My Immortal
Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride or the Lyrics. They belong to JP and Evanescence.
Italics Flashbacks
Bold/Italics Voice
Underlined Max's thoughts
Italics/Underlined Song Lyrics
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"Fang! Oh, God, Oh no! Oh, please, someone, anyone …"
I sat here, in the cave, the cave where Fang first kissed me. I come here every year. A sort of tribute, a reminder, of everything I wanted, everything that could never happen.
Max, please, you need to let go.
"I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone"
"…Max?" Fang's voice was faint with suppressed pain.
"I'm here," my voice was choked with tears. "Fang, it's okay. We'll find someone … something. Just … just hold on."
Fang tried to chuckle, like he always did, but it ended in a gasp of pain. "Max, stop it. You have to get the flock out of here … they know where you are … they'll be back. They won't stop …"
Some small part of my registered that this was one of the longest speeches Fang had ever made. "No, Fang … we won't leave you. I won't leave you."
Fang grinned. "Love you, Max. Now go. They need you"
"Fang…? No, Fang. Fang please …" Realization sank in, and the tears began to fall.
"These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase"
"Max?" Nudge's voice was hesitant. She never was quite the same after Fang had died. She always had looked up to him. I smiled encouragingly at her. "D'you think perhaps we could, like, sleep in a hotel tonight? 'Cause Angel and me are, like, really tired, and, well, he won't say, but you can tell that Iggy's pretty tired too. I mean, look at him."
I glanced at Iggy who was flying just above and to the right of me. His blind eyes were staring straight ahead, but there was a definite droop to his head.
You need this, Max. Everyone needs a rest sometimes.
Finally, the voice had something pleasant to say. I automatically looked to my left to decide how Fang about this idea. The pain that surged through me when I remembered was crippling. I actually gasped in agony.
Oh, Max. You shouldn't torture yourself like this.
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me"
There were rooms of two. Gazzy and Iggy, Nudge and Angel. And me. It didn't used to be like that. I sat on my single bed, and stared at the other bed opposite me. How could this have happened? It seemed like only yesterday that I last saw Fang. Really, it was 3 years. I hadn't really breathed, hadn't really seen, laughed since his heart stopped beating. It was as if mine had stopped when his did. I buried my head in my pillow, and allowed myself to remember.
"You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me"
I knew I was leaving something of myself behind as I took off with the flock. I had carried Fang's body all the way to the beach where I first kissed him. We had then flown him out to sea, and allowed him to sink slowly to the bottom of the ocean. Iggy's face was shattered with anguish. Tears streaked from his useless eyes as he watched his brother's ruined body drift away from him. Angel, Gazzy and Nudge wailed openly, howling their grief to the heavens. After my first round of tears, no more had spilled. I stared after my love's body as he left me forever.
"These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase"
Max, you need to focus. I know this is hard for you, but you can't just forget about the rest of the world.
He was my world! I hissed furiously.
Max, it's been 3 years. He's not coming back. What are you waiting for? He is dead.
Oh, really? You know what? I actually hadn't noticed. To my disgust, tears were rolling down my face.
I try to help you, Max. But first you have to help yourself.
With those words of wisdom, the voice left my broken person to cry alone.
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me"
I felt relief wash over me and we lifted into the air. I looked around at the concord of colours flashing in the sky. White, speckled, tawny. But one was missing. There were no jet-black wings, sharply contrasting with the white, cloud-covered sky. There were no dark eyes, scrutinizing my face when he thought I wasn't looking. No quick smile whenever that gaze met mine.
"Max, why are we flying to Switzerland? Iggy said it's really cold there, and I don't have any warmer clothes."
Angel stared at me solemnly. "Are we going to die, then?"
"What? No! We'll find something … somewhere …" If only Fang was here … he'd be able to think of something, I was sure of it.
Not that I'm not happy you're finally leaving, but Max, Fang shouldn't be occupying most of your thoughts. You need to concentrate. This is no walk in the park, you know.
Oh, didn't I know it. I was trying. I really wanted to stop crying myself to sleep, to stop torturing myself with memories of him, but it was impossible. Impossible in the same way that Nudge couldn't stop talking; impossible in the same way Gazzy could not control his bodily functions. I ran my fingers through my dirty, unkempt hair, blinked tears from my eyes and forced my mind to the present. I had to hold myself together. It was only 12 more hours until I could let myself go, and truly allow myself to feel.
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me"
I remember. I cannot forget. I cannot let go.
"I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along"
The cool night air whips past me, chilling my skin. I soar straight up then curve into a graceful arc. I left Iggy on watch. I poured on the super speed, and sped away. Finally, I decided I was far enough away.
Max? Max! What are you doing? Stop! Don't do this! You cannot be serious!
I ignored the voice. Oh, Fang. There were tears dripping down my cheeks. I folded my wings flat to my back. I fell. Down.
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me"