My first fanfiction on Criminal Minds... I'm sorry for the mistakes but English is not my native language... Hope you like it!

Bleeding Love

Closed off from love
I didn't need the pain
Once or twice was enough
And it was all in vain
Time starts to pass
Before you know it you're frozen

You close your eyes and take a breath, while you feel him behind you, going to Hotch's office. It's absurd, but you can't explain your own reaction: you can't explain the shivers that run down your whole body, nor the sudden stutter that you show when he's around. You can't or maybe you don't want. You don't want either add to the symptoms the strange butterflies in the stomach that you feel when you meet his eyes, otherwise the diagnosis would be too obvious. You have closed by now with such feeling for a long time, surrending to the promise to not let anyone in you heart, anymore. But unlucky he had already a place in your heart, as a friend of course, as a workmate, and still you can't deny how all is suddenly changed, after all you've been through, but first of all after all he's been through.

Yes, because your fake death, killed him for real.

But something happened
For the very first time with you
My heart melts into the ground
Found something true
And everyone's looking round
Thinking I'm going crazy

You shook your head energetically, as if that simple act could free your mind from that indelible thoughts. Then you come back to the open space and you sit behind the desk, taking a file. Maybe the actions of a ferocious serial killer would be more useful to distract. On your right Reid is writing something, he looks up to you nodding to Morgan's figure, visible from the glass door of the chief's office. Maybe he has guessed something and say that Reid guesses something about romantic affairs, is a strong euphemism to suggest the evidence of your feelings.

But I don't care what they say
I'm in love with you
They try to pull me away
But they don't know the truth
My heart's crippled by the vein
That I keep on closing

Jj walks right in that moment in front of your desks, to inform you about the new case, but she stops immediately her actions and intensions, following Reid's eyes' direction. She smiled briefly spotting the black man and suddenly turns to you with a worried expression over her face.

"Emily, he cares so much about you… But can I give you some advice as a friend?" the blonde starts sitting on your desk, barely clear.

You remain surprised for a moment, staring at Derek and your mind lost in the internal battle that consumes you. You repeat slowly your colleague's words in your head. You nearly forget the question, that question that you can't longer avoid, on account of the look of your friends, waiting if not for an answer, at least for a nod.

"He really cares about you! And it's undeniable the attraction between you two…" says Jj breaking the wait and taking your hand "But you're not meant to be… You are too different…" she continues seriously, while you bow involuntarily the head.

Damn it! You know better than her, you and Derek are too different, but than again is it not true that opposites attract? But unfortunately, it's also true that attraction is not enough and there's no sense in spoiling a deep friendship just for this. A friendship which stood all the other friendships above, and whose breaking could have broken the whole balance of the team, that beautiful family that now that you're back, you don't want to loose.

You cut me open and I
Keep bleeding
Keep, keep bleeding love

He goes out the office with Hotch and after he climbs quickly down the stairs, he reaches for you, smiling briefly. Jj gives a file to them too, then she turns casually to you, warning you with just one look. You pretend to ignore her and then open your file: butchered and mutilated bodies. You couldn't expected worse, or better otherwise, because of the work you have chosen: an endless fool murders hunt, going across perversions, pain and blood, a lot of blood.

And you keep on bleeding too, unwarily and incessantly, now that you can't deny anymore that butterflies in the stomach.