Ello', all you beautiful humans! How's life treating ya'? No, really, I want to know! Feel free to PM me or leave a comment! So I'm not terribly proud of this story but I'm doing to raise awareness of eating disorders and I've had this for like a year but never knew how to finish it, so it's not the best but eh. And yep, that's right, it's about eating disorders so please don't read if it triggers you!
I'm writing from personal experience (of both sides) as accurate as I possibly could-despite it being about superheroes lol. So if you know somebody that has an eating disorder, but you don't understand, maybe reading this will help you get a better grasp of it. Anywho, I hope you like it and please review!
Disclaimer: I only do this to amuse myself, it's not a living, unfortunately.
When you're doing something wrong, or rather, considered wrong to someone else, you never expect them to find out.
You always figure; "I can keep this a secret. It won't be too hard."
Or:
"I promise I won't get addicted. Just one time..."
At least, that's how Barry always felt about it. He doesn't even remember the first day he decided to not...eat. He had done this before when he was younger. And Joe and Iris never found out, and that was before he had super speed.
Now he has that in his advantage.
So really, in Barry's mind, he should never, ever get caught doing this. And if he had any say in it, he never would. But then...then they had to have some stupid 'celebration' with all of the super heroes.
Well, okay, it wasn't stupid.
It was actually a very meaningful celebration to celebrate their victory over the Dominators. But it was hard for Barry to be there, around everyone, feeling like everyone's eyes were on him, surrounded by mistrust even if they claim they trust him now.
Now.
Not before, when their lives weren't balanced in his hands.
But after, when they needed him to save them. And he had thought that he had been doing a little better, he had thought he was gaining control over this...addiction? Twisted form of control? Truth was, it was only that. Much needed control.
And then mix that with loss of appetite, guilt, sorrow, self-hatred, and you get this. You get Barry swallowing past the nausea in his stomach as he walks past the table they have set out with food on it. You get the way his stomach rolls uncomfortably with the undenying plea of wanting him to eat, yet his brain tells him no. You're already fat, you don't need to eat anymore, you eat enough.
It's causing you to lag behind on missions; maybe that's why nobody trusts you. You're too slow. You couldn't even save Oliver from the Dominator's grasp, and he was right in front of you. When really, maybe it's because he's not eating. It used to be easier, before he had this whole super speed, and super sped up metabolism.
Now he has to make sure that he eats every once in a while to stop from fainting. Which used to be easier, even, because he would just skip a meal here or there, or snack lightly-very lightly-on days he wouldn't eat hardly anything at all. But then a nasty habit of his returned; purging.
He couldn't help it.
Just the mere smell of food was almost enough to make him throw up, and now...
Now it was all he could do not to head straight to the bathroom and dry heave.
This was something that always seemed to show up at times when he felt life was out of control. Times when he needed some sort of control in his life, and this was the only way possible for him to achieve it.
It had started off small, refusing some small snacks here and there, eating less at meals, and then down spiraled into this. And he was oh-so glad nobody noticed. He'd be so dead if anybody did.
If you keep going like this, you might be dead, anyway.
A voice that kept nagging at him from the back of his mind reminded. Barry didn't get it. Some times it warned him, and others it urged him on. He was just royally screwed up. He knows that now, as Felicity talks to him and he can barely pay attention to what she's saying.
He should eat something, before he passes out since he hadn't eaten hardly anything that entire day, and he had run a lot, but he's choking back the meager contents of his stomach right now with just the smell in the air.
He returns from his thoughts and nausea just in time to see Felicity smile and say some last gargled words-which he realizes aren't actually messed up, but he can barely tell the ceiling from the floor right now-before she leaves and he can breathe a silent sigh of relief because he's finally alone.
He can be messed up alone. Barry somehow finds his way to a chair near the other side of the room, as far away from the food as possible without being suspicious, and he fights dizziness the entire way, but it's worth it as his bony body settles into the chair and he's off of his feet, finally regaining some stamina.
He acts like he understands what's all going on, but nobody even notices him, so he wonders briefly why he should even keep up the act. His eyes settle on something on the floor, as he thinks back to what went wrong during his fight with the Dominators.
It wasn't his lack of food intake that slowed him down; he refused to believe that. But what else could it be? Was he just getting slower? Was this another awful side effect of Flash point? Was this-
"Hey, Barry," Someone said, snapping Barry out of his thoughts, and he immediately looked up to see the concerned face of Oliver Queen looking down at him. "Are you okay?" He asked after a couple of moments. "I said your name like three times and you never even noticed." Oliver said, worry creasing his brows, and Barry forced a smile on his lips.
"Yeah, I uh, I was just thinking; sorry. Was there, uh, something that you wanted?" Barry asked, hoping he didn't sound rude, but somehow feeling like a child under Oliver's calculating gaze.
"You look really pale, and you've been kind of off. I haven't seen you eat all night, and though I don't know much about your powers, I am fairly certain that you would have to eat more than the average person." Oliver explained, and Barry blinked up at him, trying to comprehend everything that he just said. "Barry?" Oliver said uncertainly after several moments went by.
"Uh, yeah," Barry said, shaking his head lightly to clear his vision and hopefully his mind. "I know. I brought along some of Cisco's extra calorie granola bars, but I keep forgetting to eat them," Barry lied, and Oliver nodded with a bit lip.
"Mm-hmm." He murmured, still scrutinizing Barry's every move. "Barry, listen, if this is about earlier with the Dominators-" Oliver started
"No! No, that's not-" Barry exclaimed as he immediately tried to stand up, his vision suddenly blackening around the edges as the room started to spin and his legs decided to play a trick on him by stubbornly refusing to work. Next thing Barry was aware of, he had sunken against Oliver as he caught him from falling.
"Whoa, Barry!" Oliver exclaimed as he caught him, and Barry immediately stood back straight, keeping his hand on Oliver's shoulder as he did so to keep his balance and being immensely grateful that nobody heard or saw the whole little exchange. "Barry, are you okay?" Oliver asked -again-and Barry nodded, blinking at the harsh lights and blurred figures all around.
When he looked back at Oliver, he would have sworn that Oliver learned how to make a time remnant because there were two of him right now, and it was really messing with Barry's head. He nodded again, blinking until there was only one of Oliver before speaking, but his words sounded gargled and quiet even to his own ears.
"Yeah, yeah, sorry. I just...stood up t-too fast." Barry explained, only now noticing Oliver's grip on his arm as it tightened.
"Barry...you're just skin and bones. When was the last time you even ate?" Oliver asked, and while Barry tried to deny it, and to come up with a plausible excuse, Oliver only ignored him as he began guiding him to the table with all of the food on it.
"Come on, Barry, let's get you some food," Oliver said, and Barry would have attempted to shrug off the arm around his shoulder and the arm gripping his arm, or at least made a joking comment about Oliver practically hugging him right now, or even a joke about since when did Oliver Queen become so nurturing, but he couldn't find it in him to gather up the strength to do any of that.
Somehow they made it over there-a huge time gap in there for Barry-and Oliver picked out a chocolate cupcake-of course, Oliver would make sure it's the highest thing in calories there-for Barry to eat, never once letting go of his arm. "Here; eat this," Oliver commanded, and Barry's jaw tensed as he swallowed past the nausea at the sight.
He gingerly took the cupcake, looking at it a moment and trying to fight past the voices in his head screaming at him to not do it, don't do it, before slowly bringing it up to his mouth and taking a small bite of it; fully aware of Oliver's gaze as he took the bite and chewed it slowly. He swallowed hard past the small part, only tasting charcoal as it felt like he was swallowing sandpaper.
His stomach turned violently and he swallowed again, trying to fight past the urge to throw it right back up, feeling heat on the back of his neck as he was fully aware of Oliver watching him; glad that he was eating, but nowhere near content.
Barry hesitated for a moment, aware that he needed to eat more to not be suspicious in front of Oliver, but somehow, the cupcake in his hand seemed to be the worst enemy he had faced today. He was just about to give up, tell Oliver some lame excuse and get the heck out of there, when Sara's voice spoke up a ways across the room.
"Hey, Oliver, can you c'mere a minute?" She asked, and Oliver looked back towards her, before looking back at Barry who was paling more and more every second. He hesitated for a moment, looking absolutely torn, before speaking.
"I'll be right back, okay, Barry?" Oliver said, still looking torn and Barry nodded briskly, swallowing hard as Oliver stood there for a few more moments, before finally leaving. As soon as his back was turned, Barry immediately brought a hand up to his mouth as he quickly set the cupcake aside; fighting past his gag reflex.
With nobody looking, and Oliver distracted, Barry super sped out of the room and towards the restroom; miraculously avoiding running into several people. He barely made it to the room and one of the stalls, before he began losing the meager contents of his stomach into the bowl.
And in his haste, he forgot to close the stall door. His chest burned as he dry heaved, and his stomach continued to roll violently, unforgiving of his decision to eat part of that cupcake-a damn cupcake-and his brain reprimanded him for the act.
He coughed harshly, a horrible sound filling his ringing ears as it felt like his esophagus was burning up. He inhaled sharply in between his heaving, distantly aware of how close he was to hyperventilating.
Barry rested the palm of his hand against the back of the toilet, coughing and sputtering as his chest continued to ache and burn even more; his ears ringing as he tried desperately to stop dry heaving. Yet, he still kept two fingers down his throat, trying to get rid of whatever might be left in his hollow stomach.
He was vaguely aware of a door opening behind him, and tried to get himself to move, to leave, to do anything, but his limbs felt like cement as he heard a voice behind him. "Barry..." Oliver said, and Barry squeezed his eyes shut, partly because of the fact that it had to be freakin' Oliver, but mostly because of how the room spun precariously and his vision darkened around the edges.
He swallowed hard, shaking his head softly as he wiped his mouth with a piece of toilet paper he held in his shaking hand, before wiping off his other hand. Barry was aware of Oliver walking up to him, as he shifted to the side and rested his head against the side of the stall; closing his eyes so he didn't have to look at Oliver's disappointed gaze. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Should've closed the door.
"Oliver, it's-it's not what you t-think," Barry claimed, voice shaking and hoarse as he finally opened his eyes to look up at Oliver. Oliver's jaw was taut as he moved his gaze to Barry's eyes, but his own eyes held a certain level of softness that was filled with concern.
"The fact that you feel the need to prove it's not, pretty much confirms my thoughts are correct." Oliver acknowledged, and Barry sighed as he rested his head back against the stall and closed his eyes. Oliver knelt next to him, carefully studying his face, the sharp lines of his cheekbones and dark circles under his eyes standing out to him the most.
"Why...why are you doing this, Barry?" Oliver questioned, voice soft and Barry tensed his jaw for a moment, not ready to reveal his darkest secret. Not quite acknowledging that someone actually knew his secret now. He shrugged lightly, still keeping his eyes closed.
"Needed control. Best way I know how to," Barry said simply, and Oliver frowned.
"Control of what?"
"Everything. Besides, it's not exactly like I'm in the best shape..." Barry trailed off, saying enough for Oliver to begin to understand it all. Oliver's jaw tensed, and he inhaled deeply as he ran a hand over his face, pausing only for a moment, a long moment where the only sound was their breathing, both clueless as to what to say to each other, before Oliver removed his hand and Barry could have swore that Oliver's eyes glistened in the light.
"Come on," Oliver suddenly said, standing to his full height and reaching with his hand to help Barry up. Barry hesitated, looking up at him with confusion, and Oliver just continued to look at him, waiting patiently, before Barry finally reached up and let Oliver help him up.
Barry couldn't help the frown on his face, as Oliver maneuvered him out of the bathroom, and away from the crowd, with a tense hand on his shoulder and Barry couldn't think of anything over the rushing in his own head. The words clouding his judgement.
Stupid, so stupid, now he knows and you're to blame. Your fault. Don't you realize what's going to happen now? No more freedom. No more not eating. No more control. He's gotta' be mad. Look at you; wouldn't you be mad? A superhero starving himself when he should be out saving people.
Some hero you are.
Fresh air cascaded over him as they stepped out into the night, taking away his breath as the cold seeped into his bones. They continued walking at a slower pace-which Barry had no doubt Oliver was doing just for him, as the man knew the exertion Barry had gone through that day-and Barry couldn't help but shiver.
Whether from the cold or the dread he wasn't sure. They continued walking, and Barry soon realized that Oliver wasn't going to say anything. Perhaps he was waiting for Barry to initiate the conversation.
Or maybe he's just ticked off at you.
Yeah, maybe that made the most sense. Barry could feel the subtle rattle in his lungs as he struggled to control his breathing. Why was he suddenly so winded just from walking? God, what was wrong with him?
"I-I need a minute," Barry rasped out, bending over and placing his hands on his eyes; eyes closed and breath shaky. He barely registered the strong hands that were placed on his shoulders, guiding him to a nearby bench where Oliver gently made him sit down. He rested his forehead on the palm of his hand as he leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, and closed his eyes; willing the dizziness to go away.
He heard the creak of the bench as someone's weight was lowered onto it, but he could barely focus on anything but the rushing in his ears. After a few more moments, though it felt like an eternity, he was able to blink away the spots dancing across his line of vision and regulate his breathing.
"You okay?" Oliver asked, and Barry nearly jumped; having forgotten he was in the company of someone else. Barry inhaled, nodding his head.
"I'm good." And that was that. He refused to bring up the subject of what had happened previously, and what had even just caused this. Barry might not be famous for his stubbornness but that didn't mean it wasn't there. Or prominent.
"Barry."
"Oliver." A sigh slipped past Oliver's lips as he looked at Barry, and he could only hear disappointment in it.
"I'm not disappointed." Barry blinked stupidly at Oliver, brain registering how the heck the man had just done that. "I know what you're thinking, Barry, and I'm not disappointed. I'm just..." For once the billionaire was at a loss for words.
How could he tell Barry that it hurt him to see this man, this kid, be affected by something like this? And that it hurt him to the very core, not because Barry did have an eating disorder, but because nobody noticed. "I'm sorry."
"...what?"
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this, and I'm sorry I haven't noticed." Barry sighed.
"Ollie..."
"Does anybody else know?" Oliver asked and Barry's eyes widened to what could have been comical if it weren't for the seriousness of the situation, in horror at the realization that others could find out as well. Or rather, would.
"No, please, Oliver, I'll do anything."
"Will you start eating?" Barry stared brokenly at him, and Oliver's heart twisted.
"Ollie...I can't." His voice broke and Oliver looked away, his jaw tensing before Barry saw a spark of determination set into his eyes.
"Fine. Then I won't either." Barry looked at him with what could only be described as terror.
"But you have to!" He exclaimed and Oliver looked at him; there was no anger in his eyes, only compassion for the young man in front of him.
"And you don't?" Oliver asked, his voice quiet but firm.
"Oliver...that's not fair."
"I'm sorry, Barry, but if you keep doing this, you will die. And maybe you don't care, but none of us want to lose you." He declared, and Barry looked at him with such emotion in his eyes that Oliver nearly had to look away. After a few moments, Barry finally spoke.
"I have to. I have to keep doing this. I'm sorry,"
"Barry!" Oliver shouted, already knowing what would happen before it did. Before he had even finished his sentence, Barry tried to run away, only to fall to the ground a few yards away. "Barry!" Oliver yelled again, running to his friend who now lay on the ground, mimicking a fish out of water as he gasped for air. He immediately knelt down beside him, gently but quickly turning him onto his back. "Barry?"
"C-chest-gah! My hea-heart, God, mmfh," Barry groaned as his hand clutched at his chest. Oliver immediately pulled out the little device Cisco gave him in case of emergencies, and pressed the button to alert the team. He threw it to the side, more concerned with the seizing man in front of him whose breath was coming in sharp and rapid.
"Barry, you need to breathe, come on, do it with me," Oliver was at a loss as to what he needed to do. An overwhelming sense of helplessness washed over him, but before he could do anything else, a blue portal opened up beside him.
"Barry!" Cisco shouted as he ran to his fallen teammate; Caitlin, Sarah, and Dig emerging behind him while Kara ran up to them . No, no, no, he just got him back, he couldn't lose him again. "What's happening to him?"
"I don't know. He tried to run but collapsed." Oliver hesitated only for a moment. "He hasn't been eating."
"What?" Cisco asked, but before Oliver could answer, Caitlin rushed over, kneeling down next to him. After a few moments of accessing Barry and the situation, a grim expression settled onto her face.
"He's having a heart attack."
"What?" Oliver breathed out, stunned.
"I'm not certain-"
"He's freakin' twenty seven! How can he-" Cisco interrupted.
"Cisco, you need to breach us to the STAR Labs. Kara, take Oliver in case we have any questions. Now, Cisco." And just like that, his teammates disappeared in quite literally the blink of an eye. Oliver was left behind; stupefied at what had just gone down. He jumped lightly when he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder.
Looking up, he realized it was Kara whose worried facial expression mirrored his own. Oliver simply nodded, knowing they needed to go to STAR Labs, and that there was no time to be wasted in saving Barry.
He only hoped it wasn't too late.
Waiting was never one of Oliver's best qualities.
Especially not when he was waiting to find out the verdict on whether his friend would live or not. Now, punching someone, that felt like a better way to spend his time right now. At least that would give him something to do, other than pace a hole in the floor. Normally, right about now, he would be out serving revenge to the fool who chose to mess with one of his friends.
But how could he go after Barry's own personal demons?
Who could he blame for all of this mess?
Himself, sure. Oliver was pretty good at doing that. But rationally he knows that there wasn't much he could've done. Or anyone, for that matter.
And right now being alone wasn't the greatest thing for him, as there was no one to take his mind off of the situation. Kara had gone back to tell everyone about what had happened while Cisco and Caitlin worked frantically in the next room over; no longer needing Oliver's assistance once they realized what was going on.
"Have you heard anything yet?" A voice asked from behind him, and he turned around to see Iris rushing up to him; the worry evident on her face. He sighed.
"Not yet." She nodded slowly, staring at the door that blocked them from knowing the truth on Barry's future. Oliver inhaled deeply, not knowing what to say. Wanting to offer some comfort, but not knowing how to.
"What happened?" Iris's quiet voice broke through his thoughts and he turned back to look at her. He hesitated, unsure what to say. On one hand, this was Barry's issue, he needed to be the one to tell his family and friends. Oliver didn't own that right.
That is, Barry could tell them providing he makes it.
Mentally shaking that thought out of his brain he continued to weigh his options. On the other hand, this was Barry's family. His girlfriend. She deserved to know the truth.
"Barry, he, uh," He hesitated once more. "He apparently hasn't been eating." The shock and horror that filled her widened eyes was pretty much what Oliver had expected. But it still bothered him to have to tell her the dreaded news.
"Oh my God..." She sunk back down into one of chairs, a hand coming up to cover her mouth as tears sprung to her eyes. "Not again," She whispered nearly inaudible, and Oliver's brows furrowed as he frowned.
"Again?" He asked before he could stop himself. She looked up, almost as if she had forgotten he was there.
"I shouldn't be telling you this. But, I know your his friend, and I know you deserve to know." She paused. "Barry, um, well, this isn't the first time he's been through something like this." Oliver sighed and looked down.
Of course.
"He never thought we knew. Well, at least I assume my dad knew. I did. We were best friends, but we were only kids, and I didn't know what he was doing exactly. I thought he didn't eat just because he was mourning his mother. It wasn't until high-school when it got bad." She sighed, bowing her head in shame.
"We were teenagers, we were all so stressed with school and everything, that at first I thought it was just the worrying getting to him. But I caught him purging one time, and despite him lying, I knew the real reason behind it." Iris's voice cracked and Oliver's fingers twitched; uncertain on whether or not he should provide comfort to her or not. These situations always made him uncomfortable, even if it was with a friend.
"But I never did anything about it. I thought it would go away." She scoffed as she wiped away a stray tear that rolled down her cheek. "I was so stupid. This is how he handles stress and he's been so upset lately. How did I not see this?" She whispered, shaking her head lightly as her sentence trailed off.
"It's not your fault. All of us should have noticed, but we didn't. Barry knows-" His breath hitched for a slight moment as he halted, a part of his brain wondering if present tense or past tense would work for the unknown condition of his friend. But he quickly regained his thought process.
"What he was doing, and he knows how to hide it. If anything, we are all to blame." Oliver's jaw clenched. He was mad. No, he was more than mad. He was angry. Angry at himself, angry at the team and Barry's family for not noticing sooner, angry at Barry for doing this to himself, angry at the whole situation, and just angry with the world for doing this to the kid.
He was so young, and innocent-though apparently not as much as Oliver had thought-and always an optimist. So what did he do to deserve this? All he has ever done was try to make other's lives better. Barry does one well-deserved selfish thing and suddenly everyone has turned their back on him.
It was just so unfair and Oliver wanted to do something to make it better, but he knew the only thing was to just be here.
And that sucked.
Oliver sighed and sat down next to Iris, knowing that was the better option than anything else in his mind. Truthfully, the worrying and doing absolutely nothing was making him either want to pull his hair out in frustration or just barge right in and see for himself what was going on. "How, uh, how did you get here anyway?" Oliver asked lightly, trying to change the subject. Iris cleared her throat and blinked back her tears.
"Oh, Kara, she super sped me here when I demanded her to." She said with a sad chuckle and Oliver nodded. He opened his mouth to say more-truthfully, he wasn't sure what exactly he was going to say, just anything to keep talking-when all of Barry's team, his own team, and the Legends plus one Supergirl burst into the room.
Both he and Iris stood up in surprise at the intrusion while simultaneously and immediately everybody started asking questions. Joe pushed past everyone though, and walked straight up to them.
"How is he?" He asked, the urgency unmistakable in his voice. Oliver sighed, sharing a look with Iris. She placed a hand on her father's shoulder; attempting to calm him down.
"We don't know yet." She stated quietly, solemnly and Joe's face dropped. He rubbed a hand over his face.
"What-what happened?" Iris sighed, noticing that everybody in the room was now silent as they anxiously awaited to hear the condition of their friend. She hesitated, knowing she needed to say it but not having enough energy to deliver the news. So Oliver decided he could at least help in one way. No matter how small.
"Barry hasn't been eating." He declared simply, and the room was suddenly filled with murmurs and quiet questions. Oliver could see the moment it sunk in as he watched his teammates faces. Joe closed his eyes and sat down, covering his eyes as he shook his head.
"Oh, God." He mumbled miserably and Oliver looked up to see Kara's sad yet shocked face looking back at him.
"I don't...I don't understand. What do you mean he hasn't been eating?" Jax asked, his brows furrowing in a frown. Oliver's jaw tensed as he debated what to say.
"He means an eating disorder, Jax." Sarah spoke, eyes never leaving Oliver's despite the quiet gasps that surrounded her answer to his questions. Oliver clenched his jaw, nodding once silently, and he could immediately feel the heaviness that weighed down the room following the action.
"That's-that's not possible." Ray murmured, frowning as he looked out at the group. "How did none of us notice this?" Oliver's jaw tensed as he closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.
"That doesn't matter now. What matters-" Oliver began, opening his eyes as he looked at his fellow teammates. "Is that we're all here now. And we're all going to stay here until we find out our friend's condition." He declared, returning the single nod Kara gave him.
He had thought the day was finally over.
That the anxiety and heartbreak of the week had ended.
But now he realizes it was only just beginning.
Oliver's thoughts were running rampant.
One portion of them were focused on whether or not Barry was okay. Did they make it in time? Had he been doing this too long that it was just too late? If Barry did make it, were there any side effects? And if so, how bad were they?
And the other part was focused on if Barry did make it. How were they going to help Barry? What if he doesn't want help? No, scratch that, he made it clear that he didn't. But screw it because Barry would be getting help whether he wanted or not because they were a team, damn it.
Should Oliver stay back in Central City to help and offer support? To help guard the city while the Flash was down? How would he go about doing that and yet still protecting his own city?
And the last thing on his mind was; what if Barry didn't make it? That thought alone was about enough to do him in. Barry dying by his own doing, and none of them noticing it in time to save him.
Oliver stifled a shudder as he crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall; having moved and looked at the doorway to the room that possessed his friend's fate every two minutes or so. Half the team had begrudgingly left to clean up the other STAR Labs warehouse, and the other half sat-or paced-right outside the med bay as they awaited any news.
Oliver was startled out of his thoughts as the loud creak of a door opening was heard throughout the silent room. Everybody's heads jerked up to see a tired Caitlin emerge from the room; closing the door behind her. A question hung on the tips of all of their tongues but nobody dared to be the brave one to ask. Finally, Iris spoke.
"Is he-.." She didn't dare say anymore. Caitlin merely sighed.
"He had a heart attack, and we did the best we could-" A roar pulsed through Oliver's ears as his heart pounded heavily; drowning out the rest of her words. "-touch and go for now. He's resting currently, but I think we can rule out any severe effects of the incident. Other than the obvious." Caitlin declared quietly, and Oliver felt the air being sucked out of him.
So Barry was alive. He was okay. More or less, but that didn't matter right now. All that mattered that he was breathing and his heart was still beating. Quiet murmurs of gratitude could be heard around him as they all tiredly rejoiced that fact that their friend was still alive.
"Why did he have a heart attack?" Joe asked and Felicity spoke up this time in a teary voice that was layered with exhaustion and relief.
"Eating disorders are known for causing heart problems for many reasons, but when it gets really bad, organs will start shutting down. You'll lose muscle mass around the heart and when you get weak enough.." Her voice trailed off as it hitched in her throat and Oliver's heart twisted at the sight.
"And with his speed, it really only sped things up and made the whole situation far worse than it should be. It truly is a miracle Barry is still alive." Caitlin stated grimly, and Oliver tensed his jaw; knowing just how close they came to losing their favorite speedster.
"When can we see him?" Oliver asked, speaking up for the first time in nearly an hour; voice rough without use.
"He's sleeping now, but you may come in and see him. Only two at a time; I don't want him stressing out if he wakes up while everyone is in there." No, Oliver didn't miss the 'if' in her statement and the implications of what it all meant. Barry wasn't in the clear yet. They could still easily lose him just like that. Gone in a flash.
And that realization was enough to make the whole room go silent.
Oliver inhaled sharply as he hesitated behind Felicity. Joe and Iris had been the first to go in and see him, and Oliver and Felicity had discussed with Kara on who would go next; figuring that it might be best for his older friends to go before. But now as he hovered in the open doorway, Oliver realized this might not have been the best idea.
He distantly heard Felicity's breathing hitch as they entered the room, seeing the deathly pale Barry Allen lying on the hospital bed. If he didn't know any better, he would have sworn the was looking at the corpse of his friend; God knows he's seen enough of them.
"Barry..." The whisper of their friend's name escaped past Felicity's lips before she could stop it, tears filling her eyes and threatening to spill over, once again. Oliver on the other hand, was silent. Shock rolled off of him in waves as he found it impossible to tear his gaze away from the body lying in front of him.
"How did we not see this?" Felicity choked out as she stood next to Barry's side, and Oliver lingered behind; not having the courage to move any further. His heart ached for the young man in front of him, and for everybody involved.
Tubes covered every inch of Barry's body, including a feeding tube and it was all so unfair and Oliver couldn't stand to look at it all anymore so he walked out of the room, leaving all of his teammates and friends behind, confused and broken. As he opened the door to leave the building, he felt the sharp impact of the night air and couldn't stop the gasp that escaped him because of the cold.
He closed his eyes against the harsh city lights and just breathed.
God, what were they supposed to do? How could they fix this? How could they save Barry from his own demons? They weren't trained for this. All he knew to do was how to defeat the kind of demons that strolled the streets at night, preyed on the innocent victims of life and hungered for the suffering of others.
The type of evil that possessed the ones who came at them, guns blazing. Those were the ones he could fight, because it wasn't mental. He didn't have to think, just do. And maybe that was the problem. Maybe he was just over thinking all of this. It wasn't about positive thoughts and walking on eggshells.
Maybe it was just about doing and not thinking.
About just being there and listening. He inhaled shakily, as he opened his eyes and looked up at the sky. Maybe it was about not giving up on him just like Barry never gave up on Oliver. About being the hero Barry has always been.
And maybe the only way of being a hero, is simply being a friend.
Lol that last line rhymed, yay me.
So, yep, that's it! Hope you enjoyed and feel free to let me know your thoughts! :P