Summary: "You say you love me, right? John Garrett is the reason I almost died in a pool of my own blood. He ordered to have those bullets put in me. No matter what you owe him, you either walk away now, or you admit that I meant nothing to you."
Unlike Agent Grant Douglas Ward, a secret agent of HYDRA trained by SHIELD, Agent Skye of SHIELD had known love in her life from a young age. When her mother and father had given her up, it hadn't been willingly. They had died trying to defend her, died trying to protect her from those who wanted to harm her. When she was six months old, she had been sent to a religious orphanage, where she had been taught that Christianity and God were both definitions of the truest love that the world has ever known. The nuns had cared for her as though she were their own daughter, and she knew that they felt as though it were their duty, but she still grew up feeling undiluted, pure love.
Agent Grant Ward may have been a HYDRA traitor, but he also hadn't known love in his life. His brother had forced him to abuse his younger brother, and his sister had watched with horror in her eyes. He had known that both his younger siblings would despise him for his actions eventually, but he had known that, had he not done as he was told, both his mother and his father would have taken his brother's side and allowed the abuse to continue.
Skye couldn't imagine growing up in that environment. Yes, she had no parents to raise her, but beatings were never used as punishment. In fact, she had been very rarely punished. She was a rambunctious child, and the actions she committed often exasperated the nuns, but they would laugh alongside her at her antics.
Grant had been beaten for his antics. He hadn't known laughter, peace, or love. So why would he trust their team? Why would he turn to them when he had learned that turning to people only led to pain? As much as Skye wanted to hate him, she couldn't. It was impossible. She could not hate a man who had known only hate and therefore had no idea how to love. She couldn't despise his methods because he believed that Garrett had saved him from a much worse fate.
She glanced up at May as the elder agent walked past her, her eyes hard. Everyone was furious and betrayed at the actions committed by the specialist, but it was also very obvious that they were hurting. They had trusted Grant with everything, even their lives at times, and he had betrayed them.
She knew that they had been hurt by her betrayal, but his was much worse. It had always seemed that his allegiance had been to SHIELD, and yet it had been to HYDRA. He had lied to them with every smile, every laugh, every mission. He had pretended to be someone he was not.
So why was it that Skye had seen the real person he was, knew what he was capable of, and yet she couldn't bring herself to feel resentment for him or despise him? Why was it that when she thought of him she felt nothing but affection very much akin to love?
Because you know that he's broken, and you want him to know what love is. You think you can save him.
Her subconscious was likely right. She wanted him to know what love was so that he could choose between love or hatred, SHIELD or HYDRA, those who had stood by him or those who had abused him until he bled and was hospitalized.
"Agent May, Agent Coulson," she said to her commanding agents. They both looked over at her, concern in her eyes. "I looked into Ward's health and hospitalization records."
Coulson approached her. "Why would you do that?"
"He said that what he felt for me wasn't a lie, which means that what he told me wasn't a lie, either. His brother made him hurt his younger brother with the threat of death hanging over his head. His mother and father were worse. If you've only known hatred your entire life and you're presented with love and compassion, how are you going to react?"
"You turn against it. It's a survival mechanism," Coulson said, finally realizing what she was getting at.
"Right, A.C. So I looked into his records for signs of abuse. At the beginning, they didn't look very abusive. Just a few broken bones every few years, something that a child could get easily if they fell down the stairs or off a swing. A few cases of the flu. It didn't worry me until I hacked into private hospital records in the area, looked for his name and variations of it, and found these." She brought up the records. "He was hospitalized eight times in the first month of 1989 for broken bones and wounds. His mother filled out the papers and always said that he fell down the stairs or angered the dog."
"You don't think so?" May asked.
"I've been hospitalized five times in my entire life, and I pissed off our dog at the orphanage every other day. Dogs don't cause wounds like the ones described every day, May." She shuddered. "I was sobbing when I read these and then the abuse stopped."
"For how long?" Coulson asked.
"Five years. It was when he was placed in prison for trying to burn down his house with his older brother inside. I looked into John Garrett's assignment during those years, what contacts he may have had, and the center where Grant was placed was one of them." She brought up the records. "And then the abuse stopped for a while, but it started again. Broken ribs, fingers. I looked up the mission records. The dates that he was hospitalized coincided with the dates that he did something accidently that cost them men or the mission."
"He beat him when he failed," Coulson said, looking as though he wanted to vomit.
"When you're beaten for failing that many times, you learn not to fail. He didn't mean to betray us, A.C. It was him surviving. He's learned to be a survivor and he thinks that means that he can't trust or love. I love him, though, even after all that he's done. He deserves to know that. He deserves to know that someone in this world loves him."
"He's never known a family, Agent Coulson. He deserves to know that we can be one for him, if he wants that," Simmons said, walking in. "He was beaten and battered and told he meant nothing. He's like a brother to me. If I have to spend the rest of my life telling him that Garrett was wrong about him, I'll do it, sir. He deserves to know."
"Fine," Coulson said. "He'll be given a second chance. We all have been given one. But if he tries to harm any of us, if he threatens you, he is off this team. If he even decides to join again. What's your plan, Skye?"
"He said that he would never let anyone hurt me. I'm going to be very cruel and play on that. It won't be pretty, but he might get the message. I'll throw in the part that I love him too," she said as she pressed the satellite phone her commanding agent handed her.
"Agent Coulson, I thought we had this discussion. I'm not surrendering."
"Hello, Grant," Skye said, struggling to keep her voice from breaking. "How are you?"
"Skye, what's wrong?" he asked, and she heard the concern in his voice.
"I love you." She said the words slowly, putting every emotion she had ever felt for him in those three words. "You think that you can't be loved and that no one will forgive you, but we all do, Grant. I looked into your medical history. Why didn't you tell us that Garrett beat you if you did something he didn't like?"
"He didn't beat me. He taught me to be better. It helped me."
"Oh, baby," she sighed. "He beat you. He may have told you all those things, that he was helping you to be better, but he wasn't. He was no better than your mother, your father, and your older brother. I love you, Grant, and it kills me that you don't know that he abused you, but I do, and I am so sorry. I am so sorry that you think no one cared enough to pay attention before, but we do now."
"Skye, it wasn't abuse!" he said angrily.
"Yes, it was, Grant. But we don't have to talk about that right now. You don't have to admit it. He abused you and you love him, but he doesn't love you. Listen to me, Grant. We love you. We are your family, and as someone who never had one, I'm telling you that this one's pretty good."
She breathed in deeply before pulling the last punch. "And if you love me like you say you do, then you need to stop letting John Garrett control you, because even if you had nothing to do with it, he is the reason that I nearly died in a pool of my own blood. I know you feel like you owe him, but you don't. Even if you think you do, I almost died because of his decisions. If you stay with him and let him control you, then you never felt anything for me at all."
"Skye," he breathed, and her heart broke at the pain in his voice. "I love you."
"I know you do, Grant," she said, her own tears running down her cheeks. "All I'm asking you to do now is to prove it."
The bus was parked at one of its numerous bases due to the fact that, according to the government, SHIELD was a terrorist organization and its planes would be shot down by the military and the bureaus without those boarded were even given a chance to explain. That day, it was at the Playground, and they were absolutely positive that no one else knew where it was located, which was the reason that May and Coulson both aimed guns at the door when it opened.
The familiar, heavy footsteps of a specialist they had all come to love in different ways filled the room, and Skye glanced up from her laptop in hope, her eyes already filling with tears. She saw the broken expression on Grant Ward's face as he approached her, his eyes full of sadness, of tragic loss, and of love. She approached him slowly, well aware of his qualms about being touched, and sighed in relief when he wrapped her in his arms, resting his chin atop her head as he murmured apologies and words of love.
"I turned myself in, knowing that Garrett would show up and try to talk me out of it. Hill took him out with the ICER. I don't know if he's alive or dead, and I don't care. Are you okay?" he questioned, looking at her in concern and placing his hands on either side of her face. "You good?"
"I'm fine."
"Simmons, is she good?" he asked, glancing towards the scientist and causing Skye to roll her eyes. "Skye, I saw that. You once told me you were doing fine a day after you got shot. She tells the truth."
"She was my warden," Skye complained.
"Mm," Grant said, wrapping his arms around her from behind and swaying them back and forth slightly. "Well, you were healthy when you left. It made me happy."
"She's good, Ward," Simmons answered his question. "She's been a bit worried about you. What happened to your face? Are you all right?" she questioned, gesturing to the bruises and cuts.
"I did something wrong. Garrett hit me," he admitted.
"It's abuse," Skye said. "I know you don't want to admit it, but it's abuse. Come here," she said, making him sit down on the table and turning his face towards Simmons. "Is it deep enough for stitches?"
"Hmm," Simmons said, touching the would gently and wincing when he grunted in pain. "Sorry, Ward," she said quickly. "I think a butterfly bandage will work with it, as long as he promises not to take it off."
"I will make sure he doesn't," Skye said.
"Skye-"
"Nope, Grant, you said you loved me. You're stuck with me now, superspy," she said, kissing his forehead.
"I don't know how to do it, you know. Love somebody. I've never done it before."
"Well, you basically want to beat the crap out of their abusive supervising officers and then tell them that you love them until they believe you. That's my experience, at least," Skye said, smiling when he pouted at the sting of disinfectant. "I'd offer you ice cream, but I don't think you're smart enough to be bribed by its chocolate-y goodness," she said, smiling at him softly when Simmons finally patched up his last cut. She pressed a kiss to all of them gently. "Better?"
"Yeah," he said, wincing when he stood up. "Fighting with broken ribs may not have been my best idea."
"It actually may have been your most idiotic," Skye said, reaching for his hand and smiling when he entwined their fingers gently. "I do love you."
"Love you, too," he said, leaning to kiss her forehead and then stroking her hair away from her face. "This team may have been a mission, but it's the closest thing to family I've ever had."
"I know what you mean," she said, resting her free hand on his cheek when he paused. "They're the only family I've ever known."
"How can you love me?" he said, and in those four words, he let her see every bit of his brokenness, every insecurity he had ever been forced to endure. "I'm a monster."
"No, you are not," she said adamantly, her hand finding his. "You are not a monster. You were a scared little boy, Grant, and that part of you is the part of you that Garrett knew, the part of you that did what he wanted out of fear of being beaten. You were miserable and you were terrified, Grant, and you did horrible things. Sometimes miserable and terrified people do horrible things, but it doesn't make them monsters or horrible people, and it does not make it impossible for them to be loved. Knowing what I do doesn't make me hate you, Grant. It makes me love you more."
"How?" he questioned.
"Because, Grant Douglas Ward, those who don't know love, they are the most deserving of it." She reached for his hand.
"Mm," he said when they walked into the kitchen. "Should I be scared of May and Coulson?"
"Only if you hurt Skye again," Coulson said, standing next to them.
"Sir, do you ever walk into a room normally?" Grant asked.
"You're in love with the closest thing to a daughter May and I have ever had. Don't hurt her."
"May and you? What's up with you and May?" Skye asked suspiciously, giggling when Grant whispered, "And now we're not getting any sleep."
"We can cuddle later," she said to her boyfriend, pretending to be stern. "What happened with you and May?"
"We were married," May said bluntly, walking into the room.
"Seriously?" Skye asked. "Did you know this?" she asked Ward, pointing a finger at him.
"Yeah, Skye, I know everything about their personal lives," he said sarcastically. "No, sweetheart," he said when shot him a glare so withering that any man would have folded. "I had no idea.'
"It was a long time ago, before Bahrain," May said, sitting in one of the chairs in front of the breakfast bar.
"What happened?"
"I loved my job too much to spend much time on our marriage, and he loved me too much to only accept half," May said, her eyes softening in a rare gesture of forgotten pain. "After Bahrain, it was final. We had been estranged before, but it was the end of our marriage. We were changed people."
"I'm sorry," Skye said lamely, her hand finding Ward's again. "But if you do still love each other, you shouldn't give that up." With those words, she left the two senior agents to stare at each other. "And now I'm going to cuddle," she said adamantly, dragging Ward behind her to his bunk and leaving the closest thing she had known to parents to laugh at their daughter's antics.
"Cuddle?" Ward asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah," Skye said, plopping down on the bed. "It's like hugging, but you're laying down. Come here," she said with a smile, resting her chin on his chest when he laid down and then closing her eyes. "And now you relax."
"Yeah, I don't tend to do that while I'm awake."
"Mm, relax and hold me," she ordered. "Pull the comforter up. I'm cold."
He did as he was told, leaning down to kiss her forehead. "I love you."
"Mm, love you, too. Now cuddle," she ordered sleepily. "And then we can watch a movie."
"What movie?" he questioned. "Are you going to make me watch Hunger Games?"
"No. Catching Fire," she corrected, patting his cheek gently.
He chuckled at her, leaning down to kiss her forehead once again. "Yeah? What is that about?"
"It's the sequel to Hunger Games. They almost get married and then they almost die."
"They almost die before or after they almost get married?"
"No one really knows."
He shook his head. "How do you not know?"
"Well, they release their engagement pictures and then they almost die, so it was during."
"That makes so much sense, rookie," he teased her, leaning down and kissing her nose.
"By the way, you're back to being my S.O." She smiled at him.
"How did you manage that one?"
"Coulson loves me." Skye flashed him a cheeky smile.
"So do I."
It took therapy and the comfort of the team day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year for Grant to finally see himself as the brave specialist they saw and not the damaged boy Garrett had made him think of himself as. The emotional and physical abuse of his mother, father, and brother still haunted him, but he swore that he would be better, do better by his wife and by his family. And that reason alone was the cause of his lack of nervousness when the squalls of his newborn daughter filled the room and he was handed a bundle of pink. Skye had been right. His family had never been able to mean nothing to him. They had always meant everything to him.