My Midnight Visitor
My name is Sakura Uchiha but many still refer to me by my single name Haruno, especially those that behind my back whisper and gossip that the reason my husband doesn't return to the village is me. To those who see from afar, it looks like after our daughter Sarada was born Sasuke just left us behind. They know as well as I do that he is out around the world in a mission to keep Konoha, our precious village safe from evil. His mission is an important one and don't get me wrong, it has been very hard to raise Sarada on my own. The first years were the hardest, I cried every night and I waited for his return every night. Of course, he didn't return, and I learned little by little to live without him. I had to do it when we were young so I knew it would be hard, but I could do it. I just had to focus really hard on my duties and so I did. I opened a mental hospital with my friend Ino and I tried to raise Sarada the best I could. She is a lot like her father, very reserved an adult living inside a little body, an old soul, but I also know she doesn't quite understand why Sasuke never comes to see us. I try to explain it to her but she cries and runs off. I know that she sees her friends with their dads and it hurts her little heart. I wish I could change that but I can not. Now that she is older I can perhaps tell her that her dad does come around from time to time and that he stands on her doorway just staring at her sleeping. The first time I saw him do this I had woken up to the feeling there was an intruder in the house. I woke up ready to fight kunai in hand and walk silently out of my room. There he was, a tall dark shadow looking into his daughter's room. I ran to him and hugged him as if my life depended on it. He had returned I thought but he pushed me away and after looking down at me like he was memorizing my face he just left. I ran after him but he was too fast and too skilled, so I lost him. I cried so hard that night I woke up Sarada. At seeing my cries she too began crying and that night I learned That I needed to be stronger. I knew very well that Sasuke didn't deal with tears and clinginess but I had not been able to help myself. That night I learned a lesson. Next time he came home, if he ever did I was gonna hold on to my happiness, and my tears and I was gonna be the picture of stoicism. I needed to be strong for Sarada. It was a year later that I felt the presence again but this time I just peeked into the hallway. There he was his shoulders slumped the tiniest bit, unseen to anybody else, but this was Sasuke, I had loved him and observed him since I was a child at the Ninja Academy, I knew him and he was weary and tired. Oh, how I had wanted to run to him and embrace him. I didn't though I had learned my lesson. Perhaps he had just come to see Sarada. So I gave him one last lingering look and went back to bed. I knew he was aware of my presence, that I was looking at him. This was Sasuke after all, not some chum from the street. I lay in bed and meditated to keep my composure. Be happy that he came to see your daughter, that means he cares. And with Sasuke it was very tricky business, he didn't do love like other people. Those he had loved had been killed. He had even killed his beloved brother Itachi. My Sasuke had scars that ran very deep. He was not an expressive kind of person and had an aversion t public displays of affection. When we were younger and on missions post-war I used to tell him I was gonna embroider him a shirt that read no PDA allowed. On those missions is where we got together as lovers; where I learned that Sasuke Uchiha could actually smile. He didn't do it often but he did it with me. It was a cherished gift that he gave me and I keep every one of those smiles deep in my heart. I was lost in my memories when I felt his hot hand on my naked leg. He had come to see me. Now I was afraid of doing or saying the wrong thing so I just opened my eyes and smiled at him. My beautiful tortured soul. He looked down at me and in his deep dark eyes, I saw that he still loved me. He didn't say it but he showed me as he made love to me. He looked at me the whole time, my face framed by his big hands and I looked at him. I tried to keep my eyes opened but the pleasure he knew how to bring out in me was too strong. Every time a moan escaped my mouth he gave me the gift of his smile. So I did feel his love not only in his lovemaking but in his private smile for me. I feel honored to see it every time he visits, late at night. I no longer think he has come home for good, I no longer wish for it because I know he will come home when he is ready. I run down to the kitchen while he takes a shower and I make him a bento box, pouring all my love into it. Do I wish for words of love? Well, of course I do. I would love to hear him say that he missed me so much he had to come to see me, or that he thinks of me as much as I think of him when we are apart, but he doesn't, at least not in the conventional sense; and Sasuke is the epitome of non-conventional. So I know he loves me when he pokes my forehead, I know he missed me when he's taking my body as if his life depends on it, and I know I am special to
him, etched in his heart, every time I see that special smile.
"So the last time Sarada was missing her dad I told her that he was our special midnight visitor. He watched her sleep because he loved her and had always liked to make sure she was breathing. And I told her that he missed us and thought of us when he was away. My beautiful, bright daughter, so much like her father gave me a look of disbelief before asking me plain as day how was I so sure of that. "Did he actually told you mom or is this just some wishful thinking." So I confessed that no, he had not told me, but that was not Sasuke's way. "How do you know then?" she asked. So I told her how the next day after her father had left I was cleaning and saw an empty frame on the mantle. I knew what the frame had the night before. It was a picture of me and Sarada playing peekaboo around a tree and smiling. "So you see? That is how I know he misses us." And then the most miraculous thing happened, I saw Sasuke's special smile in the face of my beloved daughter. She understood and she knew me well enough to know what I wanted without me having to say it. She wrapped her arms around me and hugged me tightly. " I love you, mom." The hug was not a long lingering one, she was after all Sasuke's daughter, but she was also mine and she was the best gift Sasuke could give me besides his special smiles. So I no longer care what others say or think of me and my marriage because I know I am connected to my husband in a way few people could understand. Will he ever come home for good? Perhaps, but it is more likely that once Sarada graduates I would join him on his mission. We are not regular people after all, we are shinobi.
The end