My Dearest Henry,

By the time you read this, you'll be long gone living a new life a whole world away from me. I'll be sitting in a castle somewhere, sadness filling my soul as it does now. It threatens to break me, but I won't let it. Not yet.

You'll be living a fake life in the big city with Emma, blissfully unaware of the family you have left behind. The others that will return with me to the Enchanted Forest will find a way to start over and they'll be happy. Everyone except me, that is.

For how can I be happy in a world without you in it? You are the light to my dark, the rays of sunshine amidst my clouds. You were my saving grace, sweet Prince. The 12 years I got to spend with you were the best years of my life, despite the curse that I cast over the town.

I shouldn't even be writing this. I should be spending these last hours with you, my only son. "Mom!" I hear you call from upstairs. I set my glasses down on the table in front of me, smiling at how you tease me so at using them. "You're getting old, Mom!" You would laugh.

Oh how I'll miss you, Henry. Your voice, your boyish smile, your scent that clings to my clothing every day as I see you off to school. I look up as you softly knock on the door to my study. You have no idea that our lives are about to change. I can't tell you, not yet.

Just let me have a few perfect hours left. "I was gonna make some hot cocoa, Mom. Do you want me to make you some tea?" You ask.

Hot tears rush to my eyes, momentarily blinding me. Concern fills your face, and you rush over to my side. "What's the matter, Mom? Are you okay?"

"Henry." Is the only word I can manage to speak without completely breaking down. You see through me, though, like you always have been able to. However, you don't speak. You simply embrace me tightly, sitting on my lap like you loved to do when you were little.

"I'm okay," I finally answer you as I subtlety wipe my eyes and put on a brave smile. "I'll make you some tea," you say, kissing my cheek before leaving me alone.

In the privacy of my closed study I let the tears flow. This will be the last night we spend together. The last time we share our favorite drinks and watch silly movies before I send you off to bed to get a good night's rest. Perhaps tonight I'll stay awake and watch you.

For that is what I did the first night I brought you home. 3 weeks old, nestled inside your crib that was much too big for your tiny body, hands curled into fists beside your head. You easily fell asleep in my arms as I rocked you and hummed a lullaby.

I sat beside your crib and watched you with a smile on my face. The mobile above your head circled round and round, playing a happy little tune to give you pleasant dreams. Moonlight spilled in through the crack in the curtains, illuminating your perfect face.

I stuck my hand through the bars of the crib and ran my finger across your little hand. Still sleeping deeply, you grabbed a hold of my finger and held on tight. My heart swelled with happiness until I feared it would burst. After all, I no longer had my magic to save me.

I never knew I could love someone so much. But I did, and I always will. I remember the first time I ever laid eyes on you.

I nervously sat in the adoption center as a boring man droned on and on about the steps needed to be taken to care for a child and what paperwork needed to be filled out. Endless questions and judgmental eyes threatened to keep you from me.

At last, the social worker brought you in. Your face was red and your eyes wide as you looked around in wonder. "Here's your son," the woman greeted, setting you in my arms. Immediately, I fell in love. Your blue-green eyes stared into mine, your little legs kicking about.

And then you smiled. Tears welled in my eyes, and I held you as close as I could. "Henry." I proclaimed your name would be. I barely heard the man across the desk comment on it. I didn't care. All I knew was the void inside of me was filled. I found someone who would truly love me forever.

But oh it took you a while to let me into your heart. You screamed and carried on for what felt like days. I could feel my blood pressure rising, as did my anxiety. I had never taken care of a child before. Snow always had maids and staff to wait on her, and she was old enough to take care of herself for the most part.

But you, you needed me. You needed a mother's touch, a mother's love. And I tried to give that to you. I'm sorry if it didn't seem that way. I always wanted the best for you, Henry. I just don't know how to love very well. But I love you with all my heart and soul.

The first few days you were home with me were stressful, I will admit. Having to learn how to use these modern contraptions to care for you. Strollers, swings, car seats. You cried so much your face turned purple and I feared you would burst a lung. New mother fears.

I cradled you in my arms as I walked down the street to my office. I missed my magic then. I could have conjured up a bottle right there and you would have been content.

"Hello, Madame Mayor!" Mary Margaret's cheerful voice stopped me from trying to calm you down. I tried not to show her how frustrated I was. "Who is this little guy?" She asked, bending down to look closer at you. "Henry. I adopted him," I answered.

"How sweet! He's got great lungs," she commented. I tried not to roll my eyes. It wouldn't come as a surprise to you that I wasn't too fond of your grandmother. But I promise I am going to be completely honest with you.

Before I could protest, Mary Margaret took you into her arms. Just in time, as the strap on the diaper bag broke and everything fell to the dirty ground. As I scrambled to pick things up, I noticed you had stopped wailing.

I looked up and my heart sank in my chest as you smiled up at Mary Margaret. She cooed and tickled you to make you happy. She was such a natural at this whole mother thing that it made me furious! I ripped you from her arms and headed straight to Gold's shop.

Gold apparently already knew what had happened. Soon, I discovered why you had connected with Mary Margaret so easily. She was your grandmother. You were the son of the Savior, Emma Swan. You weren't truly mine.

I packed you up and was ready to send you back to Boston. I'm sorry Henry, if that hurts you. I was so insecure, so broken. But through it all, I never stopped loving you.

So I took you back to my vault and tried to think of a way to fix this. You screamed and wailed no matter what I did. You wouldn't eat, my singing didn't calm you and neither did the rocking. "Please Henry!" I begged. "I'll do whatever you want if you just calm down and let me hold you!"

And just like that, you stopped. Your bright eyes still watering, your mouth still in a little pout, you didn't protest as I picked you up. A smile came across my face and soon you were smiling too. From then on I knew that no matter who you were blood-related to, nothing would tear us apart.

I would protect you for as long as I lived. You were my son.

I remember the first time your rolled over, the first time you crawled. As you became more active it worried me. You constantly were hurting yourself and getting into trouble. I'd take my eyes off of you for one second and you'd be halfway up the stairs clear across the house.

But I couldn't be prouder when you took your first steps. I stood across from you as you stepped forward. I clapped my hands and praised you. You looked at me with a cheeky grin and imitated me.

And then, you ran forward into my arms. As you held onto my hands, you looked up into my arms and said "Mama."

I gasped in shock and forgot how to breathe for a moment. You wrapped your arms around my neck and laid your head on my shoulder. I cuddled you until you fell asleep in my arms.

I miss how little you used to be. You grew up so fast, and I wished I could turn back time to relive those moments again. Such a handsome young man you're turning out to be. So polite and kind-hearted. Just like my father. He would have been so proud of you.

I'm brought back to the present as you bring me a cup of tea. "Here you go, Mom. Just the way you like it," you say. I press a kiss to your forehead, inhaling your scent. "You feel a little warm, sweetie. Are you feeling okay?" I ask. That's a little white lie, of course.

You don't feel feverish. I just want an excuse to hold you again. "I might be getting a cold," you say as you wipe your nose. "How about we go watch a movie upstairs?" I suggest.

"That's a great idea!" You say excitedly as you rush up the stairs to get in your pajamas. We cuddle up in my bed like we used to and watch one of those super hero movies you love. I find myself watching you more than the movie, memorizing you.

The way your eyes sparkle when you laugh, how thoughtful you look as the hero delivers an inspiring speech. I wonder if this is where you have learned to be so motivational. No, I realize I'm wrong. You learned that from your storybook.

I may sound like a broken record, but I'm going to apologize again. I'm sorry, my dear Henry, for crushing your dream. All you wanted was to reunite Snow White and her family again, give back the happy endings that I took away. I tried to make you think that you were crazy. I was selfish.

I realize I'm wrong again. You didn't learn to be a hero from your storybook, that just opened a whole new world for you. That was what motivated you to help these innocent people. But it was your heart that made you the person you are.

You have the kindest and biggest heart of anyone I know. You keep me in good spirits and you encourage me to keep believing. I don't know what will happen to me when I'm alone and separated from you forever.

You fall asleep before the movie ends. I watch you just as I did your first night with me. Your face is peaceful, your breathing slow and steady. I chuckle silently to myself as I see you really need a haircut; your bangs cover your eyes.

How insignificant that seems now. I used to be so uptight about things. Finish your homework, eat your vegetables, wear a helmet when you ride your bike. After all I've done to try to keep you safe, I'm still going to lose you.

I remember how scared I was the first time you got sick. You came down with the flu when you were 2, and you had a fever of 103. I called the doctor in a panic as I paced back and forth outside your room. You couldn't keep anything down, and you were miserable.

I rushed to your side as you cried out for me. "Mommy's here," I soothed, stroking your soft hair and holding you in my arms. You were sick for 4 days before your fever finally broke; I gave you everything your heart desired.

I may have spoiled you a little too much. But I was so afraid of losing you. You were all I had. But you survived that fever, and every other one after that. Each time I slept in your room and feared the worst. But you believed that I would make you well again, and soon you were.

What will happen when you get sick when we're worlds apart? Will your other mother know how to take care of you? Will she hold you close and sing lullabies? Will she know what kind of medicine to give you and what type of soup will be the best to make you healthy again?

I know I need to stop worrying. Emma is a wonderful mother to you. And again, I'm sorry for everything that happened with her. The moment she brought you back to town, I knew you were never going to fully be mine again.

You had pulled away from me months before, convinced that I was a villain. And that's all you saw me as. The Evil Queen. I would try to hug you, and you would push me away. Dinners became silent, free of your happy chatter. Afterwards you would shut yourself in your room and escape into that storybook world.

But when you looked at me with hate in your eyes and said "I found my real mom!" my heart shattered into a million pieces. I watched helplessly as you ran inside and up to your bedroom. My fears had come to life; you no longer wanted me.

That was when the anger returned. The dark, blinding pain that made me what I am. I vowed to be rid of Emma Swan and stop her from breaking my curse and taking you away from me. For you were the only thing that I loved.

As I watch you sleep cuddled into my side, I smile as I realize you look exactly as you did when you were 5 years old.

The first day of Kindergarten you were so excited. You woke me up early with hugs and kisses, already dressed in your school uniform with un-matching socks and your shoes on the wrong feet. Your hair was a tangled mess from the night before.

"Good morning, Mommy!" You greeted me. I smiled and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. "It's only 7 in the morning, Henry! What are you doing awake?" I teased. You giggled, catching onto what I was doing. "It's my first day of school, Mom!"

I smile and shake my head. "It can't be. You're only 3 years old!" I tease. You giggle and climb on top of me. "I'm 5 years old. C'mon!" You pull me up out of bed and downstairs where you eat like you haven't seen a plate of food in months.

In the car you chatter and rummage around in your new book bag, showing me your shiny pencils and crayons. You tell me all about how excited you are to see your friends. Paige, Isabella, Dylan. The list goes on and on.

But when we finally reach the school and we head towards the doors, I feel your tiny hand slip into mine and hold on tight. I glance down at you to see your face filled with worry, your lips drawn down into a frown. Older school children are scattered all around us, talking and meeting with old friends.

The bell rings, and the hallways empty as children scurry off to class. We reach your classroom door, room 5B. Green caterpillars and cheerful rainbows cover the outside along with names of all of the students in the class.

I excitedly point out your name in hopes of making you feel better. No such luck. My heart hurts for you. I kneel down in front of you and clasp both of your hands in mine. "You're going to have so much fun, Henry. You'll learn a lot, and make new friends," I try to encourage you.

"I don't wanna go to school," you say quietly as tears fill your sad eyes. I pull you into my arms. I don't want you to go either, my baby. We have never been separated for so long before. What if the kids make fun of you? What if you become ill, or break your leg on the playground?

All of these worries are running through my mind faster than the speed of light, and it takes all the strength I have not to take you back home. It wouldn't hurt to wait a year, would it?

But somehow I find my voice. It is strong and soothing, despite my heart pounding inside my chest. "You'll be alright, Henry. I'll be here at 2 o'clock to pick you up. If you need anything, you tell your teacher to call me and I'll be here. Can you be my brave boy and do this for me?"

You slowly nod and I wipe your tears. The classroom door opens, and I am face to face with my arch-enemy. Your teacher is none other than Snow White. What a fun year this will be. "Madame Mayor," the teacher greets me. Then she turns to smile at you.

"Henry. How nice to have you in my class. Do you remember me? I'm Miss Blanchard."

You stare at her silently, holding on to my hand. For once, I don't correct your manners. I don't blame you for not wanting to go with her. She tends to ruin people's lives, after all.

Or at least she did. She's changed so much since then, and so have I. I hope you see that, Henry. I hope you see me as more than the Evil Queen.

Miss Blanchard takes your hand and leads you away from me. That is the first time you broke my heart. Not on purpose, of course. In a haze I headed to work, trying and failing to distract myself with paperwork. I end up staring at the picture of us on my desk rather than working, anxiously waiting for my phone to ring.

Soon, you adjusted to your life of school. You were eager to go, and every day I enjoyed hearing the new things you did and learned about. You are so smart, so creative. You make me so proud. I hope Emma is proud of all that you do when you begin your new lives together.

Emma. Hearing her name used to make me feel anxious and angry. But now I say her name with a smile on my face. You may or may not believe this, but I am glad for having Emma in our lives. I have to admit, for giving you away and never knowing how to be a mother all these years, she's done a great job.

She connected with you in a way that I couldn't. I could tell from the moment I met her that she was special. Not because she was the Savior, or the child of Snow and David, but because I could see the love that she felt for you.

And that was a threat to me. She came to our town and into your life like she was meant to be here. And by all rights, she didn't deserve to be a part of your life. She gave you away in the blink of an eye. I now realize I was wrong about that, too.

Henry, I know you must feel hurt that Emma gave you up so easily. You say you forgive her; however, forgiveness is not that easy to grant. Trust me, I know a thing or two about that. But don't let that anger harden your heart. Don't let it consume you until you pushed everyone you ever cared about away.

You see, it wasn't easy for Emma to give you away. For nine months she carried you. She felt your movements, saw the signs of life inside of her. She nourished you and kept you healthy for as long as she could. Perhaps she had even picked out a name and bought some baby things for you, I'm not sure.

But I do know that holding you in her arms, she wept. Looking upon your perfect face and knowing that she wasn't capable of caring for you hurt her deeply. To her, she wasn't abandoning you. She was giving you your best chance at life.

And that is why I let her become a part of your life. She did the most selfless thing a mother could do for her child. Truthfully, I was the selfish one.

I tried to hurt Emma. Tried to put her in a sleeping curse, send her away to other realms, kill her. I did whatever I could think of to keep her away from you.

But one day, that backfired gravely. The day you died. When I got the call that you had bitten into the poisoned apple turnover that I had baked with my own hands, dreaming of seeing the end to Emma Swan, I rushed to your aide.

I don't even remember how I made it to the hospital. My heart was pounding, my head spinning. Regret and fear were the only feelings I had. I didn't even try to fight back when Emma attacked me in the storage closet, for I knew I deserved it.

I was your mother, and I had hurt you. I had risked your life for my own pitiful revenge. For the first time since I cast the curse, I allowed myself to cry. In front of my enemy, I broke down. The Evil Queen had no words.

And then, you survived. Emma saved you. However, when you opened your eyes and smiled at your real mother, my heart broke again. Now that the curse had broken and you knew the full truth, I was certain you would hate me forever.

But I had to make sure that you knew that I still loved you. So ignoring the looks of judgement and hatred, I knelt down in front of you and uttered what I thought would be my last words to you. "No matter what anyone tells you, I do love you."

Then, I turned and fled. I knew that you would never want to see me again. And even if by some miracle you did, the town would turn on me soon enough. I would be burned at the stake for my evil doings.

And it only got worse from there. You chose Emma and your other family over me. Your room nearly emptied, your love for me withered away into almost nothing. I was framed for killing Dr. Archie, and that broke your heart that I would really do such an awful thing.

But you believed it, because I am the Evil Queen. Oh Henry, I don't blame you or mean to make you feel bad for what happened between us. I never should have put you in the situation to make you choose. I was so angry and bitter back then.

When I heard you call another woman 'Mom' and run into her arms, or pass me by on your way out of Granny's with your family in tow. I won't lie, it hurt. But don't feel bad, my dear son. The past is the past. We can either learn from it, or run from it. And I have chosen forgiveness.

And so, I thank your other mother. Thank you Emma, for caring for our son like I couldn't. In a way, I wasn't fit to be a mother. But you arrived and filled in the cracks. Together, we made a great team. And I thank you, for caring for Henry now, as I send you two off to another world. Emma, you are my best friend and I am forever grateful to have had you.

You toss and turn in your sleep now, searching for a source of warmth. You're like Emma, in that way. You become cold so easily, whereas I can sleep with the air conditioner on all year round. I quickly cover you with another blanket.

Your breathing slows once more, and you nestle your head in the crook of my arm as you continue to dream. I never want this night to end. I wish I could freeze time and capture this moment forever.

But Pan's curse will be soon upon us. The green smoke that is curling and twisting in the darkened sky threatens to destroy all that we hold dear. Pan thinks he has won. I'm sure he is laughing to himself somewhere, imagining how he will rule the new Neverland.

But I will not let him hurt my family. Not you, not your grandparents, not Emma. No one in this town will suffer anymore because of me.

Morning soon comes, and I watch the sun slowly rise. My heart sinks in my chest. It won't be long now, before everything will change.

The sky lightens, but the sun stays hidden behind gray storm clouds. It seems appropriate weather for this day. I call Emma and instruct her to lead everyone to the town line. She knows of my plan, and she has graciously allowed me one last night to spend with you.

Finally, you stir, your hair a tangled mess and your bright eyes filled with boyish charm. The happiness in your eyes soon fades as you realize something is wrong. "Mom, what is it?" You ask worriedly. I smile reassuringly and kiss your forehead before telling you to hurry and get dressed.

We have one last breakfast together before we head to our final destination. The car ride is silent, void of your happy voice. You know something is amiss, as you stare out the windows at the green clouds headed our way. Wisely, you choose not to speak.

I'm glad you don't, for if I were to try and use my voice I would break down. I pull in behind Emma's car. I'll miss that bright yellow bug, even if it is a death trap on wheels. It was as much a part of our town as any of the living people.

Wordlessly, I step out of the car and approach Emma, ignoring the dozens of eyes trained on me. "Regina, what's going on?" Emma asks. She knows, she just doesn't want to admit it. My eyes travel to younstanding next to your father, his sturdy hand on your shoulder as a sign of comfort.

Baelfire has grown on me as well. I remember how I loathed seeing you bond with him. Running around the park, sword fighting and eating ice cream. Wearing identical scarves and having boys' nights. Seeing you with your father and Emma, I started to worry that you no longer needed me.

Your family was complete. A loving mother, a great father, sugar-sweet grandparents who spoiled you rotten. I had no place, it seemed. I was the villain, the bad guy. And now this is why I don't deserve my happy ending. This is why fate has ripped it away from me, just like it ripped away my first love.

Absent-mindedly, I touch the gold ring that lays deep within my pocket. It gives me comfort, even now. I bravely meet Emma's eyes. "Pan's curse will soon be upon us. I am planning on sending everyone back to the Enchanted Forest before it can do damage," I explain.

I dare to sneak a peek at you. I immediately regret it. Your face is filled with hope. Maybe you do believe in me, after all. I am saddened to know that I have to destroy that flicker of hope you have. "What will happen to us?" Emma asks.

I take a deep breath. "The curse will only send back the inhabitants from the Enchanted Forest."

Emma's eyes grow wide, and she glances at you worriedly, fearing you will be left behind. "I have a way to keep you and Henry together, so he won't be alone. I can give you new memories. It will be like you never gave him up; you will always have been together. I can give you the life you've always wanted."

Tears fill Emma's eyes. My heart hurts so badly. I don't even want to imagine how you must be feeling. Do you think I am abandoning you? Are you old enough to understand?

"But it won't be real," Emma says. "Well, your past won't. But your future will," I say, taking hold of her hand. I fight to hold back my own tears. "My gift to you is a good life; for you- "I hold my hand out to you. You come to my side and wrap your arm around my waist. "And Henry."

I fight the urge to scream. If I had never cast this stupid curse and sent us all here this never would have happened. Emma would never had been separated from her parents, and everyone would be happy. Only I would be miserable. And I could have handled the misery. I was born in misery.

But looking into your sad eyes, I realize I can't really regret what I've done. At least, not the curse part. For you would never have been born, never have been mine. It just hurts, to know how hard I fought to save you just to lose you again.

While we were searching for you in Neverland, I tried to remain hopeful. It wasn't easy, of course; what with the drunken pirate leading us astray, your grandparents' hormones raging as every time I turned to speak to them they would be in each other's arms, your mother acting like an idiot to try and save us (yes, she jumped off our ship into storming waves).

But what really broke me was finally finding you and not knowing if you would survive escaping this forever young cursed island. You had given Pan your heart, believing that you could be the hero. I did what I could to preserve your time before your body began shutting down.

But my magic wasn't going to last long. I stayed next to you for a long time; I refused to leave your side. You were all I had. At least that's what I convinced myself at the time. Emma had Neal and her parents, your grandparents had their daughter, even Gold had his son. Happy happy family.

And once again, I was alone. But I suppose that's the life that villains deserve. That's why I'm going to be alone again.

But we managed to save you and you were safe in my arms again. Now I'm entrusting Emma to keep you safe. I know she will. For she will stop at nothing to keep you safe and protected. She will love you with all of her heart. And this is why I love her, I know.

You are the bind that ties us together. Without you, we would have torn each other apart. And I know every single day we are thankful for having you. So, in a strange way, you saved us. You are the hero in your own story.

Emma is protesting now about how this isn't fair that I am sacrificing my happiness. I smile sadly at her, then at you. "Villains don't get happy endings."

You embrace me tightly, your head tucked underneath my chin just so. Since when did you grow so tall? "You're not a villain; you're my mom," you say, your voice cracking.

I hug you tightly as Emma hugs her parents and says her last goodbyes. The sad tears that roll down my face are mixed with happiness; you have finally accepted me for who I am, and you've realized that I have changed.

But I know I can't keep lingering here. I must rip myself away from this life and start anew. I kiss your forehead one last time before gently pushing you away. I notice Emma looking on with tears streaming down her face, and I know she has accepted me too. Let Emma know I love her and I'm thinking of her every day.

"Now go. It won't be long now before the curse takes over," I say. Emma takes your hand and I watch as she steps over the line. The yellow bug is the last thing I see before my own magic engulfs the ones left behind.

I head straight to my castle as soon as we arrive back in the Enchanted Forest. Nobody bothers to stop me. Most of them are afraid to look my way, as if coming back has erased all the good I've done and changed me back into the terrifying Queen I once was.

Snow is the only one to glance my way and take a few steps forward. David holds out a hand to stop her. For once, I'm thankful towards the normally dim-witted Prince.

I arrive at my castle by nightfall, looking around to see it is still in the same condition I left it in. I hate it. It's too dark, too dreary. It's much too big for me, and without my waiting staff and servants bustling around and making noise I find myself alone with my thoughts.

The silence is deafening; the pressure from the stillness presses down on me and makes it hard to breathe. I collapse down in front of my vanity, gasping for air. I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and it startles me.

I look like the Evil Queen, only a more broken version. My face is red, my eyes bloodshot, the vein in my forehead looking as if it will burst. My blood red nails against my fair skin make me nauseous. I can't live like this. I can't live without you.

Only then do I remember the pages in my pocket. The letter that I painstakingly wrote, pouring my heart out to you never got delivered. You will never understand how much I truly love you, how I've changed so. How I learned to love the family I had.

You are there, and I am here. Trapped, just like I trapped the genie in my magic mirror. I only have empty words and smeared ink on beige paper. It means nothing now.

I open my jewelry case as if in a trance. A glass vial of glowing potion catches my eye and calls to me, encouraging me to use it and end my pain. A small sharp needle lays next to it.

I smooth out the pages and pages of writing and pick up the quill in front of me. First, I must finish this letter to you, my baby, although you will never read it. Goodbye my dear son, my first true love. I love you so.

Closing my eyes, I prick my finger quickly. I open them to see a small dot of blood appear. Almost immediately, the room around me spins. I hear a cry of fright behind me. Who could it be? Is it you, coming to save me? No, you're a whole world away.

I numbly realize I'm cradled in someone's arms. Such a good way to go, held by someone who cares. My unfocused eyes look up into bright green ones. The color of a forest, I think. I take one last breath, and then let myself go.

I wish you a good life, Henry. I'll be waiting on the other side until we meet again, sweet Prince.

Love forever and always,

Your mother

I hope you enjoyed reading this! Thanks to the inspiration from a book I'm currently reading, this work of art was created. I would love to hear what you all think about this story, and thank you thank you thank you for your support. Much love.