Idiot
By: RandHrFan
Disclaimer: I don't own it. All lyrics are in italics. Its by Lisa Marie Presley. It's called Idiot.
Hermione looked at herself in the mirror on her twenty-fifth birthday differently then she did any other day. She looked at her appearance with disgust. She looked at her picture of her and her husband and a knot turned in her stomach. The night before, Ron had asked her if she ever regretted the life she chose. She told him no, because honestly at that time she hadn't. Quite frankly she didn't even think about her life as a muggle. The more she thought about it, the more she realized that she did regret it. She thought of who or what she might have become, and the knot twisted tighter. She knew she would be different—maybe different wasn't so terrible. So as she kissed Ron good bye for work and watched him walk out and apparate out she knew she was safe to cast the spell. It was simple: the Hermione that she would have become would come to life so she could talk to her face to face. As the woman formed in Hermione's living room she was taken back. The alternate Hermione was wearing a very short dress with red leather knee high boots. The dress was tight and low cut with cleavage ready to pop out of it. Her hair was darker and piece-y and her make up dark around the eyes. Hermione could barely tell it was herself.
"Hi," Hermione said weakly.
"Hi."
"So what is this spell supposed to do exactly?" Still too timidly for comfort Hermione muttered.
"I'm gonna tell you what I think about you in that unforgivable way I do. You're an idiot and I hate your guts," the alternate universe Hermione said. Regular Hermione looked like she was slapped in the face. "Oh, don't be so surprised girlie, just think of what you wouldn't be saying. That's what I'm saying."
"Well would you like to know about me? Wait no you wouldn't."
"Actually I would," the alternate Hermione said surprisingly.
"Well, I don't know if you're a witch or if you went back to the muggle world or not, but if you are and went to Hogwarts, I married Ron."
"I'm a witch alright, and yeah I went to Hogwarts. I remember Ron," she said the last sentence with a smile. Hermione got the feeling that they were way more than just friends in her alternate life.
"So, you're happy for me?"
"I guess I'm as happy for you as I would be a cockroach in my food. I know its terrible, I really hate you though. You see Ron and I had a nice six year thing until the Lavender bitch came along. She ruined everything," the other Hermione said bitterly.
"Oh...I take it you're not happy. Maybe I shouldn't have brought you here."
"I'm happy. I do the thing I love every day."
"Which is?"
"Being the me, we always wanted to be," she smiled.
"I'm happy."
"Then why would you call me here? Do you have the fairy tale life? Or are you dancing to the white trash trance?" She said rudely as she looked at a picture of the married Ron and Hermione.
"You should go..." Hermione said standing at the front door with it wide open.
"Oh please remember me, please believe in me as someone who's never gonna wish you well."
"Get back in here!" Hermione yelled.
"You know, I heard the thing that you hate about me everyday, but you still wouldn't leave. Guess you never can," alternate Hermione said rudely as she brushed past Hermione.
"What was that?"
"That I was truly happy. And you had to..." she smiled that evil smile once again.
"I what?" Hermione demanded.
"You had to bullshit love."
"I had to bullshit love."
"Oh, I hated your guts! All you did was cry over Ron. Ronald said this. Ronald did that! My god! If you really loved him you should have just kissed him. But no, you had go on about how you hate him. Something I would do."
"I heard the opposite of love isn't hate. It's indifference," Hermione said matter-of-factly.
"But you want to know something? I can't relate. So have you achieved your goal? Now I've shown you how you would be."
"No. It's not good enough."
"It's never good enough!"
"Why are you so nasty and bitter?!" Hermione yelled.
"Cause I hate your guts."
"I like my life," she retorted angrily.
"You keep saying stuff like that, I have to wonder are you trying to convince yourself or did you sell your mediocre mind?"
"My mind is not mediocre! I like who I am!"
"Then why did you call for me to come?"
"I don't know, because I am better off the way I am!"
"So basically you had to find out why you're better off with border lines?" the alternate woman said cruelly.
"It's time to go lady!"
"I have just a few more things to tell you."
"I'm listening," Hermione said as she plopped onto the couch.
"Please remember me, believe in me as someone who's never gonna wish you well. Oh please remember me, please believe in me as someone who wants you to go to hell."
"Done?"
"No."
That was when Hermione walked out of the living room and looked at herself in the mirror once more. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the other her.
"You're in me?" she said with surprise.
"You're boring. Oh, did you hear me snoring.?"
"I only hear myself when I talk to you."
"That's because I am you you twit. And they call us the smartest woman of our year!" the alternate Hermione said exasperatedly. As she did this she threw up her arms, and Hermione saw cuts. One of them was still fresh and bleeding.
"I knew you weren't happy."
"What do you mean?"
"I don't mutilate myself when I talk to you."
"Well, it looks like you are smarter than you let on," she smiled evilly again.
"So tell me how did you get this way?" Hermione questioned.
"I hope you could tell that I'm no one's pearl."
"How do you know what Ron calls me?" Hermione asked surprised.
"You know I really thought you were smarter than that. We're the same person!"
"What do you want Ron still?"
"You know what? You can have 'em, go to hell!" the bitter version of Hermione shouted as she walked away.
"You're gonna die on us! One time one of those cuts is going to be too deep!" Hermione yelled after her.
"No I won't! And I have fans to get back too."
"Fans?"
"We're a singer."
"Oh... Well I have a job to get back to."
"Really what do you do?"
"I work in Magical Law Enforcement."
"Would the ministry like me?" alter-Hermione asked shyly.
"Would your fans like me?"
"No..."
"Well there you go," Hermione said and for the first time, she had an understanding of herself.
"So gonna come along with me? Or no?" Alternative Hermione impatiently groaned at the door.
"No. You're gonna come with me. We're going to go to Karaoke and get real piss drunk and call Ron Harry and Ginny down to the bar. And they're gonna hate your guts."
"Our guts."