A/N: okay so this is my first scrubs fanfic, so I'm sorry if the characters are completely off or if this is a stupid story. I plan on writing more chapters… This is kind of how I see season six picking up.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything
My Breast Exam
ACT 1
SCENE 1
INT. THE HOSPITAL
J.D.: Every morning at Sacred Heart is a new experience. Something always happens here that you don't expect. (Walks down the hallway and past the Janitor)
Janitor: Good Morning J.D. (smiles)
J.D.: Like someone paying attention to you. Jani – wait. How do you know my name?
Janitor: Maybe I have known this entire time… or maybe nosy nurse told me.
J.D. (like how he says Janitor) Carla!
Janitor: So what does J.D. Stand for any way? Just Dumb?
J.D.: Not going to bother me today. And you'll never figure it out. (Starts to walk away)
Janitor: Oh I will, James Doherty! (Calls after him)
J.D.: I have my name tag on and you still can't get it right (calls over his shoulder)
Janitor:(when J.D. is out of sight) Damnit!
END OF SCENE
ACT 1
SCENE 2
INT. NURSES STATION.
Dr. Cox: What took you so long Sharon? Couldn't find our make up this morning?
J.D.: My scooter backfired today.
FLASH BACK
JD GETS ON HIS SCOOTER AND TURNS IT ON AND BEGINS TO RIDE IT. IT BACK FIRES AND HE FALLS OFF RIGHT NEXT TO A BUS STATION. HE LOOKS AROUND AND DUSTS HIMSELF OFF. STANDS UP AND SEES THE BUS IS BEGINNING TO LEAVE AND RUNS AFTER IT.
J.D.: NO!!!!!!!
END OF FLASH BACK
Dr. Cox: Newbie, when are you going to become a big boy and drive a normal car? Or at least get a minivan like a soccer mom.
J.D.: Soccer mom's drive SUV's
Dr. Cox: Roberta, you aren't feminine enough to drive an SUV. And I reh-he-
Dr. Kelso: (Voice Over) Paging Dr. Cox to exam room 3.
Dr. Cox: Why do we have to carry these stupid pagers around if he is going to make us endure his whiny voice over the PA system? (Before he walks away)
Carla: Hey Bambi.
J.D.: Carla, did you tell Janitor my real name?
Carla: J.D. I know you think the Janitor is out to get you. But every time he talks to Turk, Elliot or me it isn't always about you.
Janitor: (down the hallway and calls to Carla) Nurse! Tell me what happened after scooter kissed the black doctor.
Carla: (smiles at JD) gotta go. (Runs up to the janitor) Okay so…
END OF SCENE
ACT 1
SCENE 3
PATIENTS ROOM
Dr. Cox: (opens door) Okay so Bob, what is sooooooooo important you couldn't page me on my pager?
Dr. Kelso: Perry, if I had to page you I would on your pager. What makes you think that was for you? (Steps aside to reveal a woman doctor) This is Dr. Andrea Cox. She is new and doesn't have a pager.
Perry: (looks at her) Andrea?
Andrea: Perry, or should I say dad? But that would mean you were involved in my life…
JD: (Voice over) or seeing someone you hadn't seen in ten years.
Kelso: Oh good, you already know each other. (Walks over to the door) That's why I paged you Perry.
END OF SCENE
OPENING
ACT 1
SCENE 4
PATIENTS ROOM
Andrea: So you want to help me?
Perry: No, I want to see what you can do.
Andrea: Okay, Mr. Hammond what seems to be the problem with you? (she said looking at him)
Mr. Hammond: I have been having this nasty cough for the last year (coughs)
Andrea: and you are just now having this checked out?
Mr. Hammond: Yeah I thought it would go away.
Andrea: Men always waits until the last possible moment before going to see a doctor because they think that if they go they will show how weak they really are. Well listen up sparky, you probably had bronchitis and now it's gotten worse because you were too afraid to come to see the mean old doctor. (Makes a face) you are going to have to get a chest x-ray. (Slams charts down at the foot of the bed and walks out of the room)
Perry: Bravo! What bed side manor.
Andrea: Can it Perry. I didn't just become this way for no reason.
Perry: True but with your (makes a face) delightful mother I didn't think you would turn out to be the splitting version of me.
Andrea: the way you talk about my mother makes me think you don't even remember who she is.
Perry: your right, what with all the tail I got in college.
Andrea: (laughs like she is about to die) oh what with your cherry personality you must have been fighting them off.
Perry: You want me to make rounds with you today or not?
Andrea: I have an attending with me today.
Perry: Well what airhead "doctor" did they set you up with?
Andrea: Dr. Reid.
Perry: Who?
Elliot (walks up to them): Hi!
Perry: Barbie?
Elliot: Hi Dr Cox and Dr Cox. Are you two related?
Perry: (laughs) oh have fun.
J.D.: (runs up to Perry) Dr. Cox, I was wondering if you could give me a ride home from work… maybe we could stop and get milkshakes. My treat.
Andrea: (big smile) sounds like your day is going to be (waves her hands) so much better.
J.D.: hey she's got the idea.
Perry: can it newbie.
ANDREA AND ELLIOT WALK OFF
J.D.: So who's the new doctor? Eh? (Elbowing Perry)
Perry: Wasn't your girlfriend pregnant?
J.D.: oh yeah it was a false positive. And we broke up.
Perry: So how did she break up with you?
J.D.: She didn't break up with me…
Perry: Whatever gets you through the day Charlotte?
Dr. Kelso: (Voice Over) Paging Doctor Cox.
J.D.: Where are you going? Dr. Kelso is paging you.
Perry: No he isn't newbie, he was paging the newest doctor to our staff.
J.D.: You mean the new hot doctor.
Perry: You mean my daughter. (Looks at J.D. when he realizes what he said.)
J.D.: Your daughter?
Perry: Yes Newbie, my daughter. You see when to people are drunk and have sex there can be punishments such as children. And as a result of drunken sex when I was in med school my girlfriend of the time got pregnant.
J.D.: But you have never talked about her before.
Perry: that's because I wasn't proud of what I did.
JD: And sometimes you hear a stubborn man say something you never thought he would…
END OF SCENE
ACT 1
SCENE 5
INT. NURSES STATION
Carla: Andrea is just as bad as Perry.
Turk: so what is she like the female version of Dr. Cox?
Elliot: I don't know she doesn't seem too bad to me.
Carla: That's because you have been kissing her ass ever since she got here.
Elliot: Hey I have one Dr. Cox riding me already, I don't need two.
Andrea: Elliot! I need you in room 310. Miss Michaels needs her bed pan changed.
Elliot: Coming Dr. Cox.
Carla: Elliot why are you doing nurses jobs?
Elliot: Because she scares me (rushes off)
Turk: The only thing I can't understand is if Dr. Kelso hates Dr. Cox so much why would he hire his daughter.
Dr. Kelso: Because Turkleton, I loved to see his face when he saw his estranged daughter after ten years.
ACT 1
SCENE 5
HALLWAY
Janitor: Joseph Dennis!
J.D.: (continues to walk) nope
Janitor: Jacob Douglas
J.D.: (walking) try again…
Janitor: What's your first name scooter?
J.D.: What's your's Janitor.
Janitor: You will never find out.
J.D.: Do you even wear a name tag?
Janitor: I do. But it just says Janitor.
J.D.: Well played. (bumps into Andrea) Well Hello.
Andrea: (rolls her eyes) hi.
J.D.: So what made you decide to become a doctor?
Andrea: Well Dr. Dorian.
Janitor: Ah hah! The D is Dorian.
J.D.: But you still don't know what the J is for…
Andrea: I'm sure you want me to say something heart warming like I wanted to follow in my father's footsteps or something stupid like that but the truth is… I like the free exams and the pay.
J.D.: I like the Doctors Lounge.
Andrea: I'm sure you do. Oh and hey about those free exams… I actually need you to do one.
J.D.: Really?
Andrea: Yeah I need to get a breast exam. So meet me in room 415 at five okay? (Starts to walk away)
J.D.: Uh… yeah... Sure. Why do you want me to do it? Why should I care I get to do it.
Andrea: Because you're the only doctor here that I trust besides Perry and while I am his estranged daughter I still don't want my father touching my jahooves. (Continues to leave)
J.D.: Sounds fair. I get to touch the hot new doctor's boobies! (starts to air fondle her boobies)
Andrea: (without looking like her father) stop air fondling my boobs!
END SCENE
COMMERICAL
ACT 2
SCENE 1
HALLWAY
Turk: (walks up) Whats going on vanilla bear?
J.D: I get to give the new doctor a breast exam!
Turk: You mean Dr. Cox's daughter.
J.D.: Stop reminding me of that.
Turk: Why you slept with Jordan?
J.D.: True. (Smiles and flash backs to sleeping with Jordan) But remember what happened after Coxey found out?
Turk: yeah I sure do. So you better not go around bragging you get to feel up Dr. Cox's daughter on her first day of work.
J.D.: Good lookin' out bro.
Turk: Dude, whiter.
END OF SCENE
ACT 2
SCENE 2
INT. NURSES STATION. ELLIOT WALKS UP HOLDING SEVERAL BED PANS.
Perry: Barbie, what are you doing?
Elliot: I'm emptying out Andrea's patient's bed pans.
Perry: I can see that. But why aren't you saying something to her. I'm sure she could get Lavern to do that for her.
Lavern: Thanks Blondie.
Elliot: Oh anytime Lavern! (To Perry) It's cause I'm scared of her.
Perry: And why's that?
Elliot: Because she is the female version of you, except I'm afraid if I make her mad now when it's that time of the month it's going to be worse.
Perry: You have met Jordan right?
Elliot: Oh I'm sure Andrea could give Jordan a run for her money.
Perry: (smirk) well isn't she just a chip off the old block.
Elliot: That's for sure sir! You did a good job with her. (Turns and drops a bed pan) Frick on a stick!
Andrea: (walks past them) Dr. Reid, I need you to clean up the mess you just made.
Elliot: I'll get right on that!
Perry: That's enough (sighs and walks after Andrea) Dr. Cox
Andrea: (turns around) yes.
Perry: I don't want to tell you how to run your attendings but we have an abundance of janitors around here that are supposed to do that. So why don't you go yell at one of those lazy asses for awhile and lay off Barbie.
Andrea: And why would you want me to do that?
Perry: Because if anyone gets to boss Barbie around that would be me. I have been bossing her around since she was an intern and I'm not about to let anyone take that away from me.
Andrea: Alright I'll go find an intern to boss around. Happy now "Dad"?
Perry: I'm sure you are a very good doctor but you can't just walk into a hospital and take respect from everyone. You have to earn it, like everyone else did here. So shut your trap and treat them as your colleagues.
Andrea: Are you done? Because I have to go, Dr. Dorian is administering a breast exam on me and I don't want to be late. (Doesn't wait for an answer and turns on her heel to leave)
Elliot: well isn't that the cherry on top of your crap sundae? (Walks up and past him)
Perry: Barbie!
END OF SCENE
ACT 2
SCENE 3
INT. EXAMINING ROOM
J.D.: (walks into the room) alright Dr. Cox I'm going to need you to remove your shirt (looks up to see it's already off) oookay…
Andrea: Make this snappy… I got patients I have to attend to.
J.D.: be a professional about this… stop fantasizing about having sex with her on top of the examining table. Okay so what seems to be the problem?
Andrea: I think I found a lump when doing a self breast exam. So can you get to it? (Lifts her hands in the air)
J.D.: (walks over to her and beings to administer the exam) they are nice and squishy… too bad this has to be an exam to do this. And just when I was starting to enjoy this is when I found a lump.
Andrea: so what do you think? (Putting her shirt back on)
J.D.: I want you to get a biopsy.
Andrea: oh wow…. I thought I was being paranoid when I found the lump but I guess…
J.D.: I just want to see if it is cancerous.
Andrea: Alright! Well thanks (hops off the exam table) I'll see you later.
J. D.: You really should get that exam later this week.
END OF SCENE
ACT 2
SCENE 4
NURSES STATION
Carla: Turk I'm getting a sonogram tomorrow.
Turk: ooh the baby doctor is a hot one! I'll come with.
Carla: She's what?
Turk: but not as hot as you baby (kisses her cheek)
Carla: That's right (hits his but with a chart)
J.D.: (walks up to them) Hey.
Turk: So how did the breast exam go?
Carla: What breast exam?
Turk: Dr. Cox's daughter wanted J.D. to give her a breast exam.
Perry: Yeah newbie, how did the breast exam go?
J.D.: Gotta go! (Starts to run)
Perry: (catches up to him) Newbie you run like a girl. (Cuts in front of him and stops. Causing J.D to fall to the floor)
J.D.: Dr. Cox… she asked me to give her a breast exam….
Perry: Look Newbie, breast cancer runs in her mom's family. So was there a lump or not?
J.D.: Why do you care so much?
Perry: Because when I was younger I was afraid I was going to hit her like my father hit me so I left. I later found out her mother had breast cancer and when she died I went to her funeral. That's the last time I saw Andrea, we aren't on good terms. But I wan to make up for the past now. So tell me what's going on with my daughter.
Andrea: Well Dr. Dorian can't do that because it would be against the Hippocratic Oath. (walks up to him) But I'm scheduled for a biopsy this Friday because there was a lump.
J.D.: but it could be a cyst.
Andrea: Right.
J.D.: Here at sacred heart miracles happen here every day.
Andrea: so Dr. Dorian here is going to be there to give it to me.
Perry: And I'll be in the waiting room, to make sure you're alright.
J.D.: like realizing that even if a past relationship can't be fixed, you can still have a relationship now.
Andrea: Thanks (looks at J.D.)
J.D.: Sorry family moment. I'll leave you two alone. (as he walks away, can see Perry and Andrea hugging)
Janitor: Job.
J.D.: Nope, but I do know your name Tom Thompson.
Janitor: Wait… how did you know?
J.D.: (pulls out the janitors wallet and waves it around and then throws it at him)
Janitor: touché. John.
J.D.: (continues to walk) or realizing that your relationship now is still as crappy as your past.
Wrong, keep guessing. (walks out of the hospital)
Janitor: (to Ted) I thought you said his name was John? Now you're going pay.
END OF SCENE
FADE OUT