1Two for the Price of one - 1849
Hospitals are so boring, Sasuke mused, idly flipping through a girlie mag someone had left tucked behind the bathroom toilet. He was hanging over the side of his bed, face effectively hidden by his rather inappropriate reading material, and had been for over two hours now. Two freaking hours. Seriously, he wanted to be gone from here, away from the antiseptic smell that made him remember bad stuff, because hospitals plus ninja equaled bad in his opinion.
He flipped a page and giggled like a pervert. "Damn, I didn't know you could put that there..."
"Oi!"
At the sound of his door flying off its hinges, Sasuke sighed and brought himself back to earth. He popped a sharingan eye over the top of his magazine, and watched while his stupid boyfriend stumbled inside, laughing nervously, before offering a sheepish grin for the mess. Naruto was such a retard, and Sasuke often wondered how the blonde had survived twenty years without him.
Sasuke looked even more unimpressed when said blonde leveled an accusing finger.
"Why are you reading that?! That's completely wrong and perverted outside of your own home! People could walk in on you doing...stuff!"
Sasuke hid a wicked grin behind highly glossed pages and limited his response to a raspberry.
"What the hell was that, you little prick?!"
He rolled his eyes. "Mr. Uchiha had meant to say you're the only one he'd worry about walking in on him j!&#ing off, but decided to save the air required for meaningful things. Like living. Because it would take every last iota of his oxygen to explain reason to your retarded mind."
There was a pause of silence, wherein Sasuke peeked two smiling red eyes over his magazine - - only to see Naruto giving him an entirely different finger.
"Brat."
Sasuke waited a beat, before replying. "Pedophile."
Yes, he knew it was a low blow if the uncomfortable look on his boyfriend's face meant anything, but Sasuke always did have a bit of a cruel streak. Naruto would just have to deal with it - - and besides, it wasn't exactly cradle robbing since he agreed to it anyway.
Flipping another page, Sasuke paused on the photo of a well endowed blonde and (insert perverted giggle here) it gave him an idea on how to pass the time. He let the magazine fall to the floor and grinned impishly at his boyfriend.
He almost cackled when Naruto backed up a step. "Sasuke quit lookin' at me that way! It's f#in' creepy!"
"Mr. Uchiha wonders how much his boyfriend will charge for a sexy-jutsu, and twenty minutes of said boyfriend bouncing in his lap?"
Naruto just blinked. "Ya know Sasuke, you're really weird. As in crazy, Jounin level weird. Possibly brain defective. No, you goddamn freak, I'm not gonna bounce in your lap as a chick!"
Pouting of course was a very un-cool thing, but Sasuke found he was willing to bend his rigid morals in the pursuit of non-boredom - - and frankly, his boyfriend never stood a chance anyway. He watched in amusement as Naruto twitched, then groaned in despair.
"Two minutes."
Sasuke lifted an eyebrow, forgoing his adorable pout. "Hardly. Fifteen."
Twitch. Glare. "Five."
Sasuke knew a losing battle when he saw one. "Ten?"
Harder glare. "Five."
At least he'd given it a shot, Sasuke sighed, shifting himself back onto the bed. "Ookay...Six?"
Naruto rolled his eyes and relented. "Fine, six."
"Mr. Uchiha is satisfied with this."
Sasuke heard his boyfriend mumble something about 'where Mr. Uchiha could stick his satisfaction' before finding a comfortable spot on the mattress, and spreading out.
"But first," Sasuke cringed - - he knew where this was going. "My demands. You buy my ramen for a month. And two hundred strait out."
Greedy ass.
Grumbling, Sasuke pulled his wallet out of his pants and chucked it at his boyfriend's head.
Naruto smirked as he counted the bills. "We have an accordance then Mr. Uchiha."
"Mr. Uchiha's gone now," he began in an annoyed drawl, "Hurry up, I'm bored."
Naruto rolled his eyes. "You're always bored. Geniuses," he gave an exasperated sigh, "such a useless breed."
Sasuke just stuck his tongue out and snapped his fingers.
With a couple deft signs and a surge of chakra, Naruto poofed into Naruko, bounced perkily onto the bed and sidled up into Sasuke's lap.
"Oh Sasuke," She demurred in a honey sweet voice that made Naruto want to gag, "You're so big and strong-"
She started bouncing.
"-and smart-"
Sasuke looked annoyed.
"-and so very brave!"
It took Sasuke all of two seconds, two hundred yen and Ichiraku bills for the rest of the month to realize why (again) he hated girls so much. In fact, he felt kind of embarrassed by his own stupidity.
Even the fact that it was Naruto couldn't seem to get him interested. Probably, because Naruto never acted like that - - which was mostly why Sasuke liked him so much in the first place.
Sighing, he muttered a quick release and found the idea of Naruto Naruto bouncing in his lap much more appealing than a girl.
"H-Hey, Why'd you do that?"
Sasuke stared inscrutably at his boyfriend for a minute, before grabbing his hips.
"Mr. Uchiha doesn't recall giving you permission to stop."
"But-"
"Tic, Tic, Tic, Naruto. I want my six minutes with your ass in my lap."
Naruto went quiet for a second before he started moving again, much more enjoyably for both parties this time.
Sasuke smirked when his boyfriend started panting. "God you're weird. Freak."
"Maa, Maa."
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"So you think -" Here Naruto paused, shoving a particularly blunt kunai into the man's palm, nailing it to the wall. He reveled in the fucking dick's screams, the oozing spurt of blood. "-that I would just let you get away with it?"
The tangy scent of fear, the man's look of horror - - ah, it was all so sweet. It made Naruto's insides squirm, an electrical current shocking the animal inside him into wakefulness. The beast wanted blood as well. He could feel the sickly flares of Chakra and wondered if it was coming from him or the dumb fuck who'd just pissed himself, whimpering like a frightened mouse. The scent was practically tangible, along with the urine.
"I-I w-wasn't, I-I didn't -" The little man stuttered. It was pathetic.
"Shutup."
Anger and blind gut instinct slithered beneath his skin, waiting for the moment their chains loosened and they were set free. It made Naruto's feet move restlessly across the ground, eyes twitching, neck arching cat like from one side to the other, trying to make the color blue leak back into his irises. He just wanted to rip the assholes dick off and shove it down his throat, watch him gag. The audacity, the demon in him growled, the nerve of this little fucking shit to touch what's yours!
You should fucking kill him!
Naruto felt his eye's shift wildly in their sockets, as if searching for some unattainable answer. He wanted to, oh god how he wanted to, but something held him back. Erg, sometimes he hated the frail strength of his humanity.
"I'll choose. Me. I'm fucking Naruto Uzumaki, Believe it! Believe it, Mutha fuckas!" He looked insane in the moonlight, ragged scars widening, jagged black. Red, inhuman eyes.
"Oh God," the man moaned, tugging futilely at his hand, "You're fucking crazy! I'm gonna die."
Naruto whipped around, a look of almost surprise on his face as if he'd forgotten another person was even there. His fingers tightened around a razor sharp kunai. He grinned, lurid, splitting his handsome face that seemed all the more handsome for its grotesque blood lust.
"Dumb, dumb little man. Now they'll never find you, 'cause you were dumb enough to touch what was mine."
The man felt death claw slowly up his spinal cord, just as its shadow loomed overhead. Gramma, such big eyes you have! All the better to see you with, my dear. Gramma, such big teeth you have! All the better to eat you with, my dear!
"I didn't fucking know!"
And just as Naruto started cutting into him, he smiled a surprisingly sane smile.
"Well, now you do."
"See Naruto? Just a little walking around and the jealousy simply rolls off. I should know, what with how many people look at you. Sometimes I wanna rip their eyes out and eat them...but I don't because things like that aren't really healthy." Sasuke peered over the top of his book with an easy smirk, before sliding his glasses off and placing them on the bedside table. Naruto felt kind of guilty about lying, but figured it wasn't really something to make a big deal out of - - and knowing Sasuke, he probably would.
Besides, getting 'his clothes chewed off by wild animals' and 'accidently' falling into the river were much better excuses than what really happened.
A lot of screaming and a lot of blood, his inner demon snickered.
Shutup. Lousy fox.
"Well, you coming to bed?"
Naruto blinked and tilted his head cutely to the side. He loved the rare occasions Sasuke felt like talking and he felt like listening - - which, as he'd said, were very, very rare indeed. Slogging off his wet pants and stumbling hurriedly into bed, Naruto didn't waste a second nosing up to his boyfriend.
Sasuke gave him a suspicious look. "...You did something, didn't you?"
Naruto just blinked again, as innocent as a newborn lamb. Sasuke snorted, "Innocent my ass."
"I didn' do nuthin, and you can't prove anything either." Naruto pouted, sliding closer so he could drop kisses onto Sasuke's neck. It was such a pale and pretty looking neck, too.
Then he felt Sasuke grab his hair and pull. Hard.
"Owie! Not so violent, Sasu-chan! We'll get to that part later, geeze." He felt another irritated tug. Leave it to Sasuke, Naruto grumbled to himself, to figure out a way to paint every action with something insubstantial. How the hell could he feel a tug that was irritated anyway?
"Hands and knees. Now." Oh, okay, now he understood. Naruto grinned, sticking his tongue out across a warm shoulder with a soft flick. Tasted like moisturizer, soap and made his head feel heavy.
"Mm, I love it when you talk dirty, dattebayo." He purred, nuzzling into Sasuke's chest.
"I love it when I'm shoving my dick into you and you're screaming my name."
Naruto moaned at the image just as Sasuke flipped them over, a familiar hardness pressing at his ass. He pushed teasingly back, wrapping his hands around the head bars and let the feel of rough fingers drive him slowly to the edge of sanity. It was awesome when they dented the wall and moved the bed five feet from it's place with all the bouncing.
Oh, yeah, he remembered why he always got so jealous.
"Huff, Gramma, what a big &#$ you have!"
A deep chuckle sent waves of heat down his spine.
"All the better to &!#$ you with my dear."
A/N - Ha ha.