She was numb, had been for awhile. It was clear for everyone to see, Daryl had called her on it, but she didn't have anymore room in her since Sophia was gone.
Then there was Shane, after they'd found her girl, found her dead and walking, then finished her off like a sick dog. Washing her hands like he cared, like he gave a damn about her or her girl. He was talking but she didn't hear a word of it, just stared at him after that apology about Sophia. Beautiful, brave, strong Sophia. Everything her mother wasn't. In another time Sophia would have been something.
This wasn't that time, and Sophia wasn't anything but dead for good, rotting while still walking. That's what her baby girl had been turned into.
It wasn't Shane that had done it, he'd just been staring at her hands and arms, being gentle with her and it was the most anyone had touched her since that day on the highway, found water but lost her baby. She didn't know why she'd done it either, she wasn't thinking right now.
His eyes were wide though, like he hadn't expected Carol to kiss him, let alone push him back so that she was kneeling over him. "Carol," he started but she covered his mouth with her hand, because this wasn't time for talk and useless words that meant nothing. That's not what she wanted or needed.
Shane Walsh, always standing tall and strong and like he was sure what he needed to do, laid there not doing anything while she worked on undoing his pants. Laid there, looking confused and not sure, and licking his lips like maybe this was a bad idea but he was maybe okay with that.
It was a bad idea and Carol didn't mind.
He was half hard, and it wasn't a chore to get him ready. His hips were jerking and he was breathing hard, and when she glanced at his face his eyes were closed and he was biting his lip.
Before, with Ed and trying to pretend her life wasn't what it was, she didn't enjoy sex. It was just another chore to keep Ed happy, she knew it wasn't supposed to be that way, that she should enjoy it. Ed wasn't a sex god though and had only cared about himself. Ed was gone, there was nothing left of him anymore.
She'd only really slept with Ed, they hadn't been high school sweethearts but she had been saving herself and thought herself in love when she met him. Shane was different, so different and now he was looking at her, hands on her hips as she lowered herself. He still looked unsure, and something about that filled her with confidence.
So this was different then everything she'd ever done before, always on her back because Ed wasn't creative, closed her eyes and imagined that Shane was the vibrator that Andrea had been talking about so long ago, back when she thought Ed would always be there.
He let her have her way, stopped moving the minute she had hissed stop, let her move until she found an angle that felt good. He helped lift her up and down, because her legs were getting tired, but he didn't thrust.
He grunted, sounded a lot like Ed had done but so much different and his hands were big on her waist, strong. Gentle because they didn't hurt.
Her orgasm burst through her like she wasn't' expecting it to, she let her fingers dig into his shoulders. Could hear him hiss as she drew blood and didn't care, just slammed herself through it and bite through her lip. And she kept on, didn't slow down or take a breather, kept on slamming passed the finish of her orgasm feeling nice and into pain of too much. Something she'd probably would have been used to if Ed hadn't been so worthless.
How had two so worthless people made something so beautiful?
She didn't fight when Shane rolled them over, and maybe she was crying but neither of them cared.
Now Shane looked sure and powerful again as he held himself over her. He was still hard and inside her, hadn't finished and she didn't know what to expect.
He was slow and strong, watching her as he pulled out and then pushed back in, angling his hips in a way that made her gasp, made her feel like she'd had another orgasm. His thrusts were stead, and he didn't remind of her Ed in anyway or form, didn't grunt like him or smell like him or breathe like him and that was all right.
Everything whited out when he wringed another orgasm out her, and if anyone had been around maybe they might think Shane was killing her, or that she'd fed herself to a walker. But there was no one around, no one to hear or see or care. He sped up then, came with a grunt and heavy breathing, looking worried for a moment until she shook her head. There had only been Sophia for a reason, Sophia was the end.
When he rolled off of her and did his pants back up she laid there, staring at the sky that was without a cloud and didn't think of Sophia up in heaven watching down. When Shane started wiping off her thighs and fixing her dress, making her presentable like he thought she was a lady.
More fool on him.
