Chapter 1
"Oh, Ben, you look wonderful!" Carrie hugged him again and kissed his cheek.
"Now, Carrie, you always were prone to exaggeration!" Ben said, moving to shake her husband's hand. He shook with his right and patted Paul's shoulder with his left. "Paul! It's so good to see you!"
"Glad to be here, Ben. I hope we won't be too much trouble," he started.
"Trouble?! Nonsense! Now you two come in and get settled while I have Hop Sing fix up some lunch!" Ben took a suitcase in each hand and led the way into the house and into the guest room, talking all the while. "The boys are out with the cattle. I expect them back tonight. You remember Adam, don't you? Well, you'll see him and get to meet my other two boys, Hoss and Joe!" Ben set the suitcases down and turned to look at his friends again. "My goodness. It's been 25 years."
"Too long," Paul said, setting another suitcase down.
"Well," Ben began, "You two freshen up. Call for me if you need anything." He left the room.
Paul and Carrie stared at each other silently...coldly. Carrie reached for the pitcher and wash basin, and Paul sat down to take off his boots.
Adam pulled back the reins and brought Sport to a restless stop.
"What is it?" Hoss, said, coming alongside of him. Joe followed.
Adam gestured to the unfamiliar wagon parked in the barn. "Looks like we've got company."
"Well, I'll be," Hoss said.
Adam waited for his brothers to have a look, but when neither offered a suggestion as to who it might be, he sat up straight. "Well, let's go find out who it is." The three finished the ride and stabled their horses. Their Pa and a man and woman came out of the house to welcome them home.
"Paul and Carrie Davis, I'd like you to meet my sons." As Ben said the names, each boy shook hands with Paul and Carrie. "Adam, Hoss, and Little Joe."
"Adam, just look at you! All grown up!" Carrie exclaimed.
Adam smiled politely, unable to place these people in his memory. He looked to his father for the connection.
Ben stepped forward, "Paul and Carrie came to see us that one summer we spent in St. Louis. Don't you remember?"
Adam fixed his gaze on Carrie and thought long and hard. "Were you the one with the cookies?"
Carrie laughed. "I made you cookies and milk every day that we stayed with you! I'm surprised you remember! You were only five!"
Adam shrugged, "Who could forget those cookies!" He grinned, and the group walked back inside.
At the dinner table, the conversation lulled. Paul looked closely at Little Joe. He glanced at his wife. "He reminds you of Anthony, doesn't he?"
Carrie suppressed a frown. "Well, yes, a little."
Paul looked around at the expectant faces. "Carrie and I had a daughter, Sarah. She had a beau named Anthony. They went around together for about a year or so. He looked a lot like you, Joe."
"Where's your daughter, now?" Hoss asked, not having heard the past tense in Paul's explanation.
He looked down and moved the pieces of steak around on his plate. "She passed away, about eight months ago. She fell ill, and never... came out of it."
Hoss was the first to break the uneasy silence. "I'm sorry." The others chimed in their own words of consolation.
"It's all right. If I can't talk about her, I can't remember her, and if I can't remember her," he swallowed back tears, "Then I really have lost her." He wiped his eyes with his napkin and continued, "She was a couple of years older than you, Little Joe."
"Excuse me," Carrie said, and left the table for her room.
Ben's eyes followed her with concern. He looked at Paul. Paul offered no explanation or apology for Carrie's behavior, but continued telling the group about Sarah.
Ben sat on the porch, looking out into the darkness. He heard footsteps at the front door and looked up to see Carrie walking outside, wearing her robe.
Ben scooted over, and pulled out a chair for her. "You're up late," he observed.
Carrie sat down next to him. "I couldn't sleep. What about you?"
Ben smiled sheepishly. "All my boys are in town. Sometimes, even now, I wait up for them."
"They're fine young men, Ben. You've raised them well."
In the ensuing silence, Ben studied her face. She still had brown curls on her
forehead, but the top of her head revealed streaks of gray. Her face betrayed some lines which marked her years, but her body was still as shapely as ever. "Carrie," he spoke softly, "Are you all right?"
At first, she was going to lie to him, but one look in his eyes and she lost the will. She sighed. "Oh, Ben, it's been awful. Paul and I have barely spoken in years, and since Sarah-" She stopped abruptly, trying to hold back the tears. Ben reached out and grasped her hand. "Since Sarah's passing... I just don't know why I'm with him!"
"Carrie, you're married to him, that's why!"
"It wasn't my choice to get married, Ben. It just happened that way."
Ben was confused. "Carrie, what do you mean?"
Carrie took a few minutes, trying to get her breathing under control. "It was my parents. We were poor, Ben. There were six of us. Too many mouths to feed. I was the oldest, and when Paul came along looking for a wife, that was it.
I purposely kept from having children all those years. I just couldn't see having a child with a man I didn't love."
"But you did have a child with him," Ben prodded.
"Oh, yes... eventually." She got up from the swing and walked to the center of the porch. She turned back to Ben. "I suppose I thought if I couldn't love my husband, I could at least love my baby." A tear fell down her cheek.
Ben got up. He took her in his arms, unable to watch her suffering without consoling her.
"I did love her, Ben. I loved her so!" She burst into tears, and he held her until her sobbing ceased.
Ben and Paul looked out at the lake, taking time to skip a few stones.
"It sure is beautiful, Ben," Paul observed.
Ben smiled and looked out at the sun streaking across the water, but said nothing.
After some moments of silence, Paul looked over at his friend. "Somethin' troubling you, Ben?"
Ben sighed and glanced down at the stone in his hand. He set his jaw, threw the stone, hard, into the water and turned to Paul. "Paul, how are things with you and Carrie... really?"
Paul looked as though he expected the question. He sat down on a stone near the shore. "Not too good, Ben." He took off his hat and ran his fingers through his hair. Ben sat on the ground near his friend. "You live with somebody for years, and you think you know her, but..." Paul stopped and shook his head. "She's not the same girl. She's not the girl I married."
"When did it all start, Paul?"
"When Sarah got sick. I guess it was then. Carrie and I have always had problems. But the real change... yeah, I guess it was then.
"She doesn't love me, Ben. At least, not any more."
Ben thought for a while. Paul looked much older. He, too, had lines showing on his face, but his hair was almost solid gray now, and he had put on some weight. He looked very, very sad. "She's just distressed over the loss of your daughter, that's all. She'll come around in time."
Paul let out a laugh. "It took her seven years to come around after I married her. I may not live long enough for her to come around again!"
"Listen, Paul... " Ben pulled a strand of grass from near his knee and tossed it aside. "Carrie spoke with me last night." He glanced at Paul quickly. "I think you should talk to her."
Paul stared out at the water a while, then put his hat back on. "Sure," he nodded, "Sure."