Interlude

By Diva

Summary: At the end of the weekend depicted in Dance Lessons, MacGyver follows Susan and finds out about a tragic event in her past.

Disclaimer: "MacGyver" the television series and "MacGyver" the character are the property of Paramount Pictures television and Winkler/Rich productions. No copyright infridgement is intended. The original characters as well as this story belong to me and may not be posted elsewhere without permission.

Author's Notes: Ever have one of those major writer's blocks where you have fifteen half stories but none of them want to go the way you want because your characters refuse to go there? Well, in the year or so since Dance Lessons came out, it's been that way for me. But with MacGyver airing on TV Land (that mecca of television excellence) I thought I'd give Susan and Mac's story another try. This is a short one set just after Dance Lessons. No real language, a tragic event is talked about, and then there's good old mushy stuff.

MacGyver knocked softly on the connecting door. "Susan?" he asked.

There was no answer. When he tried the knob, it was locked. He thought he heard her door close and moved toward his door. But instead of a knock, a piece of paper slipped under the door.

Mac,

I have something I have to do. I'll be back in an hour.

Susan

Why hadn't she knocked? Something was up with his partner. Was it last night? She had seemed okay about everything when they parted at her door, but . . ..

Concerned, he grabbed his jacket and left the room. Taking the stairs, he made it to the lobby just in time to see Susan leaving, heading north.

He trailed her hanging a small distance behind, not entirely sure why he was doing so and wondering why she hadn't noticed him. Susan was always aware of her surroundings. She seemed very distracted.

After several blocks, she hung a right and then stopped. He ducked behind a phone booth and peered out. She was handing a vendor some cash for a bouquet of flowers. Then she crossed the street and he noticed where she was heading: a cemetery.

He knew how clannish her family was. He figured she was just paying her respects to some long-dead relatives. He should have turned around and left, but compulsion caused him to follow her. Not very far into the cemetery, O'Neil stopped and kneeled beside a grave. He stood back a ways giving her privacy.

After a few minutes, he heard a strange sound coming from his partner's direction. Was she crying? He moved from behind the tree he was hiding behind to get a better look.

Susan was leaning over, covering her face with her hands, the position just barely muffling her sobs.

Forgetting completely about giving her space, he rushed forward and placed a hand lightly on her shoulder. When she didn't stiffen, he knew that she had known he had followed her all along and didn't care.

"Susan? Are you okay?" He could have kicked himself; obviously she wasn't okay.

She shook her head and pointed to the grave. "You've always wondered why. This is the reason."

He looked at her in confusion but looked where she was pointing. The grave marker was plain, polished granite reading simply:

Richard Shawn O'Neil

1965-1980

A child's grave. "Who was he?" Mac asked gently.

"He was my brother, he was murdered." The tears started again.

Mac didn't say anything; he just knelt beside her and wrapped his arms around her. They remained like that for several heartbeats until finally Susan said, "I think it's time I told you about Ritchie."

"Do you want to go somewhere? You're shivering."

"Back to the hotel, I guess. Give me a minute."

Susan placed her flowers against the headstone, then leaned forward and kissed the cold stone. "I love you, Ritchie."

She turned to Mac and smiled faintly. He helped her up and they walked out of the cemetery together.

Back in her hotel room, Mac said softly, "You didn't tell me you had a brother."

Susan gave a little half smile. "I don't tell you a lot of things."

"Don't you think it's time you started to?"

She nodded. Then she walked over to the window and looked out, but she didn't see the view, her eyes focused into the past.

"My brother was less than a year old when my mother left us. I was the only mother he ever knew. He was more than my baby brother, he was my child, my best friend, my entire world."

"You were practically a baby yourself when your mother left, weren't you?" Mac asked.

"I was five. The day she left I ceased being a child."

Mac shook his head and came up behind her, putting a hand on her shoulder. "You shouldn't have had to give that up. No child should be asked to grow up that fast."

"I loved Ritchie. I would have done anything for him. It destroyed me when he died."

"You don't have to tell me more."

"I have to. Last night changed things between us and I think it's time you learned why I did what I used to do. It's not an excuse, not at all, but maybe you can understand me better."

"Ritchie was fifteen, I was twenty and in college. Ritchie was smart and he had just been chosen to join the National Honor Society. I took him out to dinner to celebrate. I wanted to take a cab home, but he said it was such a nice night, we should walk. We had to go through a bit of a rough neighborhood to get home, but usually it wasn't too bad. But it was dark." She stopped to catch her breath. "The light was just changing and Ritchie ran across the street. He was like that, barely missed getting hit by a car. I yelled at him and he laughed at me, calling me a chicken. I was going to wait for the light. I told him not to move an inch to wait for me. That's when the car drove up. Ritchie was standing in front of someplace he shouldn't have been. The windows rolled down and the shots, oh god."

Mac pulled her into his arms. She looked at him for the first time since she started to speak. "I was helpless. I stood there rooted to the ground, watched him fall. When the car drove away, I ran across the street." Susan started to sob. "He died in my arms."

MacGyver didn't say anything. He knew that Susan didn't need or want any comforting words. He just held her until she stopped crying.

Then she started to speak again softly, almost a whisper. "I died too that night. He was everything to me. Dad was always so distant and he shut himself up even more after Ritchie died. My so-called mother didn't even come to the funeral. Papa, bless him, he tried. All my hopes and dreams disappeared. All I lived for was revenge. And I found it. I tracked down the drug dealers who killed my brother and I killed them. That's when the government found me."

She tried to move away from him, but he wouldn't let her. He lifted her chin so that he could look into her eyes. "I always wondered where that pain in your eyes came from."

"I've done a lot of things to try and stop that pain but it's always there. It's been longer than he was even alive and it still hurts."

"What sorts of things?" MacGyver wasn't sure why he asked, but it seemed like it was something he needed to know.

"At first, I still wanted revenge, I wanted to hurt those who had hurt others. My job gave me plenty of opportunities to do that. But eventually the need for revenge was gone and all that was left was that constant ache." She finally succeeded in breaking away from him, looking at the floor she said softly. "So I found a way to ease the pain for a little while in a stranger's bed or in the bottom of a bottle."

"Did they ever work?" he asked gently.

"For a moment." Susan whispered, wrapping her arms around herself. "But even a moment was better than the constant pain."

"What about now?"

"Now? It's always there, MacGyver, just beneath the surface. Some days are much better than others. It's better since I gave up the life, since I started over in Seattle, since I . . .." She let her voice trail off as if she said something she shouldn't have.

"Found a new job to keep your mind occupied?" Mac finished, although he knew that's not exactly what Susan had planned on saying.

--

"Yes, exactly." She changed the subject, "Why did you follow me?"

"To be honest, Susan, I have no idea. I had no idea when I walked out of the room and I still don't now. For what it's worth, I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"Sorry for following you, for not letting it be, for invading your privacy, take your pick."

Susan shook her head. "I knew you were there. I could have easily lost you."

It was Mac's turn to ask the question. "Then why didn't you?"

"I don't know." She flinched suddenly as their eyes met. They both knew that was a lie.

MacGyver let the silence fall. If Susan wanted to tell him the truth, she would. Otherwise, this time he would let it go.

O'Neil stared at the floor. Then she did something he didn't expect, she lifted her head, looked directly at him and said, "Because I needed you."

That set him reeling, not so much the answer itself, but the way she said it. He expected her to whisper, look anywhere but at him. That's how Susan was.

She misunderstood his reaction, she stepped back. Then started stammering, the Susan he knew. "I um, you know, shouldn't have said that. But I did need someone to talk to. I never talk about Ritchie and you're my best friend and I . . .. Oh damn."

"Shut up, O'Neil."

O'Neil stopped talking, looking up at him confused. He crossed the gap between them, took her hands in his and kissed her forehead. "Don't apologize. I'm glad you wanted to confide in me."

"Then . . .." She pulled her hands away from him and backed away.

"I'm not used to you being so upfront about well, anything. That's all."

Susan chuckled. "Man, if this relationship is going to work, we've got to work on the communication problems right away."

"Relationship?"

"Eeek, did I say the r word? Thing, this thing. Thing, whatever it is. Definitely not a relationship."

"O'Neil . . ."

"What?"

"Come here." Susan looked at him strangely, but walked over to him. "Closer."

"If you're trying to get fresh with me, it's not going to work." She said with a teasing smile even as she edged closer to him.

"Did I tell you that you could talk?"

"You didn't tell me I couldn't."

"I'm telling you now." As he said it, he put his arms around her, putting an end to any remaining space between them.

Control, Susan. She drew in a short breath. "Since when do I let you tell me what to do?" She could feel his pulse quicken and she wondered how long they were going to be able to play the game before they took it too far.

"Because I need you to listen." If I can talk that is, this wasn't the best idea I've ever had. He closed his eyes for a minute, willing himself back into control. He knew she was trying to do the same thing because he could hear her taking a deep breath, even as her heart raced along with his. It had been such a long time, they were both adults, but this wasn't the right time, or the right place to take that step, not today, not after what she just told him. Otherwise, it would turn out to be just another escape for her and a big mistake for him.

But even then, he couldn't let go. He needed to touch her, hold on to her, let her know that maybe they both needed something.

"I need you too." His eyes flew open; he hadn't even realized he had said it out loud until he heard his own voice in his ears.

"What?"

"Do you want to hear the rest of this? Please, O'Neil just hear me out before I lose my nerve."

She nodded and didn't say another word.

"Remember when I was talking to Pete the other night? I told him then that I had feelings for you. But I didn't know what they were then and I still don't know exactly what they are now. All I know is that there's something about you that I need."

He paused to take a breath. "I know we don't always get along. I also know that you're not what I always thought was my type. I don't know where any of this is going. What I do know is that I need to find out what it is about you that I need so badly that I'm willing to go against everything that makes sense. That is if you're willing to let me find out."

Questions ran through Susan's head, questions, concerns and fears. But she surprised herself by simply saying, "Yes."

"So where do we start?" He asked softly, unconsciously pulling her even closer.

She didn't answer; she just kissed him. It started out as exploration, much like their kiss the night before, tender, probing. But after they came up for air, he kissed her again. This time, it spiraled out of control. For what seemed like eternity, they gave into the heat that had been building between them until there was only that: pulsing, savage heat.

Somehow they had gotten onto the bed, when they both suddenly came to their senses and broke off the kiss. Mac sat up, holding onto the headboard as he tried to catch his breath.

Susan's breathing was equally deep as she whispered, "That was rather intense."

"And not intended."

"Hey, don't. I know what you're going to say and don't apologize. I was an active participant and trust me; the thought has crossed my mind more than once. You know that. We're adults, we're attracted to each other, it's only natural. Timing is bad right this minute though."

"I know." Susan was sitting on the edge of the bed and he sat next to her, brushing the hair back from her face. "O'Neil, I don't want to be just another escape for you."

"I don't want you to be either."

"At the risk of sounding egotistical when we do sleep together, I want it to be because you want to be with me and that you're there with me completely, one hundred percent and not for any other reason."

"Well, it is egotistical for you to assume that we are going to sleep together," she said with a slight hint of a tease in her voice.

"I suppose it is." He shrugged, continuing to stroke her hair softly. This was not helping the mood he was in, but he needed to touch her, even if indirectly. "I wish things were different. I wish I could just make love to you."

"But we can't because everything is complicated. Because I'm your best friend's niece, because we work together and even more so than that, we're responsible for each other's lives and because of that we have to think out any emotional or physical involvement carefully before we make any step. Because we've both been hurt deeply and we do have an emotional connection, even if it is undefined. And finally because today I'm an emotional mess and you're a nice guy whose nature won't let you take advantage of that. Anything I missed?"

"You about covered it. So what do we do now?"

"We go pack, we go to lunch at my grandmother's, then we hop a plane back to Seattle. Then unless we have to go fight bad guys, we go on a date like normal people and try to figure out what's going on."

"Sounds about as good as I'm going to get." He smiled and kissed her on the cheek. "For what it's worth Susan, I'm glad you told me about your brother."

"I'm glad that you were here to listen. I haven't talked about him in a long time to anyone, it helped to tell you. Thank you."

"That's what friends are for. See you in a little bit."

Mac got up and headed toward the connecting door. Susan jumped up and followed him.

His hand was on the knob when she interrupted him. "Mac?"

"Yeah?"

She kissed him, softly but with just a hint of passion. "I wish I could just make love to you too."

No words were needed. They both understood the meaning. He smiled softly and went into his room. She heard the sigh as he closed the door.

"Ditto, MacGyver, ditto."

The End