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Title :: Break Down
Disclaimer :: I don't own Suits.
Summary :: With Donna gone, Harvey's been on edge. Harvey finally falls apart after he hurts Mike. Light Slash. One-shot.
It was obvious that Harvey wasn't his usual self without Donna around. Hell, nobody was the same without Donna around but Harvey was a bit (okay, a lot) more on edge than normal and Mike would be lying if he said he wasn't worried.
Mike hadn't bothered Harvey all day at work, except for a few minutes to only give him a couple of completed files and a kiss on the cheek around lunch time, because he knew that Harvey needed some space and time to get used to sitting in his office without Donna right outside the door. (Mike hoped she wouldn't be gone for long, they had to get her back).
Mike didn't know what started it, or how they ended up like this.
When they had both gotten home, all Mike had done was sit down next to Harvey on the couch and asked if he was okay, that was it.
Harvey jumped up, anger obvious in his voice when he scolded Mike on how stupid questions were a waste of time and that Mike should be getting his act together if he didn't want to end up fired too. Mike knew the comment wasn't what Harvey really felt, just anger that needed to be released on something and Harvey didn't have anyone else to take it out on.
Mike ignored the words and stood up, reaching out to Harvey in a comforting attempt but was pushed away immediately. He wasn't expecting the amount of force in the shove and lost his balance and ended up falling back onto the floor. Mike watched in hurt confusion as Harvey just stormed out of the room and into their bedroom, slamming the door loudly behind him - not once even bothering to look back.
The last thing Mike had expected was for Harvey to put his hands on him physically push him out of the way. Harvey wasn't violent, the total opposite really (specifically with Mike), so when it happened Mike couldn't ignore the uncomfortable feeling that settled over him. He stayed on the floor for a few moments, backing up enough to lean against the couch. He crossed his arms protectively over his chest out of habit. He had been in abusive relationships before and he didn't think Harvey, who knew full well about Mike's past, would ever do something like that.
Granted, it was just a push - plus, he ended up on the floor mostly because of his own footing - so Mike really shouldn't be making a big deal out of it. He had been in much worse situations before, but the main issue that Mike had wasn't the actual push itself, it was the fact that Harvey was the one who had done it. Mike had seen Harvey get angry - usually because of Louis or Daniel...mostly Louis - but, even when he was upset with Mike it never ended with Mike actually getting hurt.
Mike took in a ragged breath, pushing back threatening memories of past relationships. He sniffed softly as he stood up. He rubbed the back of his hand at his eyes to rid them of the thin line of tears that were slightly blurring his vision. He picked up his suit jacket off the arm of the couch and slid it on as he headed out the door of the condo.
If Harvey didn't want to be bothered, then Mike wasn't going to bother him.
-x-
The sound of the condo door slamming shut caught Harvey's attention immediately. He quickly walked back into the entertainment area and saw that Mike was gone. Harvey's heart dropped when he realized what he had actually done.
He shoved Mike. He pushed him. He put his hands on him. He hurt him. Harvey hurt Mike. Hurt Mike. Hurt. Mike.
Harvey's chest tightened painfully as he immediately headed out the door in hopes of catching up to Mike either downstairs or on the street.
By the time he got out to the sidewalk, Mike was out of sight and Harvey cursed at himself. He checked his pockets for his cellphone and ran back inside when he realized he left it upstairs.
Harvey spent the next few hours calling, worrying, pacing the room, texting, calling again, leaving voice-mails, texting, continue pacing, worrying, calling, more voice-mails, more worrying. It was an endless repetition and Mike still hadn't given him any responses. By four am, Harvey's eyes were heavy and he kept fighting himself to not fall asleep. He had to keep trying to get a hold of Mike.
He stood by the window for a few minutes as it started to rain. He couldn't even guess where Mike would have gone. They had sold his apartment back when Mike moved in months ago. Harvey went back to nervously pacing the room, sure that he would wear a trench in the floor, hoping Mike would atleast tell him he'd found a place to stay for the night or something.
By the time the rain calmed and the sun was coming up, Harvey had fallen asleep against his will, cellphone still clutched in his hand.
-x-
After Mike had left, he wandered the streets for a long time. He felt his phone buzz in his pocket but, after the fourteenth call and almost thirty-second text from Harvey, he had just turned it off.
Mike was doing his best to ignore the voice in his head that continued to remind him of Trevor and other past 'relationships' - if that's what you want to call the few guys Mike had been with that saw him more as a play toy and a punching bag than a boyfriend. Mike never had a good track record for picking people to be around.
His head was telling him that Harvey had pushed him, put his hands on him, and forced him out of the way. It was reminding him that this was how every other guy started. A push, an apology, a couple hits, more apologies, then over time things would continue to get worse and Mike would end up with bruises he couldn't explain and hospital visits he couldn't cover up. But, every time Mike was begged to come back with a false hope that it would never happen again, and Mike would fall for it and get locked back down with no way out.
In his heart though, Mike knew that Harvey really wasn't like the other guys. Things had just been really hard the last few days.
His head scolded him for disguising it, like he had with Trevor and the others. Mike was crossing the street into the park while his mental fight continued. He could almost feel the figurative angel and demon standing on his shoulders as he sat on one of the benches.
Heart; Harvey is nothing like them.
Mind; He pushed you, he's exactly like them. It'll only escalate.
Heart; You don't know that.
Mind; Of course I do. It's logical. It's happened every time before.
Heart; Harvey was just angry, this whole lawsuit has him on edge plus, with Donna gone it's just adding to the fire.
Mind; So, what about next time he's angry? Gonna let him hit you? Push you some more?
Heart; He won't do it again. He won't hit me.
Mind; Right. That's what they all said.
Heart; This is Harvey we are talking...thinking - about here.
Mind; Yeah, just like it was with Trevor and Lucas and Brian and blah blah blah.
Heart; Harvey isn't violent.
Mind; He pushed you.
Heart; He...
Mind; You ended up on the floor.
Heart; I lost my own balance.
Mind; Excuses. He pushed you hard enough for you to loose your footing. He shouldn't have pushed you at all.
Heart; ...
Mind; He didn't even look back.
Heart; ...
Mind; He didn't even come back and check on you.
Heart; ...
Mind; He didn't come after you.
Heart; He called.
Mind ; You didn't answer.
Heart; I...
Mind; Couldn't.
Mike shook his thoughts away. The internal fight was starting to give him a headache. He ran a hand through his hair as he felt raindrops fall through the trees above his head.
He needed to find someplace to sleep for the night.
-x-
An hour after falling asleep, Harvey woke up to the annoying sound of his alarm clock and sprang up in bed. Mike still hadn't come back. He checked his phone before doing anything else, realizing that Mike hadn't contacted him back once. He texted Mike again before quickly getting ready for work. He headed to the office, eyes focused on his phone in hand, with hope that Mike would respond.
When he arrived at the doors of his office he had to literally bite his tongue before mumbling the words: 'Donna, find Mike.' to the abandoned desk in front of him. He looked at her empty seat for a moment too long, finally shaking the feeling as he pushed through the glass doors. He kept his eyes on his phone as he scrolled for Mike contact again, putting his briefcase down on top of his desk.
A rustled sound behind Harvey had him turning around towards his records.
There was Mike, fast asleep and curled up on the couch.
Harvey couldn't stop the breath of relief that slipped away at the sight. Mike was laying almost fully on his stomach, the blanket Harvey kept hidden in the office loosely wrapped around him. Harvey walked over to Mike, kneeling down infront of him. He ran a gentle hand through Mike's hair and placed his other hand against Mike's waist.
He watched Mike sleep for a few moments, envying how calm he looked. Harvey wondered for a moment if Mike had half as much trouble sleeping last night as he did.
"Mike." Harvey whispered. Mike shifted slightly in response. "Mike, time to get up." Harvey smoothed over his hair again.
Harvey smiled softly as Mike's face scrunched up like a child who didn't want to get up for school. Mike groaned lightly, hiding his face against the cushions in an attempt to get away from the sunlight. "Mhmm, don't make me..." Mike mumbled.
"Come on, kid." Harvey moved his hand up from Mike's waist to shake him gently between his shoulders.
Mike's face emerged from the cushions and he looked up at Harvey. His eyes squinting unfocused up at him. "What time is it?" Mike asked, voice raw and tired.
"A little after seven thirty." Harvey said. Mike groaned again, hiding his face. Harvey smiled faintly and looked at him for a long moment. As adorable as Mike was when he was just waking up, they needed to talk about last night, Harvey needed to apologize and he needed Mike to be completely awake to do that.
Harvey was about to say his name again when Mike took in a deep breath and started sitting up. "I'm up, I'm up." He said, rubbing at his eyes. Harvey watched him as he yawned and stretched a little. Mike's eyes traveled around the room, still a little unfocused, before landing on Harvey, who was still seated on the floor infront of him.
Harvey knew the exact second that Mike's brain was fully awake and functioning when Mike's tired eyes filled with hurt as he met Harvey's, events from last night filtering back into his head.
Neither of them said anything for a few moments, just focusing on eachother. The wounded look in Mike's eyes was causing more pain to Harvey than he had ever thought possible. He never wanted to see that look on Mike again.
"You pushed me." Mike whispered.
Harvey's eyes slipped closed, exhaling as his face dropped downwards out of guilt at actually hearing Mike say it. "Mike..." He took a deep breath before looking back up at him. "I am so sorry." Harvey shook his head out of disappointment in himself. "You have no idea how bad I feel about it. I didn't mean to. I was just..." Harvey paused, doing his best to not break down right now. "I'm not going to make excuses for it, cause there are none." Harvey shifted, getting up from the floor and slowly sitting beside Mike on the couch. He rested his arm on the back of the couch, behind Mike's head.
Mike was slouched down on the couch a little lower than Harvey. "I...I only wanted to help." Mike voice was soft, eyelashes lifting to reveal Mike's still hurting blue eyes as he looked up at Harvey.
The tears in Mike's eyes is what got Harvey's heart to crumble and his face to fall. "Mike I-" His voice cracked and he couldn't stop it. "God, Mike, I'm just so sorry." He couldn't handle the pain in his chest anymore. Mike immediately noticed the tears in Harvey's eyes and wondered if Harvey even knew they were there.
The moment the first tear fell down Harvey's cheek, Mike sat up straight and pushed forward to wrap his arms around Harvey's neck, hugging him tightly. He felt Harvey fall completely against him, arm from the back of the couch wrapping around his upper back as the other slipped around his waist. Harvey buried his face in Mike's neck, closing his eyes tightly. Mike could feel the tears against his skin and he felt his own heart break. Harvey had to actually bite back a sob at having Mike back in his arms.
That was the moment when Mike realized that his heart was right. Harvey wasn't like the other guys. Here he was, Harvey Specter, crying against Mike's neck just for pushing him. Mike could remember when Lucas had landed him in the hospital with a few fractured ribs and couldn't remember ever getting a visit from him, let alone a tear shed over what had happened.
Mike pulled back enough to look up at Harvey again. Harvey's grip stayed tightly around him, not wanting Mike to get away from him. "I know you miss her, Harvey. We all do. I know it's hard with her gone." Harvey brought his hand up and wiped at his eyes as he took in a breath. "But, I am still here." Harvey's eyes met Mike's, arm wrapping back around him. "I need to know that you know that."
Harvey nodded as he swallowed. "I do."
"Good."
"I came after you, you know. By the time I got outside you were gone." Mike couldn't help the faint smile, Harvey did come after him. Mike leaned forward slowly but, Harvey was the one who closed the space between them, placing a soft kiss against Mike's lips.
There was a silence that settled over them for a few minutes. Both very content being wrapped up in each other's arms, kissing like they should be. The kiss was soft but eager, one that showed allowed Harvey to show Mike just how much he needed him. Harvey wanted to make sure that Mike knew that Harvey was sorry.
After air became evidently missing, Mike pulled back to breathe and pulled Harvey into another hug.
"I'm sorry." Harvey repeated against his neck after a while.
"I know."
"And I'll never do it again. Ever." Harvey promised as his grip tightened just slightly.
"I know." Mike pushed back enough to run a thumb under Harvey's eyes, where he could see the truth of those words settling inside their color. "I forgive you, Harvey."
Harvey closed his eyes and let out a breath of relief. "Thank you, Mike." He said, re-opening them.
"For forgiving you?"
"...Yes, and...for letting me...you know..." Harvey looked away, a little embarassed.
"Cry?" Mike quirked an eyebrow and gave Harvey a faint smile. "Break down? Finally show some feeling?"
Harvey gave him half a smile with a shrug. "Yeah."
"You are allowed to break down every once in a while Harvey." Mike said.
Harvey nodded softly. "As long as it's just with you."
Mike gave him another smile and Harvey's heart seemed to put itself back together again. The hurt and tears in Mike's eyes were gone, replaced with a playful light that Harvey was more than happy to see again.
"Let's go home." Harvey offered.
"What about work?"
"It'll all be here tomorrow." Harvey stood from the couch, tugging Mike up after him.
"Well, I could use a shower. And a clean suit."
Harvey kissed Mike's cheek before walking over to his desk to grab his briefcase and slip on his suit jacket.
After folding up the blanket and handing it over to Harvey to stash away, Mike slipped on his own jacket and picked up his phone from the table.
"Should I be worried about my phone exploding from messages when I turn it on?"
Harvey couldn't help but laugh, pulling Mike closer for another kiss. "Yeah, probably."
I hope you liked it! Are all of you as excited as I am to see tonight episode?! Haha. I wanted to make sure I got this up and posted before then so it wouldn't mess with any new developments. Haha.
Review please!