Frankenturkey
(A screenplay by Me)
The scene opens on a dark and stormy night in an secret
underground laboratory. The camera is focused on an EVIL DOCTOR
standing at an operating table.
Evil doctor: Bwahahahaha! Bwahahah-ACK!
the doctor breaks into a coughing fit
Evil Doctor: I'm getting too old for this...
He grabs a scalpel and you hear a series of noises that sound
like a piece of Styrofoam being stabbed to death, followed by
the sound of a chain-saw
Evil Doctor: It's finished! My creature is finally finished!
The camera zooms in on the operating table and a turkey with
bolts in his neck sits up.
Turkey: Bkack! Bkack!
Evil Doctor: It's alive!!!
Cut to:
A peaceful little neighborhood in... uh... Tokyo! A peaceful
little neighborhood in Tokyo. Our other main characters, the
Sailor Scouts,(It's a movie in Tokyo, they have to be there!)
sitting around a table, munching on sushi and discussing exams.
Serena (Sailor Moon): Gosh, I hate studying!
Ami (Mercury): We have to study or else we won't get into High
School.
Lita (Jupiter): Ami's right!
Lita stands up, looking very proud
Lita: It's been my dream to be a High School student and I will
stop at nothing to do so!
Mina (Venus): yanks Lita back into her chair
Mina: Sit down before you hurt yourself.
All of a sudden, they hear a loud rumbling.
Luna (Serena's black cat): Do you hear that?
Rei (Mars): It sounds like an earthquake!!
The scouts scream and hide under the table.
Artemis (Mina's white cat): No, it's... it's... it's...
Luna whaps him on the head
Artemis: FRANKENTRUKEY!!!!!!!
The camera looks outside the window at a large turkey munching
on the tops of buildings.
Audience: Oh No!!
The scouts scream again.
Cut to:
A computer room. The camera zooms in on a computer screen in the
progress of searching for something. The camera pans the room
and stops on KEANU REEVES, asleep and drooling on his desk.
Keanu: zzzzz...
The computer stops searching and beeps, waking Keanu up
Keanu: Aha! Frankenturkey: an oversized bird that thrives on
metallic and electronic objects, such as buildings, nails,
bolts, various household appliances, and computers. This large
poultry specimen was made by Dr. Turkey-meister in his secret
lab on 1313 Turkey Lane. Dr. Turkey-meister had a turkey named
Roger as a pet when he was a child. Roger was Thanksgiving
dinner one year and since then Turkey-meister has been trying to
seek revenge on the mild-mannered people of Tokyo. Oh no! He
must be stopped!
Keanu puts on his oh-so-cool black trench coat, boots, and
sunglasses and heads out to save the world! Well, Tokyo at
least...
Cut to:
the Sailor Scouts again
Luna: Girls! you must transform and save the day!
Scouts: Right.
Serena: Moon Crystal Power!
Ami: Mercury Crystal Power!
Rei: Mars Crystal Power!
Lita: Jupiter Crystal Power!
Mina: Venus Crystal Power!
The scouts go through an overly elaborate transformation and
finally change into their Sailor Scout garb.
Serena: Let's go!
Outside, the scouts run into Keanu, who is swinging a rope over
his head trying to lasso the turkey.
Lita: Hey, what are you doing here??
Keanu: Who, me?
Rei: No, the turkey. Yes, you!
Keanu: I'm trying to get the turkey.
Ami: Well, you're never going to get it that way!
Ami proceeds to explain a brilliant but utterly confusing plan.
All of this goes over poor Keanu's head.
Keanu: Whoa, dude, that's way too confusing for me. I think I'll
do it my way.
Keanu ropes the gigantic turkey, who has been standing there
looking confused the whole time, and throws him under a nearby
subway.
Turkey: Bkack!
Keanu: Take that turkey!
The Audience cheers.
Audience: Yay!!
Just then, the turkey steps out of the subway car and the
audience screams and runs in panic.
Audience: Eek!
Keanu: Dude, no way!
Ami: Look! There's the doctor!
Dr. Turkey-meister: Bwahahahaha! You can never kill Roger II!!!
Mina: Roger II?
Keanu: I'll explain later.
Just then, Serena comes up with a great idea!
Serena: I have an idea!
Audience: Yay!!
Serena: Let's eat it! Who has spoons?
Keanu: There is no spoon.
Mina: I have forks.
Serena: That'll work.
The scouts, the cats, and Keanu grab forks and chow down on
Roger II.
Audience: Yay!
Dr. Turkey-meister: No! Roger II!!
The doctor burst out sobbing and Keanu puts his arm around his
shoulder.
Keanu: Listen dude, I'm sorry we had to eat your bird, but he
was kind of destroying the city. Drumstick?
Dr. Turkey-meister: Sure, thanks!
Luna: Look!
Seven little baby turkeys waddle into the street. One of them
goes up to Dr. Turkey-meister and hops up and down, squeaking.
The doctor picks him up and cradles him in his arm.
Dr. Turkey-meister (misty-eyed): Aw, he's so cute! Finally, a
turkey of my very own. I'll call him, mini-Roger!
Audience: Aw!
The movie ends with a shot of the whole cast cradling baby
turkeys.
Audience: Aw! What a wonderful ending!
The End
Fade out.
Fade back in on Keanu and Mina.
Mina: So why was the turkey named Roger II?
Keanu: Well, Dr. Turkey-meister's first turkey was named Roger,
but he got eaten.
Mina: Like Roger II.
Keanu: Exactly! Hey, aren't you cartoon characters?
Fade back out.