Walking through the church corridors I silently cursed myself for drinking those beers with Skills. Not that I was anywhere near as drunk as I should be for this occasion, my bladder was just uncontrollable when I drank. I looked at each door, praying to find the sign that signaled the right restroom. I decided to try my luck with the next door I passed. The hinges creaked as I pressed my body into the heavy wood frame. The door eased open with my weight behind it and swung violently into the supporting wall behind it. I didn't take time to realize that this was, in fact, the completely wrong place for me to be as I stumbled over myself, trying to catch my balance.
Before looking up to see who was there, I quickly spoke a few apologies and made my way to exit when a strong hand reached the door before me and quietly closed it.
"Peyton, I didn't expect to see you here," he spoke with a solemn happiness. I turned to face him and saw in his face that he was truly happy to see me. His piercing blue eyes lit up and shown like an ocean catching the suns rays. I smiled bleakly up at him, trying to hide my misery and I really got a look at him. He was wearing a simple tux, classic. It fit him well but it wasn't right. He wasn't supposed to be wearing this tux, not today anyways. He wasn't supposed to be here, marrying her anyways. My smile faltered a bit.
"I'm sorry to barge in on you, I was just looking for the ladies room and that door is a lot heavier than I anticipated," I finished with a stifled laugh. I then noticed that his tie was askew and realized that he was never good at tying them. "Where's Nathan? Isn't he supposed to help you with things like this?" I asked indicating towards the messy knot at the base of his neck.
"Oh damn. I thought I finally got it," I said tugging at the knot, begging it to get into place and look nice.
"Come here," I demanded of him as I held my hands out to help him with the task. I untied his unruly mess of a knot and started over. I worked diligently and padded the knot when I was finished. "There, now you look like a man ready to get married," I said with a hint of sadness in my voice. I swear he heard it.
He turned to look in the full length mirror, "Thanks Peyt. And not just for the tie. It means a lot that you're here." He turned back towards me and smiled wistfully, that smile that always brought me back.
"You look very handsome in that tux Luke. I think this is my first time ever seeing you in one."
"You have so seen me in a tux. Remember prom?" he asked sarcastically.
"Oh, you mean the one where Brooke and I got attacked? 'Cause I didn't even see you till you were changed out of it," I replied honestly.
"What about Honey Grove?" My eyes immediately shot up to his face. How could he even bring that up on this day? On all of the days, he picks this one to break my heart and my soul. Not just break, but shatter into an unfixable mess.
"I'm not sure a vintage thrift store tux that you barely wore counts Luke," I said throwing the comment back in his face. His eyes caught mine and I knew I had hit him low. "You weren't even wearing a tie. It might have been a solid four years ago but don't think I'd forgotten. It was one of the happiest moments I've ever lived. I remember every detail. It's too important to forget, at least to me."
"It's important to me too, Peyton," he said quietly, just above a whisper as his eyes bore into my soul. His joyful face fell into a melancholy state of remembrance as he replayed that night's events in his head.
"Really? I couldn't tell," I concluded as I turned to walk out. His hand caught my arm and spun me around to face him again.
"Are we really going to end it like this? Is this what we've come to Peyt?" he asked sadly. He wanted his cake and to eat it too.
"We weren't ever supposed to end Luke, we've been through this. This whole thing isn't right," I said throwing my arms up to indicate to this day's event. "You have no idea how hard this is for me. Put your self in my shoes Luke, could you honestly say you would sit by and watch me marry another man?" He bent his head down in frustration as if to say no, no he would never be able to let me go that way. "God, Luke. This is supposed to be our day. Instead it's some stranger's I don't know anymore. You're going to be the father of her children. I wanted you to be the father of my children."
"Peyton, please, you have to understand," he pleaded with his eyes somber and tearful.
"Understand what Lucas?" I said in anger hitting his chest with an open palm, trying to get him to listen. "That you've left me for some one who doesn't even know you? She knows Lucas Scott, the author. I know Lucas Scott, the dreamer, the basketball player, the love of my life. You said not too long ago that I gave up on you. That is completely false, I loved your book and I knew that someday someone would read it and find their dream tucked away between the pages. I gave up on myself Luke. I needed to follow my dream and I need you to know that if you had stayed I would have been with you even if your book never got published. I would have been with you through anything. You need to understand something here; I will love you until the day I die and through what ever life after that. But if you say 'I do' today, I'm not going to be there when it all falls apart. You're losing me Luke," I finished with a shaky breath.
"I don't want to lose you, Peyton," he breathed out. I caught sight of a tear that was threatening to fall in his right eye. He blinked and it finally brimmed over his lower eye lid. He
dipped his head in shame, hiding from me. I reached both hands up to cup his face and as I did I stood up to bring my face to his. I kissed his beautiful lone tear and kissed the trail it left behind. I came back down and brought my hands with me, leaving them at my sides.
"I'm so lost Peyt," he said, convening loneliness and honest confusion. He bent down towards me and wrapped his arms around me in an intimate embrace. He buried his face into my neck and sobbed once, his whole body shaking and his breath covering my neck and shoulder. I brought my arms around his back and held onto his shoulders, trying my best not to start crying at the sight of this lost, broken man that I love so much.
"I know," I whispered into his ear. "I know Luke, I am too. I'm lost without you." He seemed to be completely comforted by this as he brought his head up away from my shoulder. His arms kept to their positions and I dared not to remove mine from his back. He stared down into my eyes and let out a few shaky breaths, coming to terms with just what it was doing to me.
His head dropped down again and his lips were at my ear. "She'll never be you," he said, bringing his lips to my neck and placing a soft, tantalizing kiss on my pulse point, sending my heart into a flutter. I swear he felt it. He lifted his head again, staring at me for some sort of sign, a signal to let him know that I was okay. He leaned his head into mine again and let his forehead rest on my. I closed my eyes, relishing in the feeling. He quickly placed his lips on mine for what felt like the last time. He said everything in the kiss he couldn't speak out loud. He told me that he loved me and that if things were different that this would be our day and forever would be ours.
I pulled away first, not giving him the chance to take the kiss any further. I stood up to reach his face and put my mouth next to his ear. "I love you too, come back to me." I softly kissed his cheek and left the room in a hurry for fear that if I stayed any longer I would break down into never ending tears. I walked back into the main church and sat in my pew next to Brooke. I knew by the look on her face that she knew exactly what I had just been through.
"It's going to be okay someday P. Sawyer. I promise," she consoled putting her arm around my shoulders. The procession started with neither the groom nor the best man in attendance. Lindsey came into view and walked her way down the aisle, alone. She took her spot and waited patiently. She eyed my curiously, sensing that this was never her day to begin with and with that realization, Nathan came through the big doors at the front of the church and walked swiftly down the aisle.
He whispered something along the lines of I'm sorry and handed the bride a note, most likely from the absentee groom. Her gasp was audible through the whole church as she finished reading the note and her head immediately snapped in my direction. She put her hand over her mouth, trying to conceal her hurt and embarrassment. She stole back down the aisle without a word spoken.
"I'm sorry ladies and gentlemen, there will be no wedding today. Lucas has left the church," Nathan said apologetically. He bent down towards the note and picked it up as the congregation filed out of the church. Brooke and I were rooted in our spots, too shocked to comprehend what had just happened. Nathan walked towards us, note in hand and I stood up to meet him. He handed me the note, hiding his smile and left with Haley. Brooke padded my back and followed them out of the church. I was left alone, alone with this piece of paper that had just broken some girl's heart. I opened it very gingerly, taking my time reading each word.
You'll never be her, Lindsey. I'm so sorry to have it end this way. You deserve better. She deserves better.
-Lucas
I too covered my mouth with my free hand and left the church in a hurry. I got into my car and drove to the place I knew he would be, the river court. I found him sitting on the bleachers, his head in his hands with his tux still on. I walked up to him and placed my hands on his knees.
"I need time. I love you and I will be with you but we both need time Luke. She deserves a better goodbye than a note however beautiful your words are," I admitted with a weak smile on my face.
His head shot up and his eyes searched mine. "You're right, she does. And you're also right, we both need time," he realized has he rested his forehead against mine. I pulled back and let him get on his feet. He smiled at me with grace and happiness. He bent down and kissed my forehead before he left. "Someday," he said and turned away from me and walked back to his car.
"Someday," I promised myself too low for him to hear.