After

She remembers the first time she saw Eliza's face. It had been the day that Kal had brought her to the Danvers', and Eliza had looked at her straight on, her pretty, blue – human – eyes meeting Kara's own. Though Kara doesn't remember all of what she had first said to her – a lot of her initial time on Earth is now a blur – but she still remembers part of it. This beautiful human who practically smelled like a mother said to her: "I know I'm not your mom, sweetheart…" and when Kara thinks of her Earth family, even now, these words burn in her memory. They were supposed to be uplifting, as in: "I know I'm not your mom, sweetheart, but I'll take care of you." Or, "I know I'm not your mom, sweetheart, but I'll be like a mother to you now." If only Kara could remember the last leg of what her foster-mother had said. She scours her mind these days to remember the tiny details of that first day. What had her first breath on Earth felt like? Her first steps on Earth's soil? The touch of Kal's hand as he pulled her up to her feet? If only she could remember. Though, to be fair, she wasn't exactly taking stock at the time – being asleep in a state of suspended animation in the Phantom Zone for years had seemed, to her, like an endless, meandering dream that she could not wake up from. She was vaguely aware of her surroundings – meaning that she was alive, mostly – though it became as if her consciousness paddled helplessly, trapped underwater, never able to bubble up to the surface of her body. Upon landing on Earth, she had spent the initial days convinced that this, too, was only a dream – a last defense from her body to rationalize as she too lay dying. Perhaps she had never left Krypton at all, Kara had told herself, and she was curled up with her mother and father, waiting for their home to explode, waiting for death – that would be a nice way to die, she thought. With her family. Like she should have.

Cat had caught her after the email scandal. Though, it didn't come to Kara has much of a surprise, even if she would never admit it. She had suspected that Cat knew something from their first interview on the roof. Something about the way her boss had said, so confidently, "it's you". As if she were calling her by name – her correct name, at that. After the confrontation over Kara's glasses, she had tried to deflect the matter as much as possible. She answered every question perfectly, and with Alex's help even enlisted J'onn to pose with her. But Cat saw right through her secret. Kara figured she always had, maybe even right from the day she saved the airplane. Her only option now was to comply. This is why she now sat in Cat's office in full Supergirl garb, cape and all, after work hours had ended and the last of the CatCo employees had skittered off home. It was a bit embarrassing, to be caught in her lie. Supergirl allowed her to project confidence; an ability that Kara Danvers alone could never exactly master herself. But now here was, facing the music. Surprisingly, said music did not come in a crescendo of sound, however. Kara expected Cat to spout some flashier version of "I told you so" – perhaps "celebrities hiding from CatCo reporters have better disguises than you," or the like. But no, not yet. The employer and employee sat parallel from each other, one on each sofa. Cat sipped her wine. Kara tried, painfully, to keep her legs from trembling. Who would break first?

"Ms. Grant," Kara finally mustered, her throat burning. "Please don't fire me. Please don't reveal my – "

"Oh, please, Keera," interrupted Cat. "Begging is beneath you. And besides – you've been a flawless assistant for, what, two years now? I have no intention of firing you – then I would have to find a less than adequate replacement. Who, by the way, is not you and, I'm sure, constantly fails to bring me my latte, hot, and my Lexapro, stat…and doesn't care about me or this job at all, aside from seeing me as another rung on the corporate ladder, and doesn't light up when Carter comes into the office after school, and…" Cat trailed off and looked up from her wine glass. "What I said earlier – about how every minute you're here, you're not out there, saving lives…"

"Yes?"

"You've managed up until now, somehow, I assume? This job hasn't been keeping you away from saving anyone?" The woman sighed and slightly shook her head. "If innocent people have died because you've been stuck here playing office, Keera, I swear to God – "

"No," answered Kara quickly. "No – what I mean is, no one has been neglected because I've been working here. I'm constantly being alerted on what's happening in the city. And…and to be honest, Ms. Grant, sometimes I leave and you don't even notice I've been gone. Supergirl is very fast, you know. That isn't a problem. But Ms. Grant, what I'm worried about is – you see, I want to keep Kara Danvers' life separate from Supergirl's, at least to the public. I want some sense of normalcy in my days. It makes me feel needed, accepted – I know you're sitting on the scoop of the century, and any journalist would kill to – but, please, Ms. Grant, I just – "

"Keera, what did we say about begging?" Cat cut her off again. "And you don't have to worry about that."

"I don't?"

"No. You happen to be someone I care about, and I don't break confidentiality with people I care about. How do you think I've kept so many contacts over all these years?" Cat looked at her assistant again and gave her a small smile. "You can trust me."

"I believe you," muttered Kara, looking down and breaking their gaze. "But…isn't there something I should – some kind of catch?"

"Not a catch," said Cat. "Not exactly. I keep my promise to keep your secret, and you keep your job, if you, Supergirl, sign with CatCo. Exclusively."

"What do you mean, exactly?"

"You sign with CatCo, legally. Supergirl becomes a CatCo property. That means endorsements, product placements – exclusivity, most of all. Supergirl talks only to CatCo. Absolutely no interviews or information of any kind given to any other journalism outlets. Especially not to that clueless Lois Lane at the godforsaken Daily Planet."

Kara couldn't help but snort. Kal would get a real kick out of that one.

"I know your cousin has a deal with them – the Daily Planet, I mean," Cat continued. "Isn't that right?"

"Yes, I'd say that's the case," said Kara, hiding a smile.

"So I'm sure Lois and her cronies have tried to recruit you too?"

"Oh, no," Kara couldn't help but laugh a little. "No, no, it's not like that. And Lois has been very nice. My cousin…" she stopped herself before saying anything more on the subject. She was careful not to give away too many details attached to Kal's personal life.

"Yes? Your cousin what?"

"He's just mentioned that Ms. Lane is a very good interviewer," she concluded. "That's all."

"Well maybe that's because your cousin hasn't had a sit down with me," Cat added, aside. "Being in Metropolis and all. Anyway – I had one of CatCo's lawyers draw up some papers."

The woman got up from the sofa and walked over to her desk, taking a full-to-bursting folder out of the top drawer. Kara followed hesitantly, and began to look over the papers before her boss had time to take them out – x-ray vision can come in handy – and nothing seemed out of the ordinary about them. It seemed like a clean, fair deal. And Kara knew that being tied to CatCo was a much better option than what could have come from all of this. Kal wouldn't mind her signing with Cat's media company over the Daily Planet. He knew about her allegiance to Cat and felt no competitiveness in that. Lois, however, would be miffed, being the CEO and all, but she would get over it relatively quickly; she couldn't stay mad at Kal's sweet little cousin.

"Alright," agreed Kara. "This sounds more than fair. Thank you, Ms. Grant."

"No need to thank me. Sign here," Cat pointed to a line on the bottom of one of the pages. "Initial here, sign and date there…"

Kara signed in Kryptonian, just in case.

"Should we shake hands or something?"

"Sure. Welcome to CatCo Worldwide Media, Supergirl." They shook on it, and for some reason, Kara felt better – not nervous anymore. Attached. In a good way. But why was that? "Would you like a glass of wine? We can toast if you'd like."

"Oh, don't waste it on me. I'm sure it's an expensive bottle, and I can't get drunk," the young woman explained. "It might as well be grape juice to me."

"Mm. What a shame," said Cat, making her way back over to the sofa. "Then I just have one more thing for you to do, Supergirl. You understand that we can't afford to have any skeletons lingering in the CatCo closet. Now that you're an exclusive property, I need you to be upfront with me. Honest. About everything."

"Yes, of course," replied Kara. "I've already told you – when Krypton was destroyed, I traveled to – "

"Yes, yes, you traveled to Earth with your cousin and tried to fit in among the human race and blah, blah, blah. I know that story. I want to know about you, Supergirl. For starters," a tone shift occurred in Cat's voice – from CEO to friend? Perhaps. "What is your real name?"

"You know it. Kara Da – "

"Your real name. You don't expect me to believe that aliens light-years away have earthly names, do you? Go on."

"Okay," the young woman was suddenly flushed. "My name is Kara Zor-El. Of the House of El. The noblest and most distinguished house on Krypton."

"Now that's more like it," pressed Cat. "Start at the beginning. Your childhood. Before."

Before. Because truly Kara felt that her life would forever be divided into before's and after's. Before's that she could never go back to. Memories that she could see but could never touch, never feel again. She was trapped here, helplessly, in her after. She knew that Kryptonite was her only way out. And honestly, when she had first discovered it, she felt relief. Because there was no other way to die here. Nothing did the trick. Not for her, anyway. And she had tried everything at one point or another. Each time yielded Eliza and Alex to their knees in sobs, guilt flooding Kara and racking her completely. But this green, burning stone could bring her back to her before. If she wanted it to, that is. It was nice to keep in the back of her mind, that's all.

So Kara started with her before. Being Lady Kara Zor-El, life on Krypton, her golden childhood. Her mother and father, her aunts and uncles, her extended family. The House of El. Living in Argo City, weekends away in Kandor, life as a child of high-ranking government officials. Knowing that this would have been her career path someday too. And then there was school, her daily lessons, the explanation of Kryptonian versus English, Krypton's advanced technology, religion, Rao the sun god and his glorious red light. Losing her accent once arriving here on Earth, which to humans sounded strangely like thick Irish. Talk of fancy government balls that Kara, sadly, was just a little too young to fully appreciate. And her friends, and those mean girls who were jealous of her house, and that funny boy Del-Or, who had parents in similar government positions and who she probably would have ended up married to someday, if only out of convenience, and…

And soon Kara realized that she had not told even Alex half of these stories. Or anyone, for that matter. Why? She had never wanted to hurt her sister's feelings. To let her know that there were people and things that Kara longed for that she could simply never experience here on Earth. She had never taught Alex her prayers to Rao – though Alex, in solidarity, had sat with Kara quietly while she prayed. She had tried to teach Alex Kryptonian, but didn't get very far – the DEO soon helped Alex learn many languages anyway. But still. There was a difference. There were feelings that went unmentioned and unnamed. Because, in truth, Kara knew she was all alone. Not even Kal could understand. He didn't remember. He didn't have a before. But she did.

"…and we would play in my attic! We lived in the same government building, so we used to play together all the time. We used to make up stories," Kara was in the middle of a story now. "We would act them out, like little plays."

"And did you like Del-Or as much as he liked you?"

"Oh…" Kara giggled. "I was so oblivious. I had no idea he even had a crush on me – we were just kids – puppy love. I didn't – no, just, looking back now – " She broke into giggles and didn't realize until she looked down that she was now hovering in the air, and promptly floated back down. "I suppose we would be married by now if everything went the way it was meant to. We went to the same private school – all of the children in the tower did."

"And?"

"And he was my good friend, so it would have been convenient to – "

"That sounds a lot like settling to me," observed Cat.

"Let me relish in this for a few more minutes," muttered Kara. "Then go ahead and add commentary. Please."

Cat nodded for Kara to continue without another word.

"I can almost see it – now, here, in front of me! We would have these – these grand balls, and…"

And Kara trailed off again, talking on and on, rambling without being interrupted. She could almost see it. The grand ballrooms, the swishing of the ladies' dresses, the dapper men, the beautiful outdoors, the yawning sky, lapping up the light of the red sun. Her beautiful childhood, and what could have been – or, should have been, she thought – her future.

"That's all well and good," said Cat when she finally had a moment to interject. "But what about after you landed here? What about after?"

After. Kara shook her head.

"I don't like to…to think about it…I don't remember all of it, I…"

"It's okay," said Cat softly, reaching over the table to gently stroke her assistant's hand. "Shhh, it's okay…"

Suddenly this wasn't just professional vetting anymore, Kara realized. Cat was here as a confidant. A confidant who was not too close to her to be hurt, like J'onn or Alex, but not distant enough from her world that this was all new, like James or Winn. Cat had been reporting on Superman for years when she worked for Perry White at the Daily Planet. Like James, she was familiar enough. But unlike James, she and Cat had a bond and a barrier – she was mentor and employer. And friend, perhaps.

"You don't have to tell me anything you don't feel comfortable with," it was clear now that her assistant was more than a little upset, and Cat didn't intent to bring this that far. "Kara, please listen: I just need to know if there's anything in your past that the company should worry about. That's all."

"I'm going to have to start at the beginning, then," said the young woman, burning inside. "We don't have to do all this tonight, if you don't want to. It's a long story, and you probably want to get home to Carter."

"Carter's with his dad tonight," replied Cat. "And I have all the time in the world. And I'm interested."

"You are?"

"I want to hear how hope wins the day," said Cat, smiling at her. "Go on. Start from the beginning."

Kara took a deep breath, and began at her after.