The Truth About Falling in Love with Your Best Friend
Everyone thinks it's this one moment of clarity. That one moment when you realize that that one person who is defined as your best friend; the one who knows you inside and out and accepts you regardless, is the one you're meant to spend your life with. It sounds so easy. That theory involves two actions: seeing and knowing; easy, right?
Anyone who has ever fallen in love with their best friend will tell you that it wasn't that easy. In fact, it was the most difficult thing they've ever had to do. First, you have to let that person into your life. That's not even the hardest part. Everyone you meet is in your life whether you want them there or not. Then you have to get to know them to see if they're worthy of knowing your true self. Will they judge you? Will they laugh? What if they don't like the real you? These are all things that go through your head when learning to love someone as your friend.
After the awkward "getting to know you" phase comes the deep stuff. Your regrets, your hopes and dreams, why you do the certain things that make you who you are. This is where they are reaching deep into your soul and latching on to whatever it is that they find. It's a desperate reach; as if they are drowning in the essence of what makes you, well, you.
And let's not forget that while they're learning all this powerful and dangerous stuff about you, that you are, simultaneously, learning the same exact stuff about them. Well, you are, assuming that they are as dedicated to this friendship as you are. So, here you are, your poor brain is trying to retain all this new information about this new person.
Time goes by and it becomes a second nature to be there (sometimes without realizing it) whenever that other person needs someone. Everybody needs someone. That is something you've come to realize in the time you and this person have become friends. More time passes and you begin to feel differently about that person. It's a wonderful feeling but at the same time, it scares you. You shouldn't feel this way; they're your best friend. There's a constant nagging in the back of your mind telling you that it's wrong to feel this way. You tell yourself that the voice is right and you try to let go.
It wasn't one moment of clarity, but rather a series of moments combined that caused you to change your way of thinking about them. You're confused, scared, worried, and strangely happy all at once. But there's one thing that is keeping your thinking straight: there's the constant fear of losing that person forever.
So once again, you shove it to the back of your mind. You're clueless about how the other feels because you don't want to open that door; the door of rejection, the door of hate, the door of inadequacy. You're their best friend. You know what's best for them. You know you're not it. You grin and bear it when they meet someone new who sweeps them away. You brought this on yourself when you began feeling the way you do. You knew you had a fool's chance in hell when you began feeling what you're feeling. Why did you even start?
Once in a while, you'll get a glimmer of hope from the other person but you'll brush it off as your own hopes clouding reality. They won't ever feel that way about you. You're just their best friend; the one who they talk to about their problems. You don't want to become one of those problems that they need to vent or worry about. You're there to make their life easier, not complicate it with feelings that shouldn't even exist.
You don't understand why their relationships don't work out, but you can't help but feel happy when they fail. Again, that's hope clouding your vision if you think the universe is trying to get them to see that you're the one for them. So, you do your job: tell them that their ex is an idiot for letting them go, and spend the evening watching a movie and talking about anything other than that giant elephant of love that is in the room. Seriously, that is one big elephant…
One day something inside you snaps. To hell with consequences! You decide to look at that other person differently. Let's see if they notice. It starts out subtly (well, at least you think so). Your gaze lingers longer than usual, you smile at them with more meaning, and you try to communicate your feelings through your eyes. If they really regard you as their closest and best friend, then they will know instantly what you're thinking.
At first, they will seem uncomfortable. They will glance away quickly, or look somewhere else; anywhere other than at you. Don't be fooled, this is a good sign. They are finally seeing you differently. Maybe this has been in the back of their mind too. All they need is a little push. Push gently, though. You don't want to push them away. If it makes any sense at all, think about pushing them toward you. If you can hold their gaze and can tell they're comfortable with it, you can move into their bubble.
It will start as a finger brushing against them ever so slightly. They will jump in surprise at the contact that is both familiar and not at the same time. Smile gently to yourself and pretend nothing happened. If you fuss, they will get uncomfortable and you will be set back a couple steps. Not to worry, though, because once they accept your physical contact, then that means that they are ready to accept the fact that you are more than their best friend.
Be observant and try to see things from their side too. If you notice them trying the same things as you then encourage it. Don't be afraid. The fact is that they are just as worried about hurting you as you are of hurting them. Now may be the time to casually work something about your feelings into a conversation. If all goes well, you may have that awkward not best friends but not in a relationship purgatory. That's exactly what it is: Purgatory. Not heaven, not hell, but in between. Purgatory is where that one final push will bring you to either outcome. This is where it gets really difficult. You go back to your doubts and fears and wonder if this is really the right path. Is this really what the Universe wants?
Tread lightly here. There's no going back once you've made that final push. Things will never be the same after you've crossed the threshold of finally becoming that person's other half. Here is where you need to forget about your fears. This isn't just about you. They are feeling the same things you are. Once you've noticed them let go, you make your move. Tell them that it didn't happen at one specific moment; rather it happened over every single moment you have spent with that person. You didn't start loving them; rather loving them became a part of your existence. You can't change it just like you can't change your blood type. The love you feel for that person is within every fiber of your being. It is something they would have latched onto when they went reaching into your soul.
And, if you're lucky, you haven't lost them forever.