Eugene Krabs paced nervously on the deck of the naval ship he was on.

Oh, I'm a dirty liar! And that was the one rule of the pirate code! Never lie! Oh, I'm steamed with a side of melted butter if Granddad finds out! He sighed heavily, sucking in air (miraculously not sucking in water as all creatures under the sea seem to do). He began to practice what he was going to say to his granddad, adjusting his uniform to look official. He cleared his throat.

"Granddad, a pirate's life may be for you, but I am not a pirate!" he started, but then grimaced at the idea in disgust.

"No, no, that will never do!" he mumbled to himself.

"Something the matter Armor Abs?" asked a large fish with a bar of iron (or ormika) sticking out of one of his eye sockets.

"Nah, don't worry about me Iron Eye!" Eugene said enthusiastically.

"Ya' hear that Torpedo Belly?" yelled Iron Eye. "He's fine!"

"No he's not!" snapped back Torpedo Belly. "Look at him; he's wearing a rut in the deck with all that pacing!" Eugene looked down to see that he was in a fairly deep trench in the deck he had worn down when pacing.

"It's just that I'm worried about how my granddad will take me being a naval man." he said, stepping out of the trench.

"Why would he care?" asked Torpedo Belly.

"He sorta wanted me to be a pirate…" Eugene said before quickly covering his mouth. A gasp arose from the crew.

"Don't worry Armor Abs!" said Iron Eye. "It's not like you ever were a pirate!"

"Yeah.." Eugene said nervously, ripping the golden doubloon necklace he had from around his neck, and covering the tattoo he had that said, "A pirate's life for me!" (Opposite the first tattoo he had ever gotten).

"He looks a little suspicious Iron Eye…" said Torpedo Belly. "I think he's hiding something!"

"I ain't hiding nothing!" Eugene fired back defensively, not noticing the laughter coming from the crew. The crew looked at him as if they suspected something at that point, but that was the last they ever said on the subject.

20 years later…

Mr. Krabs sighed as he watched his granddad leave, not caring that he wasn't a pirate, but having no idea that he had been in the navy instead. He wasn't too worried though, he could truthfully say that he had been a pirate, for like 2 hours or so before he fired his crew and opened a restaurant. Though, it was hard keeping the secret inside him. He hadn't even told his daughter Pearl that he had been in the navy. He looked up to see a rotund pink starfish chasing a little, yellow, obnoxious sponge with a plastic sword, both giggling with glee.

"I've got you now Spongebob!" Patrick yelled, thrusting at Spongebob. Spongebob reached out and took the sword.

"Now I've got you!" Spongebob shouted, whacking Patrick in the stomach with it. Patrick instantly stopped playing and his eyes grew 3 sizes bigger. He sniffled a little before the flood of tears streamed from his eyes. He fell over forward and started banging the floor, bawling. Spongebob rushed over to console him.

"Patrick, I'm so sorry!" he yelled, patting the starfish on the back. "I'll get myself back so we'll be even, OK buddy?" he asked, stabbing himself with the sword, the plastic blade making a small dent in the spongey material, and the hilt sticking out at an odd angle. Spongebob's eyes also got big, and then shot out a stream of tears as he thrashed on the ground beside his buddy.
"Morons…" Squidward muttered just loud enough for Mr. Krabs to hear. Mr. Krabs sighed as he walked over and pulled the toy from Spongebob, and the spongey material popped back into shape, not damaged at all.

"Quit your blubbering boys, you're fine!" Mr. Krabs said, but the 2 idiot friends kept rolling around on the floor crying. Squidward left, muttering something about "needing to move far away". Mr. Krabs sighed and walked out the door, throwing the keys at the bawling sponge and muttering, "Lock up when you're done, boy." He had more important things to worry about than those two barnacle heads.

The Next Day…

Mr. Krabs shuffled his feet as he walked into the Krusty Krab. The door was locked, and Mr. Krabs had given Spongebob the keys. He hadn't been thinking! How could he have made such an idiotic mistake?

"Wait, what's this?" he asked himself, looking at a note taped to the door. It read:

Here are the keys Mr. Krabs

3 Spongebob

He had taped the keys to the piece of paper.

"I just don't get that boy sometimes." Mr. Krabs mumbled as he took the keys and opened the Krusty Krab. Upon entry, he noticed that Patrick was dozing on the floor in a puddle of tears. He had cried himself out. Mr. Krabs walked over and tried to pick him up, but couldn't. He kicked him a few times with his stubby leg, but Patrick was out cold. Mr. Krabs sighed, then rolled him into the storage room and locked the door. Mr. Krabs walked into his office and lazily sat at his desk, counting his money. All of a sudden, on one coin, instead of the usual George Fishington head, was his granddad's picture.

"Eugene…" it said eerily.

"Granddad?!" Mr. Krabs yelped.

"Eugene… you lied to me…"

"No-no-n-no I didn't!" Mr. Krabs stammered.

"Not only were you not a pirate, you were in the Navy!" Mr. Krabs wailed ear-piercingly before throwing the quarter across the room against the wall. He walked over cautiously and flipped it over. He noticed, with relief, that it displayed the familiar George Fishington silhouette.

"I've got to end this!" he said nervously. "I've got to tell granddad the truth!" Mr. Krabs gathered up all of is courage and marched out the door, passing Spongebob on his way out.

"Where are you going Mr. K?" asked Spongebob, but he got no answer. "And where's Patrick!?"

Mr. Krabs went to the docks before he realized the one flaw in his plan. He had no idea where his grandfather was. Suddenly, a green ghost emerged from below the dock, shrouded in an eerie green smoke.

"Ha ha ha ha!" laughed the Flying Dutchman maniacally.

"Quick Dutchman!" snapped Mr. Krabs. "I need to be taken to my granddad!" he yelled.

"What makes you think that I would take you there, especially for free?" Mr. Krabs sighed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a white sock with blue trimming. The Flying Dutchman quickly grabbed it out of Mr. Krabs's claw and putting it on his ghostly tail.

"I've been needing a new dining sock!" he said excitedly. "Alright, I'll take you to him Krabs." The Flying Dutchman picked up Mr. Krabs and disappeared behind a cloud of green smoke. They re-appeared about 50 yards from a fierce looking vessel out at sea.

"Here's your stop!" the Dutchman said, dropping Mr. Krabs into the sea.

"I thought you said you would take me to my granddad!" Mr. Krabs yelled, barely able to stay above the sea.

"I took you to him, I never said I'd take you on his ship!" the Dutchman laughed before disappearing behind a green cloud of smoke.

"You come back here Dutchman!" Mr. Krabs yelled. "I want my sock back!"

"Captain Krabs sir, I see a vessel approaching from the right!" a pirate yelled.

"Mayday sir, Mayday sir, there's a man in the water to the left!" another yelled.

"Let me see that!" Captain Krabs yelled, pushing one of the pirates down and catching the spyglass he dropped.

"Aye, it's a pretty vessel." He said. "And an easy target, engage it!"

"Wait!" yelled the other pirate.

"Hold the engagement men! What do you want?"

"You should see this man!" Captain Krabs looked through his spyglass at the figure thrashing around.

"Holy seaweed!" he explained. "That's my grandson! Leave the ship be and fish out my grandson!" he commanded. The helmsman turned the ship toward Mr. Krabs and sailed quickly toward him. When they were about to reach him, Captain Krabs tied a rope to a loose nail sticking from the deck and repelled down the side of the ship with one claw, using the other to fish Mr. Krabs from the water. He grabbed his claw and painstakingly climbed back up to the deck, bringing Mr. Krabs to safety. Mr. Krabs shot a stream of water out of his mouth straight into the air.

"Are you OK boy?" asked Captain Krabs.

"No, I'm not granddad!" Mr. Krabs sobbed. "I've been keeping something else from you!"

"What is it boy?"

"After I became a pirate, you know for 2 hours or so, I was in the navy!" he sobbed.

"Is that all, boy?" Captain Krabs asked.

"Yea, you mean you're not ashamed of me?"

"Why would I be ashamed of you lad?"

"Because you always dreamed of me being a pirate. I wasn't any good at it, so I decided to get some training from the navy to improve, but after I was through, I just wanted to open an overpriced restaurant!" he sobbed.

"That's precisely what I mean, boy. I told you your criminal prices were piracy, but now I'm even prouder to know that you even joined the navy to try and be a pirate like your granddad!" Captain Krabs hugged his grandson.

"How about we take you back to land, Eugene?" asked Captain Krabs. "Horace, turn this ship toward Bikini Bottom, we need to get my grandson back as soon as possible!"

Meanwhile, in an especially dark storage room, a fat pink starfish awoke.

"Hello?" Patrick asked. "Anyone there? Hello?"