Lisa surveys her "empire" and all she sees is...a wreckage.
The fleet is in a state of upheaval, though no one dares question her authority as queen – out loud.
Her mother is dead, her sister is dead, and she is the only visitor with the capability of birthing an army – a new population of visitors – and after the battle they've fought and lost, they need her.
She knows they resent her for that truth, as well.
It hadn't been easy – since arriving on Earth, she had learned nothing was – but with the help of Project Ares and the Fifth Column, as one, they managed to drive out Amy and without that secret weapon, her mother had been rendered useless – almost useless.
She flinches at the losses they had suffered in that battle – losses on both sides. Father Landry, Chad Decker, and a number of humans she didn't know nor had she had a chance to know that well.
Somehow, they managed to spin a story – with the help of the FBI – that the hybrid, Amy, had killed Anna and Lisa's "twin" sister in a rage.
Lisa had been against it, at first, knowing it would discourage human and visitor "intimate" relations for those who had chosen to make a home on Earth, but Erica insisted – if Lisa stepped forward as her mother's murderer, the humans would be even more skeptical of the visitors – of her – than they already are, and with good reason.
She sighs, feeling – feeling so much– something twist in her stomach until she wonders if not breathing for a few moments might make it stop, but that's unlikely, she knows.
She just wants – wishes– it all to stop.
She had wanted a better life for her kind – a chance at life for the humans – but she had never envisioned herself as queen, not really.
Now, she has an empire to rule, a population to rebuild and apologies to make; she's not sure where to start.
Marcus helps – she sees more of him than she does of the others and she's grateful, in some way.
He's the only one that doesn't evoke an intense emotion.
Her grandmother trusted him, her mother trusted him, and both felt a pang of betrayal because of him, though the latter more than the former.
Sometimes, she wonders how she trusts him.
She doesn't.
But she knows she can trust him with their species – he hates Amy almost as much as Lisa does, perhaps more.
She doesn't see Erica for weeks, but they speak, and the woman doesn't sound tired and her voice doesn't break – unlike Lisa.
She doesn't know how many times she has apologized for Tyler – how many times she didn't voice it, but meant it all the same – and Erica doesn't always respond – not right away – and when she does, Lisa doesn't believe she's forgiven.
She can't even forgive herself.
She's the popular one now – the High Commander, and leader of the New York Mothership – and, as was the norm during her mother's visits to Earth, her pictures are taken constantly, except this time, she can't ask the human's military to stand down.
They're not meant for her protection – though, they say they are, she understands things better now, Erica and Kyle being excellent teachers in such matters.
She has her own people go with her, of course, Marcus never leaving her side, and she doesn't speak to the reporters – in that respect, she is not like her mother – when she decides to visit their graves.
Erica is there when she goes to Tyler's grave, and Joe's.
Words aren't said, but the apology is in the air, and Erica pulls her into an embrace.
It's the last time that she asks to be forgiven.
When she makes her way back to the car, Joshua standing outside of it, waiting.
She's surprised – startled, even – because she hasn't seen him in weeks.
After the battle, she had asked him – asked, not ordered – to go to Earth with his best, trusted medical officers to aid the humans with their own. The visitors had their technologies that could easily mend them, but the humans did not. She also trusted him – trusts him – and knows that, if the humans were to trust anyone, it would be him.
They don't speak outside the car.
He waits for her to go inside before he follows and, Marcus, to her surprise, takes the other car, leaving them alone.
She doesn't know why her heart is beating fast – flashbacks to the moment where her mother was breaking free of her flesh, ready to kill her, and all Lisa could do was move back, feeling her own true skin ache beneath the human flesh but, unlike her mother, she was too attached to being human. She had been afraid of becoming what she really was. Joshua had been there – saved her – and when it was all over, he had been the only one to stop her from shaking.
She fell asleep in his arms that day and woke to his eyes the next.
She still recalls the sight of his eyes on occasion, when she wakes, as if she were reliving it.
She understands the feeling – the longing – and she'd been ignoring it, till now, when it's staring her in the face.
"You look unwell."
Her eyes widen at his assessment as she meets his eyes and then looks out the car window, forcing a smile, "I'm fine. Just tired, that's all."
"Have you been taking-"
"Yes," she cuts him off, because she doesn't want to talk about that. She'll talk about anything but that. She makes an attempt at changing the subject and meets his eyes in a way that she hopes is befitting of a queen, "How are the healing centers?"
He quirks a brow, but doesn't question her – of course he wouldn't. "Everything is as you hoped," he answers, "though there were some who refused to be treated. We've offered assistance to their hospitals...some have accepted."
"It'll take time for them to trust us again," she looks out the window once more, sees a building in the distance still being rebuilt with the help of their technology, which the mayor had not turned down, given it would keep them from having to use their own resources. If only everything would be as easily rebuilt. "At least we're not being attacked."
Ever since Anna died, the Fifth Column had no reason to act against Lisa – accepting her as the true queen – and Project Ares made certain the humans minded their manners with the visitors, at least, until given reason not to.
Which reminds her of another topic she has avoided – mainly because it was Marcus' special project and he wanted to see it through. "Have you heard anything about...?"
Joshua shakes his head, "Agent Evans has Kyle Hobbes assisting in the matter. He and Marcus are working together. They have found nothing."
Lisa knew Amy wouldn't be easily found – she just hopes, wherever the girl is, she chooses to live a quiet life rather than start another war...at least not until they recover from this one.
Joshua is no longer seeing to the healing centers and Lisa has no reason to send him back; the humans are more or less tended to and while they've patched up their relationship, to a point, their trust remains a delicate issue.
Lisa is in her chambers, looking out the city, lit like a Christmas tree, she thinks with a smile, even though Christmas doesn't have much meaning with their kind.
Her mother's greatest mistake, she realizes, had been choosing the humans as the next link in her perfect DNA strain.
The soul had proved too strong and the emotions they inspired in the visitors had been undeniable – better than bliss.
It wasbliss.
She hears the door slide open behind her and she turns, seeing Joshua.
She hugs herself tighter and lifts her chin, slightly, trying to seem commanding – around him, it's always like she's pretending to be something, what he believes her to be.
He's holding a tablet in his hand and she imagines it's some new statistic for the other commanders; his face betrays nothing, so she waits.
"I have a list of males that you may wish to consider breeding with. They're strong candidates-"
"What? No!"
Joshua continues as if he hadn't heard her, "And they would be capable of pleasing you, if that is your wish."
"It's not!" She's disgusted – not with the list, the offer or the fact that she knows her people are expecting her to breed. She's disgusted with him, and the fact that the words are leaving hislips.
"You have to, my Queen," he uses her title, but it doesn't fit into the sentence which even hehas trouble saying.
"I know, but...I can't..." She can, she knows. She can. She almost did it with Rafael. It had been easy, really, but it also meant almost becoming her mother.
Things were different now – she's different. She wants things, she feels things and she doesn't want to simply act for the sake of what is expected of her.
She will do what they expect of her, but not the way they expect it to be done.
She exhales, extending her hand out to him. He looks at her, surprised, at first, before he hands over the tablet.
As she looks through the list, he speaks, "I could invite them here for your personal review, but I wished to hear your preference, first."
She furrows her brow, noticing something...odd.
Her mother, of course, would've chosen soldiers – fighters, trackers – but this list is composed of all sorts of visitors – intellectuals and soldiers alike – with a list of their profession and a willingness to offer themselves to the cause – to her. There are many good prospects on the list...but someone is missing.
She looks up, tries to swallow – with some difficulty – before she speaks. "You're not on the list."
He hadn't been looking at her, but he is now, his expression blank, "I am your Chief Medical Officer." He pauses, "I didn't think it prudent to dispose of me after, at least not until I found someone to replace me."
She frowns, being reminded of that aspect of it. "I wouldn't dispose of you after," she mutters, surprising herself by the fact she said that out loud, and she looks up to examine his reaction.
There's a smile – small, but it's there – and it stirs something in her, but she can't voice it – doesn't dare to. The want is there, though. It's always there.
"And no one is replacing you," she tries to cover her previous statement and she hands over the tablet. "I'll need some time to consider my choices."
"Very well," Joshua takes the tablet, his fingers brushing hers – unnecessarily – making her feel something. "Good night, my queen."
That night, she doesn't sleep.
That night, she imagines herself and Joshua in many compromising positions, and none end in her devouring him.
She goes to visit Erica one day and, because her stay on Earth has made her too human, she finds herself confiding in the federal agent even though all sense states Erica is the last person who needs to hear how her dead son's girlfriend is having feelings for another man.
"Tell him," Erica replies, simply. "Joshua's a good guy. And he obviously cares about you. What do you have to lose?"
Lisa frowns as she nurses her cup of coffee, having no intention to drink it, her stomach in knots. "I don't know," she answers honestly. "I don't think that's the part I'm worried about. I know if I ask him, he'll say yes, because I'm his queen. But I don't...I don't want it to be that way."
"Then tell him," Erica squeezes her shoulder, smiling in a way that Lisa's mother never did. "I don't think he would do it because he has to. He'll do it because he'll want to."
"Thank you, Mrs. Evans," Lisa smiles weakly, watching as Erica moves around the kitchen to make dinner. It would be just the two of them tonight. Marcus had been invited to join them, but had heard news of Kyle. Lisa often wondered why Erica hadn't joined Kyle Hobbes in the search, but part of her knows – the same reason why Lisa couldn't bear be in the same room with Joshua...not unless she could say what she needed to say, what part of her knew she shouldn't say.
When Lisa is told of the attack on the healing center, her ears are deaf to any other news – the possibility of Amy being behind the attacks, of a small faction supporting her movement as a hybrid, of rumors of Anna's true killers – all she thinks is Joshua and how, that morning, he had mentioned the arrival of a human child with leukemia. Her mother was bringing her in. Lisa imagined the child would be scared – the illness scary enough – and had wanted to be there, but Joshua offered to go in her stead, as he had to oversee some of the work they were doing in the hospitals.
Lisa had to discuss things with Marcus and Marcus, while obedient, never liked it when Lisa would choose humanitarian efforts over those that would ensure their safety.
Lisa demands a shuttle – she doesn't say what has her so inspired – and she's almost as quick as the news crew.
Marcus is with her – he doesn't leave her side most days, even though she has her own guards now – and she looks at what used to be the healing center.
There were firefighters and policemen – humans – helping dig through the debris and visitors were starting to help, too.
She takes a step forward, but a hand on her shoulder stops her. "You won't find him."
She shrugs him off, glaring back at him and it shocks Marcus – perhaps the first stare she has given that exceeds her mother's strength in intimidation. "I can try."
"My queen," when he bows his head to her, she doesn't find it out of order, but when he turns his face – his head still bowed – to look to where people are kept at a distance, kept from crossing into the scene, curiosity seizes her and she follows his gaze.
There, wearing his labcoat, is Joshua, conversing with a policeman in an attempt to be allowed passage.
Lisa doesn't waste another moment, "Joshua!"
That catches the attention of the policeman, the news cast and everyone else who heard her.
She runs – title be damned– and Joshua is let through just in time for her to jump into his arms, her arms around his neck, face buried in the crook of his neck. He returns her embrace – something she doesn't notice until much later – and holds her to him.
"I thought..." She doesn't say the words – can't.
"I know," his words touch the skin of her neck and she shudders.
"My queen," they hear Marcus and detach, but their arms remain locked, a part of them still joined. Marcus nods forward and they see what he means – cameras shuttering, people murmuring.
"We have to go," Lisa moves back, frowning at the idea that the humans would deem this more important than what just happened – then again, didn't she do that just now?
"I'm staying," Joshua announces.
"What? No," she swallows, ignores the strange flush on her cheeks and shakes her head, again, "No."
"I have to," he frowns, "I have to help with the survivors."
Marcus quirks a brow, indifferent to what is really occurring between them, "Do you think there are any?"
"No," Joshua met his eyes, serious, "but we've advanced some of their technology enough to save those even in the brink of death." He turns his gaze to Lisa, "I have to try."
She closes her eyes – she is queen, but she can't disagree this – and nods.
"Be careful," she murmurs, and he nods, taking a step towards her and placing a kiss on her forehead before he leaves without another word.
"Let us leave," Marcus is the one who forces her to move – to blink – and she looks back at Joshua in wonder.
Did that really happen?
She waits for him that night, but falls asleep, unable to wait any longer.
When she stirs, it's morning, and the light is hitting her eyes unfairly. She blinks, her eyes slowly opening, and as her eyes become accustomed to the light, they identify his presence.
"Joshua!" She sits up, holding her sheet to her chest, "You're back."
"I am." His smile is awkward, almost apologetic. "I wasn't sure if to wake you...so I waited."
Her eyebrows widen, "You waited? Joshua, how long have you been standing there?"
"It doesn't matter," he brushes it off.
"Joshua," she frowns, confused. "Why didn't you just...lie with me?" The question is simple and innocent, though behind it there is so much weight, she feels like she said too much too soon.
His lip curls into a smile so unbecoming of a visitor, but it suits him perfectly. "The thought crossed my mind; however, you are still queen."
"Joshua, stop." She moves closer to the edge and reaches for his hand, tugging him closer, and he accepts it as an invitation to sit, nothing more. She'll take that for now. "If this is going to work..."
"This?"
She ignores that for the sake of the small, glittering courage fighting through. "I don't want you to see me as your queen."
"But you are my queen," he reminds her, still smiling.
"I know," she argues, "but," she exhales. "Do you remember that list? They were just male candidates. My people. To them, I'm just a queen. They would've played their role and done what I needed of them. Do you think yourself like them?"
"No," his answer makes her sigh in relief.
"Good." She doesn't know where to take it from there. Luckily, she doesn't have to.
"I treat you as queen because it's the only way I've been taught, Lisa," the use of her name makes her eyes widen – her hope rekindled. "If there's another way, you'll need to teach me."
She furrows her brow, "Is that all this would be to you? A lesson? Something else I need of you?"
He chuckles, and that sound almost makes her whole body burn. She'd never heard him laugh like that before...and she's reminded of other times she's heard humans laugh that way whenever the conversation wasn't remotely amusing.
"You're teasing me, aren't you?"
"I would never tease a queen," his smile, still present, widens.
Another thought occurs to her, "You've known, haven't you? You knew...didn't you?"
"I knew of my feelings. I wasn't sure of yours till yesterday. Now that I know," he moves closer to her, till their knees are touching, and he's cupping her cheek with his hand, "I'm filled with a happiness I don't understand. And the real reason I didn't lie with you while you slept," his breath is touching her lips and she's holding her breath – trying not to interrupt him in any way. "Is because I didn't want to startle you, and you looked beautiful in your sleep."
She smiles, releasing the breath she'd been holding and sealing his words with a kiss which he returns, wholly and completely.
She doesn't leave her chambers for the rest of the day – neither does he – until she needs phosphorous, but he always comes back.
He would always come back.