Chapter 1: The Circuitous Dance of Real or Not Real

The rising sun shone brightly through the window, pulling Katniss Everdeen out of her slumber. Clearing her mind of the last vestiges of the dream she had been having, she glanced around until she saw the familiar streak of blond hair catch the light. Peeta. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. He was still here. With her. And with him had been brought another consecutive night of no nightmares.

Checking the position of the sun in the sky, Katniss realized she had only a little time to go out hunting in the woods beyond District 12 before her….what could she refer to him as right now? He was not her husband, not yet anyway. She had thought about marriage someday, as she would not want to be married to anyone else but him. Boyfriend? No. Ah, her secret lover. That suited their present situation nicely.

Anyway, she had only a little time to go out hunting before her secret lover awoke for breakfast.

Katniss got quietly out of bed, showered and dressed. When she was all ready, she dared to approach Peeta's sleeping form. She kissed his cheek softly, and whispered, "I love you, my dandelion in the spring." The young man stirred, but did not wake.

A few hours later, Katniss returned with a fresh rabbit. The stillness of the house told her Peeta was not yet up. Perfect. She could cook a full meal and surprise him. She skinned and cooked the rabbit, then added an appetizer of honeyed buns - Peeta's, and incidentally her, favorite pastry. She was just taking the meal off the oven when a sound made her turn around.

Peeta was leaning bleary-eyed in the doorway. He sauntered over to her and smiled.

"Good morning," he said warmly. Katniss gave her best smile back, and half-expected him to kiss her. Today is the day, she thought. But no kiss came. Instead, Peeta sat at the table.

"You made this?" he asked, impressed. Katniss nodded, and he chuckled. "I've rubbed off on you. We'll make a baker out of you yet."

Katniss grinned. "Only when you learn how to hunt to my satisfaction," she teased back, enjoying the banter.

But a part of her was still sad. This morning's routine was similar to most others. She would rise early from the bed they shared, make breakfast, and then Peeta would come down to eat before going into town to open the bakery he ran. In this sense, the two former Hunger Games victors of District 12 acted as any husband and wife might. Yet, there were no public displays of affection beyond a fleeting hug: no kisses, certainly no sex, not even a simple "I love you" exchanged. Katniss could only show such love to Peeta in his sleep.

A sudden bump made Katniss get out of her thoughts. She froze. Peeta was holding the edges of the table for dear life and shaking violently.

Oh no…not again…he hasn't had a flashback in months….

"You!" Peeta growled, but he did not rise from his seat; in fact, a tiny part of his real self was fighting to remain in control by forcing him to stay rooted to his chair as if anchored to it. Still he screamed at her. "You killed my family! You took everything from me! You…" He shook dangerously now, and suddenly all his muscles relaxed and he slumped like a noodle over the table. After a moment, he looked up.

"I had another flashback, didn't I?" Katniss nodded slowly. Peeta usually forgot immediately about flashbacks after they occurred. "Katniss, whatever I said…I didn't mean it…I'm sorry, I…"

"I know," Katniss said gently.

"Snow is dead," Peeta declared suddenly. "Real or not real?"

Katniss nodded. "Real."

"The Second Rebellion was my fault."

"Not real. If anything, it was my fault," Katniss clarified, and she almost wanted to laugh, but refrained. Real or Not Real, the game that had been invented to help cure Peeta's memory loss during the war, was never a laughing matter to the man who sat across from her.

A pause, and then: "Can you still go into work today?"

"I'd better," said Peeta, rising and grabbing his satchel. "Wheat needs help assembling that new oven we ordered." He quickly gave her a fleeting hug. "Bye. See you tonight."

"Bye." Katniss wanted desperately to say 'I love you,' but was scared of how he might react. By the time she had worked up the courage to do so, Peeta was gone.