Prayers From Fear
By:HoMeSlIcE4LiFe
Summary: "Maybe lonely is better. Because if you are alone, there is not any more pain. If you are alone, you will never have to become alone again."
A/N Okay, so here's a new story of mine, inspired by many different things. Songs, quotes, dreams, and life experiences have formed this story, and I really hope that those of you who are reading this will be able to really feel the emotions I'm trying ever so hard to put out. Each chapter has a quote that gave inspiration for the chapter. I'll probably do a playlist, too, when I'm finished with this story. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and truly feel this story. I appreciate all feedback, and would love to get some honest opinions on this story. Now, I think I've talked enough. Here, is the story:
Disclaimer for whole story: I do not own the world of Harry Potter, nor the characters J.K. has created, those of which will be obvious.
Rating: T for excessive swearing
"There are two ways to slide easily through life; to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking."
-Alfred Korzybski
Chapter One: Prayers To Start
A young girl sits in her dorm room. She is staring out the window into the beautiful countryside of France. Usually, as she watches the birds fly, and the younger students play; she has a wide smile on her face, due to the joy this sight brings her. However, despite the birds and the children, she is frowning deeply today. She has been given a lot to frown over these past few days.
She could be frowning from the death of her mother, father, and little brother. She might be frowning because her boyfriend of two years just dumped her. It is even possible that she is frowning at the fact that her friends hate her. But, no. She is frowning because she is going to England, to an orphanage, where she thinks she will be alone. At least here, there is a familiarity for her.
It is not that she does not like England, because she does. She lived there until she was about ten years old. She even visited every summer, herself, and her little brother, Nathan, staying at their grandmother's. She was dead, too.
It was bad enough that it was already April, and school was almost out. It also sucked that she was starting on a Friday, right before her first lonely weekend at Hogwarts. She would not have homework or studying she could do yet.
But it does not matter anymore. Nothing seems to matter. The girl gets off her bed, and reaches for her trunk. As she is leaving the room, she decides that maybe lonely is better. Because if you are alone, there is not any more pain. If you are alone, you will never have to become alone again. At age sixteen, Amarylis closes the door of her dorm, hoping that with the shut of this door, she will forever shut out the pain.
Amarylis is sitting on the edge of the piano bench. She has known how to play as far back as she can remember. Before, she played to please her parents and to hear pretty music. Now, she plays to get lost. Amarylis plays, and through the music, she forgets everything that was and is. Nothing can touch her when her hands are flowing across the keys. No speaks to her while she plays. No one dares to interrupt her. Nobody wants to be blamed for stopping something so beautiful, so personal.
As she finishes the Claire de Lune, she sighs. She remembers dancing to this song at her last birthday with her father. She decides to stop playing.
When she gets up, a group of very young children runs to the piano to play. Amarylis does not smile at this. Amarylis does not really smile anymore.
It's Saturday. A man named Dumbledore was supposed to pick her up Friday morning, but sent a letter early saying he had to cancel. Instead, he is to pick her up today, in exactly seven minutes. She jogs up the steps to her room shared with six other girls, and grabs the trunk sitting on her bed. Eventually, she ends up at the matron's office, patiently waiting on Dumbledore. At exactly ten o'clock, as said, he pops into the room.
Amarylis takes in this new face, from his twinkling blue eyes, to his long silver beard. His face has a smile on it, as he too looks on Amarylis. "It was a terrible thing," he says, "what happened to your parents."
She looks at him much harder, now. She has heard this same message too much. Amarylis gives her standard reply of, "Yeah, it was."
The bespectacled old man shifts towards the matron, "Miss…?"
"Miss Konkel," replies the woman crisply.
"Yes, Miss Konkel, if it is not too much trouble, I do have to be getting back to the school," replies the old man.
"Of course, Mr. Dumbledore. Go right on ahead. Amarylis," she says, "we'll see you this summer."
As Amarylis nods, Dumbledore reaches his hand out to her. "Miss Greene, would you please take my hand?" Amarylis silently beseeches him, and grabs her trunk with her other hand. Suddenly, the world spins, and when it stops, Amarylis finds herself in a tattered and old room resembling a bedroom. "We,
Miss Greene, are in the Shrieking Shack. It is impossible to apparate any closer to Hogwarts, so we will walk from here."
Amarylis does not say anything because she does not care. Dumbledore begins to walk away and she follows. He eventually leads them out of the shack and into the open air of Hogwarts. The sight does not amaze her. There had been a castle similar to this in France. For her, the novelty seems to have run out. Dumbledore begins to talk, but she is not listening. She is scanning the grounds, searching for an escape, somewhere she will be able to hide.
Dumbledore leads her to the entrance of the castle, the doors opening before he even reaches the steps. Inside the pair goes, as Dumbledore continues his leading. After several moments, the pair finally arrives at Dumbledore's office.
Inside, the phoenix catches her eye. She knows of the phoenix's healing powers. Silently, she wonders if a phoenix can heal a heart.
Dumbledore sits in his chair and looks upon the girl for a moment. He has seen many of students like this after tragedies: silent, mindless, indifferent; but his gut tells him that this one is deeper than most. He immediately thinks of another student, one who feels the same: lost and confused. The only difference was that he was mourning of his family, instead of for them. "Miss Greene," he says, "the first step at Hogwarts is that each student is separated into houses. These houses are…"
"I know the drill," is all she says.
"Very well, then," says Professor Dumbledore, "Let us sort you, so you can be on your way." He flicks his wand and the Sorting Hat flies straight to the top of Amarylis' head. Dumbledore stares at the girl, her eyes shut tight. He has always loved the look on his students' faces as they consult with the Sorting Hat. It shows that whoever is beneath the Sorting Hat has a little fight in them. In her case, any sign of life is good.
"Gryffindor!" the Sorting Hat yells as the girl's eyes burst wide open.
"Ah, says Dumbledore, "Where dwell the brave of heart." Amarylis just stares at him. "Well, come now," he says, "let me show you to your new home."
Once again, they are on their feet walking down the many halls of Hogwarts. They pass many moving portraits, but stop in front of a very fat lady. "Hello, my dear," says Dumbledore.
"Why, hello Headmaster," croons the fat lady in a bright pink dress. "How can I be of service?"
"We would like to enter the tower," says Dumbledore.
"Oh," says the fat lady as she sits up straighter and says in a deep voice, "Password?"
"Mammangoo," he says, as the portrait swings open to reveal the Gryffindor Common Room. Amarylis looks around and sees people smiling and laughing. Immediately, she really does not like it here.
"This, Miss Greene, is the Gryffindor Common Room. The stairwell to the girls' dormitories is in that far corner on the right," says Dumbledore. He points his wand at her trunk, and it disappears. "That will be waiting for you in your room later. Now, let me introduce you to your year's prefects. Hmm… Miss Evans seems to have vanished, so follow me and I will introduce you to Mr. Lupin." The old man walks to a couch where four boys are sitting.
In the left corner is a small, chubby boy, with brown hair and a pointed nose. He is watching the other two talking animatedly over something. The more excited of the two has glasses that are slowly slipping off the bridge of his nose, as he talks with his hands flying. The one listening to him has an open book in his lap and sandy hair that plops down on top of his head. On the arm of the right side of the couch is the final boy with shaggy dark hair and grey eyes that are staring mindlessly at the sandy-haired boy's book. The four appear to be friends.
As Dumbledore approaches, the boy with glasses quiets down a bit and the other three look up at him.
"Yes, Headmaster?" asks the sandy-haired boy.
"Ah, Mr. Lupin. We have a new student from Beauxbatons. Would you mind showing her the ropes?"
"Of course, sir," he says, nodding affirmatively.
"Thank you, Mr. Lupin. Good day boys, Miss Greene," he says with a small bow as he leaves the Common Room, leaving Amarylis staring at the boys like an idiot.
The sandy-haired boy breaks the ice by speaking first, "Hi, there," he says, now standing, "I'm Remus Lupin, sixth year Gryffindor Prefect. It's a pleasure to meet you." His hand now outstretched to her, asks her hand to grasp it.
Amarylis looks at the hand, then back up at Remus. Ignoring his hand, she merely says, "Amarylis, or Amy for short. It doesn't matter to me."
Remus' hand slowly retreats. "Well," he says cheerfully, "Amy, these are my mates. James Potter is the one with the glasses. This here's Peter Pettigrew. And that one on the end is Sirius Black."
Amarylis just nods. Suddenly, she sees Sirius' eyes snap up at the mention of his name. He looks at Amarylis and smiles ridiculously wide, too wide for that sad look in his eyes.
"Hey," says James, "Welcome to Hogwarts, Amy. What year are you in?"
"Sixth."
"Cool. Us too," says Peter.
"Why don't you sit with us, Amy?" asks Remus, motioning to the couch.
Amarylis looks at them all, but mostly Sirius Black, who's eyes refuses to leave her face. Slightly uncomfortable, she merely says, "I'm okay. I'm just going to go upstairs."
"You should wait until Lily Evans, the other prefect comes back so she can show you exactly where your dorm is," says James. "Meanwhile, you can talk with us."
Amarylis does not want to. She does not want any friendly interactions with anyone here. She just wants to pass by here, unnoticed, and then leave.
Sirius' eyes continue to stare at her as he finally speaks in a deep, rough voice, "Yeah."
"I'd rather just go upstairs now," she says, starting to turn away.
Sirius does not know what comes over him. Maybe it is the pressure he has been feeling lately, or maybe it is just his lack of sleep. He does not care. "What's your problem?" he snaps, standing up.
Amarylis turns slowly back around, a little hint of life in her eyes that has been on a long vacation. "Excuse me?" she asks, extremely pissed off.
"You heard me," he continues, "why won't you just sit and talk with us?"
A wall comes up, now, in Amarylis' mind, as she snaps, "What makes you think you're worth my time?"
Sirius glares openly. Walking back to his spot, deciding to forget about her, he mutters one word. "Bitch."
Amarylis hears him, and before turning up the stairs away from the noise, the fun, and the living, she replies with a loud, "Fuck you." Quite a few heads turn, trying to see who has enough nerve to say that to a Marauder.
Going up the stairs, she congratulates herself. Her first run-in with people here, and she already has gotten rid of four possibilities of pain for sure.
Good job, Amarylis.
Good job.
END OF CHAPTER ONE
A/N 2 So, I would love to hear your feedback on this story. Special brownies to those of you who review for me :-) Until next time, Happy Reading!
Toodles,
Alex