A/N: This ultra-fluffy one shot happened. I don't know why...Hope you'll like it... xoxo Fantomette (-:
"I'm not really sorry about Mitchell…" he said smirking.
Donna looked at the man sitting next to her on the couch. He was wearing beige khaki pants and a navy sweater over a white T-shirt, he looked happy and relaxed.
She was still stunned that he showed up unannounced at her door, an hour ago, with wine and ice cream.
"Rachel told me you cancelled on her," he had said. "Friends don't let their friends drink alone on a Friday night."
So here they were, two friends on a couch, eating ice cream out of the same bucket.
"Would you like to NOT talk about Mitchell?" he asked just before eating a spoonful of Chunky Monkey. Donna nodded.
"Okay." He said angling his body towards her. "Then…" he let out an audible sigh. "I'm going to tell you things that will keep your mind off your breakup."
He then proceeded on telling her everything.
How when she said those words he always dreaded to hear, 'I'm leaving you Harvey', something snapped in him and it wasn't her fault. That he had just postponed dealing with his feelings and demons all these years.
How it had gotten to a point where he became physically sick.
How he went to a therapist, first just wanting something, a pill, anything that would bring him back to his old self. Only to later realize he wanted everything but to be back to his old self.
How he realized he needed to face his issues.
How his mom had hurt him and his family, but that by dealing poorly with all this, he hurt himself and the people around him.
How he slept with Esther and that for the first time in his life he felt cheap and disgusted afterwards...that it hit him then, that even if he had spent all his life trying not to be his mom, he was just like her. That he also had someone who loved him and that he was sorry.
Donna just listened. She couldn't say a word. Even when he stopped talking and silence surrounded them.
He reached for the remote control, turning the TV on. "Movie?" he asked her.
She nodded and downed her glass of wine.
She saw Johnny Depp and some actress on screen. She had no idea what the movie was.
He was right. He really got her mind off Mitchell.
She folded her legs underneath her while pulling the faux-fur throw over her body. She felt naked even thought she was wearing black leggings and a big, gray, fluffy sweater.
"Are you cold?" he asked her. "After all this ice cream...I can make you a coffee." She kept her eyes glued to the TV even though she had no interest in that movie at all. She never liked not knowing, and seriously everything about tonight threw her off her game.
She felt it. The warm touch of his fingers lightly pressing against her forearm to get her attention. "Donna?"
"No coffee. Thanks Harvey…" she finally replied. The moment he removed his fingers from her skin she felt lonely.
She couldn't look at him.
He was ready.
All these years she had postponed it. Secretly blaming him. But she was scared. She always was scared of that love and connection they had, that was bigger than everything
He laughed at some line from the movie, that sincere, guttural laugh of his she always liked. She looked at him then, his eyes were on the TV, his smile reaching his eyes.
It was so HIM, to tell her all these things and then act like nothing happened.
She always knew everything. She always knew what to do. But right now she was paralyzed, sitting next to the man she had spent the most part of her adult life waiting for.
There was a commercial break. She felt him shuffling in the seat next to her, instantly raising her interest in the Swiffer WetJet that woman was happily using on TV. She was overwhelmed.
"Donna?" she heard him say.
There was definitely something different about this time.
She put her right arm over the head rest and looked at him. He wanted to do this.
"Okay Harvey…WHEN?"
He smiled shyly. Not that cocky-bastard smile of his, a different smile. A lopsided vulnerable one she wasn't used on seeing very often.
"Probably…always." He hesitated. "I just didn't know what IT was."
"And WHY?" she asked not missing a beat.
"I stand by what I said before. You know I love you, Donna." She opened her mouth ready to protest but he continued. "You said we should never mention it again so I didn't. I'm not blaming you. I should have done or said something… I was waiting but…I know, I am not the greatest catch."
She laughed nervously. "WOW. What's the date? I have to write this down. The great Harvey Specter saying he isn't a great catch. What happened to all these women you bedded in the last twelve years? They posted bad reviews about you in the Manhattan section on Trip Advisor?"
He sighed loudly and got up.
"So you are leaving? Again!" she exclaimed.
He turned around with a confused look on his face. "I want a glass of water…Donna. I'm not leaving. Not this time."
She focused on the TV again. Commercial break. Christmas is coming. Time to go Christmas shopping or you'll end up with some awful leftover Christmas gift and your toddler will cry like a spoiled idiot, according to this commercial. She promised herself that if she and Harvey ever have a kid, they won't spoil him or her. Wait, what kid? Her friend just confessed his love to her, why that damn commercial was already making her biological clock ticked? It was against all logic.
A few seconds later he sat again next to her, offering her a hot cup of tea. "Because you look cold," he said.
"Okay. Thanks." She drank a few sips and watched him. He had grabbed the remote again and had changed the channel. "Yes. House Hunters International!" he said happily leaning back. She saw him bending his legs, stopping and asking her. "Do you mind if I put my feet on the coffee table?"
Okay. That evening was getting weirder by the minute.
"Huh….yeah. Sure. Just take off your shoes okay?"
He removed his shoes and put his feet up on the coffee table, arms crossed, lounging on the couch. She examined him. His hair was a bit out of place. He was handsome. Always was. Years added lines under his eyes but he was still the same. That goodness emanating from him was the first thing that she noticed years ago and it was still there. The lines around his mouth were now running deeper, catching his lips. She wanted to feel his lips on hers. She was scared. She got hurt so many times… He licked his lips, her heart fluttered.
"I like the second house the best. What about you?"
Donna's heart was beating out of her chest.
"I'm…I…I'm not sure."
Harvey raised an eyebrow.
Fuck, she thought. He can see I'm flustered.
They watched TV in silence.
"Do you have another blanket?" he asked sleepily.
"Huh yeah. Sure." She got up and got him a green, fleece blanket. She resisted the urge to wrap it around him, to tuck him in affectionately. She dropped the blanket on his legs. "Thanks Donna." He unfolded the blanket, pulling it all the way to his neck. "Oh they chose the third house! Bad decision…" he said.
"Hawaii Life is next." He added winking at her.
"Okay." She didn't know what else to say. It was midnight and Harvey Specter, New York City Best Closer, was watching HG-TV in her living room.
Apparently not trying to close any deal anytime soon.
"Is that what you usually do on a Friday night, Harvey?" Of course she wondered. He seemed to know the TV schedule by heart.
"Yes." He replied. "A lot happened since you've stopped working with me Donna." Images of paradise were shown on the screen.
"Hawaii is beautiful…We should go." He said after a moment, surprising her yet again.
"Do you even know HOW to take a vacation Harvey?"
"I could learn. I'd love to see you in a bikini." His voice was soft and tired. She felt the heat on her cheeks, she was beet red, she was sure of it.
Hawaii sure looked beautiful. That episode was about a couple who wanted to leave their hectic lives for a more relaxing lifestyle. The wanted a farm, to grow macadamia nuts or something. Her eyelids were heavy and she had trouble following. "I don't want to leave Manhattan…" she whispered half-asleep. "I like my life here, Harvey. Theater…"
"You're home…" he replied his voice a faint whisper.
Her eyes snapped opened. Did she heard right? He was asleep, his breaths heavy, neck bend to the right. He'd have one hell of a neck pain if he'd spend the night like this. She sat on her knees, and gently pulled his arm, while pushing him with her other hand, so he'd lean on his side. His head hit the pillow and he definitely looked more comfortable, as he exhaled and placed his hands under the pillow, bending his legs on the couch.
She walked to her bed. This was the strangest night of her life. She went through her nightly routine, brushing her teeth and putting on her satin PJs. Satin. Just in case… She turned off the light. Harvey was asleep on her couch. In her living room. He was ready for a relationship. But he was SLEEPING. That wasn't at all like she imagined. Turning in her bed, she recalled all the times she had thought about HOW it would happen.
They would fight, she would cry. He can't stand to see her cry. He'd kiss her and they wouldn't be able to stop. She would end up crying for a whole other reason, orgasm draining her.
Or they would be drunk. They would flirt like they did when they met in that bar. He'd take her back to his condo and would make passionate love to her, telling her how beautiful she is and how she was all he'd ever wanted. She would fall asleep with his arms wrapped around her, safe and warm.
Or she would push him to the limit. She would give him an ultimatum while they are on the elevator at the firm. Now or never. He'd choose 'Now' because he can't be him without her. He would push the 'STOP' button of the elevator and would apologize to her thoroughly for making her wait that long, by making love to her against the wall.
Or it would be them forced to go mudding with Louis. They would bond over being traumatized over the experience and would decide to share a shower afterward. They would clean each other's body and would kiss under the water, as he'd push her against the wall, just like he did after 'the other time'. His body firm and warm against her, a contrast to the cold water that would tickled her.
Or she would help him with some case. They would eat from the same box, that shitty Thai Food she likes so much. Their hands would touch. They would laugh, look in each other's eyes and finally see what has been there all along. They would drop their forks and kiss. He'd pushed everything off his desk in one motion and she would sit on his desk and look at him seductively as he'd climb on top of her, kissing her hungrily.
More than twelve years.
So many scenarios.
And none of them resembled this one:
Harvey Specter telling her about his feelings. Harvey Specter not trying to put a move on her. Harvey Specter watching a lifestyle channel and falling asleep on her couch. A night ending with her alone in her bed, trying to fall asleep as she heard Harvey Specter snoring from the living room.
She closed her eyes. Maybe she had dreamt everything…
'
'
She opened her eyes, looked at the clock: 9:17 AM. Shit.
She tiptoed out of the room. Her heart sank, of course the couch was empty. Blanket neatly folded. Shoes no longer on the floor. He was gone.
She walked to the kitchen, starting the coffee machine. She hated that this man was making her cry, again. She was done, done, done. Never again. She started sobbing even more heavily when she realized that she had just broken up with Mitchell the day before but that it was, once again, that goddam son-of-a-bitch Harvey Specter, who she was shedding tears for. Her hands on the kitchen counter, her chin dug in her chest, her shoulders shaking, she was trying to convince herself that those were the last tears caused by him.
"Are you crying?" She felt his hands on her shoulder and she quickly turned around.
"You're here!" She grabbed his neck and pulled him towards her, lips meeting his. The kiss was needy, passionate. She parted her mouth, taking his tongue in as he held her face in his hands. She opened her eyes and she saw him smile, his dirty-blonde hair going in every direction. "I thought you were gone…" she murmured.
"I can see that," he said, his thumbs swiping away the tears on her cheeks. "I was just peeing," he said with a wide grin. "Are you always going to be needy like that or…?"
"Are we going to have sex eventually or you are waiting until we're too old to enjoy it?" she retorted. He pulled her into his arms and chuckled softly. He pushed her hair and kissed her neck, sending shivers down her spine as he whispered into her ear "that's what I said…needy."
Suddenly everything was rushed. His hands were frantically removing her pajamas, fingers brushing her breasts, making her moan his name against his skin. And she had pushed her hands down his pants, touching him and feeling him ready for her. She placed her hands around his neck and jumped in his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist as he supported her weight. He pressed her body against the kitchen counter and she felt him, warm and ready as he pushed inside her…
"HOLY SH…! HARVEY!" She cried unwrapping her legs from around his waist. She pushed him.
"Hmmm...What?" he groaned, totally lost.
"Fuck! Ouch!" She cried standing up.
It seemed they had managed to spill coffee all over the counter when they had removed their clothes. His T-Shirt was unceremoniously spread across the coffee machine. Her butt was burning with hot coffee.
"Okay that's not AT ALL like I imagined it…" She had tears running down her face.
"This isn't how you take your morning coffee?" he teased her. He took her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers. "Need me to look at your butt?"
She gave him a weak smile. "No…I'm going to take a shower."
He raised an eyebrow. "Did you ever imagined us doing it in the shower?"
She rolled her eyes, her hand softly caressing his torso. "Harvey…we already did it once in the shower. Remember…after the whipped cream?"
He wrapped his arms around her. "Like I could forget. What I meant is, did you imagined our first time after twelve years would be in a shower?" She nodded. He kissed her lips, gently, and said "you do know we now have the rest of our lives to try every goddam scenario you've ever imagined?"
"I like that…" she said pensively. "Now I know you love me "HOW"…