Title: Lesson of the Lost
Summary: In a way, Cam taught him the most important thing in life. Tristan only wishes that they could have been closer, but vows to take the lesson going forward.
Set in Paris, right before Tristan and Maya's shopping montage in 13x06 Cannonball. Lunchtime.
Tags: suicide mentions, particularly detailed descriptions of food.
It took Tristan a while to learn that love at first sight had no value. Oh, he still had the hopes for a grand romance, but romance went beyond the inevitable lust at first encounter. Cam had already burnt him on that account.
Even in death, Cam taught him a lot.
Tristan sighed as he dabbed one of Maya's breadstick in marinara sauce. Maya met his eyes, but didn't question him. She knew that he only gave into carbs when he was upset. She likely thought he was moping about Miles, and he was in some small way. It was thoughts of Cam that drove him to his secret devil.
He looked over longingly to Miles. His current crush sat opposite of Zoë, chatting away. Was he oblivious to her flirting, or just so used to it that he took it in stride?
Tristan shoved the carbohydrate-filled treat into his mouth to cover his blush. It had only been a few days since he had kissed Miles. He chewed to mask a sigh at the memory. Miles' lips had been nice. Tristan couldn't remember the last time he felt so much for someone. It was a shame that it had lasted for but a moment.
He swallowed the food and took a deep breath. He would be wallowing in self-pity, if not outright offing himself in shame, if Miles hadn't played his rejection so cool. He slammed the other half of the breadstick down on his plate as he recalled the roller coaster of emotions Miles had set off within him. From crush to passion, then fear, relief, friendship, and then finally anger. He was angry when he saw Miles kissing Zoë, though he knew that he had no right to be.
Maya looked up him with concern in her eyes.
"It's nothing," Tristan muttered. Maya nodded her understanding. It was a nothing that they both felt. Anger at the boy who played with their emotions without even trying.
He looked over to Miles again. The boy was cute, kind, and infuriating in every meaning of the word. A part of him wanted to view Miles as the bad guy, and claim to the heavens that Miles was out to hurt them, but he couldn't. Miles was too kind for that. In a way, he just wanted what they all wanted.
He saw Miles brush his bangs from his eyes, and Tristan couldn't help but want to be the one to rearrange the boy's hair for him. It was a familiar feeling. Tristan closed his eyes and thought back to six or seven months ago when he had first met Cam. He was kind and sweet, and had brown locks that he just wanted to run his hands through. Miles really was just Cam all over again.
Love at first sight. Heart break.
Tristan recalled how his feelings for Cam ended. It was something he couldn't tell Maya about, nor was it something he would begrudge her. If thoughts of Cam's untimely end brought him to the point of eating a bread stick – he sighed as he picked it up, dipped it in sauce, and put it in his mouth – it would likely drive Maya to a place he never wanted to see her at again.
They were in Paris. They were supposed to be having fun. Meeting new people. Exploring new places. Eating new foods – he could forgive himself the breadsticks with that excuse, he noted, if he remembered to dip them in some foreign sauce.
He swirled the bitten end of his breadstick in the marinara. Meeting new people was supposed to mean meeting new guys. Miles was supposed to be that. He was almost that. But again, he fell for a straight guy.
Typical. No one was out at his age. He was going to be alone forever. His heart stopped as he wondered if Cam ever felt that way, though for entirely different reasons.
Tristan shook his head with the breadstick between his teeth, breaking it in half. He wouldn't let himself get that sad, ever. He wasn't going to let himself be sad about Miles. It was his fault, really. He had wanted Miles so badly that he convinced himself that Miles wanted him. He should have asked Miles before kissing him. But Miles was cool with it, so that counted for something. Miles had worried about him when he ran off last night. Miles was a friend.
A friend.
He thought back to Cam and how he had wanted so badly for Cam to like him back. Wanting someone wasn't enough. They had to want you too. It was the sad truth of love. Manipulating Cam into liking him was a bad course of action. He never realized how much he regretted it until now.
Tristan sighed. Cam never really forgave him, and he couldn't blame him. They were friends, in a way, but they were never as close as they could have been. Now, it wasn't a friendship that he could repair. They could never bond over Lost in person.
Love at first sight was fake. Tristan promised himself to never forget that.
He felt a tap on his shoulder and turned to see Miles standing over him, with Zoë in tow.
Miles gave Maya a teasing smile. "Would either of you like this éclair?" he asked, holding the pastry out like an olive branch.
Maya glared. "A peace offering, really?"
"Hush, Maya," Tristan said gently as he accepted the éclair. "We'll split it?"
Maya raised an eyebrow that asked a million questions, but said nothing.
Miles hummed at Maya before turning to Tristan. "Catch you later, Tris" he added with a nod as he turned away.
Zoë scoffed as she entwined her arms with Miles. Tristan shook his head, and fought the urge to throw the pastry at her dress. Instead, he placed it on the table and began to cut it with a nearby knife. The mental image of her screaming as she tried to remove the white icing from her dress would remain just an image.
"You know, Maya Mat, I think it is time we enjoy life for what it is. No boys, no love, just living life." He picked up his half of the éclair, put it in his mouth, and pushed the plate to Maya.
"And what brought on this New Tristan?" Maya teased as she picked up her portion.
Tristan swallowed, and let a smile spread on his lips. "I just realized something. We need to be happy with who we are and what we have. I shouldn't seek love, I should let it come to me. Or, at least, wait until college," he added with a lewd smile. "But for now, I want to appreciate what is most important."
"And what is that?"
Tristan thought of Maya, with her sparklingly eyes and happy smiles. He thought of Miles, and his hidden kindness and adorable face. And then of Cam.
Cam and what could have been.
He shook his head and gave himself one last moment for sadness. Then he looked to Maya and announced what he had learned.
"Friendship."
Maya nodded as a smile spread across her face. "Please, tell me we can eat pizza again," she said, poking fun at his diet.
"I'm willing to have some carbs now, but pizza?" Tristan mock-scolded.
Maya laughed.
"Now, how about we go shopping and get you a killer dress," Tristan said as he stood up. "We are going to win Miles, but not for Miles. I just want to piss that Zoë girl off."
"Now that sounds like a plan," Maya cheered.
Tristan shared a grin with her as they walked arm in arm out of the café. They saw Miles and Zoë chatting on the sidewalk, and Tristan gave Miles a shy wave.
Miles waved back, eager, with a smile on his face.
Friendship. That was exactly what Tristan wanted.
Well, this was ENTIRELY unexpected. I had this idea back in June, but never got past an idea. Then I randomly had inspiration at 6am and wrote this in 2 hours :P I'm quite happy with it though!
I like to imagine that Maya had her hand under the table texting away at Zig when Tristan mentioned the importance of friendship after she avoiding him all summer :p