Summary: One day average 16 year old Alice Liddell opens a book and unleashes a set of cards that will basically blow the world up if she doesn't collect them all. But with each card she collects, her blood pressure rises because apparently all of them want her as their mistress. What's an average girl to do? Alice/Everyone
This is just a super dumb idea I had when I rewatched some old Cardcaptor Sakura episodes lol this won't be serious at all so don't read this expecting something solid
Disclaimer: I don't own HnKnA or CCS.
-.-
Chapter 1: Alice is a Victim… Er, Cardcaptor!
Hare, Hatter, Dodo, Warden, Knight, Duchess, Dormouse,
Cardcaptors of the Wonder
Expect some screwed up shit!
The secrets of the Wonder
Were nothing but a shame
So when this crazy book was opened
The madness became untamed
Cardcaptors!
A random adventure
Cardcaptors!
Can this quest end already?
Each card is really fucking crazy (but also very attractive)
We've got to seduce them to make their power whole
Hare, Hatter, Dodo, Warden, Knight, Duchess, Dormouse,
Cardcaptors of the Wonder
Time to hit second base now
Cardcaptors! Where is your hand touching!?
Cardcaptors! Put that gun down!
Cardcaptors!
Cardcaptors!
It was an average day on planet Earth.
But for a certain average girl named Alice Liddell, this day was particularly average.
"Wow, that dream was so not average, how weird." The heroine of the tale yawned tiredly into her hand as she sat up in her bed.
Scratching her head, she sighed, "I dreamt of looking on at Tokyo Tower with all those game cards flying like I was playing Pokémon or something… But that's so weird considering how I don't even live in Japan, much less Tokyo… Shouldn't it have been Big Ben?" She mumbled to herself before her eyes glanced at the clock, "Oh noooo! I'm going to be late!"
Given the fact this was her average tale to tell, she supposed she should start her exposition.
For starters, her name wasn't Sakura Kinomoto or Sakura Avalon. In fact, she didn't even know what a Sakura was. She was too English for that.
Her name was Alice Liddell and she was your basic average 16 year old girl. She was your average height for a 16 year old girl, she had average colored blonde-brown hair, and even her eyes were your average teal color.
"7 am, wakin' up in the morning. Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs." Alice sang out as she adjusted her blue bow on her head and raced down the stairs to the kitchen, "Gotta have my bowl, gotta introduce my sisters and my dead mom."
"Alice can you stop singing so early in the morning? You sound like a God damn masturbating cat." Edith insulted harshly with a scowl and a flip to her dark dyed hair.
That was her little sister Edith. She was only 13 so she was beginning to enter her scene kid phase.
Edith is what you would refer to as an annoying little shit.
"Language." Lorina warned Edith from her spot by the oven while she continued to make what Alice assumed to be pancakes because that was the most normal food ever for the most important meal of the day.
As Edith began mumbling into her eggs about Lorina being a punk ass bitch, Alice looked over at the picture of her deceased mother on the table and smiled at it warmly, "Mama, I really do hope you're having a chilled time up in heaven. Love you." She greeted before turning around and taking a seat at the table.
"What's for breakfast, Lorina?" Alice smiled at her insanely perfect sister as she gave Alice a kiss on the cheek good morning before beginning to pour her breakfast onto her plate.
This was her older sister Lorina. She was a university student and also the responsible one in the family. She was also the pretty one in the family. And the smart one. And the likeable one. Basically she was perfect.
Lorina returned the expression kindly, "Pancakes and eggs. Eat up quick or else you're going to be late for school!"
Ever since their mom died a couple years back, Lorina basically became the household's mother figure especially since their dad had been so swamped up with work to take the pain in his heart away.
Alice scarfed down the contents of her plate as fast she could and only spared Edith a glare when her sibling called her a monster for devouring everything so quickly. With that done she moved to the door and began strapping on her roller skates and even protection gear except for helmet because that would only make her look like she really cared about being safe.
Besides, no one on TV died from roller skating without a helmet and cracking their skull on concrete or anything.
"I'm off!" Alice sang before rolling out of the house and down onto the sidewalk.
This was her chance to show off her average cuteness while skating through some pretty scenery considering these random cherry blossom trees were now deciding to let their petals fall down on the pavement all perfectly.
Blading backwards with a content giggle, she watched upward with a smile.
Suddenly, she found herself gasping in surprise as she bumped into someone else from behind.
"Oops! I'm so sorry! I should have been watching where I was going!" Alice quickly apologized as she turned around and came to meet the familiar face of Gray.
Her cheeks immediately flushed pink in a shoujo-like fashion and hearts replaced her eyes while the taller male sent her a reassuring smile.
That was Gray Ringmarc. He was hot. He was also a university student with Lorina and one of their family's close friends for a while now. He was really hot and he was smart too. Not only that, but he was a really hard worker with a good work ethic—and who was she kidding? He was just really smoking hot and Alice wanted nothing more than to eat off of his abs because the guy was ripped as hell under his uniform.
"It's quite alright, Alice." Gray laughed oblivious to the female that was now silently undressing him with her eyes, "I'm guessing you're late again today?"
Those words made her break from her trance while she laughed nervously, "Aha, not really that late. If I skate a little faster I'll make it on time."
His golden eyes twinkled in amusement and Alice could only smile shyly at him, "Anyways, what about you? I'm surprised you're not rushing for your classes, don't you like getting there like three hours early?" She teased lightly.
"True, but today I slept in a bit so I'm only going to be one hour early. I'm planning on stopping by your house because Lorina threatened me if I decided to skip breakfast again."
"I see, I see."
"Yeah."
"Okay."
"Hm."
"Yup."
"Uh-huh."
"So…"
"Bye."
"Bye."
Alice groaned to herself as she began skating away as fast as she could.
"'Okay'!? 'Yup'!? 'So'?!" She repeated to herself in horror, "That was so stupid! Why did I say that!? He must think I'm an idiot!" She sorrowfully whined before picking up speed in the direction to her school.
After about ten more minutes of fast skating and self-pity on her social awkwardness, Alice finally arrived at her High School whose name she couldn't be bothered to remember though she was like twenty percent sure the mascot was a sloth or a penis fish.
"Yaaaaas, Alice, you look so good, yaaaas!" Peter exclaimed while shoving his video camera in his average best friend's face.
This was her best friend, Peter White. He was an albino and Alice assumed that was why he wore glasses. He's actually super attractive and for some reason he reminded her of a rabbit, though she couldn't understand why because to everyone except her and her family he was pretty damn scary. He was like, obsessed with her or something, she didn't get it.
Alice sweatdropped while pushing away the device a bit, "Peter, I don't know why you always videotape me. I'm not special or anything. I'm so averagely average." She sighed after her words before she closed her locker with her shoes in them. She didn't even know why she was doing that, didn't they only do those things in certain countries in East Asia?
The albino gave a blissful breath as he now backed away and clutched one of his cheeks with a dreamy look in his eye, "It's your averageness that just makes you all the more perfect! My Alice is so modest!"
"I'm not being modest, I'm actually painfully insecure because of my older perfect sister. In fact, I even have an inferiority complex—"
Riiiiiiiiiing.
"The bell for classes!" Peter exclaimed, "Darn, I really wanted to have you explain your woos on tape! Alice's sad face is one of the cutest of all!"
Alice twitched, "Isn't that a little sadistic to say?"
The bespectacled boy let out a laugh while he turned around to begin walking away, "I am an S after all!"
Well, that was true.
Rushing to catch up to him so they could get to class together, Alice suddenly found her mind drifting back to that strange dream she had with those cards and the Tower and that weird looking staff.
She didn't know why she was even thinking about it. It wasn't like it'd have any relevance to her life to the point it'd drastically change everything about her averageness or anything.
The rest of her school day had been painfully average and when she got home, she expected it to continue that way.
"I'm home!" Alice sang after she opened the front door to the house.
When she received no response she just continued her way upstairs in order to put down her bag and unwind for the rest of the evening, however she found herself stopped about halfway up. A rumbling sound came from the basement door and she gave it a look quietly.
The noise continued again and her eyes dulled considerably before she ran her way into the kitchen to get out the largest knife in the drawer.
Making it back to the door, she slowly opened it and peered down in the dark abyss wearily with her hand extended outward offensively.
From within she could still hear that strange noise and so she did what every rational girl wouldn't have done and continued inside instead of calling the cops.
She was only a 5'4 framed girl that weighed about 119 lbs or so… If there was a threat down there she was sure she could take them…
But just in case, Alice cleared her throat while she began walking down the stairs.
"Okay, if anyone's down here, I want you to know that I have a butcher knife, an appetite for human flesh, and I didn't eat lunch today." She shakily voiced out as she continued her way down, "Also, my therapist tells me in the act of self-defense, just listen to whatever the voices in my head tell me and lemme tell you, they're so in the mood for me to make a meal out of someone right now."
Her words weren't returned and she was pretty sure the noise was getting lower with each further step she made through the shelves around her.
She couldn't even the last time she came into the basement, it was all books and other old things that their father never used or only looked at for like two seconds but he was too lazy to throw it away, like their gifts to him for his birthday or Father's Day.
After scouting through each row of bookshelves and coming to the conclusion that nothing was down there and it was all her imagination, Alice lowered her butcher knife with a sigh.
"What a waste of time. Here I was thinking something interesting was going to happen—" She halted her words when a yellow light caught her attention from the side of her gaze.
Blinking, she turned her head to the shelf that held a single book amid others that appeared to be illuminating a dim and soft glow.
Eyes becoming wide with curiosity, Alice approached it, "Oh, hey, a glowing book. I might as well take a look at it." Alice voiced before taking the book from the shelf to look on at the cover that had a rather elaborate design on front. It appeared to be some sort of fancy butterfly.
Her fingers went over the words that read Wonderful Wonder World toward the top before they grazed over the bottom that had a name, but it was too scratched out for her to comprehend.
Wonderful Wonder World… That sounded similar to that one book Lorina had read to her not too long ago.
"Since I'm looking at the cover, I might as well open it." Alice stated aloud before opening up to the front page.
Unlike the story that she expected to see, it was as though the inside was a cardholder.
One the left page, there was a gigantic paragraph worth of words, but considering how it looked so boring and long Alice didn't occupy any of her time with it.
The words Stop, Run, Crazy ass cards, Earth's ultimate destruction and doom, and Don't become a cardcaptor stood out to her for about two seconds before she deterred her attention away.
Tilting her head to the side, Alice brought her hand down to pick up the top card on the deck.
"Are these the new edition to Pokémon? Or maybe Yu-Gi-Oh?" She mumbled thoughtfully with a hand to her chin as she observed the large card in her hand.
A young man that appeared to be dressed as some sort of court jester graced the front, his outfit complete with long checkered pants, several ringlets about, an eye patch to his eye, and even a little black hat on top of his head.
At the bottom a name was given and she skeptically eyed it.
It wasn't as if something terrible was going to happen if she read the name or anything.
I mean, sure she could read it in her head, but saying it out loud would be way more dramatic and fun considering the setting she was in… Even though no one was around to hear her anyways.
"The Ringmaster." She recited the two words carefully and immediately after her words the card in her grip began to glow a white light that made Alice grunt with widening eyes.
The card in her hand began to vibrate and the intensity of its light appeared to intensify for a moment that the brunette had to let out a cry of surprise while her irises shut tightly. Out of seemingly nowhere, a large gust of wind filled the room and she barely cracked one of her eyes opened in time to see all the cards that had been in the book beginning to fly out and rise through the ceiling.
What the hell!?
"What the hell!?" She cried out in confusion and right after her shout, the card that had been in her hand slipped and disappeared.
After a couple more seconds, everything seemed to settle down in the basement and the female gave a large breath of relief.
Looks like she survived that end of the horror movie. Now she just needed to call a priest to exorcise her basement and some of these books and all would be well.
Just as she prepared to dash out, her steps stopped mid-stride to watch at the fallen book that was now starting to glow again.
"Nope, nope, nope, nope!" She exclaimed fearfully before she prepared to continue her run, however there appeared to be something emerging now from the seal that had been on the cover.
"Who dares disturb my slumber?" A deep voice rumbled from within the small figure of light that was now beginning to dispel.
Alice speechlessly watched as the glow disappeared, leaving nothing more but a small, silver haired fairy in its wake.
"A fairy? Or maybe a pixie? Wait, you're a toy, I bet." Alice blankly stated as she returned to her former spot to begin poking and probing at the creature that now spontaneously appeared from the book that magically caused all those cards to go berserk not too long ago.
In fact it was like two seconds ago.
The thing appeared to be entirely alive and once Alice got a grip on it, it began to squirm viciously until it was out of her hand with an indignant expression on its face while it glared up at her. Apparently, it had some sort of eye patch on so only one of its silver irises were visible.
"I am not a fairy."
"So you're a pixie."
"I am not a pixie."
"So you're a toy."
"I am not a toy."
"So you're a fairy."
"Did I stutter?"
"Then what are you?" Alice inquired as the fairy scoffed before pointing at itself proudly.
"I am Nightmare! Guardian Demon of the Seal!" He explained with a nod, his bright silver butterfly wings giving a flap to keep himself afloat and Alice tilted her head to the side, "Guardian Demon? Isn't that a bit contradictory?"
Nightmare waved her off with one of his dainty hands, "It's an oxymoron."
The female clasped her hands together in awe, "Ooooh."
"Anyways, little girl, it's my job as Guardian Demon to protect the Seal to the Wonderful Wonder World Cards." Nightmare informed simply, "Since you're so cute and innocent looking, I suppose I won't have to punish you for waking me up from my nap."
Alice blinked.
"The Wonderful Wonder World Cards?"
Nightmare smiled.
"Yup."
"You're supposed to protect them?"
"Yup."
"Well, Nightmare, I don't really know how to tell you this, but um… You kind of suck balls at your job." She bluntly stated causing the fairy-like being to grunt in surprise at the sudden insult before he gave her a glare, "Excuse me!?"
"Okay, so I'm not saying this happened. I'm also not saying it didn't happen, but basically I may or may not have opened the book and said something that caused all the cards to go flying out of the ceiling and end up God knows where… But hey, even if this did happen, no harm no foul, right? Ahaha…" She nervously laughed while scratching the back of her head.
Nightmare gaped at her, "You didn't—"
"Did you not hear what I said before I gave my story?"
The silver haired male slapped his forehead, "You did! Oh, God no! No! No! No! No!" He tearfully turned back to the book and upon seeing the deck missing from their spot, he gave out an anguished shout that caused Alice to wince painfully.
Slowly, Alice got up from her spot on the floor and made her eyes move toward the exit, "So, uh. Good luck getting all your cards back and stuff. Hope you have a wonderful time with that." She remarked, however before she could begin walking, Nightmare flew in front of her face with a scowl.
"Do you realize what you've done!?" He questioned her furiously and despite their size difference, Alice could feel her anxiety begin to rise.
"Uh, I'll just go out on a limb and guess it wasn't exactly average? Aha…"
-.-
"Okay, so let me just try to summarize this." Alice interrupted Nightmare's words with a shake to her hands as the two of them settled within her room on her bed.
Nightmare looked back at her expectedly and the brunette cleared her throat lowly.
"You're Nightmare, the Guardian of the Seal and the Wonder Cards. The Wonder Cards were created by an ancient old dead guy named Lewis Carroll. There are about twenty, give or take, cards and if they're left out there with no one controlling them they'll all eventually end up destroying the world."
Her companion nodded.
"These cards all can take on some type of humanoid form with a majority of them being attractive males and they all have crazy ass unpredictable powers and the only way to seal them has to be with a kiss or something similar?"
Nod.
"Also, since I set the cards loose, I have the responsibility of capturing them all back so they don't destroy the world."
Another nod.
"And even though it's your fault for taking a nap instead of doing your job, I'm being tasked with this cardcaptor job and I'll be forced to risk my life and potentially die out there while dealing with the darker forces of magic and whatever sexual harassment these cards might have in store for me."
Noddy McNodderson.
"Yeah, I'm not doing this! I can't! I'm just an average girl!"
"Oh, come on. If you can get through this, you'll have like twenty guys and a couple girls in love with you!" Nightmare argued with a flail to his arms, "Isn't that every 16 year old girls' dream!?"
Alice huffed while turning her face away, "I have no interest in romance!"
"What about that Ringmarc fellow you were going on about earlier!?"
"Let me rephrase my words; I have no interest in romance with some weird cards that can kill me without even trying!" She insisted irritably before raising up the sealing key that Nightmare had given her earlier with a weary cringe, "I've no idea what I'm getting myself into…"
Nightmare caught her look thoughtfully before holding his chin, "You've certainly managed to get yourself into quite the predicament, Cardcaptor Alice…"
-.-
So I'm looking at another 20 chapter story lol I swear it's like my goal is to make a million WIPs and never finish any.
I may make this more serious in later chapters, but not by much. It depends gaaaah.