Danny couldn't get out of his own head. He was replaying the events from the night before over and over, trying to figure out how he'd misread the situation so completely.
When she'd threaded her arm behind him, he'd become instantly uncomfortable. He'd thought about the way she would feel in his arms countless times. He'd fought it, but he'd never been able to stop wondering. That silly charade they'd been playing for Amy had felt too real. At some point he'd decided to stop fighting it, letting the mask of indifference slip just enough for his feelings to show. Luckily, Amy was the only one to witness them. At the time, he'd been bolstered by the thought that she felt the same, but it had still knocked the breath out of him.
Danny flipped the French toast one last time before transferring it to his waiting plate. He stood at the counter staring at it. He didn't even want to go sit by her. He felt exceptionally foolish, and didn't think he could hide it.
He took a deep breath and hefted the plate, turning toward the table. She was sitting there, still absorbed in his morning paper, fork hovering in midair with a good size piece of French toast attached to it. A drop of maple syrup formed on one tine, about to fall to the table.
He sat down and reached forward, pushing her hand back over her plate. "Try not to get syrup all over everything. I don't need ants." The words came out clipped. Being grumpy was a lot easier than dealing with the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. "Although I probably already have them, with the chocolate syrup and wine you got all over my couch."
He retreated and dug into his breakfast, working on cutting up his toast as if it were precision surgery. Mindy stared at him, frowning over the top of the paper. His whole demeanor had changed in the matter of five minutes.
She laid the paper down and continued eating. "Oh please, Danny, a little chocolate and wine aren't going to attract a colony of ants. Besides, I bet you've already cleaned it up. If anything you should probably worry about that sugar cube I dropped last night. I couldn't find it anywhere."
Danny sighed heavily. "Don't you ever think about the consequences of your actions?"
Mindy was taken aback. "That's a little dramatic, Danny. It's just a sugar cube. I'm sure it just fell under the couch." She looked over to him. He stared down at his plate, but didn't make a move to take another bite. She saw the muscle at his jaw clench and unclench. "What is going on with you? Did I say something?"
He carefully laid his fork down and leaned back in his chair, a feeling of resignation settling over him. "You said he worked at the same place, but he doesn't, he works in our building." He felt a fine sheen of perspiration break out across his forehead.
Mindy chewed the food in her mouth slowly, sipping her glass of juice before replying. She was a bit confused by the change of subject. "Cliff? Are we back to that again?" She set the glass down and gave up on eating. "What's the big deal? Same building, same place, what's the difference?"
Danny pushed away from the table and stood up. There was a sense of urgency building in him. The feeling that this was a turning point of some kind plagued him. "Well, I mean. When you said 'the same place' I thought you meant our office." He picked up his plate and walked it back to the kitchen. There was no way he was going to be able to finish his breakfast.
Mindy thought about what he'd said and became more confused. "You couldn't possibly have thought I was talking about Peter or Jeremy. That's ridiculous. As if I would ever think they were out of my league." She snorted and returned her attention back to her plate.
Danny was still at the kitchen sink. Without turning back to her he answered. "No, I didn't think it was either of them." He scraped the contents of the plate into the disposal and ran the water.
The softly spoken words caught Mindy's attention. She glanced over at him. The defeated set of his shoulders reminded her of the vulnerability she'd seen at the art show. Suddenly she knew why he was upset with her, and it made her heart stop in her chest.
She got up as quietly as possible and crept up behind him. Her still bare feet making no noise at all on the hardwood. She laid her hand on his shoulder and immediately felt him tense up. "Danny, can you please just tell me what you're thinking?"
He turned, facing her. He couldn't say it. Back when he'd thought she wanted him, it had been as though a door had been opened, but now it was slammed shut again. He just stared at her, the breath caught in his chest, his mouth frozen slightly open, awaiting words that wouldn't come.
He reached forward with one hand, brushing his fingers across her cheek, trailing down to her hair. She looked back at him with wide eyes. "Danny, what…" She trailed off when he cupped the back of her neck with his hand, gently drawing her forward.
She let herself be drawn in. When Danny's lips settled tentatively on hers, she felt him sigh. He paused for a brief moment, giving her time to pull back, before he deepened the kiss, gently squeezing her neck. He eyes drifted closed of their own accord.
Mindy wanted to think she'd been blindsided. It was really delusional to think that though. There had always been something, but she'd pushed it so far to the back of her mind that she'd nearly forgotten about it. Even when things were awful between them, there was always the spark of mutual passion. She'd pretended it wasn't there for so long, but everyone around her constantly felt the need to question her and Danny's relationship.
She lifted her hands and laid them flat against his chest. In her mind, it was so she could push away from him, and ask the questions spinning in her mind. Instead she splayed her fingers across the thin cotton of Danny's shirt, enjoying the heat she felt. His heart pounded against her palm as she moved closer to him.
He raised his hands to her shoulders and gently pushed her away. "I thought you were talking about me." His throat constricted painfully as he waited for her response. "When we were playing at being a couple last night, I got lost in it."
Mindy looked up at him, her eyes full of questions. "Danny, I don't know what to say." She stepped back from him and nervously fiddled with the tips of her hair. "I didn't know. I mean, I never thought you wanted anything to do with me."
He frowned. "Mindy, there have been a few times when I've let it slip. It can't be a total surprise." He heaved a frustrated breath and ran his hand through his hair, settling on the back of his neck. "I drop everything to help you out, even though I grumble about it. I tell you things, Mindy. Things that I don't tell anyone. And it's not like this is one sided. You do the same thing."
She blinked. It was fairly obvious, and she'd been aware of it for a while now. It hit her for real the night that Jason broke things off. Danny was this constant presence in her life. A friend, to be sure, but also something else. Delving into this aspect of their relationship terrified her. Danny knew her worst moments, and her most disgusting habits, and he still wanted this.
If she pursued this, and it didn't work out, it would be the biggest failure of all. She couldn't say that he didn't really know her, or that they didn't have anything in common. She'd have none of the normal ready excuses, and she would lose him as a friend.
She crossed her arms in front of her. "Danny, I can't do this right now. You spring this on me, and yes it is a surprise, because I had no idea you could even stand to be around me, and then you expect me to definitively say yes or no. I can't. I have to think about everything, ok?"
His eyes dropped to the floor. She felt like the worst sort of person, like someone who spent her day traipsing around the city kicking puppies and stealing change from homeless people. She fought the instinctual urge to step back up to him and lay a comforting hand on his shoulder. That would only make things worse. "I, uh, I'm going to change. I'll be out of your hair in like fifteen minutes, ok?"
She turned and walked back to his bedroom before he could answer. Mindy felt tears forming at the back of her eyes. She couldn't really understand why. She felt awful not being able to give Danny what he wanted, but there was also a since of awe bubbling inside of her. She couldn't believe he felt that way, knowing so much about her. Even though she could rationally list the moments when they'd had non-platonic interactions, she was still surprised.
Upon her return from Haiti, Danny hadn't really done anything to make her question the moment in the lounge. She'd chalked it up to his anxiety over Christina and quickly forgotten about it. Danny had never seemed to be on the same wavelength as her, so this really was a surprise. She kept telling herself the same thing over and over. She couldn't accept the fact that she'd been so oblivious, that she'd wasted so much time pursuing dead end relationships when something potentially real was right in front of her.
She dressed quickly and crept over to the door, shyly poking her head out. Danny was nowhere to be seen. She walked over to the kitchen island and picked up the note he'd left there. I figured you'd want me gone when you got dressed, so I stepped out for a bit. I'm sorry.
She groaned. As if she didn't feel bad enough already. He was apologizing for making her uncomfortable. She cared about Danny, more probably than he even knew, but she didn't know if they could work, and the thought of really hurting him made her sick.
She folded the paper and slipped it into her coat pocket before she headed out the door. This was not something she could just impulsively decide. It was far too important.