"All right," Pidge said. "The passcode sequence is in this file I'm sending you all now."
She hit the button and everyone queued up the file.
"Uh... Pidge?" Shiro said. "Are you sure this is right?"
"Yeah, I know, it's a long sequence, but I double-checked it."
"'The Ring of my Asshole,'" Keith read. "'A Sonic Love Story.'"
"Shit," she paled. "Wrong file. Don't read that."
"Holy crow," Lane scrolled through. "How do you expect me to NOT read this?"
"Yeah, me too," Hunk said. "Like, "'Is this your first taste of echidna cock?' Knuckles grinned as he stroked his pulsating, four-headed shaft..." Do they REALLY look like that?"
"Hunk, close the file. And yes they do."
Hunk skipped ahead and kept reading.
"'The hedgehog was prickly going down Tails' giant throat, but they knew if they didn't retrieve the Chaos Emerald they would never be able to cure him?'"
"Here's the RIGHT file," Pidge brusquely sent them something else. "Seriously, close that thing!"
"Did you WRITE this?" Lance gawked.
"Well that would explain all these notes at the bottom," Hunk said.
Pidge groaned into her hands.
"Guys. Please. Pretend you never saw that."
But there really was no coming back from this.
"Hey Pidge?" Lance came in a while later.
"Lance," she grumbled. "If you're here to make fun of me, just… don't."
"Nah, I'm not gonna make fun of you," he said. "But I did want to talk to you about it."
"I don't."
"No, it's okay," Lance said. "You don't have to be embarrassed about it. We all like our own weird stuff. Like, I was never that into Sonic, but I always DID think Tony the Tiger was kinda hot."
"Uh… that's good to know."
"But no, Sonic's cool too," Lance said. "And I thought the writing was pretty good. And also I really like your OC!"
"You do?"
"Yeah! She has a really cool backstory, and I like the way she plays both sides to get what she wants!"
"That's just so she can fuck everybody."
"Really? Because I felt like her motivation was a lot deeper than that."
Pidge played with her shoelace.
"I guess it could be, if you want to read it that way."
"Well, I read your notes at the bottom too, and it really feels like her character has a lot going on."
"Well. Thanks."
"Oh, no problem. And I really liked the part where Sonic seduced the pirates for information, or possibly true love."
"Come on, he totally seduced them for–"
"Don't just TELL me, Pidge! That ruins the whole thing!"
"Right."
"So…" Lance began. "Since everything's on the table and we're both into kinda weird stuff here… you think you can write me a chapter with Tony the Tiger? I don't care who he fucks, I just really wanna see that in your writing style. Please?"
Pidge tried not to stare. It probably didn't work.
"Okay."
Nothing quite made Pidge question her life like staying up late to write Sonic porn.
And then Tony stuck his tiger dick up Shadow's spiny asshole. And the size difference was absolutely staggering.
"That's grrrrreat!"
She buried her face in her hands.
She totally deserved this. A lot more than Matt did, anyway.
That file was strictly meant for blackmail, but she couldn't just throw him under the bus for HER mistake. He still didn't even know she HAD this thing.
It was a special-occasion sort of blackmail. A trump card for whatever embarrassing story he might pull out about HER.
She felt worse about downloading it after he disappeared. And about laughing at it. She looked at it every now and again because it was something that HE wrote, it was his voice and his words and all the weird shit he thought about.
She missed him so much.
It was gonna be a long night.
"Oh yeah Tony," Shadow moaned very sexily. "I'll frost your flakes like you wouldn't believe."
"Aww, come on Pidge, the other chapters were so much more DETAILED than this!" Lance complained.
"Sorry. I've been… busy."
"Yeah, yeah, I know," he sighed. "Sooo… does that make you too busy to write about my new Sonic OC?"
"What? Uh, yeah, probably."
"Yeah, I figured," Lance deflated. "His name is Crosshare, and he's a rabbit, and he's totally also a pirate, which is why he has an eyepatch, and he's also an awesome sharpshooter, and he ties his ears back, you know, cuz he's a rabbit and he doesn't have hair to tie back, also the eyepatch has a bullseye on it and I think he would get along pretty well with Lumen."'
"Yeah, I'm sure she would fuck him," Pidge chuckled a bit.
"Oh, that would be AWESOME!" Lance said. "But I know you're too busy to write that."
"You know what, Lance?" Pidge said. "Why don't YOU write the next chapter, and add your OC to the story? You have all the notes and stuff, and you know this character a lot better than I do."
"Really?" Lance said. "You would TRUST me with that? After all that work you put into it?"
"Go for it," Pidge said. "SOMEBODY has to continue that story."
Lance saluted dramatically.
"I'll do you proud, Pidge."
She smiled to herself as he left.
Matt might have almost been proud of her.
She showed Matt all around the ship when she found him.
They came upon Lance in the lounge.
"What's that you're drawing?" Matt asked.
Pidge nearly had a heart attack.
Lance was in the middle of a virtual doodle of none other than her brother's Sonic OC.
"Oh my gosh, I'm glad you asked!" Lance turned around. "That's Lumen the Cat, she's like an awesome ninja cat with an angler fish light for a tail, because she was like, genetically modified in a lab before she was born, and she's also like, SUCH a go-getter and kinda hot too."
She saw Matt trying to hide a smile.
"That's cool. So, what's she from?"
"Oh. You know," Lance said. Pidge caught his eye as it looked like he was deciding what to say. "From… a really awesome Sonic fanfiction written by some total stranger on the internet."
Matt giggled and put a hand to his face.
"You know, I think I've read that one. And it IS pretty good."
"I KNOW RIGHT?" Lance said. "And since it hasn't updated in a while, I've been writing my OWN stuff for it!"
Matt lit up and vaulted the couch to sit next to him.
"For real? What did you write? Where are all the emeralds now? Who's dating Knuckles? I wanna hear EVERYTHING!"
Pidge smiled and shook her head.
She loved these two dorks so much.