Central by the time Ed finished his sentence.
Then Ed's eyes softened. "What an evil genius…" he whispered.