They're just friends, just friends, she told herself repeatedly, as if it's some sort of hypnotizing spell that would keep her from falling for him, over and over again. But for some kind of weird reason, she just couldn't believe those words, or, on the other hand, she doesn't want to believe those words. It's like her brain would just stop interpreting the information and stop functioning when she tries to forcefully stuff those words in.
Maybe, just maybe, she would've succeeded if she had repeat that enough times to herself.
He flips her skirt, she chases him with a mop. It had already became a normal routine for them. Nakamori Aoko would often think, about the strange relationship between them, but the thought would be shaken out of her head in a blink of an eye. And in the end, every time, she would just jump to conclusions, like she always do, that it's all the teasing from their classmates and friends getting into her head. Every time she thinks about those kind of things, she would feel her heart ache and her head getting all dizzy.
Like how she could never think straight around him.
Sometimes, it's so obvious that she's trying to deny those feelings, the feelings she has for him, those stupid feelings that would seem way too obvious sooner or later. And even she knows herself, the risk she'll be taking if she don't hide those feelings, the risk, of losing him, once and for all.
It was love at first sight. Since the first time they met, since the first time he gave her a rose, since the first time she chased him with a mop.
It was a childhood crush that she never got over with. Since god knows when, she had started to have butterflies in her stomach whenever he comes too close, she had started to get jealous whenever other girls gets close to him, she had started to use a mop to try to keep him in line even though she's not officially his girlfriend.
And so she decided, it'll be better for her if she just keep her feelings to herself, it'll be better for both of them, she knows there are way better girls out there that are just right for him, like there's a situation that she wants to be in the least with him, it's stuck being exes with each other, and awkward conversations between them when they would coincidentally run into each other in this not-so-big-but-very-populated-city.
It was months later when she discovered the shocking truth.
That he was Kid, THE Kid, the international criminal which thousands of girls have fell for, the person she blame all those unintended absences from her father for.
It was heartbreaking too. One, because he's been hiding the truth from her for so long, two, because he chose not to tell her when he could have all these years.
Why? Why didn't he tell her? Why did he chose to lie to her? When he did it under the name of protecting her, did he think that she'll be able to live if he is gone?
Drip, drip, drop. It was one tear after another, like pearls flowing from a broken necklace, like tiny streams that never stopped. Those hot tears streaming down her cheeks, left behind invisible burn marks as they trailed down her face.
She felt furious, she felt broken. But, somehow, she just cannot blame it on him. She kept telling herself, that he of course would have his reasons, to not tell her. But still, she couldn't keep herself from crying, even though she knew that she has to be mature, she has to face it. It's not like crying will make it better, but somehow, she was able to let out all those feelings she held for so long, which are now mixed and messed up. All these years with her teenage fantasies, only to be revealed and destroyed by the ugly truth, which left her drowning in her little pool of misery, anger, regret, and sorrow.
The day after, when she showed up at school again with red eyes and a hoarse throat, he almost looked like nothing has happened. When she brought up that topic, he avoided it, again and again. She felt the temperature drop in her chest, bit by bit, she still waited for him to tell her himself. But she just couldn't blind herself from reality anymore, after days and weeks, he kept silent about it, as if he was starting to push her away, as if he had started to build an invisible wall around him.
As if he wasn't the same Kuroba Kaito as he used to be.
As if he wasn't the same person she cared for and fell in love with for years.
The temperature in her heart dropped again, bit by bit, and froze into nothing.
She pretended that she was okay with that, she acted along with him. And what's more, she started to tell herself those words again. She tried to pretend that everything's alright, like it always had been, but when she's finally all by herself, she just couldn't hold back the waves of emotions crashing into the softness of her heart, telling her that he's not the same anymore, whispering to her that he probably never loved her and he never will, Killing her with the cruel truth and the haunting nightmares.
She prayed everyday, wishing the end of high school would come quicker. When deep inside her heart, she cherished every moment that they spent together, just like she did before. Because she now knows, that he is silently slipping away, just like the time that they are spending.
On graduation day, she left as quickly as she can, almost like escaping from the devastating scene, not waiting to steal a glance from him for the last time. Because, if she did, she's afraid that she'll never bring herself to leave, ever again. She'll be stuck inside those deep azure eyes of his, and blinded by the thought and hallucinations that they're still as close as ever before.
Wouldn't that just be great?
She could feel a part of her heart being teared off as she slowly walked away from him. It's probably the last time they will see each other, and yet, she is still praying that the night months ago was just a nightmare, and it was just a lie.
But it wasn't.
She moved away to another country, and started a new life there. A lot of her friends asked why didn't she stay in Japan and become a police officer like her father. But she just shook her head and smiled.
"What's the use, when I know I'll never be able to catch the one I wanted."
It was a sad, sad smile.
In the end, they did not end up like the prince and the princess in fairy tales, they were just childhood friends, and that is it. They're like two parallel lines that had always been next to each other, but will never come across.
She always wanted to ask him why, but she's glad he didn't.
She already knew long ago, truth hurts.
Perhaps, they do not deserve a happily ever after.
As said, it was just a silly childhood crush that never went away.
Author's note: To those of you who still cares for my existence, which are probably one or two in a thousand, I am not dead yet, at least not physically. I feel really guilty for not finishing Late, but I just can't squeeze out any ideas. :( So here I am doing something I never thought I'll be doing. This is actually a really old copy of my random ideas but I edited it sometimes around last week so I hope it improves. Hope you like it. :)