Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, it is the property of the brilliant J.K Rowling. This story is the product of her marvellous characters and world and my imagination.
Story Title: Winning Hermione aka How Severus Destroyed Ron Weasley
Author: Keira-House M.D.
Pairings: Hermione/Severus
Main Characters: Hermione Granger, Severus Snape, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Lucius Malfoy, Draco Malfoy, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Ginny Weasley, Ron Weasley.
Summary: Because really, he was so much better suited for Hermione, and he knew she saw it too. All it would take was the subtle removal of any threats to their relationship and they could be happy … of course, whenever a Slytherin mentions subtle removal, its probably time to be scared. Hermione/Severus and with literal Ron-bashing
Important Information: A Birthday fic for LimeyGirl09 who wanted Hermione/Severus with some Ron bashing and the appearance of Draco Malfoy, Fred Weasley and George Weasley being their usual epic selves. Its not my best work but I hope you find some amusement in it all.
Severus Snape had been intrigued by Hermione Granger ever since she'd entered Hogwarts as a tiny first year with all the answers. He had a strict code to dislike Gryffindors; during the first war it was so word didn't get back to the Dark Lord and afterwards it was to stay on the good side of Slytherin families.
It wasn't particularly difficult to dislike the Gryffindors, considering most of them were incompetent, rash dunderheads, and it was all made much easier by the fact that Albus understood his precarious situation and so allowed the unfair treatment, despite frequent suggestions to try and 'get along' with Potter and the morons.
The problem with Hermione Granger was that she was different; not a dunderhead, not rash - though she certainly had her moments - but intelligent and wide-eyed with innocence - that didn't last long.
She was incredibly annoying to begin with, but that didn't last too long and she quickly began to remind him of the one other Gryffindor he'd deemed worthy of his attention - Lily Evans (she would never be Potter to him).
As the years went by though, Severus realised that Hermione Granger was different to Lily - she was better. Lily had always been stubborn, just as Hermione was, but while she was certainly compassionate, Lily could hold a grudge forever. Hermione was quick to forgive unless it was something completely unforgivable, as referenced by the many arguments with her friends (mostly Weasley) over the years, where it was almost always her who made the first apologies.
So it started as admiration and then, as entered her sixth and seventh years with a maturing, womanly body, it turned to lust, then love. She didn't know of course, Severus was not stupid enough to tell the Gryffindor Princess of his feelings for her, and he was Slytherin enough to mask them to look like he merely thought of her intelligent enough to be a worthy acquaintance.
"You're being pathetic Severus, you know that? You aren't fit to be a Slytherin in your current state.""Thank you for pointing out the obvious Lucius," Severus replied acerbically, "but what am I supposed to do, I wouldn't be accepted by her friends."
Lucius rolled his eyes, "please don't tell me she's made you soft Severus - remember you are a Slytherin and act like it. The girl does not just have Gryffindor friends and she's even polite to me."
His old friend was right; Hermione was polite to Lucius and Narcissa, good friends with Draco, Blaise Zabini, Theodore Nott and Daphne Greengrass, and had a fair few friends from both Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. She wasn't like most, who stuck fairly close within their House, and that was something he liked about her.
Lucius was also correct about him needing to use his Slytherin side to win Hermione, and his mind immediately started formulating plans.
"I need to think of those close to her and then get rid of those who could pose a problem, while simultaneously making me look good."
Lucius nodded, a smirk on his face, "and now you remind me of the spying Slytherin everyone was so impressed of."
It was fairly simple to realise that all Severus really needed to do was remove the problem of Ron Weasley, Hermione's fiancé (completely unworthy in Severus' opinion). Molly wasn't an issue despite her desperation for Hermione and Weasley to marry, because Hermione didn't see eye to eye with Molly on a lot issues - "no Molly, I won't be giving up my job … I think we'll give it at least another five years till we think of children … only one or two, I don't want a whole brood really" - and Hermione trusted her own opinion over Molly's.
Everyone else had pretty much settled their grudge with Severus, even Potter and Black, and he knew they would see how much better he was for Hermione than the Weasley dunderhead.
It would be only too simple - Weasley didn't have the looks, intelligence, tenacity or flair like his other siblings (minus Percy) did - and it would only too easy to manipulate him into ruining his own relationship without ever incriminating himself.
Each House tended to have their strengths and weaknesses, but Weasley was an insult to Gryffindor courage (their strength, though Severus often saw it as a weakness) and the only traits he possessed belonging to his house was to be rash and quick-tempered, neither particularly admirable qualities.
He hadn't had some large-scale Slytherin fun in a long while - he was so looking forward to destroying Ron Weasley and breaking his heart.
He started with a couple of small scale incidents, which could just be put down to bad luck or a little stupid judgement. It wasn't difficult to put compulsions keyed to Weasley into alcohol to get him a little too drunk on occasion. From his many conversations with Hermione, he knew that while she didn't mind alcohol on occasion, she hated it when her boyfriend went out and got smashed more often than he should. Then there was the fact that a drunken Ronald Weasley meant he was a mannerless lout (Severus was of the opinion that he was like this all the time) who expected to be pampered and mothered the next morning when Hermione was usually busy with a proper job.
Then there was the pranks - he didn't like such a juvenile term but it was really the only thing he could call them - he had to admit that the Weasley twins were geniuses when it came to such things and he found great amusement in slipping Weasley various sweets and potions, as well as using other items to embarrass him in public - he had known for years that Hermione hated embarrassment and so such tricks went a long way to bringing her ire upon Weasley.
"My-nee, can we go to Honeydukes?""No Ronald, we went just a few days ago, you cannot want more sweets already - and don't call me that, if you can't pronounce Mione properly then just call me Hermione."
"But My-nee."
"Stop whining Ronald, you've eaten three times the amount as the rest of us … and stop calling me by that stupid name."
"But …" Ron paused for a moment, before turning pale, and he only had time to pull his hair back before he threw up all over Hermione's robes.
"Ronald! What the hell have you done … this is so bloody embarrassing, not to mention these are new robes. I told you you'd had enough to eat - I'm going home to change, just go away, I don't want to see you till tomorrow at the earliest."
As Ron apparated away and Hermione cleaned up the mess on her robes, face flaming red with embarrassment, Severus smiled to himself.
It had been so easy to slip the nausea potion into Weasley's food - he ate enough of it - though he couldn't claim credit for the disgraceful mispronunciation of Hermione's nickname, that one was all Weasley.
As he went over to Hermione with the smallest of smiles, offering the grateful witch a helping hand, he mused that there really might be no point in his plan to destroy Weasley - the way the idiot was going, he'd do it all by himself.
Hermione had been so grateful for the help he gave her with her bags, and he'd even managed to get invited to have a cup of tea, which quickly turned into a two hour debate over the latest articles in Potions Monthly. Ronald Weasley was not mentioned once.
He stepped up his game a few weeks later, with a couple of drops of veritaserum in Weasley's drink - that little stunt got Weasley banned from going near Hermione for a week before she cooled down.
Well, anyone who loudly insulted a bookstore, said she should relax more and told her Lavender Brown was prettier was bound to get on Hermione's bad side.
The best thing was that their friends were so protective over her that Weasley the moron got hexed different times over the next week; once each by Black, Fred, George, Draco, Lupin, Tonks, Shacklebolt, Potter and the Weasley girl. Severus just smirked.
Now Severus knew that Hermione had never been overly pleased by Ron's choice of career - keeper for the Chudley Canons. She had no problem with him playing Quidditch, but she thought he could have tried for a better team. Also, she knew he couldn't play Quidditch forever, but he never listened and her advice for him to think about a future career had fallen on deaf ears time and time again.
Everybody knew the Chudley Canons were the worst Quidditch team in the history of the league and everyone also knew that almost everyone who supported them only did so for the comedy value their matches provided - Severus was firmly of the opinion that Ronald Weasley was probably the only true fan the Canons really had, and he pitied them for it.
It wasn't hard to sneak into the Quidditch practice and cast a few spells on Weasley - it didn't take more than five minutes before practice was called to a halt because Weasley couldn't stay on his broom for more than a minute at a time.
His continued lack of decent performance meant that two months later, he was removed from the starting Chudley Canons team. A month after that he was informed that "we no longer require your services Ronald Weasley, please clear all your personal items from the stadium and locker room by five pm today."
From the conversation he'd overheard between Black and Potter, Hermione had screamed for almost half an hour straight when Weasley returned with the news that he'd been sacked.
Severus celebrated with Lucius and a bottle of expensive wine from the Malfoy vineyards.
The final straw came after the many derogatory stories about Weasley in the Daily Prophet (it was so easy to pass stories to Lucius or Draco for them to leak to the press) and the discovery of Weasley's multiple affairs - Severus could claim responsibility for two of the five proven ones, the rest of the blame was solely on Weasley's own shoulders.
"RONALD WEASLEY YOU ARE THE BIGGEST ARSE IN THE WORLD!"
"She's not happy is she?" asked Fred cheerfully, as he settled down next to George, Ginny, Sirius and Remus.
"What do you think?" asked Ginny sarcastically, gesturing towards Hermione, who was beating Ron mercilessly round the head with a heavy hardback book.
"He more than deserves it for what he's been up to recently," Sirius added, "but I do feel a little sorry for him, Hermione can be bloody forceful and it hurt like hell when she hit me with a book that was only half as heavy as that one?"
"I don't remember that," said Remus thoughtfully, "when did it happen?""You were on your honeymoon with my dear little cousin," Sirius told him, "and I may have been a little messy without you to keep me in check."
They all heard a scoff behind them and turned to see Draco Malfoy, in all his pureblood glory, with a smirk on his pale face, "understatement of the century Black - I came to visit Hermione during that time and had to leave five minutes later because the smell was too overwhelming. I don't know what you'd been doing, but never do it again in my presence," he finished haughtily, though remnants of the smirk remained.
"What are you even doing here Malfoy?" asked Sirius sulkily, "no one mentioned you were coming over."
Draco shrugged, "certainly not for you lot - I happened to hear the latest stupid thing Weasley had done and thought I'd come and watch the show."
No one questioned his motives, after all they were all sitting riveted for the exact same reason he was - Ron had always been a bit of an idiot, the only one who had never accepted it was his mother, but recently he was just being plain ridiculous - public affairs, missing dates and offending Hermione were just some of the few misdemeanours in the past year - the stupid idiot didn't even have a job anymore.
Hermione had been surprisingly forgiving and most of her friends thought she was being much too nice. They knew she had bouts of low self-esteem, thanks to the bullying for being too clever when she was younger, but everyone could see that Ron was out of order and it looked like Hermione was finally seeing the truth - it was sure to be amusing to watch her blow up at Ron.
"I HAVEN'T COMPLAINED ABOUT YOUR TERRIBLE WORK ETHIC, BUT NOW YOU'VE MANAGED TO GET YOURSELF KICKED OFF YOUR TEAM AND YOU STILL REFUSE TO GET A PROPER JOB."
"Got any popcorn," asked Draco, ignoring the wide-eyed looks he was getting because he was asking for greasy muggle junk food, "father still won't stock it at the Manor because he says its unhealthy, but ever since Hermione gave me some I've wanted it all the time. Its supposed to be used at times like this, correct?"
They all just nodded and the twins were about to stand up when Ginny stopped them, "don't even think about you two," she said, "the last time we let you lose in the kitchen with the popcorn maker, we were cleaning the kitchen for hours because Mione decided to punish us by making us do it the muggle way. You stay put and I'll go sort the popcorn out - if it starts looking like she'll be hexing body parts off, come and get me because I don't want to miss that."
Ginny disappeared out of the door, while the twins, Sirius and Draco (who was trying not to look so enthralled) watched as Hermione continued to lay into Ron with the vigour usually reserved for things like her SPEW campaign and academic debates.
"I FORGAVE YOU FOR LAVENDER BECAUSE I KNOW SHE CAN BE A MANIPULATIVE LITTLE HARLOT - I FORGAVE YOU FOR ROMILDA VANE BECAUSE YOU WERE DRUNK AND I KNOW WHAT SHE'S LIKE - I AM SICK OF IT ALL AND I'M NOT GOING TO FORGIVE YOU FOR THE THREE QUIDDITCH GROUPIES THAT HAVE COME FORWARD CLAIMING TO HAVE SLEPT WITH YOU WHILE WE WERE ENGAGED!"
Ron's mouth was opening and closing a bit like a fish and Sirius just sighed - "this would be so much more fun if the one Hermione was shouting at would actually reply or attempt to defend themselves, its just boring when he stands there like a moron."
"Too true Sirius …"
"But Ronnikins isn't like a moron …"
"He most definitely is a moron …"
"His only redeeming feature was having a decent fiancée …"
"But since he's screwed it up now we can just laugh at him more."
"Like we don't do that already," said Ginny as she re-entered the room, a huge bowl of buttery popcorn in each hand. She passed one to Draco with a glare that told him to make sure he shared, and another to Remus "because we can count on him not to eat it all himself since it isn't chocolate."
"THERE IS A WITCH CLAIMING TO BE PREGNANT AND THAT THE BABY IS YOURS. AM I SUPPOSED TO JUST ACCEPT THAT BECAUSE I DAMN WELL WON'T."
"Ahh, so he got one of his whores pregnant, never a good idea to leave evidence of trysts, not that I know of such things as I am perfectly content with my darling Narcissa."
They all swivelled round - and Draco tried desperately to hide the popcorn - to see Lucius Malfoy standing in the doorway.
"What the hell, are we to be invaded by every bloody Malfoy in the country.""Don't be so dramatic Black, there are only three of us at the moment anyway, until Draco marries Miss Astoria Greegrass of course."
"Let me guess father, you heard about Weasley's idiocy from Severus and decided to come watch the fun."
"Correct on all points Draco and I have to say that I do believe Severus actually smiled when he told me the news. Once Miss Granger has calmed down I'm to inform her that Severus has asked if she wants to go by his quarters for some dinner and a Potions discussion."
"Well then Malfoy," said Sirius, "you better make yourself comfy because Mione can shout for even longer than Molly Weasley when she's annoyed, and she is definitely angry right now."
"Very well Black," said Lucius, before turning to his son, "and Draco, if I catch you with that disgusting muggle junk food again then I am halving your allowance."
"NO RONALD, WE ARE DONE AND OVER - I AM NOT GOING TO PUT UP WITH YOU ANY LONGER AND I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHAT YOUR MOTHER MIGHT SAY."
"Ahh, our dear mother," said Fred dramatically, "she'll be so disappointed …"
"First Bill marries the lovely former Miss Delacour …" George continued,
"Then Charlie declares himself a bachelor in Sirius' mould …"
"Merlin help us," muttered Remus quietly.
"Fred and I refuse to go into the Ministry, Gin-Gin here got engaged to Neville rather than The-Boy-Who-Kicked-Voldemort's-Arse-Only-To-Start-Dating-A-Former-Slytherin-Named-Daphne and now Ronnikins has ruined his relationship with the only decent girl to ever show an interest. All she has left is Percy and if he's something to be proud of then I'd rather be a loser."
"Too true George," said Fred with a smirk, "the smarmy idiot actually told me we were washouts until we informed him that we earn more than seven times as much as he does a year and have way more fun doing it."
"OH GO CRY ME A RIVER RONALD, I AM DONE WITH YOU SO MAKE SURE YOU PICK YOUR STUFF UP IN LESS THAN A WEEK OR I AM GOING TO EITHER BURN IT OR LET PADFOOT USE IT AS A CHEW TOY."
Ron's refusal to believe Hermione was serious meant half his things ended up as either cinders or a chew toy. Suffice to say neither he, nor his mother when he went moaning to her, were particularly happy. When Ron tried to go to the Prophet in order to get Hermione's reputation ruined, Lucius Malfoy put a stop to it and the Weasley twins, Ginny (who could be very vindictive when angered), Sirius and Remus embarked on an all out prank-war against the youngest male Weasley.
Suffice to say, the break-up could not be considered mutual nor calm in the least.
Three months after Hermione finally kicked Ron to the curb and dumped him, she officially began dating Severus Snape, though neither of them ever used the juvenile term of 'dating'. Lucius Malfoy called it courting, Ginny labelled it true love, Sirius found it disturbing but 'better than her being with Weasley', Harry took much less time than expected to come to terms with it, while Fred and George collected the winnings from their bet - they called it inevitable.
Ronald Weasley never recovered from a year's worth of social suicide, and no self-respecting employer in the magical world would ever hire him again. His lack of muggle qualifications, and the dismal knowledge he had of their life style, meant he could never gain useful employment there. The last anyone ever heard of him, he was scrubbing toilets at a fast-food restaurant.
Severus and Hermione married almost two years after their first date, in a ceremony all their friends attended - though Molly Weasley pointedly refused to go (Ron and Percy were not invited). Aside from a couple of routine threats from the bride's male friends towards the groom, the overly long ceremony courtesy of Albus Dumbledore and Sirius' loud declaration that he would provide the getaway motorbike should the bride decide not to marry Severus, everyone agreed it was a beautiful ceremony.
The two, along with their friends, had a very long, fulfilling and happy life together - the same could not be said for Ronald Weasley.
I hope you enjoyed this one-shot. Constructive criticism and any comments you have are welcome. Thanks for reading.