A Day in August
In all my life, never have I cursed the sky for being so clear, or the birds for cheerily chirping away without a care up on their nests, or the whole world in particular for moving like any other day, unmindful of any single person.
Of course, to the world, it was just another normal Monday. To the world, I was just another ungrateful parasite with no right to feel spiteful.
A colossal silence fell over us as we watched her coffin being lowered down the pit. The varnish mockingly reflecting the sun blinding me for a second before it hit the dirt with a very anti-climactic clunk.
In small groups people took turns offering flowers, all white and in singles. No one bothered to bring a bouquet.
Today. My unspoken love will be buried six feet under. Covered by the earth, never to be spoken of again.
"Shizuru-san don't you have something for her?" Mai asked in a whisper as a couple more of the guests return to their places.
Between my finger tips I regained consciousness of it. A small white envelope I was holding on to since this morning, something I unintentionally brought along in my coat pocket but refused to let go of.
I took a breath and in my mind, re-read the letter to make sure I still remember.
Word for word I still do. And I'll probably always will.
I gave a small nod and neared the depression.
"To the girl I love, My dearest Natsuki"
I gently tossed my letter along the flora.
"In this letter, I hope you find, even a fraction of my heart that I believe had broken since the day I met you"
"Another young life lost..." the priest began.
"To tell you the truth, being with you has given me both great joy and sorrow I'd always treasure more than anything"
"It was a tragic accident that could have been avoided..."
The wind blew pushing the clouds further away from the sun, its brilliance, both bright and scorching.
Two men in dark suits began to shovel soil onto the pit, slowly, but surely, covering all that remained of Natsuki.
"Her final moments were spent in the presence of strangers, on a night bus headed for Tokyo"
"Please believe that... On that day, when I told you I couldn't stay by your side anymore"
"At 9:40 at an elliptical road..."
"I was never planning to abandon you, or your trust I worked so hard to earn, but... "
"A night full of loses, without one single person to blame"
"To keep it. The day you were in the infirmary... you knew didn't you?"
"In time, though the pain can never entirely be erased, those who loved, and were loved by this young woman will learn to live with that pain"
"That time, when I ran out, only able to say 'I'm sorry' for what felt like a hundred times..."
"Life is collateral, with death as final settlement"
Midway through mentally reading my own letter I faltered.
"It is too short to live full of regrets"
A heavy weight pressed down against my heart, and in a nervous jerk I looked up.
For a while now...it felt like the priest's words we're a sermon directed at me.
"But in the mercy of God, sometimes... there are such things as second chances" He was looking my way, a calm, almost eerie smile ghosting his expression.
"But like all choices made."
The words I thought I could never forget... the letter I've written and revised so many times just to make it sound less desperate...
What were they again I wonder?
"In contrast, you sacrifice something else in return, sacrificing the possibilities of that choice alongside it"
Doesn't anyone else notice how strange this priest had been? Where is this going?
"You get one shot Fujino"
The letter.
The people.
The funeral.
Even Natsuki.
In a brilliant white, everything was consumed.
"Pi pi pi pi pi"
"DAG GARN IT! BUBUZUKE! SHUT YOUR ALARM OFF!"
I rose in a startled sitting position and grabbed the alarm to check the time and date.
"Haruka... what day is it?"
"What's this? First day jiggles or something? It's the opening ceremony and already you're putting me off"
I don't know what happened.
Or if it was all a dream (partially because my memories are a bit fragmented)
But still...
"It's jitters Haruka-han" I said in my most chirrupy voice, a wide smile on my face, and a name I vaguely remember floating about in my head.
"This time, I'm running full throttle and without reservations"