Hailey swirled the whiskey around in her glass and looked over to her partner, who was nursing his own drink beside her. Jay looked back at her, mustering a small smile.
"Hailey, I know I agreed to you buying me a beer, but-" he paused, rattling his bottle for effect. "Now that's been done. What else is there?"
Hailey sighed, looking at her drink, the dark liquid pooling at the bottom of her glass. "I just wanted you to keep talking to me, you know? It seemed to help you earlier, and I didn't want you sulking at home alone."
Jay smiled again. "Fair enough. Thanks for the beer, by the way." He said, clinking his bottle with her glass.
"Sure thing." Hailey said, returning his expression and gesture.
"Hailey- I guess I just don't know what else there is to say. You know about my past, you've obviously seen how's it affected me."
"I know Jay. I know some of it, yeah. But I can't help but feel like you've still got something weighing on your mind." She touched his shoulder. "And let's not forget, 24 hours ago we were almost blown up, so I figured that's a good reason to talk..." she said, cheekily.
He smiled at her, but then sighed. "Yeah, that was...intense. I hadn't been around that since my foxhole days. I was just glad we were okay. That you were okay. I've been right next to people that didn't make it. I've held my friends' hand as they slipped away. It's not something I ever wanna go through again."
"Jay, you know I'm not going anywhere, right? We're partners, we've got each other's backs. Always."
His eyes pierced her own, as if he was looking right through her. "I just...I can't keep losing people. I can't keep saying goodbye to those I care about. I just can't."
Hailey could feel the raw emotion coming off him. She felt her eyes get teary, but swallowed her sadness with a bit more whiskey.
"I'm so sorry Jay. I know how hard it is. I mean, not the PTSD, but the loss of someone important. It took me a long time for me to accept that Garrett was gone. I mean, you saw how I was last year. You helped me process it. That's what I want for you too."
"Yeah. I'm sorry for you too Hailey. I guess that's something else we unfortunately have in common."
They both took another sip of their drinks, neither one speaking for a moment.
"It's hard when you lose someone. Especially when you least expect it. How are you supposed to deal with it, without letting it engulf you?"
Hailey looked down at her drink, then back at Jay. "When ya figure that out, lemme know. I mean hell, I was a wreck for a bit. I was so angry, and bitter. Sad and thought things were always going to be like that- unfair and against me. I guess that's why my trust barrier's kinda high."
Jay nodded. "Yeah, I understand. I mean, you saw me lash out after my dad. God, I put you through hell that week. If I haven't already said it, I'm sorry for that Hailey. You didn't deserve it."
She softly smiled at him. "Thank you for that, Jay."
"And hey- if anyone's lacking in the trust department, it's me. When you get close to someone and then they're gone, it's kind of like, 'well what's the point?' So I kind of shut down. I just did everything I could to not feel that pain, that hurt where my heart is."
"I wish I could take that pain away from you, Jay, I really do. I don't just think of you as my partner, you know. I care about you..." she paused, realizing she was getting dangerously close to a secret she did not want to spill.
Hailey was, slowly but surely, feeling way too many emotions about Jay. She figured it was just after he got shot, but lately she found herself more and more in need of his advice, his reassuring looks, anything from him really.
She realized she hadn't finished her sentence, gulping slightly. "As a friend, and I just want you to know that you don't deserve all this pain. I've seen you happy. I've seen that twinkle in your eye, that drive to do good. On the job and off. I like the happy Halstead. It'd be good to get him back."
Jay nodded, pausing to take in her kind words. He'd always loved that about Hailey - how genuine she was. He needed that in his life. He'd honestly been wondering lately how he'd survived without it for so long. Their partnership was something that comforted him, something that made him feel safe. He never wanted that feeling to go away.
He smiled at Hailey, realizing that he had been happiest after their talks as of late, feeling like he'd be okay again, even if it took a little more time and effort. But he knew who'd be right by his side the whole time through - her.
"I think I'm getting there. Thanks Hailey. You have no idea how much you've helped me."
She smiled, finishing the last of her drink. "Right back at ya, partner."