The Disclaimer: If
it involves Harry Potter, you know whom it belongs to. If it doesn't, it's mine. Thanks to Chaya for help. Thanks to Mrs. Martin for letting me write this in her class. Thanks to Kayara for moral support. (In other words, she did Jack squat.) No meant offense to those living in Toledo. If you are at all offended by this cliché, get a life, in the same isle as "clues."Reporter
: This is Arra Gent here, reporting to you live from the house of the famous J. K. Rowling. Here today are some protesters. Excuse me, could I get an interview?Couple
: Sure. We're the Potters.Reporter
: What are you protesting?Couple
: WE ARE NOT DEAD! We moved to Toledo. We've been saying that for the past 13 years!Reporter
: Okay. Moving on. Here's an interesting young fellow. An interview?Man
: Sure. The name's Sirius Black.Reporter
: What are you protesting?Man
: I DID IT! STOP SAYING I'M INNOCENT! IT'S NOT TRUE! I'LL DO IT AGAIN, TOO! ::starts cursing everyone::Malfoy
: AHHHHHHHHHHH!Reporter
: Moving on. Hi! Could I get an interview?Girl:
Sure. My name is Hermione.Reporter:
What are you protesting?Girl:
I hate school! I copy on homework, which is evil. Pansy is my best friend. ::shakes her head:: I've got long, straight BLACK HAIR. And, I own 75 lipstick colors.Reporter:
Moving on. HEY! Who are you?Boy:
I'm Harry Potter. Voldemort is like a second dad to me. He takes me camping, fishing, and we go on father-son outings. Quidditch sucks, Duddly ain't that fat, Aunt Petunia is the nicest woman I know, Ron is a tag-a-long, and Mrs. Weasley's fudge is digusting!Reporter:
What about your Uncle Vernon?Boy:
Aunt Petunia kicked him out and got a divorce a few years ago. He had an affair with his secretary. Oh yeah, and Hermione is an insufferable bitch!Reporter:
Ahem. Keep is PG. This is a prime time fic. Moving on. Sir, could I have an interview.Man2:
Yes. I'm Mr. Filch. I want to clear up an… misconceptions about me. I graduated from Hogwarts, thank you very much. Head of my class. I'll demonstrated. ::heads over to the Weasley twins and curses them::Fred:
Medic!Reporter:
Alright, could I have an interview?Man3:
Yes. My name is Lord Voldemore. :gasps can be heard:: NOT to be confused with Lord VoldemorT! Got that?Reporter:
Sure, whatever. Moooving on. Interview?Boy2:
Yes. I am Neville Longbottom. ::holds up a progress report:: As you can see, I have very HIGH marks. I am not afraid of Professor Snape, and I am trying to ditch loser Gryffendor and join the cool people at Slytherin…..::Man with an undershirt and boxers opens the door. He has a beer belly and is holding a bottle of beer.::
Man4:
Hey! What are you freaks doing here?Everyone:
We are protesting J. K. Rowling!Man4:
She lives at 437 Marbury Lane. This is 473.Everyone:
Oooooh.Ministry Wizards:
Alright! Who is responsible for this?::people are sprawled out everywhere, and Fred is growing a banana out of his right ear::
Everyone still standing:
::point to Sirius and Filch:: THEM!Ministry Wizards:
Forget this! You're all under arrest! ::starts handcuffing Hermione:: Alright! You, reporter! Get outta here! Leave!Reporter:
::while running:: This is Arra Gent! Siiiigning oooooff!