The premise of this series is that Samantha Wildman, designated madonna figure of Voyager, has an interior life. It isn't always pretty.

I wasn't a writer, until MiaCooper said I should be. Warmest thanks to her for opening that door and then beta-ing what emerged through it.

Chapter 1. Guardian

I ring the Commander's office door chime precisely at 1400 hours, as planned. He calls me in and looks up from a PADD.

"Ensign Wildman, please sit down. How have you been?" He thinks I'm here for a counseling session. Well, in a way I suppose I am.

"Thank you, Commander. I'm managing. It's just good to be back and in one piece."

"I understand." I remember that he has had his own share of close calls with shuttle landings. He does understand. Except for the part that has brought me to him now.

I get right to the point. "What concerns me now is Naomi."

"Oh? Is she still upset?"

"She's working through it. She seems fine most of the time, but then she'll say something, and I know it's because she was scared I would die. She's been having nightmares."

"I'm sorry to hear that. But not surprised. Naomi is a perceptive child, and old enough now to understand certain things. Like what can happen on an away mission."

"She is. It's hard to watch. I want to comfort her and promise that I'll always come back, but I can't promise that in good faith. I know Neelix meant well and did his best with her while I was away, but … he ended up lying to her, and I'm afraid it made things worse for her in the end."

"I see. That's too bad. What can I do to help?"

Here goes nothing. "Well, given my recent brush with death …" - he winces at that - "... I've been putting my affairs in order. Just making sure that everything is in place for Naomi in case we're not so lucky next time."

"Ensign, let me assure you, there doesn't have to be a next time. You're in a special position, as the only science officer with a child on board. I'm sure Captain Janeway would agree to remove you from the rotation for away missions."

Deep breath. Why is this so hard to say, when I feel so clear about it? "No, Commander. Thank you, but that's not what I'm asking for."

He blinks, mildly surprised, sits back in his chair. "Go on."

"I'm a scientist and a Starfleet officer as well as a mother. We all know the risks when we sign up, and when we decide to have children. I don't want special treatment. I want to do the work I'm trained for, and I don't want to lose out on opportunities for advancement."

Commander Chakotay regards me calmly. His face hasn't changed, but I think I see a new respect in his eyes. And, perhaps, something else - a realization that I'm not who he thought I was.

Before I can give that impression further thought, he nods. "Thank you for helping me understand your position. How, then, can I help you with - putting your affairs in order, as you were saying?"

"I want to ask you and Captain Janeway to share guardianship of Naomi, should I die or become incapacitated."

Calm becomes still. Frozen for a moment. Then he's breathing again, and he surprises me with a smile. "Ensign Wildman. I … wasn't expecting to hear that. I'm honored, and I'm sure the captain will be as well. But why us? And who is listed as her guardian now?"

"Neelix."

"Ah."

I find I'm trembling slightly. This is harder than I thought it would be. "I love Neelix, and Naomi adores him, and he's been so good to both of us all these years."

"... But?"

"He lied to her. And it wasn't only to protect her. It was because he couldn't face what needed facing."

"I see."

We sit for a moment, him thinking, me watching him think.

"I do see," he says. "Neelix may be better suited to caring for younger children, than parenting older ones. And Naomi is growing up fast."

"Yes. He'll always be her favorite uncle. But I just can't see him now as her … father, for lack of a better word."

"Naomi has a father."

I blush and look down. "Yes, I'm well aware, thank you."

He starts, grimaces, apologizes. "I'm sorry, Sam - I didn't mean -"

"No, it's okay. You're right, actually. She does have a father, and I still hope very much that someday Gres will be able to play an active role in her life. And all of this guardianship problem will become moot if we get home to him before she's an adult." More words tumble out. "But for all intents and purposes, what Naomi has right now is a few holoimages and my stories about a man who doesn't know her at all." I'm trembling again, harder now.

"And a wonderful, devoted mother."

I clench my jaw shut and fight back tears. I can't speak.

"Not to mention a ship full of adults who love her and would do anything to take care of her."

That gets through to me. I look him in the eye. "Yes. That's what I'm counting on. In case."

"Yes. In case. OK. But that brings us back to - why me and the captain? Out of the whole ship?"

"Because I trust you both to make good decisions. Especially … together."

That earns me a sharp glance. All he says, and mildly, is, "Together?"

I'm not touching that with a ten-foot-pole. "You're an excellent command team, and I think it's because you balance each other's natural tendencies so well. Naomi could only benefit if you were both collaborating on any big decisions regarding her upbringing."

"Neither of us is a parent, though."

"That's true, but parents are in short supply on this ship."

I can see him listing them mentally. It doesn't take long. Voyager was staffed with a predominantly young crew for its maiden voyage. Tuvok. Mike Ayala. Joe Carey. All good men, but none is especially close to Naomi nor obviously suited to be her guardian. When his facial expression tells me he has reached the same conclusion, I continue.

"It also seems to me that as the command team has ultimate responsibility for the entire crew, it's logical to entrust you with Naomi's guardianship. I don't expect you to actually raise her - to have her live in your quarters and do the hands-on day-to-day care that a child needs. I just think you two will be in the best position at any given time to decide who will do that, along with making decisions about her medical care and education."

He nods slowly, fitting the pieces together in his mind. "Yes, I understand. My people have a tradition of fosterage, in fact. As children grow, it's not uncommon for them to spend months at a time living with extended family instead of with their parents. Voyager is the closest thing I've experienced to a village community since I was a child myself. I think that approach could work well here, if need be."

I relax. He understands what I'm proposing.

"So," he continues, "I'm honored to be asked, and I accept, provided the captain is in agreement. Have you spoken to her about this?"

"Not yet. I've made a written proposal, and I'm hoping you will read and approve it - conditionally - before she sees it." I hand him a PADD; he doesn't look at it, but considers me again, steadily.

I see again that newfound regard for me in his eyes. Neither of us acknowledges out loud that I have pursued this matter strategically, nor that this suggests I saw the commander as the softer target of the pair of them. I keep my expression blandly professional, until he treats me to an amused, full smile - dimples included. Outmaneuvered, and he knows it. I smile, thank him, and leave.